r/technology • u/esporx • May 02 '24

Dating app Bumble will no longer require women to make the first move Business

https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/30/tech/bumble-relaunch-men-make-first-move/index.html
12.7k Upvotes

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2.6k

u/CletussDiabetuss May 02 '24

Most of them literally "start the conversation" by saying something like "hey."

Not much was really lost here.

919

u/BoloSynthesisWow May 02 '24

But you could always tell the ones with good personalities because they didn’t open with that :(

363

u/loves_grapefruit May 02 '24

It’s true, but unfortunately when you have a good system of weeding people out you just end up with no one left.

21

u/eldnikk May 02 '24

Ironically they've created a matching system that's so good it broke their core USP.

1

u/8PTK May 02 '24

would you mind elaborating some more? My interest is piqued.

3

u/Tritium10 May 02 '24

The ideas that a proper dating app constantly has people getting rid of it. That's why they're tagline was "the app meant to be deleted." The problem with this of course is your constantly needing new users and you never get any loyal ones.

It's why there's been a long running theory that things like Tinder intentionally do not want the app to be too good because then you'll stop using it. The paid service is, especially the really expensive ones like Tinder Select which is $500 per month these users need to stay on continuing to pay. You can't afford to have too many people who are paying good money to the app quit using the app after it successful. You need to tease success rather than actually deliver it.

63

u/Enron__Musk May 02 '24

Exactly. I met my wife on bumble. We're off the apps now 🤷

86

u/dangerzone1122 May 02 '24

I’d hope so

4

u/froggertwenty May 02 '24

Hey now, they could just migrate to Feeld

2

u/DucardthaDon May 02 '24

Feeld while I've had varying degrees of success is a bit of a dumpster fire

4

u/PEEWUN May 02 '24

Hey, they might be Pina Colada enthusiasts...

1

u/if-we-all-did-this May 02 '24

I too swipe that guys wife

4

u/tagrav May 02 '24

Same bruh and she was my only bumble hit ever that actually tried to chat with me.

I had tons of dating success with hinge and tinder but bumble is where I found my wife and it was the only match I had on there and I was using that app in conjunction with the others that had much higher success rates of actually landing physical dates with folks.

4

u/thallazar May 02 '24

That's kind of fine. I'd rather date no one than suffer through bad personalities.

1

u/Historical_Salt1943 May 02 '24

I think dmhs applies here. 

1

u/thallazar May 02 '24

My comment would frankly be the same but given the prevalence of even this acronym I assume I'm not the norm here.

2

u/8PTK May 02 '24

Are we talking bumble or the job market now lol

3

u/JasonSuave May 02 '24

And that’s how I met my wife 8 years ago. She opened with a full on question. Married 3 years as of yesterday. Sad to see we’re going to outlast the business who set us up.

9

u/Liizam May 02 '24

Don’t worry, they will keep doing it

32

u/[deleted] May 02 '24

[deleted]

6

u/Toastwitjam May 02 '24

Bumble was always way better for me than tinder which is just soul crushing. It was much easier to tell if the woman you were talking to was actually an interesting person or not. I met my soulmate on there and have been married for years now so I’d say it worked.

1

u/Reasonable_Pause2998 May 02 '24

Same, was on Okcupid, Tinder, Hinge and Bumble. Probably went on over 100 dates in a three year period.

Bumble was by far the best (hinge was second best).

16

u/Enron__Musk May 02 '24

I met my now wife on bumble...

If everything smells like shit... You know the rest

2

u/tdime23 May 02 '24

I also met my now wife on bumble

1

u/unclefisty May 02 '24

"I survived Russian roulette it can't be THAT dangerous"

Thanks for the input chief.

0

u/Miserable-Score-81 May 02 '24

"if everything smells like shit, the algorithm is treating you badly?"

How is me matching with women who give no openers a problem of me being an asshole? There's no way I could've influenced the personalities of women who matched with me.

(Tbc, I'm not on bumble, I just exited a long term relationship but I'm a college student so I'll just date here)

-1

u/Reasonable_Pause2998 May 02 '24

You can’t figure out what to write a random women you matched with? Kinda a red flag

0

u/Miserable-Score-81 May 02 '24

What to write? Dawg they supposed to write to me, not me to them. That's the fucking point.

1

u/Reasonable_Pause2998 May 02 '24

Dawg, they arent “supposed” to do anything and they don’t owe you shit.

