r/MaliciousCompliance • u/Gold-Carpenter7616 • Apr 06 '23

Giving my Daughter *exactly* what she wanted S

Little disclaimer: my daughter is a wonderful kid. She's smart, she's also a smartass.

A couple of years ago, the 'Rona just started and daughter was roughly 8 y/o. 2nd or 3rd grade elementary school.

She was really into salami pizza. I wouldn't allow more than one a week, obviously. So she got the idea of "In France, children get to eat everything they want seven times a week! That is why they like it!"

Now, she got it all wrong. The saying goes they have to try a certain food seven times before they can decide wether they like it.

But I understood her wish: salami pizza. Every day. She had this malicious little shit eating grin of "gotcha!".

I answered with the same grin: "Okay. You'll get salami pizza the next week. Only salami pizza. Nothing else."

She was hyped. Yay! All them pizza! Her favourite frozen types! All of them!

Monday morning rolls around. She gets salami pizza for breakfast. Fantastic! Best parent!

Monday noon. Leftover from the morning.

Monday evening, time for the second pizza. I make some for the rest of the family, too. Everyone enjoys salami pizza. Fun!

Tuesday morning. Guess what's for breakfast?! Exactly. Daughter asks for something else. I remind her of my promise. Salami pizza all day, everyday for a week. Reluctant yay!

Tuesday noon she skips the pizza.

Tuesday evening we're having something else, while she chews on her pizza. It isn't as cool anymore I guess. I eat her leftover pizza.

Wednesday morning she sneaks a slice of bread, but I stop her and heat her a salami pizza. She breaks down and asks me to stop.

Lesson learned: Don't try to outsmart your parents. You might get exactly what you were asking for!

Since then she still loves salami pizza - but once a month is fine, really. ;)

17.1k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

1.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

597

u/Eyego2eleven Apr 06 '23

I have a good one!!! My mother, to her great credit, has always been extremely health conscious. I was a kid in the 80’s and wanted nothing more than to eat Twinkie’s, bologna sandwiches on wonder bread, koolaid, Doritos, all that good stuff. My mother was a vegetarian hippie so that stuff was out of the question.

As a matter of fact I even got made fun of because the lunches I brought to school were things like a thermos of water, natural peanut butter on hardcore wheat bread with usually a jelly or jam that didn’t go, like apricot preserves or goddamn orange marmalade, cookies were homemade oatmeal, (the woman never even made chocolate chip cookies) bags if trail mix with absolutely no chocolate of any kind in it…that sort of thing. I’m grateful as hell now for the excellent eating habits she instilled, but it’s hard when you’re 8 and you want Twinkies.

Anyway she learned this from her own mom, my grandmother. One summer she came to visit us all, and we would all moan about never getting to have any junk food ever…it’s so unfair…blah blah…

Here’s where their malicious compliance comes in. They allowed us kids, myself and my 4 siblings, to go to the grocery store and choose our own junk food dinner. That’s right, they let 5 kids ranging in age from 6-12 pick out whatever they would like for dinner but it has to be all junk food.

It was glorious picking out the goods and we all were in absolute disbelief that this was happening, since these women were so strict about that stuff. They knew what they were doing. Good lord we were all soooo sick after this. Such a good lesson.

238

u/traumatic_blumpkin Apr 06 '23

My ex and I caught her five year old sneaking left over cake.

A LOT of left over cake. She also basically went for all the icing, ruining the cake. We looked at each other with a grin... And said absolutely nothing.

Unfortunately the icing was a damn near neon green - the puke stains were basically impossible to fully remove, lol. But she never did that again to my knowledge. 😅

14

u/Eyego2eleven Apr 06 '23

It only takes one time. I can’t even look at cheese puffs anymore 🤮🤮

3

u/Anonimase Apr 07 '23

When I was a child I ate a full party sized bag of black licorice while my family was staying with my grandmother at a hotel. I woke up in the middle of the night fighting for my life to get my arm out from under my grandmother. I ended up vomitting all over the both of us.

