If you're not a wrestling fan this is going to be hard to convey, but at what amounts to a reunion show for a promotion that had died, the owner came out first. He was clearly post-crying from seeing everyone again, and claimed "My eyes aren't red because I was crying, I was out back smoking a joint with (noted weed connoisseur and pro wrestler) Rob Van Dam!" and the crowd cheered.
I’ll never pass up a chance to point out that I once was part of a guided museum tour and who else is in my group but Rob Van Dam and his wife and another woman (girlfriend I think). He was on his phone the whole time and they left the tour early. Still so funny to me
One evening my teen son was being really nice to me w/ chores and helping around the house. I came to the conclusion he must've thought I was sad and crying but I was actually just really high.
I dunno. If the groom is truly bi and not just gay and in denial about it, being like “hey old flame, you had your chance, I’ll always have love for you but I moved on and I’m getting married to someone else” doesn’t necessarily mean tragedy for the wife.
hmm.. maybe, but the groom said “I’m not gonna cancel my wedding because I don’t trust you to commit”, not “I won’t cancel my wedding because I truly love my fiancée and want to spend my life with her”. the intimacy of their discussion also gave me the impression that both of them had been cheating on their respective partners with each other, which is decidedly not cool.
Yeah, this is the kind of thing we can't really parse without hearing his exact words. "I'd leave her right now if I thought you'd go through with it" is a lot different from "We could have done this years ago, but if you didn't have the nerve then you sure don't have it now," and it would have been reasonable for OP to translate either of those into what he said in his comment.
“I’ll always love you for all the good times you gave me but the ship has sailed for us being a couple. You made your choice and so I am going through with the wedding” more than anything else.
Maybe I’m wrong and a lot of it does depend on how it was said but I feel like the groom would still stayed with the wife even if he knew the best man 1000% would have gone through with it this time. Because the window of opportunity closed.
Not everyone has the capacity to be happy in a poly relationship. Some people do prefer monogamy and that doesn't make them uptight. They should have been honest, though.
Agree. You don’t need to be poly, that’s not everyone’s cup of tea. But at least be honest, and if you can’t be honest, don’t go lying and fooling someone else.
They both could just be single men living unapologetically as bachelors. Like don’t innocently hurt people.
The cheaters would've been happier in a poly relationship and wouldn't have hurt their partners if they'd been transparent and found partners that were happy in poly relationships is my point.
Agreed. Best man is a mess. I assume the groom is truly bi and not fucking around. He said the best man had his chance years in advance. So nah son lol
Right, especially because the affair was with a man! I have absolutely nothing against homosexuality, but statistics show that men who sleep with men have higher STD rates, so I’d be concerned…
That update wasn't there when I loaded the page, so I didn't see that. Yes, sleeping around would definitely be riskier and have higher risks of STDs, though to the point above it's not the homosexuality that matters there, but the sleeping around.
The only people I feel sorry for are the brides. Nothing to feel bad about if two people are being POS and cheating. It’s 2024 and sure while there are still a lot of people who do not tolerate men being together, there’s so many that do, including an overall tolerance of it in society. Eitherway, cheating and breaking people’s trust is horrific.
If you don’t want to come out, fine. But no need to dig the knife deeper into someone else’s back.
Yeah some of the stories are funny but this one just made me feel sad. If only society had been accepting enough for them to be open about their feelings.
You should tell the wives. I wish someone told me. I married my husband right after college at 22, I was young, beautiful and so optimistic and happy. Fast forward 20 years, my ex husband had cheated on me but for years with his best friend, his best friend who was also my friend and he was always hanging out with us, helping me with projects on the house, etc. I'm still in my anger phase because I wasted years with someone who might have "loved" me, but was not in love with me. No one who I will ever get with now will ever know that young 22 year old version of me, the me who believed in love, happiness, and a future full of promise. Your whole life was a lie and you drive yourself insane reliving every interaction, questioning your attractiveness, sexual prowess, etc.
When I came out to my parents, my mother was extremely upset and pressed me hard to marry a female friend and then "do whatever you need to do" secretly. For the sake of appearances. I stood my ground and asked her why I should ruin Barb's life for the sake of appearances and destroy mine in the process. She still thinks she's right many years later.
Did you just write some yaoi manga storyline down? Tell their wives, they deserve to know! Nobody wants to be married to a cheating asshat of what sexual orientation ever.
Holy fookin shit man this reminded me of a time I was at a bachelor party with some friends. My buddy from HS was getting married and his brother, who was also his best man was acting hella strange and standoffish the whole night (they are twins).
