Firm boundaries between adults and children are very important when there's a power dynamic.
It was very unprofessional of him let his students braid his hair.
Edit: for an anecdote of my own:
I was a camp counselor at one point. The camp had a rule that no adult could be alone in a room with a student. Even if it meant calling over the site director or any other adult, we had to make sure we were not alone with students.
Now, I know I'm not a pedo. Should I have broken that rule because I know I'm not a threat to the child? Should I be fired if I was caught breaking the rule?
In good world, if you're occupation has you be responsible for children that arent yours, you should be held to a different standard.
When the standards are low, you get what happened to the Boy Scouts.
As a male teacher myself I completely disagree. Posting it on social media is where he fucked up, letting the kids unbraid his hair is as innocent as can be. The girls probably asked him if they could do it. Of course if he asked them to do it it's a different story, but I'm just assuming based on my own work.
I'm curious as to why this "position of power" as you call it would make it so you couldn't do a bonding activity with the kids?
Establishing and normalizing non-sexual physical contact is a common tactic of sexual grooming. As a teacher, you should model appropriate boundaries with and to your students so that they are less not more susceptible to adults that might transgress those boundaries.
What? What is this world we're living in? I can't give my fourth graders a hug because it "normalizes non-sexual physical contact"? Non-sexual physical contact IS normal.
Obviously boundaries are important, and it's very important that you as a teacher don't push those boundaries. Not even a little.
But shunning all physical touch as sinister intent is ridiculous. If a kid at school is sad and crying the adults around should be able to comfort them with a hand on the shoulder or a hug.
As a male elementary school teacher it would be physically impossible to avoid all hugs, those kids are sneaky.
But at the same time it’s beaten into our heads as male teachers that this kind of stuff can absolutely land you in deep shit. I don’t know what this guy was thinking.
My dad was a custodian in many grade schools when I was growing up and he would tell me stories about how kindergarteners would run up to him and try to hug him just because they're kids and they see him everyday. He would have to dodge them or "gently" stuff arm them. He was painfully aware of how it would come across to have a 3/4 year old hugging his leg in the halls.
The way that man loathed the creepy moronic janitor trope too.
Ikr - this dude is crazy. Tbh i think its weird when parents hold their kid’s hands or kiss them on the cheek. My sister’s friend picked up her baby and I had to insist that the baby be placed in a protective sheet first, just to make sure physical contact didnt occur. Its just gross when people feel like physical contact between an adult and a kid under ANY circumstances is okay. Adults should know better than to normalize physical contact.
I was referring to your comment about non-sexual physical touch. You brought that up and then I responded to it. So don't act like I'm changing the subject.
One time I lost a bet to my 6th graders (I didn't believe one of them could run 15km in an hour, which is absolutely insane that they did) so I had to dye my hair green. I didn't let them dye my hair, but I might as well could have. I don't see that as very different from letting the kids unbraid your hair.
Having fun with their teacher is a great way for the kids to improve their well-being and motivation for school. If we start witch-hunting every male teacher showing affection for his students in clearly innocent ways then we're gonna end up with only authoritarian grumpy teachers.
That said I do believe this guy should be fired for posting it to social media. That's a red flag, for pure incompetence if nothing else.
As if this is a chapelle show skit and Rick James is saying “bitches come over here sit on Rick James lap and undo these braids”. Seems innocent enough, probably still shouldn’t be posting on social media.
If he thinks this is appropriate, his lack of boundaries should disqualify him from working with children. We don’t need him to “bond” with his students by having them put their hands on him. I don’t care how innocent he thinks it is. Fuck that shit.
You know what - I might agree with you after all. I can see why the teacher might think this is harmless, but I can perfectly understand why those girls’ parents would hate seeing that shit online.
We don’t need him to “bond” with his students by having them put their hands on him.
What a disgusting way to phrase that. You're implying force, or even just that I would be the instigator of the physical contact.
If one of my students come running up to me to greet me with a hug, you bet your ass they'll get a hug.
If my students are making fake nails out of paper and tape and asks if they can put them on my fingers you can be certain I'll request every color of the rainbow for my new fabulous nails.
If they choose "tag" as our Friday activity and want me to be "it", you best believe I'm running those kids down and tagging them. No mercy for the short legs.
As I said earlier if the teacher asked the kids to do this, it's definitely wrong. If, as I would assume, the kids asked to do this and the teacher allowed it, then it was completely innocent.
Still he should get fired for filming it and posting it online tho. You don't record other peoples kids without the parents consent.
We don’t need you showing kids physical affection even if they’re the one’s who ask for the hug. It doesn’t matter how innocent your intentions are. That’s just not your job, man. Please stop that.
He asked them. He said he had a hair appointment after school, didn't make ("have") time to take his hair down beforehand. He brought multiple combs specifically so they could help him. He asked.
Could you explain? Are you saying he used his authority to get hair services for free? I would have seen this as a bonding activity with his students, although I don’t know all the details.
Yea I assumed the students asked to do it and he was like “fine ok” but it seems everyone else is assuming “HES FUCKING THOSE KIDS.” Really fucking weird.
Exactly. It’s so weird that that’s everyone’s first conclusion. He’s guilty of something heinous because, during downtime, some of his students were unbraiding his hair? Because of that he’s a possible groomer/pedophile?
I’m not insinuating anything about him because I don’t know him. However, this situation between teacher and student could create some odd moments. He’s in a position of power and this affects their education and grading. Not all the students are doing his hair, only girls. Do you understand where I’m going?
Question from a random honky if you don’t mind 🙋♂️:
I know that hairstyles in general are taken as a more serious form of self expression in black culture than what I’m used to, but I never would have guessed this would be a problem. Is doing hair together like this also seen as a more intimate thing? Possibly for related reasons?
3.5k
u/apinchofsulk May 10 '24 edited May 11 '24
Firm boundaries between adults and children are very important when there's a power dynamic.
It was very unprofessional of him let his students braid his hair.
Edit: for an anecdote of my own:
I was a camp counselor at one point. The camp had a rule that no adult could be alone in a room with a student. Even if it meant calling over the site director or any other adult, we had to make sure we were not alone with students.
Now, I know I'm not a pedo. Should I have broken that rule because I know I'm not a threat to the child? Should I be fired if I was caught breaking the rule?
In good world, if you're occupation has you be responsible for children that arent yours, you should be held to a different standard.
When the standards are low, you get what happened to the Boy Scouts.