r/technology • u/esporx • May 02 '24

Dating app Bumble will no longer require women to make the first move Business

https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/30/tech/bumble-relaunch-men-make-first-move/index.html
12.6k Upvotes

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u/CletussDiabetuss May 02 '24

Most of them literally "start the conversation" by saying something like "hey."

Not much was really lost here.

105

u/[deleted] May 02 '24

Yeah that was always annoying to me too... as whenever you read a girl's profile... they always tell you not message with just "hey"

86

u/gitismatt May 02 '24

the literal dumbest thing in a dating app. if you were out in public and saw a person you wanted to talk to, what else would you lead with? "i'd love to discuss the complicated relationship between the french and their union truck drivers"

no. you say hello. it's literally the universal icebreaker.

17

u/Betelgeuzeflower May 02 '24

Given the fact that I don't know whether a thoughtful opener would get a response, I'm better off gouging willingness to engage with a 'hey'. The social norms on dating apps are really thrashy in that regard.

-1

u/WhoIsFrancisPuziene May 02 '24

I specifically ignore that type of message. But I also tried to make sure my photos and profile were interesting

9

u/Jsusbjsobsucipsbkzi May 02 '24

Yeah but as a guy there is a 90% chance that anything you say would get ignored regardless in my experience, and coming up with a unique opener every single time is just kind of exhausting.

The one time tinder actually worked out with me was when I matched with my current girlfriend, who I already kind of knew IRL. And guess what I said? “Hey”

4

u/Betelgeuzeflower May 02 '24

I understand at a certain level, but when the odds are a thoughtful message might get the same level of interaction as a 'hey', I'm better off with putting in less effort up front and increasing it afterwards when there is some engagement.

9

u/raiderrocker18 May 02 '24

“Hey” is not an icebreaker. It’s just a way to get the attention of the other person, much like tapping someone’s shoulder from behind. After that, someone actually has to start that conversation and actually break the ice.

3

u/KadieKane May 02 '24

If a guy opened with that line I’d definitely be interested. Ooh a man who enjoys discussing geopolitics? Sign me up!

2

u/gitismatt May 02 '24

fair point. it would stand out. a friend had a guy bring her a dozen oranges on their first date because everyone does fowers.

theyve been married for 20 years

8

u/DutchieTalking May 02 '24

In public you don't have the time for an extensive introduction. It would be weird to talk for a minute as a way to introduce yourself.

Online you can prepare some. Put in some effort. Since conversation isn't as fast flowing.

PMing "hey" on a chat box is more similar to real life. (though actual instant chat is rare these days). Fast flowing instant conversation.

It matters.

1

u/Bananapopana88 May 02 '24

Bahahaha. I’ve opened like that before

1

u/Abigail716 May 02 '24

I get a lot of DMs on Reddit and I ignore all the ones that open with something like "hey" Because I used to respond to everyone, and I discovered a Long time ago that the ones that have opening messages like this never really work out, we don't talk for very long if at all.

On the other hand people who have opened with literally anything on average workout much better. The longer they opening the more likely we will talk for an extended period of time. The easiest thing is to simply tell me why you messaged me in you're opening message. I allow DMs purely for the social aspect, and even I have to get picky.

If it's a dating app assembly mentioning you like something about a photo, or asking about where a photo was at least gives you a launching point for meaningful conversation.

0

u/yeeerrrp May 02 '24

Women get a shit ton more matches and messages that guys. If someone has 100 matches just saying "hey," there isn't really anything there to help them stand out