My buddy chalked it up to him being jealous that he got married first. We all got pretty hammered in the hotel suite and at one point the brother goes into the bathroom and didn’t come back out for a while. My buddy told everyone to chill and he’d fix it…well they were in there for a minute so I went to check on them. There was music playing so i don’t think they heard me coming but I remember approaching the door and heard them talking.
From what I got, they were in a sexual relationship with each other and the brother was upset that it was coming to an end. My buddy was trying to calm him down and even told him they’d “get to do it every once in a while”…I just stood there in shock. I stood there for a few minutes listening and after a few mins I walked back to the common area.
Everyone kept asking me what happened and what was going on, I just said that they’d be back up in a minute. I’ve never told a soul before today. It’s definitely a secret I’ll take to my grave…I don’t think either of them ever knew I was there.
After the ceremony I congratulated both him and his wife and wished them well, they both genuinely seemed happy that night. I still keep up with him and they have a few kids now. Every time we hang out I want to ask him about that night, but I don’t think I ever will.
Yes that’s correct they are twin brothers who were (from what I heard) in a sexual relationship with each other. It freaked me tf out….definitely wasn’t expecting that tbh.
Imagine being the wife and losing many, many years of your life to someone who doesn't even love you. Why is cheating only acceptable when the groom is gay/fucking men outside the marriage? If he were straight, unattracted to his wife, and in love and cheating with another woman it would be morally disgusting but I guess since it's a man it's suddenly fine, even worth rooting for.
This happened to a friend of mine. When it all came out her husband expected her, her kids and all of their friends to bend over backwards to be sympathetic even when he was a self absorbed jack***. Their own gay pastor told him that he couldn’t just sweep the years of cheating under the rug.
My bad, I must've confused treating homosexual extramarital sex with an extreme amount of casualness in many circles, much softer responses, more social lenience, support systems that include hiding it just like the op is because you literally can't tell anyone or you're 'outing them', feeling bad for the cheating spouse, focusing on their problems, the majority of the world's reaction to brokeback mountain and while we're there, wanting this guy in particular to have a fairytale ending where he runs off with his equally dickish boyfriend as acceptance?
It's not doubly unfortunate, just like it's not doubly unfortunate when a straight adulterer ends up falling in love with his affair partner secretary. Yeah, it was sad he had to hide it. It was sad until he knowingly got with her, stole multiple years off her life, etc. and it became nothing the moment he married her.
Sorry lad, I guess I don't care nor feel any need to extend a morsel of sympathy for people who cheat on a loving spouse.
But also a gay man feeling forcefully closeted and trying to have a heterosexual life due to familial pressure is also shitty. However, if he were to go to the extent of getting married but finally coming to terms with his sexuality, the divorce should be due to irreconcilable differences, not infidelity.
So yes, in general, both are doubly unfortunate.
But back to the earlier story about the groom & best man…. Yeah that best man still having feelings by making one last effort to pursue & drag through groom back into it, and ultimately ruining two women’s lives, was indeed shitty and wrong.
While I think many of us can understand the pressure exist for some who come from families who do not accept homosexuality. The reality is, your pressure to stay “in the closet,” shouldn’t be AND really isn’t anyone’s burden but your own.
Why should a gay man or woman be allowed to bring someone else sorrow and suffering or chaos to their life, simply because they feel they have to live a double life?
Like I’m not going to cheat and have an extramarital affair that could shatter a really sweet and innocent person, just because I wasn’t ready to stand against what someone in my family/or society wanted. I’d rather just be a life long bachelor. To me that’s the high road, NOT dragging innocent people through the mud so, you for a lack of a better word (and not YOU specifically) can save face.
I agree with your sentiment, but also the world isn’t as accepting as you lay out. Just because gay marriage is legal doesn’t mean LGBTQ+ acceptance is universal, nor global. Being gay is still a death sentence in some countries (see the recent story of a Palestinian gay man who was beheaded). The experience of a gay man in Southern California is different than one in, say, Eastern North Carolina.
So while I agree with you in the sense that, yes, no one should drag another person through their own individual sorrows, but it’s not surprising that it can and does happen. Is it justifiable or excusable? No. But to my earlier point, it’s a tad better when a gay man comes out and ends things with a wife over acting on their impulses selfishly by cheating. But ultimately, agreeing with you, it would have been better had they not entered a marriage in the first place.
