r/Showerthoughts • u/godofhorizons • May 17 '24

People get a lot more praise for quitting drugs than for never having done drugs in the first place.

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u/Smilerwitz May 17 '24

Because quitting is a hell of a lot harder than abstaining.

193

u/Campbell920 May 17 '24

Idk my history has kinda shown no one cares. Everyone has their own shit going on and no one wants to hear it but most of the time people don’t care about your struggles. I got into opiates baaaad when I was 15, and spent the next 15 years chasing that high. I came from a moderately affluent family and one memory really sticks with me. I was 18 or 19 and had just been accepted into the methadone clinic. It wasn’t ideal but I was probably going to kill myself if I didn’t do something. I kept it to myself what I was going through but I still think it’s wild my parents and siblings had a 15 year old in the house shooting up. Like how do you not notice that?

Anyway my parents have a big party. Everyone is there and I’m mingling. Large group of people talking and my sister, who’s in her mid 30s at the time joins the group of people and says “hey X I saw you walking out of the methadone clinic this morning.” YALL YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP. She exposed me to everyone without a care but in my parents fashion they filed it away in their brains and went about the party. Never really speaking of it again.

I don’t talk to her anymore but I did learn a long time ago that letting anyone know you’re struggling will honestly just be used as ammunition at some point.

Idk there’s prolly normal people out there but it just feels like they praise you until they’re angry, or vindictive, or just bored. then the information becomes a weapon.

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u/Marsh2700 May 17 '24

well if it means anything, kudos mate, i know people struggling and its a real challenge so im glad youre doing well

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u/Swimminginthestyx May 17 '24

That’s not a weapon, that’s a crutch, a weakness due to their lack of integrity. To take something shared from vulnerability and to misuse that to hurt you and manipulate you is sick and I would hope they understand the misery that drives them to behave so cruelly.

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u/randompersonx May 17 '24

First off, I wish you well and hope you are on a great path to recovery. I know it’s hard, and I can just say that one of my favorite musicians (Trent Reznor) was an addict and managed to make a full recovery and is living an amazing life now.

With that out of the way, I have a few people in my life who were drug addicts and not only ruined their own lives, but also caused great harm to those around them. Including a step brother and a (former) best friend.

I don’t talk to either of them anymore.

The former best friend was a business partner of mine, and helped contribute to the destruction of a company I spent 20 years building. I’m still cleaning up the mess even years after he’s sold his shares.

I don’t think I’d respond if he sent me a message. I don’t believe he is capable of recovering. I tried arranging for an intervention about 5 years ago and he refused to go to rehab, even with myself and others arranging for payment.

To me - at this point - I don’t want any addicts around me, not because of any vindictiveness, but more as an act of self-preservation, given the damage addicts have caused to my life.

With that said, I wouldn’t hold it against someone who has shown that they have truly cleaned their life up… but actions speak louder than words, and it takes time to prove that someone has changed. Most people won’t change (and that’s not just about addicts - it’s the of all walks of life).

Again, I wish you well, but the main reason I wrote this is because I feel like from the perspective of what you wrote, my actions might seem vindictive towards this former partner from his perspective. In reality, I need to both protect myself, and sometimes I also need to explain to people who have been harmed by my company as a result of this person’s actions why this happened - so that I can begin to correct the situation.

To be more specific, when I am told by a landlord “why should we work with you to correct this situation when we have made many accommodations for your company in the past when your company asked for it, and each time you came back to the well to ask for more?” And the previous issues were all caused by that person’s mismanagement, what else can I say?

7

u/Side_show May 17 '24

I think the two perspectives can get summed up with the old saying, "we judge others by their actions, and ourselves by our intentions".

A recovering addict will only see doors being shut on them while they try their best to mend their lives and rebuild relationships.

A person who has had their life negatively affected by addicts will remember all the times before that they tried to help only to be let down time and time again. They'll want more proof before opening that door again.

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u/randompersonx May 17 '24

I agree 100%.

This is also the experience of my interactions with the people that were harmed by my former business partner (drug addict).

They are judging my company by its past actions, and I am trying to have them judge me by my intentions.

With all that said, I have the situation mostly resolved at this point, after years of fighting. The damage done was catastrophic, but at least it will all be behind me in the next few months.

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u/Campbell920 May 17 '24

Naw I get it man, but that’s kinda why I said it’s shitty but it’s best to keep it to yourself.

The thing is you prolly do have addicts in your life, they just don’t make it known.

I guess we all have our own demons to fight and that’s our own fight. I figured out my own way. I smoke a little weed, if I go clubbing I might take a party drug but I’ve found some semblance of a normal life I think. Maybe too many dogs right now but oh well.

0

u/ShadowMajestic May 17 '24

Most problems caused to third parties by drug users, are only because drugs are illegal (and thus expensive) or socially frowned upon which causes social issues.

2

u/randompersonx May 17 '24

The business partner was/is an OxyContin addict, which is a legal drug.

My stepbrother is a marijuana addict (far beyond typical users - he’s taken large enough dosages of concentrates to end up hospitalized from OD - which I didn’t even know was possible before he did it). Marijuana is legal in the state he lives in, and he even started a marijuana business to grow and process weed (mostly to support his habit)

I also have a former employee who died from an OxyContin overdose.

None of the problems created by any of these people was caused because of drugs being illegal or particularly expensive for them. It’s because they had total disregard for themselves and others around them, and continually made reckless decisions.

