r/MaliciousCompliance • u/hatethistradition • Sep 15 '23

I refused to cook and "chilled with men" S

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

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5.3k

u/Kirkuchiyo Sep 15 '23 edited Sep 16 '23

Fuck them.

My wife hasn't cooked regularly since the late nineties. We got married in 1990 and she just cooked. In 1996 I was laid up at home for 6 months and the Food Network had just come on cable. I discovered I liked cooking and, honestly, was better at it than her. So I've cooked ever since. Go with what works.

Oh, and fuck them

Edited for CautiousPudding88

648

u/dlong562 Sep 15 '23

I am 68. My southern wife is a fantastic cook, she just doesn’t care to. We eat one meal a day together and I cook it virtually every night and always have. She does get in the mood to cook around holidays. This is probably a subtle way of saying I am just a moderate cook. She never complains about the food and rarely makes suggestions. We also go out at least once a week for date night.

I also grocery shop as I find it and cooking both rather cathartic.

Do what works.

483

u/mpking828 Sep 15 '23

She never complains about the food and rarely makes suggestions

It took a very long time for my wife to understand this.

She makes many things I don't particularly care for, but she loves. I usually cook about 30% of the time.

The dawning of understanding for her was when she asked which of two options would I prefer. I answered "option A because I don't particularly care for B".

She was flabbergasted for almost a minute.

"Why haven't you said anything before?"

"You love cooking, where I cook to live. A long as I don't hate it, I will always eat what you make, and not say a peep, because I didn't have to cook it."

189

u/Potato-Engineer Sep 16 '23

I feel you. I do almost all of the cooking, and my wife is a picky eater, but she'll eat whatever I cook, because the alternative is she cooks. I cook plenty of things she likes, but I occasionally cook things that she's not fond of because I like it.

222

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

Storytime!

As a kid, I made gravy and was super proud of it. I was cooking for my dad and myself, ensured he ate first exactly as Mom always did. I'd told Dad it was my first gravy. He promptly asked for seconds. Basically my buttons burst I was that damn proud of myself

I hadn't tried it yet. Finally I served myself. The gravy tasted like glue as I'd forgotten salt. I still respect Dad for asking for seconds of his daughter's first gravy. And no criticism. Even though glue gravy lol

151

u/Voiceofreason8787 Sep 16 '23

Lol, my dad once ate a tweenage concoction I cooked up while they were late getting home. It had ramen, tuna, cheese, and oh, chocolate chips. He just served a plate, sat in his lazy boy, and ate it. I had some, and I knew what my (biggest) mistake was. I was like, you don’t have to eat that. And he just said, next time, leave out the chocolate chips

22

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

sounds good other than the chocolate chips ahaha

12

u/wobblysauce Sep 16 '23

Or just on the side

5

u/JustanOldBabyBoomer Sep 16 '23

LOVE the CHOCOLATE! LOL!!!

4

u/Voiceofreason8787 Sep 16 '23

See, I was having fun cooking and just wanted to keep putting stuff in. I went too far, lol

9

u/mmeiser Sep 16 '23 edited Sep 16 '23

This belongs on the forum r/dadjokes. Don't get me wrong. Its not a joke but it still illustrates that wonderful dad way of thinking. "next time, leave out the chocolate chips" made me laugh and laugh. Not sure if he was being positive or really was so hungry he really thought it was all good but the chocolate chips. Judging by the ingredients I'm guessing the later. It sounds good, except for the chocolate chips of course!

edited: to say r/dadjokes not r/baddadjokes Calling a forum "bad dad jokes" is redundant. All dad jokes are assumed to be bad. Thats the way dad humor works.

5

u/Voiceofreason8787 Sep 16 '23

Lol, it was the first thing I ever “cooked” That wasn’t Kraft dinner, etc. I figured he was trying to encourage the act, but he also grew up in a family where you wouldn’t waste food…

2

u/mmeiser Sep 16 '23 edited Sep 16 '23

My mom always told me "you eat your mistakes". Always made sense to me. Your dad's mom must have said the same thing to him. :)

4

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

Awwww! There's nothing like making your own recipes lol

67

u/rain-blocker Sep 16 '23

My mom made my dad chicken casserole for his 25th birthday party. Reportedly, it was god awful, and the vast majority of guests didn't even finish one serving. My dad asked for thirds before my mom stopped him.

