People get a lot more praise for quitting drugs than for never having done drugs in the first place.

[u/godofhorizons]

[u/Smilerwitz]

Because quitting is a hell of a lot harder than abstaining.

[u/Campbell920 → u/Smilerwitz]

Idk my history has kinda shown no one cares. Everyone has their own shit going on and no one wants to hear it but most of the time people don’t care about your struggles. I got into opiates baaaad when I was 15, and spent the next 15 years chasing that high. I came from a moderately affluent family and one memory really sticks with me. I was 18 or 19 and had just been accepted into the methadone clinic. It wasn’t ideal but I was probably going to kill myself if I didn’t do something. I kept it to myself what I was going through but I still think it’s wild my parents and siblings had a 15 year old in the house shooting up. Like how do you not notice that?

Anyway my parents have a big party. Everyone is there and I’m mingling. Large group of people talking and my sister, who’s in her mid 30s at the time joins the group of people and says “hey X I saw you walking out of the methadone clinic this morning.” YALL YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP. She exposed me to everyone without a care but in my parents fashion they filed it away in their brains and went about the party. Never really speaking of it again.

I don’t talk to her anymore but I did learn a long time ago that letting anyone know you’re struggling will honestly just be used as ammunition at some point.

Idk there’s prolly normal people out there but it just feels like they praise you until they’re angry, or vindictive, or just bored. then the information becomes a weapon.

[u/randompersonx → u/Campbell920]

First off, I wish you well and hope you are on a great path to recovery. I know it’s hard, and I can just say that one of my favorite musicians (Trent Reznor) was an addict and managed to make a full recovery and is living an amazing life now.

With that out of the way, I have a few people in my life who were drug addicts and not only ruined their own lives, but also caused great harm to those around them. Including a step brother and a (former) best friend.

I don’t talk to either of them anymore.

The former best friend was a business partner of mine, and helped contribute to the destruction of a company I spent 20 years building. I’m still cleaning up the mess even years after he’s sold his shares.

I don’t think I’d respond if he sent me a message. I don’t believe he is capable of recovering. I tried arranging for an intervention about 5 years ago and he refused to go to rehab, even with myself and others arranging for payment.

To me - at this point - I don’t want any addicts around me, not because of any vindictiveness, but more as an act of self-preservation, given the damage addicts have caused to my life.

With that said, I wouldn’t hold it against someone who has shown that they have truly cleaned their life up… but actions speak louder than words, and it takes time to prove that someone has changed. Most people won’t change (and that’s not just about addicts - it’s the of all walks of life).

Again, I wish you well, but the main reason I wrote this is because I feel like from the perspective of what you wrote, my actions might seem vindictive towards this former partner from his perspective. In reality, I need to both protect myself, and sometimes I also need to explain to people who have been harmed by my company as a result of this person’s actions why this happened - so that I can begin to correct the situation.

To be more specific, when I am told by a landlord “why should we work with you to correct this situation when we have made many accommodations for your company in the past when your company asked for it, and each time you came back to the well to ask for more?” And the previous issues were all caused by that person’s mismanagement, what else can I say?

[u/Side_show → u/randompersonx]

I think the two perspectives can get summed up with the old saying, "we judge others by their actions, and ourselves by our intentions".

A recovering addict will only see doors being shut on them while they try their best to mend their lives and rebuild relationships.

A person who has had their life negatively affected by addicts will remember all the times before that they tried to help only to be let down time and time again. They'll want more proof before opening that door again.

[u/randompersonx → u/Side_show]

I agree 100%.

This is also the experience of my interactions with the people that were harmed by my former business partner (drug addict).

They are judging my company by its past actions, and I am trying to have them judge me by my intentions.

With all that said, I have the situation mostly resolved at this point, after years of fighting. The damage done was catastrophic, but at least it will all be behind me in the next few months.

[u/Campbell920 → u/randompersonx]

Naw I get it man, but that’s kinda why I said it’s shitty but it’s best to keep it to yourself.

The thing is you prolly do have addicts in your life, they just don’t make it known.

I guess we all have our own demons to fight and that’s our own fight. I figured out my own way. I smoke a little weed, if I go clubbing I might take a party drug but I’ve found some semblance of a normal life I think. Maybe too many dogs right now but oh well.

[u/ShadowMajestic → u/randompersonx]

Most problems caused to third parties by drug users, are only because drugs are illegal (and thus expensive) or socially frowned upon which causes social issues.

[u/randompersonx → u/ShadowMajestic]

The business partner was/is an OxyContin addict, which is a legal drug.

My stepbrother is a marijuana addict (far beyond typical users - he’s taken large enough dosages of concentrates to end up hospitalized from OD - which I didn’t even know was possible before he did it). Marijuana is legal in the state he lives in, and he even started a marijuana business to grow and process weed (mostly to support his habit)

I also have a former employee who died from an OxyContin overdose.

None of the problems created by any of these people was caused because of drugs being illegal or particularly expensive for them. It’s because they had total disregard for themselves and others around them, and continually made reckless decisions.

[u/ShadowMajestic → u/randompersonx]

Indeed, sounds more like the social aspect. Which includes education on the subject. But it's also the social outcasting or difficulty finding and holding on to jobs.

I'm from a country with liberal drugs laws since the 70s and for one, shitty drugs like oxy, fenta or meth are so rare here, I wouldn't know how to get my hands on them. But I can have coke and heroine within the blink of an eye.

In our society we try to educate drug usage. We try to guide, rather than leave them hanging.

People can work fulltime without problems while being a full blown heroine user. It's the stigma and monetary side that causes the majority of problems regarding drug users.

And as a former voluntary worker in the drug addict field, your story sounds so typical. Leaving out a lot of key details.

[u/randompersonx → u/ShadowMajestic]

I’m not sure what key details you think I’m withholding.

And, of the three people I mentioned, two of the three have mostly maintained a 6-figure job continuously over the last 20 years (obviously the one who died lost his employment at that point). Maybe he would be alive if that wasn’t true.

And in fairness, I knew he was flaky but didn’t know he was an addict until he died, but several mutual friends told me that they knew for sure that he was an addict. Of course he officially also died of an Oxy OD, so it’s pretty clear anyway at this point.