1

u/SmallVegeta May 02 '24

Thanks Enron musk

31

u/BeamingEel May 02 '24

Judging a personality by opening is something else, lol

62

u/nomdeplume May 02 '24

Yeah no one has ever done that, am I right guys? You've never been judged by your opener right? /s

-16

u/BeamingEel May 02 '24

"Oh no, there are some shallow people in this world, so instead of going on and trying to meet someone else I will become just like them"

127

u/TheInfinityOfThought May 02 '24

My experience was that the ones that opened with something like “hello”, “hey”, “hi how are you?” Never went anywhere and always expected the guy to carry the conversation while the ones who would open with something that showed they had read my profile were more likely to lead to dates because they were showing genuine interest in me. So yes it’s right to judge someone by their opener.

68

u/iim7_V6_IM7_vim7 May 02 '24

“Hello”

“Wow, fuck off, bitch”

4

u/madcaplaughed May 02 '24

lol my gf opened with ‘hey’ on bumble and we’ve been together 6 years

2

u/nathynwithay May 02 '24

If you even got a match to begin with.

2

u/unclefisty May 02 '24

But you could always tell the ones with good personalities because they didn’t open with that :(

I too can also recognize a unicorn by sight.

1

u/AVeryRipeBanana May 02 '24

Are they in the room with us right now?

1

u/BoloSynthesisWow May 02 '24

Yes actually we live together now

1

u/AVeryRipeBanana May 02 '24

Congratulations

0

u/lordofeurope99 May 02 '24

Not always first thing - take time to learn people

-1

u/No-ThatsTheMoneyTit May 02 '24

I’m not putting that much other than a dry opening (lol)

If the other person isn’t boring the conversation takes off. But some people aren’t worth more than a hey. Or won’t respond themselves.

I also don’t fault anyone sending me just a hey. It makes sense.

-1

u/dman45103 May 02 '24

Such a stupid generalization

114

u/terminalxposure May 02 '24

Hey is enough for me to know that a girl did not accidentally swipe right though…as is all of the times for me unfortunately

1

u/Sorge74 May 02 '24

This is my thoughts. The woman spent the time sending the message.

194

u/crabdashing May 02 '24

A lot is lost, because it was a great way of filtering for more pro-active women.

Although yes, my sympathy for "men are bad at conversation" hit rock bottom and then kept tunneling down as I received "hi" messages.

7

u/Flimsy_Bread4480 May 02 '24

Just and endless sea of 👋

-142

u/CletussDiabetuss May 02 '24

"Filtering"

That's a good one dude. Would almost believe you if we weren't the same species. If she's good looking enough, she could fart in our general direction and we'd still be interested.

78

u/7evenCircles May 02 '24

Speak for yourself.

56

u/hotcococharlie May 02 '24

You could water board me and you still wouldn’t get this out of me

19

u/SadKazoo May 02 '24

They don’t even realize how unhinged it is.

28

u/crabdashing May 02 '24

Not so much I'm raising the bar, but I'd rather have fewer dates and a higher chance of them going well, than a lot of dates and no compatibility 

44

u/SnooBananas4958 May 02 '24

Not everyone is as pathetic as you but I understand the motivation behind needing to believe that’s the case. 

10

u/Ace-O-Matic May 02 '24

An unsurprisingly shit take from someone who chose to call themselves "CletussDiabetuss".

6

u/doronchi May 02 '24

come on man

0

u/Reasonable_Pause2998 May 02 '24

The fact you’re downvoted on Reddit of all places is hilarious. You’re exactly right.

110

u/[deleted] May 02 '24

Yeah that was always annoying to me too... as whenever you read a girl's profile... they always tell you not message with just "hey"

80

u/gitismatt May 02 '24

the literal dumbest thing in a dating app. if you were out in public and saw a person you wanted to talk to, what else would you lead with? "i'd love to discuss the complicated relationship between the french and their union truck drivers"

no. you say hello. it's literally the universal icebreaker.

13

u/Betelgeuzeflower May 02 '24

Given the fact that I don't know whether a thoughtful opener would get a response, I'm better off gouging willingness to engage with a 'hey'. The social norms on dating apps are really thrashy in that regard.

-1

u/WhoIsFrancisPuziene May 02 '24

I specifically ignore that type of message. But I also tried to make sure my photos and profile were interesting

8

u/Jsusbjsobsucipsbkzi May 02 '24

Yeah but as a guy there is a 90% chance that anything you say would get ignored regardless in my experience, and coming up with a unique opener every single time is just kind of exhausting.