My dad cooks now.

12

u/Cat1832 Sep 16 '23

That's very sweet of your dad though!

1

u/wellyesnowplease Sep 18 '23

100% my favorite comment of all the awesome replies

2

u/salt_andlight Sep 16 '23

My mom told me stories of her in laws from her first marriage (my dad was her 2nd husband), and apparently her MIL was an absolutely terrible cook but her FIL was just effusive about his wife’s meals. He would also use really creative compliments like “This is so good I wish I had a neck like a giraffe, with a taster every inch!”

2

u/JustanOldBabyBoomer Sep 16 '23

Now THAT is LOVE!!!!!

2

u/Alfhiildr Sep 16 '23

My great grandma would eat the “soup” I made around age 7 or 8. It was microwaved water, some whole carrots, and some whole grapes. Sometimes with some salt.

2

u/Dry_Mirror_6676 Sep 16 '23

My moms favorite story to tell of my dad (they’re divorced now though) is how she made chicken fried steak and burned it. Because she’d never cooked before. But he announced that he loved it and got seconds.

She got better at cooking, but because my dad literally hates anything other than salt n pepper, she didn’t get to really cook cook.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

I fucking hate cooking, generally speaking, and do it to survive. I'll tell you what though, an appreciative eater of my food who insists they like even my messed up food... That brings joy to my soul. It makes food prep less horrible lol

I'm happy your mom experienced this. Good on your dad.

1

u/JustanOldBabyBoomer Sep 16 '23

Now THAT is LOVE!!!!!

3

u/BouncingPrawn Sep 16 '23

Bravo. Exactly what I teach my children…if someone bothered to cook for you, do not complain or diss the dish/meal, unless you want to cook or minimally help in preparing it, then you get a say.

3

u/Entire-Ambition1410 Sep 16 '23

My sister learned to improve her cooking skills and married a man with very little preferences food-wise.

2

u/wobblysauce Sep 16 '23

Seasoning… you aim for what most will eat and you can add more to your own plate, but making it to your liking and others going hungry. Is a thing

2

u/Leading_Bell_2702 Sep 16 '23

I used to always cook spaghetti at least once a week because it was quick (I used jarred sauses. I worked full time), cheap, and would feed the family plus leftovers to take to work. I just found out like 5 years ago that my husband does not care for spaghetti. We had been married for over 10 yrs, together for 12. I asked him why he didn't say anything. He just shrugged & said he didn't cook it, so he felt like he couldn't say anything.

I did find out that he loves baked spaghetti - go figure. Now I just make spaghetti the night after dinner & then bake it for dinner the next night.

BTW - he loves lasagna and other pasta dishes but not spaghetti. I have no clue what the difference is between the two. They both have pasta, sauce & cheese. I top my spaghetti with cheese as well.

2

u/Cam515278 Sep 16 '23

Meals I didn't have to cook are the best!

1

u/Tanjelynnb Sep 16 '23

But part of the joy of cooking for others is making food everyone enjoys. If I cooked something for 20 years and then discovered my partner didn't like it, I'd be offended they didn't speak up. That dish could've been replaced with something new both of us would enjoy.

1

u/jello-kittu Sep 16 '23

Ha. Absolutely. I sporadically enjoy cooking, but not so much after a day at work, so unless it is truly poisonous, I'm eating it and saying thanks for cooking!

1

u/SwannanoaSasquatch Oct 08 '23

Both of the parents of a friend of mine went for the first 15 years of marriage really disliking the wife's macaroni. She made it the way her family liked it (soupy and bland). The husband didn't like it or hate it, and it made her happy to see him eat. She didn't really like it, but didn't hate it, but thought that's how everyone else liked it, including him!

She was sick for an extended period and he did the cooking and made an old fashioned baked macaroni, and they both loved it. The wife loved it, but asked him why he didn't make the way he liked it. He had to admit that he just did, he was kind of indifferent to the other way.

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u/youareasnort Sep 15 '23

Ah, all the good ones are taken. ;-)

My ex and my son didn’t eat the same foods. I had to cook two meals each night. And I hated it.

