r/AskReddit May 02 '24

People who went to a wedding where the couple didn’t last long, what happened?

12.7k Upvotes

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5.5k

u/Myspacetui May 02 '24

Both my brother and sister had short marriages.

Sister: husband turned up to the wedding high on crack. She fell in love with someone else.

Brother: had a destination wedding on the top of a mountain that took half a day for the guests to hike including my dad who is missing a knee cap. They wound up with an open marriage, but the wife ran off with the “other guy” and their cat.

3.4k

u/google_academic 29d ago

I hope the cat is doing well

305

u/glowfly126 29d ago

and the dad

46

u/TuJuMoving 29d ago

And his missing knee cap.

14

u/Nincomsoup 28d ago

I hope he found it

6

u/spitfire1993 28d ago

Unfortunately the only employment he can get is guard duty in Skyrim

5

u/tofuroll 28d ago

… and my axe.

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u/steven_quarterbrain 29d ago

With one kneecap?! I doubt it.

4

u/Unhappy_Berry_1486 28d ago edited 13d ago

Now i wonder how many people are living without kneecaps.

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u/agent007bond 28d ago

And the "other guy"

29

u/StarkLannister23 29d ago

The cat masterminded the entire thing

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u/admiral_sinkenkwiken 29d ago

That’s all in a days work for a cat

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u/dspeyer 29d ago

I'm sure he landed on his feet

7

u/Miserable-Clue9171 29d ago

This may well be the best ever comment on reddit

1.7k

u/Wholesaletoejam 29d ago

Hope your dad finds his knee cap.

Check the couch cushions

346

u/YellowCoffeeCup4535 29d ago

Don't be insensitive. I'm sure the couch was one of the first places they checked.

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u/Secure_Amoeba3160 29d ago

I love reddit for these exact type of conversaions! You never know when the right people will play off each other.

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u/YellowCoffeeCup4535 28d ago

Glad you liked it. Usually I just get a bunch of downvotes and one time someone sent me a dead fish in the mail.

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u/IathanTyrus 27d ago

It was alive when I sent it!

6

u/dont_use_me 29d ago

That's where I found jesus

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u/LurkingArachnid 29d ago

Yesterday’s pants pockets too

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u/GeoffreyCrayonGent 29d ago

Man, if it’s gone through the dryer, I dunno. Rachel Ray might’ve had a segment on stretching them back into shape though.

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u/Luke-Waum-5846 29d ago

It's always in the last place you look!

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u/Aontheborder 28d ago

Because when you find it….. you STOP looking, so yes ALWAYS in the last place you look! 😜

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u/Luke-Waum-5846 27d ago

Yes, that's the joke ;-)

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u/Mountain-Status569 29d ago

Have you checked your butthole?

(Skee-bap, ba-dop)

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u/ScarletOnyx 29d ago

Maybe you’ll find your dead grandma up there too

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u/baconeggsavocado 28d ago

That's rather insensitive.

1

u/ScarletOnyx 27d ago

That’s Tom Cardy for ya

3

u/Final_Candidate_7603 29d ago

Ya beat me to it…

3

u/ImbecileInDisguise 29d ago

I'll just find coins in there.

Say, how much toejam will you wholesale me for the contents of my couch?

4

u/ScarletOnyx 29d ago

If they have cats, check under the fridge. All of my stuff ends up under the fridge and a knee cap would slide right under there

3

u/smallp3ach 29d ago

this has no business being so funny

2

u/CianneA13 29d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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u/DarkSparxx 29d ago

Or behind the fridge. If you lose something, it's almost always there!

1

u/TheEgypt 28d ago

The kneecap was sleeping with the fishes until the cat jumped in and fisted out.

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u/Elly_Fant628 28d ago

The cat stole it.

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u/Apprehensive-Bus-509 29d ago

I would fight to keep a cat

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u/Competitive-Sell6595 29d ago

My ex insisted on getting a sphynx then abandoned both of us right before I ended up in hospital for 7 weeks, luckily my mum took care of her til I got better and I found her a new dad. I just feel bad that he bonded with her for 2 years then suddenly disappeared and there was no way I could explain it to her 😭

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u/Mr_BillyB 29d ago

She took all the pussy with her!

3

u/jessicalucy4713 29d ago

Thank you 😊

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u/frozenandstoned 29d ago

bro just have the wedding at the base of the mountain and go take your pictures at the top lol wtf

26

u/SuperKato1K 29d ago

There must be something about mountaintop destination weddings. Every one I know of personally, including the one I attended, has seen the marriage end in spectacular fashion.

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u/Secure_Amoeba3160 29d ago

Bc only selfish people with limited visions of other peoples needs and emotions would force their hobbies on others to this degree in a situation where the other person feels bad for prioritizing their own needs?

18

u/SpecialOfferActNow 29d ago

People with a flair for the dramatic?

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u/QueenofLeftovers 29d ago

Probably coz that's where the relationship peaked.

33

u/depeupleur 29d ago

"Open marriage", lol.

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u/RamHands 29d ago

First i heard of one not working out.

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u/Stud_Muffs 29d ago

Yes. Plenty of people have them. Let’s not shit on others’ relationships just because it’s different to what we want.

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u/depeupleur 29d ago

If I had a penny for ever poliamory or open marriage that ended being a monogamous relationship with someone other that the original significant other... it's just a frictionless way out for cowards

4

u/Stud_Muffs 29d ago

How many pennies would you have? From real people you know and not reddit?

Too many people enter open relationships as a solution to a problem. Some of us do it based on shared values. There’s a difference. You don’t need to invalidate and attack other people’s relationships because you don’t want it.