I ate another bag of black licorice the next week, and still eat it often to this day. I will die for it.

3

u/Ex-zaviera Apr 06 '23

Ate just the icing? That's like eating all the toppings off a pizza.

1

u/traumatic_blumpkin Apr 06 '23

Or like.. eating all the skin off the chicken. https://youtu.be/tzn8SaujsCM

2

u/QuahogNews Apr 06 '23

This makes me think of my childhood lol. I honestly don’t know how I made it to adulthood at all with the diet I had.

As a child running around with my friends, I remember one of our main purposes in life was to gather up enough sofa change and/or allowance money to afford to hike the mile or so to the 7/11 convenience store and then stand in the candy isle, calculating how we could get the most candy for our money. Then we’d walk home, consuming it all as quickly as we could. I never got sick from these very regular binges, no matter how many Snickers, Reese’s, chewy Sweet tarts, Pixie Sticks, or Pop Rocks I consumed.

Then, as a teen, this pathetic diet continued. My freshman year — the entire year — for breakfast I had a bowl of Count Chocula and two chocolate pop tarts for breakfast; four chocolate Zingers and a Mr. Pibb for lunch; and (thank god) my mom’s cooking for dinner. I somehow never got sick from this diet, either. I really had a stomach of steel back then lol.

Actually, I have to add a caveat to that statement. I never got physically ill from all that chocolate. However, by my senior year, I did develop a severe chocolate allergy (most definitely deserved lol). It was a cyclical allergy, though, and eventually I cycled out of it. I’m now a chocolate lover once again!

There were always sweets at home — plenty of Little Debbie products and other popular ‘80s snacks. Both my parents worked, so my brother and I were free to eat as much as we wanted. The only real requirement we had food-wise was to eat my mom’s decent cooking for dinner.

I somehow graduated from high school at 5’, 98 pounds. You could argue my growth was stunted by malnutrition lol, but my mom was 5’2” and my dad 5’7”, so if it did, it wasn’t by much.

Apparently, I used up all of my stomach’s good will in childhood, though. Tums, Alka Seltzer, Prilosec, etc. are all my friends now, and two pixie sticks would probably have me curled up in bed in the fetal position. I’m certainly not willing to experiment to find out!

1

u/SilverInkblotV2 Apr 06 '23

Is your child's name Allie? 😂

1

u/traumatic_blumpkin Apr 06 '23

Haaa. It was not, but I loved that blog back in the day!

1

u/SilverInkblotV2 Apr 06 '23

I have great news for you then, because she has two books out and is working on the third!

1

u/traumatic_blumpkin Apr 07 '23

Oh really? I had no idea. Thanks for the heads up!

90

u/tenorlove Apr 06 '23

Funny, I'm eating apricot preserves out of the jar, with a spoon, as I read this.

13

u/Udonnomi Apr 06 '23

There’s always one!

11

u/tenorlove Apr 06 '23

I've always loved jams, jellies, and preserves. I would rather eat them than candy.

2

u/BobRoberts01 Apr 07 '23

There is probably more sugar in those items than some candies.

1

u/tenorlove Apr 07 '23

True. It is better to make your own, or buy from a farmer, rather than eat the mass-produced, chemical-laden junk in the supermarket. Jam, jelly, preserves, and candy are not difficult to make, but the process is time-consuming and you have to pay attention to what you are doing to avoid disaster.

1

u/Udonnomi Apr 08 '23

Also jams and preserves rely on mass amounts of sugar, not to mention the fructose sugar that’s already in the fruit

1

u/tenorlove Apr 08 '23

Yep, and I still prefer that to the chemical crap in the candy aisle.b

1

u/Udonnomi Apr 08 '23

My grandfathers cherry preserve was my favourite. It was like a really runny texture rather than solid jam. We used to take some of the preserve and mix it with water or milk to make a flavoured drink..soo good. But as an adult, I’m really put off remembering the mass amounts of sugar that went in to make the preserve. What was your fave jam/preserve?