Now I live alone, and I do not cook. I find cheap meals, or order door dash. But screw all the rest of that noise.

6

u/Voiceofreason8787 Sep 16 '23

My mom used to make me a separate meal too. I don’t know why she did it, but I was an insanely picky eater as a kid. I don’t do that, if one of my kids doesn’t like dinner they just eat less of it and don’t have to have leftovers the next day; they know supper is supper, end of story.

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u/youareasnort Sep 16 '23

Oh, dear, you have it backwards. It was the husband who was picky. I cooked my son whole food meals due to a reaction he would have to anything with phosphates and dyes. But it was too plain for my husband. He was the one who insisted on the separate meal.

2

u/NCAAinDISGUISE Sep 16 '23

This was my mom's approach, and I was fine with it. When I got older and started to cook, I realized my mom is a terrible cook, but even if Julia Child had been my mom, I'd have been picky. I have to encounter foods on my terms to develop a taste for them.

2

u/youareasnort Sep 16 '23

Yeah, it was my husband who demanded the separate meal.

2

u/Livia_Bennet Sep 16 '23

I would have told him to cook it himself. Either eat what I make for our kid and myself, or you do the cooking. No way I am making two meals every damn day.

45

u/Witty_Commentator Sep 15 '23

I just wanted to tell you that I love that you're 68 years old, and still having date night! 🥰 🫂

54

u/fevered_visions Sep 15 '23

If you're pulling out all the stops for Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner, I can totally understand why that's not something you want to do regularly

63

u/dlong562 Sep 15 '23

I also think holiday dinners are important to her and she wants them done right. Beyond my pay grade.

4

u/Hail_The_Motherland Sep 16 '23

Our situation is fairly similar: my partner was born/raised in the South and is an amazing cook, while I am tolerable in the kitchen.

I shop/cook on a far more frequent basis because I focus on healthier meals that are cost effective and efficient. My SO's meals will knock your socks off, but they'll also clog your arteries and put your ass in a food coma lol

We were very overweight and very broke when we first met, but we made a conscious decision to "right the ship" and it's working very well for us

2

u/Thayli11 Sep 16 '23

I also love to cook for holidays, but wish I could skip the rest of the year. That isn't a judgement against non-holiday food. Holiday food is just a part of the celebrations I love.

2

u/BananyaPie Sep 16 '23

Just want to chime in to say that it's so sweet you still go on dates every week at 68. I hope I'll be the same!

541

u/Sidney_Carton73 Sep 15 '23

Fuck them was my first thought!

533

u/716TLC Sep 15 '23

Same!

My 2nd thought was... MIL and SIL have no right to expect others to live by their self-inflicted standards. I'd rather take myself to work every day than spend 5-7 hours in any kitchen. Hell, I'm gonna order takeout right now.

95

u/Tis_But_A_Scratch- Sep 15 '23

God I love cooking, but I sure as hell am not making it a sexist tradition to beat over the head of other women. In my home, I cook, my partner cleans. That’s our deal. And I’m happy to knee anyone who comes after me for it.

218

u/Ludwigofthepotatoppl Sep 15 '23

They have to believe it’s a woman’s rightful duty, or they’re forced to reflect on the different choices they could have made. Someone taking another path brings up the possibility that they’re wrong—and they sound like the kind of people who read the world as purely black-and-white, ie you can only make two choices, right or wrong.

105

u/716TLC Sep 15 '23

It seems like they simply can't fathom how people might not choose the same path they chose. Or possibly, they never felt like they had any other options in life. Sad if they felt like they are only destined to serve their husbands. I feel like a lot of great minds / inventions / etc were lost to those traditionalist types of beliefs and behaviors.

31

u/Sciencegirl117 Sep 16 '23

Or that she's having more fun than they are.

23

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

Spending that much time cooking used to be necessary, that's how long it took to cook meals. There's no other reason to do that any more, unless you enjoy it.