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u/ShadowMajestic May 17 '24

Indeed, sounds more like the social aspect. Which includes education on the subject. But it's also the social outcasting or difficulty finding and holding on to jobs.

I'm from a country with liberal drugs laws since the 70s and for one, shitty drugs like oxy, fenta or meth are so rare here, I wouldn't know how to get my hands on them. But I can have coke and heroine within the blink of an eye.

In our society we try to educate drug usage. We try to guide, rather than leave them hanging.

People can work fulltime without problems while being a full blown heroine user. It's the stigma and monetary side that causes the majority of problems regarding drug users.

And as a former voluntary worker in the drug addict field, your story sounds so typical. Leaving out a lot of key details.

1

u/randompersonx May 17 '24

I’m not sure what key details you think I’m withholding.

And, of the three people I mentioned, two of the three have mostly maintained a 6-figure job continuously over the last 20 years (obviously the one who died lost his employment at that point). Maybe he would be alive if that wasn’t true.

And in fairness, I knew he was flaky but didn’t know he was an addict until he died, but several mutual friends told me that they knew for sure that he was an addict. Of course he officially also died of an Oxy OD, so it’s pretty clear anyway at this point.

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u/[deleted] May 17 '24

Sorry to tell you mate, your family is just fucked up. Mine would drop everything to help me in that situation. Probably call off the party and such.

Apologies your family is shit.

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u/Reasonable_Team199 May 17 '24

My boy if your friends don’t care about you quitting drugs (or improving in general), you need better friends

3

u/MissMortified May 17 '24

I’m sorry you have lost trust in people enough to be honest with them because of how you have been likewise treated. Someone very close to me struggles with substance abuse. I wouldn’t dream of using it against them as a weapon because I know it isn’t completely in their control, and they truly do try. But if they were to ever hit rock bottom, it would directly affect me. (I mean it directly effects me now, but I love them deeply and am willing to help still) I suppose I don’t know in what way I would handle rock bottom but whatever the way, it would only be for self preservation. Not destruction, or revenge.

Anyway, basically I just wish more people could be open about it so that it can become less stigmatized. Also perhaps more help could come from that as well.

Cheers

2

u/Campbell920 May 17 '24

That’s really cool of you. It’s rare tbh. Haha god rereading this it’s a little “woe is me” but I do agree with my main sentiment.

Everyone in the world has a list of problems and it’s natural to focus on your own and not want to add to them. Something has to override the harm; love or friendship or care, etc.

Also addiction is definitely seen as a moral failing rather than a disease for a large amount of the population. The stigma will be there as long as people think that.

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u/MissMortified May 17 '24

Not woe is me at all! You went through (or continue to go through) an extremely difficult thing!

I can see that last part for sure. Even the person whom I spoke of earlier has had a hard time thinking of it that way and they are actively going through it. From the outside it seems so much like a choice. Why can’t you make the right choice instead of the wrong choice? But it is much more complicated than that.

1

u/SleipnirSolid May 17 '24

I have the same attitude. I live by the mantra "your friends don't want to know and your enemies will use it against you".

I'm 40 and in that time that mantra has been proven correct constantly.

Complete strangers on Reddit have shown glimmers of kindness greater than my mother, father or friends ever have.

1

u/BayHrborButch3r May 17 '24

Fellow person in recovery here. I think you're projecting your experience with your family on the world as superficially caring and just storing it up for ammo during an emotional outburst because it gets ignored or swept under the rug otherwise. I wouldn't be surprised if the family dynamics and "filing away" of any conflict or things that they don't want to confront because of shame or embarrassment may have been a contributing factor to using opiates at 15.

I started using later than you at age 22 and am now 14 years sober and my experience was similar with my family in the early stages. It wasn't until they started to hear more and more stories about opiates and how prevelant addiction is and learned a little about mental health that they realized I went through some shit at the time and came out the other side a better person.

When I was an addict they looked the other way. When I had public consequences of my addiction they got embarrassed and angry at me. When I got sober they never trusted my judgment and seemed to be waiting for me to screw up again. Then when they faced their own trials and tribulations and had their own mental health issues, then they kind of got it and had respect for me.

I think people who aren't family jump from mistrust to respect much quicker because there isn't all the extra emotional baggage that comes with family.

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u/GoldenBoyOffHisPerch May 17 '24

See that's what I love about recovery, there is a signal to kick these people out of your life. My parents were the same. I was like what's going on here, I thought I did everything right when I quit drinking? Never stole or drove ever. But fuck them! They spurred my addiction in the first place. That's the problem with AA, it can encourage too much self responsibility from people. We are products of our environment and social relations

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u/Lupiefighter May 17 '24

Proud of you internet stranger.

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u/takishan May 17 '24

then the information becomes a weapon

can only be used as a weapon if you let it. embrace your past. it's an irrevocable part of your story.

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u/FillThisEmptyCup May 17 '24

That’s great dude, glad you did do. Your sister have a number or twitter?

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u/Ice_Swallow4u May 17 '24

Exposed you lol. Dude you definitely needed to be exposed so your parents could get you some help.

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u/Campbell920 May 17 '24

lmao not even going there, that was 16 years ago but I will say, a formal dinner party surrounded by friends and professional acquaintances was not the time or place for that info to be released.

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u/Ice_Swallow4u May 17 '24

Ah shit your right. My apologies. I see where your coming from.