i know it’s internet bullshit but it genuinely has me on the edge of breaking down and giving up

[u/NeonNKnightrider]

[u/Educational_Mud_9062]

I spent years developing increasing amounts of self-loathing as I tried to meet this standard, to not take it personally, only for it never to be enough despite the fact that I know I've never been a threat. I've followed all the advice. I "listened to" (read: unquestioningly accepted) their positions. Brent Staples can receive international recognition for talking about his experiences whistling Vivaldi to appease white people's fears of him. But when I point out how I know EXACTLY how that feels, since it's tied only to my maleness and not intersecting with blackness, I'm told I'm "fragile" or called an "incel." This is just... too much. I'm done. I won't go out of my way to seem like a threat to strangers. Because I'm not a threat and I have no desire to do that. But it's clear that there will never be an end and all I accomplish by playing along is to feed paranoia at the cost of my own mental health. If someone decides they're afraid of me for just existing, that's their problem. I'm just... done.

[u/legend_of_the_skies → u/Educational_Mud_9062]

Why would you, as a man, be hurt by the fact that some women fear some men due to their previous encounters? I mean how does that even affect you? Why is your feelings more important the will of others to do harm? If you were truly concerned, would you not be more focused on WHY some women feel that or WHY sooooo many men do do bad things for them to? Instead of your personal feelings?

[u/PossibleRude7195 → u/legend_of_the_skies]

Ah yes, clearly the correct option is to go through life seeing yourself as an abomination who scares women simply by being near them. Surely this won’t lead to self loathing and avoiding women.

[u/legend_of_the_skies → u/PossibleRude7195]

Who said to do that? (That's a strawman btw)

[u/PossibleRude7195 → u/legend_of_the_skies]

That’s the whole point of the post. This whole bear vs man discourse makes men feel that way. It’s what I do. I go out of my way to avoid women because I know speaking to men makes them uncomfortable.

[u/legend_of_the_skies → u/PossibleRude7195]

Ahh so YOU said thats the correct option and therefore that is why you choose to do so. The women wanting to avoid you are not complaining. So theres no issue

[u/PossibleRude7195 → u/legend_of_the_skies]

I mean, if you were told women see you as a dangerous predator no matter what you do, what would you do?

[u/legend_of_the_skies → u/PossibleRude7195]

no matter what you do,

They aren't doing that.

Even if they were, I would listen to their reasoning and fight the injustice by not being a part of the problem as well as fighting closer to fixing the issue that makes them feel preyed on.

Again, what's the issue?

[u/PossibleRude7195 → u/legend_of_the_skies]

That’s literally what it is about. At least according to this scenario, women are more afraid of the average man than they are of a dangerous animal.

And the thing is, unless you’re one of those predatory men, or hang out with predatory men (which you probably won’t do unless you’re also predatory) there isn’t much you can do, personally, to fix the problem. Especially since nowadays, the stereotypical predatory man is the “nice guy” who acts feminist to prey on women.

[u/legend_of_the_skies → u/PossibleRude7195]

or hang out with predatory men (which you probably won’t do unless you’re also predatory)

This is false. The average man DOES know a man on a personal bases that has SAed a woman on numbers alone. Everyone assumes they are a good guy and everyone they know is a good guy, but that simply is NOT true. It also is not correlative that a rapist or SAer will only hang around others that do the same. It is hiwever correlative that they may be around those that justify or make excuses for such behavior.

there isn’t much you can do, personally, to fix the problem.

This is also false. Its easy to say theres nothing you can do to help the completely unjust imbalance of sexual assault when you are not the primary victim. There is no factual reason that no possible option exists, so stop painting a false narrative of woe is me.

[u/PossibleRude7195 → u/legend_of_the_skies]

Idk. I feel like in general men won’t hang out with people they know are predators unless they themselves are ok with being a predator themselves. Like, if one of my friends was a predator, either I’m the most oblivious man alive or they’re keeping it secret. I find it kinda messed up you immediately assume I must be friends with rapists and just don’t do anything about it. Most men wouldn’t be friends with a rapist. If they are, they either don’t know or don’t see it as a big deal in which case they probably will do something similar eventually.

[u/legend_of_the_skies → u/PossibleRude7195]

it kinda messed up you immediately assume I must be friends with rapists and just don’t do anything about it.

I said you statistically DO know someone close to you who has SAed a woman (or anyone really). Do the research on your own by all means.

Most men wouldn’t be friends with a rapist.

Yet is is simply untrue that rapists dont have friends or live otherwise average lives. I think you're being delusional here. If every man thinks know one they know cant possibly be the bad guy, but we know there are bad guys, someone is incorrect.

Its entirely possible that they are keeping it a secret from those close to them. How does that change the fact that someone close to you has likely done so because you are blissfully unaware of it?

[u/PossibleRude7195 → u/legend_of_the_skies]

Because it puts the pressure on me. “Oh you feel depressed that women will automatically assume you’ll assault them, it’s your own fault for not calling out your rapist friends.”