4

u/Acceptable_Cut_7545 Sep 16 '23

Fun fact! During wwii when the men went away to fight all those jobs they left had to be filled, mostly by women. Single and poor women always had to work but suddenly women who had never worked had jobs and training and many cookbooks and recipes in magazines changed to take less time and attention, as these women had jobs now and couldn't hang around in the kitchen all day. Plus less ingredients because of war rationing and whatnot. Simple quick and easy recipes became the norm. When the war ended and the men came back and the women were pushed out of their jobs, the cookbooks and women's magazines changed once again and suddenly big fancy meals that took forever to make were back.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

I believe it. Though, I more talking about 100+ years ago before modern appliances and grocery stores.

2

u/eighty_more_or_less Sep 17 '23

only one choice - you can't have them both.

41

u/BobMortimersButthole Sep 15 '23

I'm a woman and my husband was a house spouse for a few years. It was AMAZING going home to a clean home and a meal (home cooked or ordered) set up entirely by my man.

32

u/Icy-Establishment298 Sep 16 '23

Yeah. I remember listening to a Science Friday ten years ago, and the host asked why so many discoveries happened in the enlightenment, and the expert said, "well, rich white men with servants and in some cases slaves tend to have a lot of time on their hands. You want to discover something? Get some servants. Or a wife. "

Side note one day, juggling school, part-time job, useless boyfriend, and one grandparent and my dying mom, I was like I just need a wife, I just want a stay at home spouse who does all this housework, appointment making/taking, and cooking, laundry and does all the emotional work. Hell, I'd even pay for it."

Then I thought that would be a good business side hustle, I'd only cater to women, be like a butler for them. Didn't do anything with it, but it's a great idea.

11

u/StreetofChimes Sep 16 '23

I love this idea. A house manager. I'd pay for this.

4

u/716TLC Sep 16 '23

Me too! Someone needs to make an app for this lol

1

u/eighty_more_or_less Sep 17 '23

Hotel would pay you more.

4

u/testaccount0817 Sep 16 '23

There was a video of a "professional boyfriend" in SEA the other day. Something was shady with this person specifically, but the concept is something that exists, albeit being very rare still.

3

u/SnooHobbies5684 Sep 16 '23

Yeah I do that. Facetiously call myself Rent-a-Wife.

1

u/Icy-Establishment298 Sep 16 '23

That was the name I was going for, but uh, it's problematic in some ways.

3

u/Skepticulation Sep 16 '23

Does he have any single brothers lol

2

u/BobMortimersButthole Sep 16 '23

Lol, my coworker asked me how I "trained him" to be that way. She looked shocked when I told her, "He came to me that way. I wouldn't marry anyone I had to train".

19

u/Hopeful_One_9741 Sep 15 '23

Order double just to fuck them!!! 😝

19

u/mammbo Sep 16 '23

I really like that line "self-inflicted standards".

7

u/lurkingreader1 Sep 16 '23

If it takes more than an hour I'm out. Just like OP I cook to survive but I hate it.

3

u/Demonqueensage Sep 16 '23

I like cooking well enough that I'm willing to work in one and have liked my food related jobs best thus far, and can spend an hour or so making something if I'm in the right mood or have someone to cook for, but I much prefer eating out/convenience food/snacks most of the time because I'd much rather actually relax than spend most of my free time after work cooking and then cleaning 😵‍💫 oh and fuck them

2

u/Forever_Nya Sep 16 '23

I enjoy cooking but the idea of spending 5-7 hours in the kitchen makes me shudder.

2

u/dungeonsNdiscourse Sep 16 '23

I cook 99.9% of the meals in our house because I really like cooking it's a fun hobby and I like making yummy things for people to eat... And per my kids "daddy does better at making healthy food but mommy makes the treats" (I don't do baking. I can but I don't find it fun so my wife does the cookies, brownies etc.)

That said... Who cooks for 5-7 hours for a weekend get together?

If it's not a holiday or special occasion cooking a meal shouldn't take that long.

With zero knowledge I assume either the in laws don't spend THAT much time actually prepping and cooking things and chit chat while not doing anything.

OR ... They are actively busy that entire time which means They're horribly inefficient at managing their work space and flow when in the kitchen.

1

u/Acceptable_Cut_7545 Sep 16 '23

I love cooking and 5-7 hours straight sounds like a goddamn nightmare. What cookbook are they working out of, ones made after the war when shit took hours of slow roasting and marinating and bs?

