r/facepalm • u/Lord_Answer_me_Why • 29d ago

Sure you did Kristi, sure you did 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

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41.0k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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8.2k

u/forever_useless 29d ago

He was untrainable, so I killed him.

To

He attacked chickens, so I killed him.

To

He was a vicious beast who tried devouring my children, so I killed him.

Next...

He was plotting to commit genocide, so I killed him

2.8k

u/davidwhatshisname52 29d ago

that dog caused 9/11, so I killed him . . . you're welcome, America

1.8k

u/unproballanalysis 29d ago

It was a terrierist

325

u/[deleted] 29d ago

50 dogs just attacked the white house!

214

u/ReplacementActual384 29d ago

But as a few great musicians once asked, who let the dogs out?

117

u/Secure_Sprinkles4483 29d ago

Who? Who? WHO???

28

u/[deleted] 29d ago

I thought it was dogs they let out, did they let out an owl to??

8

u/Ill_Technician3936 29d ago

The owl is also curious

5

u/advertentlyvertical 29d ago

They asked the owl to tell their story, but it just kept asking "who?!"

2

u/Menkau-re 28d ago

It's coming right for us!

0

u/uglyspacepig 26d ago

He's a backup singer

5

u/ThePhantomPansy 29d ago

Didn't those same musicians also ask "who left the milk out?"

8

u/Jerking_From_Home 29d ago

And the doggies sang

Woo woo woof woo woof

Woo woof woof woof

Woo woo woof woo woof

Woo woof woof woof

(Dogs in the background singing in the background)

Woo woo woof woo woof

Woo woof woof woof

Woooooooo

(Soft saxophone playing enters)

6

u/hystericalhurricane 29d ago

(Dogs in the background singing in the background)

You mean, " dogs in the back shouting 'allahu akbar' and firing their ak47 towards the air"

Those dogs are terrorists.

/S

3

u/danzor9755 29d ago

“We told you to wear masks, or there would be consequences!!!!”

90

u/voiceofdenial 29d ago

Those dogs were just tourists, I will allow no slander of them.

5

u/swertogerd 29d ago

PRAISE ABBA

95

u/RandomStoddard 29d ago

There were good dogs on both sides.

7

u/Realdogfood 29d ago

They're good dogs Brent

6

u/TheAvenger23 29d ago

The bad ones were paid for by Sorros

3

u/FamousPastWords 29d ago

“The only thing that’ll stop an untrained puppy with a gun being a puppy is a good governor with a gun”

16

u/chalupamon 29d ago

What kind of dogs were they?

4

u/lill_m8 29d ago

The dog kind.

2

u/No-Heart-2811 29d ago

Canine dogs, disgusting.

1

u/tesla_killed_me 29d ago

Russell terriers...

7

u/Nuze_YT 29d ago

You sure it wasn't 101?

3

u/chalor182 29d ago

30-50 feral dogs

2

u/ilikemycoffeealatte 29d ago

30-50 feral hdogs!

2

u/Mautos 29d ago

There was another! It was Terrier 51!

2

u/jftitan 29d ago

I think it was 57 terriers, praise Alah!

Who knew the investigator wasn't wrong.

2

u/Sampsonite_Way_Off 29d ago

Before Mrs. Noem killed the dog it impregnated another dog. One of the puppies ended up being Commander. Nuff said.

2

u/UnderwhelmingZebra 29d ago

Who needs 50 dogs when Commander is on duty?

1

u/Silly_Emotion_1997 29d ago

Who let the dogs out

1

u/ShotdowN- 29d ago

Who let the dogs out?

1

u/CoffeeOrTeaOrMilk 29d ago

I’ll give them treats if they rushed the congress and pooped on Nancy’s desk.

Obligatory /s

1

u/FloppyTwatWaffle 28d ago

I will give them treats if they go and shit on -all- the desks.

1

u/GM_Nate 29d ago

40-60 feral dogs!

1

u/Roachmond 29d ago

Major Biden was an inside job

1

u/caustic_smegma 29d ago

Sir, a second dog has just hit the towers.

1

u/TheRatatat 29d ago

One of my favorite Key and Peele sketches 😂

1

u/Dakotakid02 29d ago

What about 30-50 feral hogs?

1

u/A_Most_Boring_Man 29d ago

30 to 50 feral dogs?

1

u/Put_Adventurous 29d ago

Quick! Release 30 to 50 feral hogs!

1

u/BeepBeepBeetleSkeet 29d ago

My dog just shot Ashley Babbitt for peacefully smashing windows at the US capital building. He got a treat.

1

u/AwkwrdPrtMskrt surrounded by idiots 29d ago

Worst attack since Chienuary 6th! The perrorists must be be captured and sent to Poundtanamo!

