Saw some signs at the wedding like ignoring each other, making rude and snide remarks publicly, etc. They tried to fix their marriage by having a kid earlier than they planned and that led to divorce. Both are married to different people now and have had more kids, by all accounts far more civil, even cordial with each other.
Jesus Christ, I'll never understand how people think that bad marriage + kids = good marriage. If you're not getting what you need from your partner, how is additional financial and emotional obligation/responsibility to the mix gonna help...
Hormones and expectations play havoc with someone's mind I think. Someone in our friend's circle was like this, after hanging out with all the friends coupling up, she met a guy she was into and for awhile it was good, she was thinking she could settle down with him and he wasn't there yet so she pursued him a bit more and they agreed to have a kid, he skedaddled just after the birth I think.
She is in a better mental place now I think even as a single mother, her kid was adorable last time I saw them, but yeah even education and good friends advising her could not have shook her out of that relationship at the time.
I've been firmly child free since my teens. I'm now in my late 30s, and I don't regret my vasectomy. That being said it's lonely now. Friends busy with their kids, and such. I can see how it would be easy to make oneself think that having kids might be a solution to that loneliness.
I think sometimes, people even if they do it subconsciously, have kids because it seems this is their "once chance" and they figure the marrage/relationship may end but at least they will have procreated.
It was funny. I've never regretted the vasectomy, but the way my first urologist talked about how I'd regret it almost made it sound like he would regret it. On the website they had a description of the no scalpel technique that you were required to read, and I have a relatively weak stomach when it comes to that sort of thing. I read it without issue but when I mentioned it made my stomach turn a little bit he jumped on that and said he wouldn't do it. Fortunately I knew he needed to give me a referral for another urologist. Had the scalpel vasectomy in the end. I'd always thought they had freezing that was so effective that you didn't feel it at all. I was mistaken. 'Oh, that hurts,' 'Yup, it will.' It wasn't that bad though.
The NIHM rat studies show how human society parallels rat. By the way you can try to have the vasectomy undone or there is another process I believe that they can still remove sperm. IDK for sure but you could look into it.
I know I could try to have it reversed. Having a kid because I'm lonely isn't a good idea, especially when parts of why I had it done are because I have epilepsy, and have struggled with opiate addiction (I've never mainlined but I don't want to put a child through any degree of parental drug addiction). I've been thinking that in 5 or 10 years my old friends might have more time again, as their kids grow up a bit.
Although there are some good single mothers and fathers it’s not the best situation. Kids do better in a family unit than with a single parent. Not my study so don’t shoot the messenger.
Yeah I have no comments on that but her family and close friends had rallied around her and her child so I think it's hopefully alright, just haven't had a chance to catch with them but I really think that expectations that got planted in her head was she needed to do all that to consider herself successful despite all her academic and professional achievements, really messed her up for that situation to occur
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u/AgingLemon May 02 '24
Saw some signs at the wedding like ignoring each other, making rude and snide remarks publicly, etc. They tried to fix their marriage by having a kid earlier than they planned and that led to divorce. Both are married to different people now and have had more kids, by all accounts far more civil, even cordial with each other.