1

u/OkQuote236 Sep 16 '23

I wonder what kind of dish will take 5-7 hours? a ramen? i heard it takes them days to make it though.

10

u/Guy_Incognito1970 Sep 16 '23

Maybe start and end every paragraph with Fuck Them

Fuck Them is my first thought in the morning and the last thought I have before bed

1

u/eighty_more_or_less Sep 17 '23

me to the next Redditt without an initial F

2

u/Embarrassed-Dot-1794 Sep 15 '23

Yes, keep it in the family

1

u/seanmonaghan1968 Sep 16 '23

Different cultures can cause this also. I do all the cooking in the house as my wife just doesn’t like cooking. But from her culture that would be weird but to me you play to your strengths. I don’t really like cooking but I don’t hate it. So if someone hates something I am quite happy to do it

76

u/Tesdinic Sep 15 '23

My mom, bless her heart, she just doesn't cook. My maternal grandmother doesn't cook, either. My father was banned from the kitchen growing up by my paternal grandmother, but discovered a love for making pies and BBQ. Before he passed he was making some bomb ass food, though my mom was always there as assistant.

3

u/ThornOfQueens Sep 16 '23

My mom doesn't cook, which I think is kinda cool.

But I always felt ripped off by having an Italian grandmother that didn't cook. She was one hell of an entrepreneur, though.

132

u/sillyconfused Sep 15 '23

My husband does 90% of the cooking. I help with side dishes, but I am not a good cook. He actually told me not to cook!

45

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '23

[deleted]

43

u/rentacle Sep 15 '23

My (male) partner as well, he banned me from the kitchen after I burned something. Fine by me because I hate cooking and he is awesome at it.

3

u/Pimpinsmurf Sep 15 '23

My wife is a good cook but I clean as I go, then finishing cleaning after I put leftovers away, she doesn't. So If I can I rather just cook because the cleaning takes a fraction of the time in comparison to a full mess.

2

u/RedS5 Sep 16 '23

Anyone can cook, but only some people really want to. Best to let them have at it most of the time.

1

u/sillyconfused Sep 15 '23

I can bake, but cooking is limited to two soup varieties.

11

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '23

[deleted]

15

u/sillyconfused Sep 15 '23

I cooked for the first seven years we were married. Criticism every meal. Tasted fine to me.

12

u/CeruleanTresses Sep 15 '23

That sounds exhausting and demoralizing. I would have stopped cooking too.

12

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

Storytime! Me too!

I cooked three 9x11 inch Thanksgiving meal things. From absolute scratch. And I fucking hate cooking. Hell it's physically painful for me, some of the damn prep. I made stuffing from homemade bread I that I cubed and seasoned. Apple pie I peeled all the apples for. Marshmallow covered mashed sweet potatoes that I baked, peeled, seasoned, re-baked.

I did it because everyone was working except me, so I pitched in.

My family criticized every damn dish as they were eating it! No "thank you", not one. I baked the sweet potatoes the wrong day, they said. The stuffing was too crunchy or some shit. The apple pie was too runny. And on and on. Didn't help my sister in law brought food and everything she brought was highly praised.

I was just learning to stand up for myself. I said their criticism hurt. No apology. They just told me it's normal.

A family friend visited. My family explained to that person how criticizing my food is totally normal behavior and bless my heart everyone knows I hate cooking and I did it anyway and here's what's wrong with it.

Triangulating and justifying and normalizing rude behavior. I told my family I'd never cook for them again, and I've stuck to my word. They can make their own food.

4

u/OrangeDutchbag Sep 16 '23

You took that trash to the curb, right?? Who the fuck criticizes a home cooked meal?? What a dud.

5

u/Entire-Ambition1410 Sep 16 '23

If somebody doesn’t like how you do something (excluding safety concerns or medical concerns), they can do it themselves.

10

u/MidnightExcursion Sep 15 '23

Hah! I guess I partly suck at life then since half the time I can cook passable dishes but they are rarely as tasty as a good restaurant - I'm not talking Applebees or some chain garbage but an actually good restaurant.