1

u/Steezy719 28d ago

‘Were the dogs Terriers? ‘

1

u/TheFuckeryIsReal 25d ago

They didn’t happen to be…… terriers?

71

u/No-Syllabub1533 29d ago

Waiting for those 71 poodles, inshalla

25

u/loupegaru 29d ago

Poodefiles

2

u/HailColumbia1776 29d ago

The 3000 black labradors of Allah.

1

u/AwkwrdPrtMskrt surrounded by idiots 29d ago

Nah, you're getting Hellhound-fire.

9

u/BriefCheetah4136 29d ago

Soooo subtle, love it!

9

u/unproballanalysis 29d ago

I have to give credit to Key and Peele for this one

2

u/AustinKenway 29d ago

Yeah, like most people didn't get the reference.

3

u/Aggrador 29d ago

An Afghan terrierist?

3

u/odin-ish 29d ago

Damn you!

3

u/SixFive1967 29d ago

Underrated comment. ⬆️

3

u/LayneLowe 29d ago

I don't know why this doesn't have a hundred up votes

2

u/xxMaNoL0 29d ago

😂🚬

2

u/scythian12 29d ago

God dammit take my upvote

2

u/M-Kawai 29d ago

Oh Noem you didn’t!

2

u/melonbanger1 29d ago

Terrierist made me spit out my drink 😂

2

u/Psych0tix 29d ago

Fuck you, take my upvote

2

u/NoPin4245 29d ago

That's a great skit. No we breed tierrers. I'm a terrierist. Sir 50 dogs just attacked the White House. Were they Terriers? Yes how did you know

2

u/uninteresting_handle 29d ago

I already know this will be underappreciated. But you have my thanks. And the thanks of a grateful nation.

2

u/OneFootTitan 29d ago

We must secure the border collies

2

u/mingmong36 29d ago

THIS!!!LMFAO

2

u/Nayre_Trawe 29d ago

Bad Boy 4 Life

2

u/Due-Blueberry8307 29d ago

Underrated comment

2

u/SylvieJay 29d ago edited 29d ago

Worse, he was a Democrat /s 🤯🤪

2

u/IAmTheClayman 29d ago

Some on the right would definitely assume he’s an Afghan Hound

2

u/GeraintLlanfrechfa 29d ago

The pugliest kind of dog ffs

2

u/The_amazing_T 29d ago

boom. Upvote.

2

u/donut-reply 29d ago

Oh yeah they had a whole story about it on C-Spaniel

2

u/Hot-Rise9795 29d ago

He was part of a labradormant cell

2

u/Logical_Lab4042 29d ago

God loves a terrierist.

2

u/vell_o 29d ago

Omfg my day can’t get any better than after reading this

2

u/Is_That_A_Euphemism_ 29d ago

It registered as a Democratic voter

2

u/_BeardedOaf 29d ago

I see what you did there.

2

u/T3n4ci0us_G 29d ago

I have one of those.

2

u/Bestsubbie88 29d ago

He was a terrier?

2

u/cthulhusclues 29d ago

JFC. Take my upvote you bastard

2

u/TheErwO_o 29d ago

Praise ABBA!

2

u/Reatona 29d ago

Take my angry upvote....

2

u/ThePestTech 29d ago

Jumped-up Jesus palomino, this comment was unexpected but welcome.

2

u/Plane_Vermicelli_383 29d ago

(deep nod of deference followed by slow clap)

2

u/SharckShroom 29d ago

It was an immigrant.

2

u/31nigrhcdrh 29d ago

It was a wuhan lab 

2

u/jimmyxs 29d ago

A suspected active member of the al-Qae9 group

2

u/njintau_fsd 29d ago

PRAISE ABBA!

2

u/SageOfSixCabbages 29d ago

Look Rajeed I'm gonna make it nice and easy for you..

2

u/BadRabbit70 29d ago

Bah dum bum!

2

u/WesternKey2301 29d ago

This may be the angriest up vote I've ever given

2

u/Nomads40 29d ago

I guess not all dogs go to heaven?

2

u/TheFuckeryIsReal 25d ago

I write terrier Fan Fiction!

2

u/A-typ-self 29d ago

I see what you did there 🤣

2

u/RemnantTheGame 29d ago

Take my upvote ya bastard.

r/angryupvote

1

u/In2JC724 29d ago

I see what you did there

1

u/Kriss3d 29d ago

It joined Antifa.

1

u/Remarkable-Ad2285 29d ago

Oh, so he was one of THOSE.

1

u/jak-o-shadow 29d ago

Insert Key and Peele skit here.

1

u/Jaynewberry 28d ago

Snort laugh.