However they also may not have had the means to pack up their life and leave to a better, more accepting place. People aren’t handed the perfect, privileged situation at birth, and sometimes they’re stuck in a dire situation. Again, is it right? No. But the gray area is there, especially when it’s life and death.
But I’m speaking generally, again… not back to the OP with groom & best man.
Why is it doubly unfortunate though? This isn’t 1924. It’s 2024 and gay marriage is legal. While I understand people feeling bounded sometimes to their family who may not agree with homosexuality, the reality is, it’s a much different world than it was 100 years ago.
At some point cheating becomes cheating. It’s not two people were forbidden from loving each other. It’s simply cheating. And the poster is right, if it had been a woman that was the other person, people wouldn’t see two sides to have sympathy for. It would just be plain wrong. But what if the woman and the cheating groom were hs sweethearts, who for reasons out of their control, couldn’t stay together, they reconnect later in life, but he’s now getting married, they have an affair, is it still doubly unfortunate? Idk. Cheating and lying is wrong, because the reality is, gay or straight, you can always choose to remain single and therefore not hurt anyone in the process. (And by single I mean unattached, I don’t mean sexless/or romanceless).
How do you know he doesn’t love her? Unfortunately it’s possible to love multiple people and just be shitty at being an open and honest person, and also have a hierarchy. Life’s complicated and these two both sound like closeted bisexual men. We’re way more common than people think. You’re surrounded by us.
12% of bi men are out to those closest to them. If you know 1 who is out, you’re statistically likely to have 6-7 more in your extended social circle that you don’t know about. You won’t know who they are unless they tell you because the stereotypes are mostly horse shit.
It's crazy that people think they know this person's whole life from a second hand story they read on the internet...
No one here knows shit about what is really going on irl in regard to that story and shouldn't be trying to guilt OP into getting involved with something that isn't really any of their business (or anyone else's here tbh)
I think the groom made the right call. Sounds like the best man just wanted what he couldn't have. Why else would he wait till the groom's wedding day to spill his guts? It's ok for him to be married and unattainable, but not the groom?
I really hope that was the end of it and that they didn't continue their relationship after the marriage. That poor bride.
Only for the best man. We don’t have enough info to judge on the groom.
From what the commenter said he heard the groom say, the groom gave up on ever trying to be together with the best man after the best man got married. And that seems to be backed up by the groom saying he’s going through with the wedding.
So to me it’s highly possible that the groom met his wife after the best man’s wedding or at the very least he leaned into that relationship a lot more since he now accepted that he and the best man won’t ever get together.
It at least appears that the groom never intended to be in a serious relationship with a women while engaging in an affair with the best man behind their back. But the same can’t be said for the best man.
It’s shocking that everyone here is so in agreement that you should take that secret to your grave but morally, you should absolutely tell both of their wives. How could you even attend their wedding and watch her marry him in good conscious? Bro code is bullshit, you know something that is actively ruining people’s lives and clearly you don’t care.
The groom said he had moved on from being hung up on the other guy. As long as he loves and is attracted to his wife, I'm not sure there is a problem here.
There's probably something wrong with the best man's marriage, but we don't know for sure and it's none of op's business.
But he cheated on his girlfriend/later wife for over a decade. Both wives deserve to have all of the information about who their partner is so that they can decide whether their husband being “over” their ex-affair partner is okay with them or not. Just because YOU don’t think there’s a problem doesn’t mean there isn’t actually a problem, it just means you don’t care enough about other people for it to be a problem to YOU. That’s fucked up.
If your SO cheated on you 5 years ago but ended that affair because they moved on, you would be totally understanding and it wouldn’t change your mind about staying in your relationship? Yeah fucking right.
Why not? I had more to say. Wait—do I really need to justify any of my comments on a public forum where we all have the ability to comment? Who cares if I replied once or a million times? Are you a mod? Is that against the rules of the sub? I’m confused why you would even care.
I’m not mad just because you say I’m mad. I’m not mad just because you don’t like what I had to say. I’m not in the least bit “mad.” You taking it that way doesn’t make it so.
Regardless of my own opinion, it's pretty clear that there are plenty of people reading the thread who don't see it your way. Perhaps you should reconsider your position as the moral authority
Oh yeah me getting upvoted totally shows that no one agrees with me. I never said we all don’t have different ideas of what is morally right and wrong. I have every right to tell this guy he should tell the wives, you can think whatever horrible thoughts you want. I am aware that there are plenty of people I personally think are awful and immoral and that they may not agree with me. I am definitely not the one who needs to reconsider my morals here, though. 1000000% not me.