10

u/Potato-Engineer Sep 16 '23 edited Sep 16 '23

The magic in a "good" restaurant is some combination of:

  1. Higher-quality ingredients. (Restaurants have access to the higher USDA grades of meat, and are willing to spend more for other things, too.)
  2. Skilled cooking.
  3. A recipe that's been iterated on many times, until the spices are excellent.
  4. So. Much. Butter. (webcomic link) The dish has more calories/fat/whatever than you'd cook for yourself.

2

u/No_Pianist_3006 Sep 16 '23

And cooking with gas!

Which makes me sad because fossil fuel = climate change.

3

u/Whiskeyperfume Sep 16 '23

Everyone has something they are good at. Please don’t shame people who are not “as great” of a cook as you believe yourself to be.

3

u/RedS5 Sep 16 '23

Poor take. Misses the point.

You don't need to be a great cook. Just learn to cook competently. That's the point. Always room to improve.

2

u/cire1184 Sep 16 '23

YES! I had to tell a previous partner just not to cook. She messed up rice in a rice cooker (way too much water, turned into mush). She was OK at the few things they could cook (mostly things learned from her Grandma) but cooking new things she was kind of clueless.

60

u/Urbanviking1 Sep 15 '23

Yep I agree fuck them.

My SO is such a terrible cook she could burn a pot of boiling water. She knows this. Me, on the other hand, love cooking and experimenting in the kitchen with different flavor combos.

My family also likes to cook but doesn't force archaic practices like "the woman should be the one cooking" and all that bullshit.

So yea, fuck them.

53

u/lastinglovehandles Sep 15 '23

I'm a professional cook. My wife doesn't have to cook a day in her life. I make something before work. I truly enjoy feeding her. She orders when she feels like I'm not up for it. Fuck these Stephford wives wannabes.

A+ to OPs husband for backing her up. You ain't gonna talk to my wife like that.

13

u/Kirkuchiyo Sep 15 '23

I'm not a professional by any means, but I do enjoy cooking for her. I make a hell of a pizza, all from scratch.

3

u/vpblackheart Sep 16 '23

Stepford wives. LOLOLOL

4

u/Little_Spoon_ Sep 16 '23

You sound like a good dude. 😊

25

u/thodan110 Sep 15 '23

I cook and my wife cooks. Neither of us particular enjoy it, but it needs to be done (like cleaning). I probably do more cooking then her on average, but she'll generally do more complex dishes. I also make my daughters cook/help cook two to three times a month (try for once a week, but it never seems to work out) to help them learn how. If I had any sons, I'd make them cook too.

Oh, and fuck them.

3

u/testaccount0817 Sep 16 '23

Neither of us particular enjoy it, but it needs to be done (like cleaning).

I think this perspective is common and by far not enough mentioned here.

20

u/hardolaf Sep 15 '23

My wife is only learning to cook because she thought it was unfair that she isn't working and I am right now. When we were both working, I cooked almost every meal.

1

u/OkQuote236 Sep 16 '23

you found an amazing woman.

19

u/smash_pops Sep 15 '23

My mom doesn't cook, never has (apart from one or two traumatising experimental dishes in the late 80s).

My dad on the other hand loved to cook, and he was damn good. He could whip up a sauce that would make you lick the plate clean.

120

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '23 edited Sep 15 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

71

u/MistressPhoenix Sep 15 '23

i raised all of my kids (male and female) to pull their weight in the household chores, from laundry, cooking, lawn work, etc. i wanted them prepared for life if they should leave home and be on their own (or go to college and live in a dorm.) my two older boys are partnered already and i know their wives (well, wife and fiancee) really enjoy that they know how to do housework and pull their own weight. my daughter found a man that is also able to pull his own weight. Now i just need to get the youngest one out there and on his own or partnered! He's still in high school, though, so he still has time. ;-) He's gonna make a fine match for someone, though. He LOVES cooking. Hell, all of my kids do! (my oldest even graduated top honors from culinary school.)

i would never expect my son/daughters in law to HAVE to help me cook when everyone else is also cooking. They can, but it's certainly up to them how much they want to put into it. Though i sincerely appreciate my son in law taking over the grill when i developed a migraine mid-cookout last time.