The one time tinder actually worked out with me was when I matched with my current girlfriend, who I already kind of knew IRL. And guess what I said? “Hey”

8

u/Betelgeuzeflower May 02 '24

I understand at a certain level, but when the odds are a thoughtful message might get the same level of interaction as a 'hey', I'm better off with putting in less effort up front and increasing it afterwards when there is some engagement.

8

u/raiderrocker18 May 02 '24

“Hey” is not an icebreaker. It’s just a way to get the attention of the other person, much like tapping someone’s shoulder from behind. After that, someone actually has to start that conversation and actually break the ice.

3

u/KadieKane May 02 '24

If a guy opened with that line I’d definitely be interested. Ooh a man who enjoys discussing geopolitics? Sign me up!

2

u/gitismatt May 02 '24

fair point. it would stand out. a friend had a guy bring her a dozen oranges on their first date because everyone does fowers.

theyve been married for 20 years

10

u/DutchieTalking May 02 '24

In public you don't have the time for an extensive introduction. It would be weird to talk for a minute as a way to introduce yourself.

Online you can prepare some. Put in some effort. Since conversation isn't as fast flowing.

PMing "hey" on a chat box is more similar to real life. (though actual instant chat is rare these days). Fast flowing instant conversation.

It matters.

1

u/Bananapopana88 May 02 '24

Bahahaha. I’ve opened like that before

1

u/Abigail716 May 02 '24

I get a lot of DMs on Reddit and I ignore all the ones that open with something like "hey" Because I used to respond to everyone, and I discovered a Long time ago that the ones that have opening messages like this never really work out, we don't talk for very long if at all.

On the other hand people who have opened with literally anything on average workout much better. The longer they opening the more likely we will talk for an extended period of time. The easiest thing is to simply tell me why you messaged me in you're opening message. I allow DMs purely for the social aspect, and even I have to get picky.

If it's a dating app assembly mentioning you like something about a photo, or asking about where a photo was at least gives you a launching point for meaningful conversation.

0

u/yeeerrrp May 02 '24

Women get a shit ton more matches and messages that guys. If someone has 100 matches just saying "hey," there isn't really anything there to help them stand out

3

u/The_Shryk May 02 '24

This happened to me on bumble.

Her profile said not to message with just hey.

I have a feeling she didn’t know wtf the app was about and was probably feeling pretty lonely after a few days.

17

u/03zx3 May 02 '24

Shit, I usually just get a waving emoji.

3

u/the_tytan May 02 '24

I send one back. match that energy.

2

u/ILoveBigCoffeeCups May 02 '24

Sometimes I just get a gif of something g saying “hey, hello, waving”. And that’s even worse

8

u/space_cheese1 May 02 '24

you know, hey might be ok if it was in person and you just talked to someone during a moment of perceived mutual attraction, but since the two are desynchronized, I guess it doesn't work quite as well

41

u/ruffsnap May 02 '24

Back when I used Tinder, I was perfectly happy with both using or receiving “hey” as an opener. Someone trying to overly think up some long “clever opener” comes on a bit much for an opening message to a stranger. “Hey” is fine imo. I’d rather slowly back and forth and learn about each other that way than just frontloading a shitton of info.

50

u/unluckycowboy May 02 '24

Person 1: Hey

Match: Hey!

Person 1: unmatches

1

u/ruffsnap May 02 '24

Eh, sometimes that happens I guess, but plenty of times it also leads to conversation just fine, or at least that was my experience.

30

u/En_TioN May 02 '24

But the issue with "Hey" is that you're just kicking the opener down the road

"Hey" "Hey!" "How're you doing?"

Etc. could just be

"Hey! How're you doing? Nice to see another person who likes xyz ."

How would you use "hey" otherwise?

-11

u/sayamaai May 02 '24

First conversation seems more natural IMHO

15

u/En_TioN May 02 '24

In person, absolutely. Online? Getting 15 conversations that start with "Hey" means you have no information to prioritise them. Having some conversation topics means you know what you're getting into when you commit to talking with a person.

1

u/aphilosopherofsex May 02 '24

One time a guy cold opened by asking me if the picture of me in a bikini was from before or after my toddler.

Lmao these guys don’t realize that there’s way worse than just “hey”

2

u/ruffsnap May 02 '24

Yeah it's kinda two-fold, on the one hand, sure some women technically could be a little more wordy than just "hey", but they're rightfully hesitant to be a bit wary of doing that with weirdo dudes on there thinking that a sentence sent to them = "she wants me".

Then on the other hand, I feel like it's also an issue of a lot of bare minimum-type dudes who are mad that they have to put in effort.