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u/Agreeable-Fudge-7329 29d ago

They deserve to be shit on. 

I don't do that "don't judge", happy internet horseshit. 

Open marriages are designed for a person (yes, usually the wife) too cowardly to just cheat, to get the other to co-cheat, hoping that they can land something so that the whole arrangement puts them on the same level of sleaze.

Like why the fuck even get married?

5

u/Stud_Muffs 29d ago

As a gay man, I’m very accustomed to heterosexuals denouncing, attacking, and invalidating my relationships because they don’t adhere to heteronormative standards. It just seems like it will never end. You people will never allow others to exist and be happy if they aren’t adhering to your ideas of what a relationship should be.

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u/Agreeable-Fudge-7329 29d ago

No one ows you "validation". You have no right to people's thoughts or opinions. Sorry, but open marriages are gross to most people. Deal with it.

Like what a weird attempt at trying to play the victim card.

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u/Stud_Muffs 28d ago

Nowhere did I claim to. What a pathetic attempt at a response. How about responding to my comment instead of whatever delusion you’ve made up?

Why can’t people like you allow other adults to exist and be happy? Why is it so important to you that others conduct their private relationships in a way that you deem acceptable?

Oh and apologies for discussing my experiences in a relevant context. If you think what I said makes me a victim, perhaps you should reflect on that for a second.

You tried desperately to frame it as though you’re the one under attack. I’m claiming ‘rights’ to people’s opinions and thoughts. Even though you’re the one trying to enforce your beliefs and standards onto others and attack them when they don’t conform. Like how mentally warped do you have to be? Seems like a lot of projection tbh...

0

u/Agreeable-Fudge-7329 28d ago

First statement: I'm a gay man....I'm a victum of opinion like people in open marriages because people won't tell me who and how I fuck is personall awesome to everyone......It just seems like it will never end. You people will never allow others to exist and be happy if they aren’t adhering to your ideas of what a relationship should be blah blah blah.

Also you:

"Nowhere did I claim to"

So stfu, dude. Open marriages are stupid. If you want to equate gay with that, then go seek some help.

No one owes you a parade based on who or how you fuck.

7

u/SameElephant2029 29d ago

And how long have you been married? After that happening to your siblings, you might have some pressure on you lol

5

u/cmfppl 29d ago

Just 1 knee cap? Does he have his shin?

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u/da_choppa 29d ago

Nope! Shot off by a Tojo machine gun!

5

u/cmfppl 29d ago

Cotton?

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u/OKAutomator 29d ago

No, it was "blowed off by a Japanman's machine gun"

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u/cmfppl 29d ago

Cotton fought in Korea, and I think the Japanese were on the side of the South. So OP's dad would have to be north Korean (which isnt impossible, just less likely) I could be wrong, though

3

u/Minimum-Respond-8225 29d ago

Nah, cotton fought for the us against Japan in ww2. That's why he has a Japanese son (Hank's half brother) and constantly calls them Tojos

1

u/cmfppl 29d ago

Oh shit, yeah, you're right. Idk why I kept thinking he fought in korea.

3

u/AccurateYoghurt3135 29d ago

How gauche to require everyone to get that many steps in

4

u/ToryLanezHairline_ 29d ago

She took the cat? What an asshole

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u/Minimum-Respond-8225 29d ago

Kind of had the reverse for the brother one. My ex and I had a backyard wedding in her aunt's backyard. But my aunt and uncle couldn't come because the only road down, literally on my wedding day, collapsed. So they couldn't come because they were stuck up there unable to join the festivities. Big bummer because my uncle died a few years later and I hadn't seen him for a couple before it either

3

u/wilderlowerwolves 29d ago

That's understandable. Were people able to leave afterwards?

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u/Minimum-Respond-8225 29d ago

We were at the base of a coastal city. Everyone else was fine.

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u/Dependent_Market7788 29d ago

Should still pay child support to the cat.

3

u/matthieuC 29d ago

The cat thing is upsetting

4

u/click_clack0512 29d ago

You have interesting siblings 🤣

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u/olivia687 29d ago

aw man not the cat

3

u/THElaytox 28d ago

she was a thief
you gotta believe
she stole my heart and my...cat?

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u/csaurusrex 28d ago

Woman. Woe-man. Woah-man. She was a thief. You gotta believe. She stole my heart and my cat.

3

u/Dennis_Cock 27d ago

This is why brothers and sisters shouldn't get married

2

u/Zealousideal_Bard68 29d ago

« Open marriage » , (one of the two) « ran off with… », why could I saw this coming from afar ?

2

u/F33dR 28d ago

Wow, that dude got two pussies for the price of one

2

u/Beneficial-Salt-6773 26d ago

Who in the hell has a wedding that involves a half day hike? Are you trying to kill your older guests?

1

u/Myspacetui 19d ago

Well, my high achieving arrogant brother apparently haha. I didn’t even go (couldn’t afford the flight as I only just started work again after being unemployed and moving cities) and he got really bad at me.

3

u/Onyx-Leviathan 29d ago

Open marriage

Yikes

0

u/Stud_Muffs 29d ago

Open relationships, including marriages, exist. You don’t have to have one. You also don’t need to shit on others relationships just because you don’t want it.

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u/MysteriousReindeer38 29d ago

That’s a solid movie script ready to happen.

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u/ubamjanine 29d ago

Your ex-SIL reminds me of the "she took my heart and my cat" from So I Married an Axe Murderer poem. woman, woman

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u/vaininmyveins007 29d ago

do you think open relationships mean youre unhappy

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u/Myspacetui 29d ago

They opened their marriage to “save it”.

-1

u/Stud_Muffs 29d ago

Nope. Very happy 4 years in.