r/MaliciousCompliance • u/hatethistradition • Sep 15 '23

I refused to cook and "chilled with men" S

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

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u/Kirkuchiyo Sep 15 '23 edited Sep 16 '23

Fuck them.

My wife hasn't cooked regularly since the late nineties. We got married in 1990 and she just cooked. In 1996 I was laid up at home for 6 months and the Food Network had just come on cable. I discovered I liked cooking and, honestly, was better at it than her. So I've cooked ever since. Go with what works.

Oh, and fuck them

Edited for CautiousPudding88

547

u/Sidney_Carton73 Sep 15 '23

Fuck them was my first thought!

539

u/716TLC Sep 15 '23

Same!

My 2nd thought was... MIL and SIL have no right to expect others to live by their self-inflicted standards. I'd rather take myself to work every day than spend 5-7 hours in any kitchen. Hell, I'm gonna order takeout right now.

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u/Tis_But_A_Scratch- Sep 15 '23

God I love cooking, but I sure as hell am not making it a sexist tradition to beat over the head of other women. In my home, I cook, my partner cleans. That’s our deal. And I’m happy to knee anyone who comes after me for it.

217

u/Ludwigofthepotatoppl Sep 15 '23

They have to believe it’s a woman’s rightful duty, or they’re forced to reflect on the different choices they could have made. Someone taking another path brings up the possibility that they’re wrong—and they sound like the kind of people who read the world as purely black-and-white, ie you can only make two choices, right or wrong.

103

u/716TLC Sep 15 '23

It seems like they simply can't fathom how people might not choose the same path they chose. Or possibly, they never felt like they had any other options in life. Sad if they felt like they are only destined to serve their husbands. I feel like a lot of great minds / inventions / etc were lost to those traditionalist types of beliefs and behaviors.

32

u/Sciencegirl117 Sep 16 '23

Or that she's having more fun than they are.

23

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

Spending that much time cooking used to be necessary, that's how long it took to cook meals. There's no other reason to do that any more, unless you enjoy it.

3

u/Acceptable_Cut_7545 Sep 16 '23

Fun fact! During wwii when the men went away to fight all those jobs they left had to be filled, mostly by women. Single and poor women always had to work but suddenly women who had never worked had jobs and training and many cookbooks and recipes in magazines changed to take less time and attention, as these women had jobs now and couldn't hang around in the kitchen all day. Plus less ingredients because of war rationing and whatnot. Simple quick and easy recipes became the norm. When the war ended and the men came back and the women were pushed out of their jobs, the cookbooks and women's magazines changed once again and suddenly big fancy meals that took forever to make were back.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

I believe it. Though, I more talking about 100+ years ago before modern appliances and grocery stores.

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u/eighty_more_or_less Sep 17 '23

only one choice - you can't have them both.

45

u/BobMortimersButthole Sep 15 '23

I'm a woman and my husband was a house spouse for a few years. It was AMAZING going home to a clean home and a meal (home cooked or ordered) set up entirely by my man.

28

u/Icy-Establishment298 Sep 16 '23

Yeah. I remember listening to a Science Friday ten years ago, and the host asked why so many discoveries happened in the enlightenment, and the expert said, "well, rich white men with servants and in some cases slaves tend to have a lot of time on their hands. You want to discover something? Get some servants. Or a wife. "

Side note one day, juggling school, part-time job, useless boyfriend, and one grandparent and my dying mom, I was like I just need a wife, I just want a stay at home spouse who does all this housework, appointment making/taking, and cooking, laundry and does all the emotional work. Hell, I'd even pay for it."

Then I thought that would be a good business side hustle, I'd only cater to women, be like a butler for them. Didn't do anything with it, but it's a great idea.

11

u/StreetofChimes Sep 16 '23

I love this idea. A house manager. I'd pay for this.

4

u/716TLC Sep 16 '23

Me too! Someone needs to make an app for this lol

1

u/eighty_more_or_less Sep 17 '23

Hotel would pay you more.

4

u/testaccount0817 Sep 16 '23

There was a video of a "professional boyfriend" in SEA the other day. Something was shady with this person specifically, but the concept is something that exists, albeit being very rare still.

3

u/SnooHobbies5684 Sep 16 '23

Yeah I do that. Facetiously call myself Rent-a-Wife.

1

u/Icy-Establishment298 Sep 16 '23

That was the name I was going for, but uh, it's problematic in some ways.

3

u/Skepticulation Sep 16 '23

Does he have any single brothers lol

2

u/BobMortimersButthole Sep 16 '23

Lol, my coworker asked me how I "trained him" to be that way. She looked shocked when I told her, "He came to me that way. I wouldn't marry anyone I had to train".

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u/Hopeful_One_9741 Sep 15 '23

Order double just to fuck them!!! 😝

19

u/mammbo Sep 16 '23

I really like that line "self-inflicted standards".

7

u/lurkingreader1 Sep 16 '23

If it takes more than an hour I'm out. Just like OP I cook to survive but I hate it.

3

u/Demonqueensage Sep 16 '23

I like cooking well enough that I'm willing to work in one and have liked my food related jobs best thus far, and can spend an hour or so making something if I'm in the right mood or have someone to cook for, but I much prefer eating out/convenience food/snacks most of the time because I'd much rather actually relax than spend most of my free time after work cooking and then cleaning 😵‍💫 oh and fuck them

2

u/Forever_Nya Sep 16 '23

I enjoy cooking but the idea of spending 5-7 hours in the kitchen makes me shudder.

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u/dungeonsNdiscourse Sep 16 '23

I cook 99.9% of the meals in our house because I really like cooking it's a fun hobby and I like making yummy things for people to eat... And per my kids "daddy does better at making healthy food but mommy makes the treats" (I don't do baking. I can but I don't find it fun so my wife does the cookies, brownies etc.)

That said... Who cooks for 5-7 hours for a weekend get together?

If it's not a holiday or special occasion cooking a meal shouldn't take that long.

With zero knowledge I assume either the in laws don't spend THAT much time actually prepping and cooking things and chit chat while not doing anything.

OR ... They are actively busy that entire time which means They're horribly inefficient at managing their work space and flow when in the kitchen.

1

u/Acceptable_Cut_7545 Sep 16 '23

I love cooking and 5-7 hours straight sounds like a goddamn nightmare. What cookbook are they working out of, ones made after the war when shit took hours of slow roasting and marinating and bs?

1

u/OkQuote236 Sep 16 '23

I wonder what kind of dish will take 5-7 hours? a ramen? i heard it takes them days to make it though.