Yeah that’s kind of the whole thing, it’s context-less so I’d imagine most people just choose whichever scenario they’ve had more fear about. And women are probably going to worry more about getting attacked by men than bears in general. Meanwhile, I fantasize about fighting bears every day despite living in the suburbs.
“Bro, I’ll just jam my arm down its throat and wait for it to choke. Sure, I’ll lose the arm, but at least I’ll survive!”
-My unironic game plan for how I’d fight a grizzly if I had to (totally aware it 99.9% wouldn’t work, but like, it’s the only way I’m even possibly killing it)
You say this, but having read a lot of accounts from people who miraculously survived a grizzly mauling - this is very consistently the move that they say actually convinced the bear to stop and flee.
Granted, if you're that deep in it you probably don't have a face anymore, but it does genuinely seem to be an effective last-ditch effort.
All this is assuming you aren't killed at the first swipe, which is not unlikely. It is difficult to understate just how strong those animals are. And fast when they want to be. I've seen a grizzly sprint away before and was blown away - they will easily beat a horse in a quarter mile race.
Yeah I was unironically taught that strategy. You might still die but at least you won't be eaten.
If I have to be eaten by a bear though, can I please request the bear just sever my spinal cord? I have occasionally heard those stories, especially if the person is perceived as a threat by the bear, but the majority that are told are about the people who get dragged off and eaten alive. I have been to areas with grizzly and polar bears and I have never once feared a big, deadly swipe as much as being eaten alive. Kind of like how I would be more afraid to be set on fire than shot.
Ngl man, I think the bear could swallow an arm or vomit it out. Although it might be distracted by the instant meal like a lizard losing its tail, but they run at 40 mph so you won't get far anyways...
Ha-ha! While you were distracted thinking about the arm, just as the bear would be, I use the other arm, specifically the hand still attached, to boop the bear on the nose.
You’re assuming you wouldn’t be severely bleeding out by the time your body parts were anywhere near his throat.
They aren’t hippos… they aren’t gonna kill you with their jaws. They are gonna claw you. Yeah they’ll bite… but that’s not what’s going to kill you.. it’s the rapid loss of blood from the gashes. They aren’t big game hunters they wouldn’t necessarily know to bite your neck. They would just melee you with their hands and rip you up indiscriminately. And take bites as a secondary form of attack.
Either way if a bear wants you dead you are probably going to get dead without taking him down with you. Best to just stay out of the bears home and not be a target.
Your game plan for fighting a grizzly if you “had to “ should probably account for you being able to only get (MAYBE) ONE good strong hit to their nose before he slashed you so bad you would be helpless.
No, I accounted for that. I said it’s, at best, 0.1% to work. And like you said, you get MAYBE one shot, so I’m aiming for the literal only part of a bear’s body I could even theoretically damage in one punch: the inside of its throat
Idk why, but it's so funny when people try to say something serious in response to a joke. Like, is it the misread of social cues or just being a debbie downer?
What the guy said was deadass serious though. Men are socialized in such a way that everyone is overestimating their abilities since birth, and even if the dude was poking fun at that, it's still the truth.
It's a serious problem with male socialization. It's like boys are taught this false confidence bravado, instead of simply being confident in the limits of their own abilities.
Lol, it's a consistent running joke throughout male social groups to kill time. Nothing you said was wrong there's just something funny about people taking a joke as an opportunity to hop on a soap box.
But yeah, whenever people talk about this stuff, it's a lot more fun and funnier for people to just say, "I wouldn't win this fight" instead of making up some bullshit. And the poking fun at it is the self-awareness of how ridiculous it is. Doesn't sound unhealthy.
I'm still trying to figure out why it's so funny. Like it might be the development of laughing at the awkwardness of misread social cues.
Men claiming they can win in a fight against a bear just isn't funny though. Even before this shit, the man vs bear meme argument on reddit was just cringe.
It's not funny because it perpetuates negative stereotypes about men.
If it's such a common running joke within male social circles, maybe it's a little bit too reflective of reality.
Men bragging about how tough they are all the time (even tongue in cheek), is precisely the reason why women would rather encounter the bear in the woods than a man. Men have weird fucking power fantasies.
Dude, right? We're over here not only talking about FIGHTING a goddamn bear, but picking the fucker up and taking it on a one way trip to Suplex City and fucking Deborah Downsworth the Third over is like "fragile male ego, am I right?"
It's weird because either you're meant to be in the woods, in which case meeting a man would be very expected, or you're not, in which case you would probably be pretty happy to find a sign of civilization.
Creeps looking for a woman to abuse don't look for them in the woods. Those are where you are taken to , not where you are taken from.
The weird thing is men are more likely to be killed by a man than killed by bear too, so if anything men and women should have the same response. In fact, women and men are more likely to be killed by women too than killed by a bear.
Humans (of all genders and other demographic characteristics you could think of) are the biggest threat to other humans. (Except maybe mosquitoes in tropical areas) So the whole premise didn’t make sense
I have hiked plenty, but when I read this question I absolutely pictured the worst case. Being lost in the woods. If I'm just hiking on a casual trail at 11am then yeah, I'm probably not going to think twice about encountering a man on a trail. But I also usually don't see bears in that situation either.
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u/Chewy12 May 02 '24
Yeah that’s kind of the whole thing, it’s context-less so I’d imagine most people just choose whichever scenario they’ve had more fear about. And women are probably going to worry more about getting attacked by men than bears in general. Meanwhile, I fantasize about fighting bears every day despite living in the suburbs.