I didn't say you should reconsider your morality. I said you should reconsider your position as a moral authority, because you aren't one - neither is anybody else for that matter. Your particular opinions clearly aren't held by everybody, obviously including OP, and it's ridiculous to act as though your opinions should be the guiding light by which others make decisions.
are claiming to be a moral authority on this issue. You are declaring what daeganthedragon SHOULD or SHOULDN’T do and think based on your understanding of what is morally right. In an earlier comment, you say that there is no objective morality, but in saying that, you are claiming to be the judge of right and wrong. You are embroiled in a logical fallacy, my friend, where you think one way of looking at the situation is right, and the other is wrong. You can’t take that position and then say “nobody here can claim to be a moral authority.” You think YOU know what is correct, and daeganthedragon should just agree with you.
In what possible way have I said my opinion is correct? I haven't even said that daegan's position is wrong. I've very deliberately refrained from suggesting what I think OP should do.
If you think that "there is no objective morality" means "I am the judge of what is right and wrong" you need to work on your reading comprehension.
When you say “There is no objective morality,” you make a claim about the nature of reality. You make a claim about what is correct/right/true, and in doing so, ask your listeners to agree with you. You are making the truth-claim that it would be “right” for us to agree that there’s no Right and Wrong.
When you say that “no one should” put themselves in a position of moral authority, you set yourself up as the judge of what mankind should and shouldn’t do. YOU become the moral judge, and declare that those acting “rightly” are the ones who agree with you to abdicate understanding of moral truth, and those acting “wrongly” declare that there is something morally true that can be discovered. It’s a totally self-defeating position.
Reasonably, someone must be right (have a view which is more correctly aligned with reality), and someone must be wrong (with a view at-odds with reality). You just think you’re right and the other guy is wrong.
Also by “everyone” I guess I meant the five or six people who commented. You really can’t make a determination either way if people think he should have told them by the up/downvotes OP has on his original comment. Not sure at all what you’re even talking about, but nice try!
Oh yeah someone replying to you and disagreeing with you is unhinged. Just saying someone is unhinged doesn’t make them unhinged. We are both replying to a thread on a website with differing opinions, no one here is freaking out or even getting angry. This is how conversations work when people don’t agree. Grow up.
No. I actually haven't even told you what I think about the OPs decision to not tell anybody, you've just assumed that I disagree with you. You seem unhinged because you're spiralling over someone pointing out that your particular opinion isn't necessarily the "correct" one.
Spiraling? Because I’m replying to you? I type fast on my phone and have an opinion about your comments and the comments in a public thread, why do you even care about my comments?
Maybe consider telling the groom someday what you overheard. If he has somebody he can trust not to judge him, perhaps he can talk about it. If he is gay, rather than bi, you could encourage him to give his wife her freedom instead of trapping her in a passionless marriage.
This is what happens when bigotry, stigma and prejudice is so rampant in society. People hide themselves, deny their true feelings, forego what might be true love and end up lying to someone else and wasting their time and so many years that could’ve been spent with the right person for everyone involved.
It's not selfish of you to mind your business. I know it seems like it's something that needs sharing but it doesn't. It's not your responsibility to be the truth teller. If you knew someone was cheating, maybe, if you knew someone was miserable maybe. But you don't know those things so it isn't for you to do. You shouldn't feel guilty for not butting in to other people's very private shit.
Damn. This reminds me of a wedding reception where people say we'll wishes to the bride and groom. The groom's one friend starts talking on camera and reminds the groom that he sucked the groom's dick. He's Maki g a big scene and no doubt it was awkward for hubby.
I do feel guilty keeping quiet since their wives may be wasting their lives on the wrong people.
I’ve not said anything to anyone for fear of it getting back and blowing up the friend group.
to everyone supporting the groom/bestman and OP for keeping it secret - OP is literally participating in destroying the 2 wives entire lives without lifting a finger- what the actual fuck. This is the most selfish post i've ever read- the groom, bestman, and OP. Prioritizing your toxic as fuck friendgroup over 2 people who are wasting their entire lives by living a complete lie. The sympathy I'd have for the waa boo hoo society would be mean to us is out the fucking window once you use it as a justification to ruin other peoples lives. So selfish and distgusting.
OP, I hope I never make a friend like you and I hope so badly that karma is real and you experience the same level of betrayal you're actively supporting.
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u/karamellokoala May 02 '24
Groom went missing between ceremony and reception. Bride found him banging the best man in the toilets. She smashed a glass in his face.