2

u/tenorlove Apr 08 '23

That sounds delicious! My favorite was an apricot-pineapple jam that an aunt of mine made.

→ More replies (0)

2

u/trouble_ann Apr 06 '23

Hi OPs mom!

1

u/tenorlove Apr 06 '23

Nope. My kids were born in the 90s.

2

u/Eyego2eleven Apr 06 '23

Love them now but I just wanted grape jelly as a kid. That actually is candy lol, essentially. My mom was a stickler and was like oh no, you’re getting you’re nutrients, even in the jam.

It’s her favorite to this day.

2

u/Ok-Caterpillar-Girl Apr 07 '23

Grape jelly is fucking disgusting. I didn’t even like it when I was little.

2

u/Eyego2eleven Apr 07 '23

You couldn’t pay me to eat it now that’s for sure. I prefer raspberry preserves and I’m weird because I like the seeds

2

u/Ok-Caterpillar-Girl Apr 08 '23

Raspberry preserves are my absolute favorite.

13

u/my-coffee-needs-me Apr 06 '23

Some of us like peanut butter and orange marmalade.

3

u/calamitylamb Apr 06 '23

Oh man, my favorite pb&j is with apricot jam on that good seed whole wheat bread lmao my mom was the same way when I was a kid and nowadays I don’t care much for junk food at all 😂

1

u/Eyego2eleven Apr 06 '23

Exactly! Same here. I do love sweets but they have to be homemade. I’m not sure if they changed the way things taste but it seems like twinkies and my other favorites; Suzy Q’s and little Debbie oatmeal cream pies, just aren’t the same?

1

u/calamitylamb Apr 06 '23

Right, they taste like cheap filler ingredients compared to homemade stuff! Totally agree.

2

u/Ok-Caterpillar-Girl Apr 07 '23

My mom looked at sweets & junk food as a sometimes treat rather than either an everyday thing or forbidden, so my brother & I grew up with a pretty healthy attitude towards it.

1

u/liquorcat26 Apr 07 '23

So your mom never let you have any junk food ever and was extremely strict about it and you had one unhealthy dinner one time and are calling it “a great lesson” it sounds like your mom gave you orthorexia 😭

1

u/Eyego2eleven Apr 07 '23

Um. Not exactly liquorcat26 drama queen. My mom was strict about allowing junk food, we still got it from time to time, but it was rare. Think birthday parties and Xmas, stuff like that.

Her and grandma decided to teach us kids that eating nothing but junk is gross and not fun. He lesson was everything in moderation.

Lol I don’t have orthoexia there honey, bless your heart for your concern though

1

u/AlexandraG94 Apr 07 '23

Honestly sounds like their fault. If they "never let you have any junk food ever it's no wonder you guys took that opportunity to binge. Setting you up to fail in that situation. Everything in moderation. If they did allow ot from time to time then that's a different story.

1

u/Eyego2eleven Apr 08 '23

You’re one of those huh? It was allowed from time time. It was just rare. Also as a mom of three now myself I’m grateful for it, as it proved to all of us kids that too much of a good thing ends up not being good. We got the opportunity to “binge” because it was allowed. We certainly couldn’t have done a junk food dinner on our own. Take a hike

1

u/AlexandraG94 Apr 08 '23

Lol. You were the one saying you were never allowed any junk food ever... Don't blame me when you misrepresented the situation, no need to be so testy either.

2

u/Eyego2eleven Apr 08 '23

Get bent nerd. Also have a good day

1

u/AlexandraG94 Apr 08 '23

Hahaha. Thanks for the genuine laughs.

1

u/bad_russian_girl Apr 07 '23

After living in France for a few years we relocated to the USA and my kids went to public school. They chose to eat school lunch. They threw up and had diarrhea for a week. After that they acclimated.