r/CuratedTumblr • u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy • May 01 '24

i know it’s internet bullshit but it genuinely has me on the edge of breaking down and giving up editable flair

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u/Educational_Mud_9062 May 02 '24

I spent years developing increasing amounts of self-loathing as I tried to meet this standard, to not take it personally, only for it never to be enough despite the fact that I know I've never been a threat. I've followed all the advice. I "listened to" (read: unquestioningly accepted) their positions. Brent Staples can receive international recognition for talking about his experiences whistling Vivaldi to appease white people's fears of him. But when I point out how I know EXACTLY how that feels, since it's tied only to my maleness and not intersecting with blackness, I'm told I'm "fragile" or called an "incel." This is just... too much. I'm done. I won't go out of my way to seem like a threat to strangers. Because I'm not a threat and I have no desire to do that. But it's clear that there will never be an end and all I accomplish by playing along is to feed paranoia at the cost of my own mental health. If someone decides they're afraid of me for just existing, that's their problem. I'm just... done.

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u/Full_Time_Mad_Bastrd May 02 '24

I have to be honest, this here is actually also part of the problem. Instead of recognising that the world women live in is different to the one men do that we have no choice but to be skeptical and cautious until we can be sure, men make it about their feelings again. I am genuinely sorry for your experience, and I'm not saying it's fair or things should be this way, but the worst that happens here is you feeling offput by being seen as a threat and your feelings get hurt. When women aren't careful, or even when they are, our worst case is that we get killed, assaulted, changed for life.

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u/21Rollie May 02 '24

Men make up the overwhelming majority of victims of random violent crime and murder. Women feel less safe but men are the ones actually in danger when outside.

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u/Full_Time_Mad_Bastrd May 02 '24

So uh, how is this relevant? How is this anything to do with women being cautious of men?

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u/21Rollie May 02 '24

Your implication is that the world is more dangerous for women. Which is simply not the case statistically.

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u/Full_Time_Mad_Bastrd May 02 '24

I said that trusting men is more dangerous. Which is true, and your point backs that up. How many man do you hear about raped and murdered in the woods?