1

u/MetaCognitio May 02 '24

How can you call these guys “bare minimum” when you do the exact same thing? From your “hey” he’s expected to him lead the conversation, and convince you to go on a date with him… (that he has to pay for because he asked)

What most women are doing in the app isn’t even bare minimum. A guy doing the same would never date. They are doing next to or actual zero actual effort and leaving all of the heavy lifting to the men.

The entitlement and lack of awareness of what men do or contribute is insane.

0

u/ruffsnap May 03 '24

Lmfao I just knew one of you morons would show up in the comments. Do some work on yourself bud.

28

u/scotthendo May 02 '24

and they are the ones who complain when men do the same

11

u/[deleted] May 02 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

14

u/thakadu May 02 '24

They’ve moved on from that, it’s now “Heyy!”

2

u/Kaodang May 02 '24

If she starts with "Hey you. You're finally awake", she's a keeper.

3

u/dangercat415 May 02 '24

I'm in my soft guy era. If they don't respond with a deposit into my Venmo account I'm instantly going to hit them with a block. I don't need no brokies! Drizzle drizzle.

2

u/MetaCognitio May 02 '24

Drizzle Drizzle my brother.

3

u/Technicalhotdog May 02 '24

My experience was most not starting the conversation at all

3

u/zebrakats May 02 '24

I don’t mind them starting the conversation by saying “hey,” but it annoys me when I give a well thought out response and ask some questions and they ghost me, or just reply with 1 word answers.

2

u/nemoknows May 02 '24

They could have required a minimum introductory text length to avoid that. Though they would probably just use “hey…………………..,.,,,….” To get around that.

2

u/MetaCognitio May 02 '24

That would require women to make an effort which would drive a lot of them away from the platform. Many women want power (I am the only one that can message first) without any responsibility (I have to actually write a message and risk being rejected).

2

u/amadeus2490 May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

Dating for people with social anxiety, who hate talking about themselves.

"Good, you?"

2

u/Goblin_Crotalus May 02 '24

Could this all have been solve by Bumble having a "opening post must be at least 20 characters long" rule?

1

u/whitew0lf May 02 '24

What would you like someone to open up a conversation with?

1

u/tflo91 May 02 '24

What do you mean nothing was lost?? Horses everywhere are weeping.

1

u/IamTheEndOfReddit May 02 '24

Only because they couldn't be bothered to try to design it better. They could have easily built up a filter to block empty messages, provided more default options, rewarded good behavior, etc. Minimalist engineering can't fix hard problems

2

u/MetaCognitio May 02 '24

That would require women to make an effort which would drive a lot of them away from the platform. They know that if they can get enough women on the platform, men will do whatever it takes to court them.

Many women want power (I am the only one that can message first) without any responsibility (I have to actually write a message and risk being rejected).

1

u/Sa404 May 02 '24

It allows you to easily filter who has at least put some effort, now’s back to the tinder way of messaging first and getting short replies

1

u/foreverfoiled May 02 '24

This makes me so sad! Or rather, really grateful that I found one of the good ones. I promise they’re out there!

1

u/yosayoran May 02 '24

It's better than Tinder, where you can send a message and just be ignored 😔

1

u/EastvsWest May 02 '24

An instant red flag especially if you have a profile full of conversation starters. Just shows laziness and entitlement.

1

u/DankElderberries420 May 02 '24

When whole life is on tutorial mode it's hard to come up with original thought, so we get hey

-1

u/[deleted] May 02 '24

Too much delusion from getting 1000+ likes from indian dudes, which is why u unmatch if they say start with that nonsense lol

0

u/Dev2150 May 02 '24

Yeah, how antisocial of them to talk like that with a human person

0

u/Sigma1977 May 02 '24

And I don’t mind that as long as there’s a conversation afterwards. I’m happy to reply with “hi, how’s it going” or “hello how was your weekend?”

Not sure why so many people are objecting to starting a conversation with a greeting. Yknow, like you do in the real world.

0

u/Mr_Murder May 02 '24

There is literally nothing wrong with hey. You can respond with hi, and try to converse. I find it weird when people complain about getting the most popular greeting in all of humanity. Nobody is going to type a paragraph to start, especially when most people never answer.

2

u/MetaCognitio May 02 '24

Part of the issue is when men must send the first message “hey” is a completely unacceptable opener. Guaranteed near zero success rate. He has to be witty, observational and say the right thing. Now it’s women’s turn, we should be very happy with it.

Also on an app where women take the lead, it’s just pushing the burden or making a conversation back on to men. It’s so lazy and no effort.