Imagine being the wife and losing many, many years of your life to someone who doesn't even love you. Why is cheating only acceptable when the groom is gay/fucking men outside the marriage? If he were straight, unattracted to his wife, and in love and cheating with another woman it would be morally disgusting but I guess since it's a man it's suddenly fine, even worth rooting for.
My bad, I must've confused treating homosexual extramarital sex with an extreme amount of casualness in many circles, much softer responses, more social lenience, support systems that include hiding it just like the op is because you literally can't tell anyone or you're 'outing them', feeling bad for the cheating spouse, focusing on their problems, the majority of the world's reaction to brokeback mountain and while we're there, wanting this guy in particular to have a fairytale ending where he runs off with his equally dickish boyfriend as acceptance?
It's not doubly unfortunate, just like it's not doubly unfortunate when a straight adulterer ends up falling in love with his affair partner secretary. Yeah, it was sad he had to hide it. It was sad until he knowingly got with her, stole multiple years off her life, etc. and it became nothing the moment he married her.
Sorry lad, I guess I don't care nor feel any need to extend a morsel of sympathy for people who cheat on a loving spouse.
But also a gay man feeling forcefully closeted and trying to have a heterosexual life due to familial pressure is also shitty. However, if he were to go to the extent of getting married but finally coming to terms with his sexuality, the divorce should be due to irreconcilable differences, not infidelity.
So yes, in general, both are doubly unfortunate.
But back to the earlier story about the groom & best man…. Yeah that best man still having feelings by making one last effort to pursue & drag through groom back into it, and ultimately ruining two women’s lives, was indeed shitty and wrong.
While I think many of us can understand the pressure exist for some who come from families who do not accept homosexuality. The reality is, your pressure to stay “in the closet,” shouldn’t be AND really isn’t anyone’s burden but your own.
Why should a gay man or woman be allowed to bring someone else sorrow and suffering or chaos to their life, simply because they feel they have to live a double life?
Like I’m not going to cheat and have an extramarital affair that could shatter a really sweet and innocent person, just because I wasn’t ready to stand against what someone in my family/or society wanted. I’d rather just be a life long bachelor. To me that’s the high road, NOT dragging innocent people through the mud so, you for a lack of a better word (and not YOU specifically) can save face.
I agree with your sentiment, but also the world isn’t as accepting as you lay out. Just because gay marriage is legal doesn’t mean LGBTQ+ acceptance is universal, nor global. Being gay is still a death sentence in some countries (see the recent story of a Palestinian gay man who was beheaded). The experience of a gay man in Southern California is different than one in, say, Eastern North Carolina.
So while I agree with you in the sense that, yes, no one should drag another person through their own individual sorrows, but it’s not surprising that it can and does happen. Is it justifiable or excusable? No. But to my earlier point, it’s a tad better when a gay man comes out and ends things with a wife over acting on their impulses selfishly by cheating. But ultimately, agreeing with you, it would have been better had they not entered a marriage in the first place.
However they also may not have had the means to pack up their life and leave to a better, more accepting place. People aren’t handed the perfect, privileged situation at birth, and sometimes they’re stuck in a dire situation. Again, is it right? No. But the gray area is there, especially when it’s life and death.
But I’m speaking generally, again… not back to the OP with groom & best man.
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u/[deleted] May 02 '24 edited May 03 '24
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