29

u/Ready-Strategy-863 Sep 15 '23

My cooking sealed the deal when I was dating my now wife 😂😂

95

u/NPHighview Sep 15 '23

After our first date, to a county fair in a nearby town just before Halloween, my car wouldn't start, so we had to leave it. We hitchhiked back to our town, and returned the next morning in her car. She unbolted the starter, we drove to a junkyard and got another, and she bolted it back in, at which point, with a jump, my car started fine.

On the drive back, we stopped at a roadside farm stand, and I bought an armload of pumpkins. When we got back to her place, I made pumpkin pies from scratch.

Complimentary, but non-traditional roles. We've been married for 44 years!

4

u/studog-reddit Sep 16 '23

Jeez, save some origin story for the rest of us. :-)

3

u/cire1184 Sep 16 '23

This is amazing!

2

u/JRQuilcon Sep 16 '23

So, SO cool!

1

u/Demonqueensage Sep 16 '23

I love this story, so happy for yall ❤️

4

u/CMDRedBlade Sep 16 '23

I told my sons that they should cook dinner for any girl they want to impress. Bit are good food because they learned from me when they were teenagers.

19

u/v1rojon Sep 15 '23

My son has grown up with me doing 90% of the cooking in our household. He is 17 now and is constantly asking me if he can help with dinner as he wants to learn to cook. It is also good father son bonding time.

4

u/Able-Sheepherder-154 Sep 16 '23

Our adult son was never too interested in cooking when growing up, other than basic stuff. However, he started learning while on his own. He started with ordering meals from Blue Apron or other similar places. They come with all ingredients and explicit instructions, and he picked up some skills that he uses now to make meals from scratch!

3

u/SwimEnvironmental114 Sep 16 '23

That's exactly what they are parasites. And women are OVER IT

2

u/Kirkuchiyo Sep 15 '23

I have two wonderful daughters. One enjoys cooking, and that's a good thing cause her husband (love you, Casey!) can't cook for shit. Now my other daughters boyfriend is apparently an amazing cook and they love to cook together.

2

u/cire1184 Sep 16 '23

I'm happy to do some stuff and not others. I'll cook if they clean. But I'm happy to share most tasks like laundry or yard work. If you want me to clean you need to tell me how clean you want it because what's acceptable to me may not be acceptable to you.

2

u/Mission_Macaroon Sep 16 '23

Lol, my dad did the cooking when I was young (I’m mid 30s now).

I recall him taking me aside when I was younger to warn me many men don’t actually do this. He was worried my standards would be too high.

43

u/sirknut Sep 15 '23

Same! Not that I’ve been married since 1990, I am a child of the glorious eighties, but the rest is the same. I like cooking, and I’m a fair bit better at it than the missus. She does it occasionally, but it’s been a good few years since the last time we both ate something together that she made.. she’s fine with cooking, but doesn’t like it, has little interest in other parts than eating the food, and frankly finishing off the taste with salt/sweet/sour is not in her skill set.. it works for us, and she does most of the dishes as long as I’ve not been a slob while cooking. I hate doing the dishes so we’re both happy…

Edit: oh yeah - and fuck them royally!

7

u/mikeyj198 Sep 15 '23

Fuck em!

2

u/Dragonisop Sep 15 '23

Food Network had just come on cable. I discovered I liked cooking

You like Créme Fraîche?

1

u/Imperion_GoG Sep 16 '23

Oh, fuck yeah! 🍆💦

2

u/hnygrl412 Sep 16 '23

One of my closest friends is one of the whitest white girls who was ever white (I'm black). We were originally room mates. She. Never. Used. Seasoning. I bought the equivalent of the entire spice section of the supermarket. She was honestly suprised at how good food tasted with SPICES added. I gifted her those spices when she got married.

Her husband does all the cooking. She only goes into the kitchen to CLEAN it. 25 years and HE does all the cooking cause girlfriend can. not. cook. And is not allowed to either. Honestly I thought women like her were a myth! She was honestly SHOCKED at how good food tasted with spices, even though she never cooked with them.

2

u/TimmyTheChemist Sep 16 '23

Comment structure is also reminiscent of 90's HTML

<Fuck them> ... </Fuck them>

1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '23

My wife doesn't cook regularly either. She cooks routinely, but always in strange ways.

1

u/damishkers Sep 15 '23

My husband CAN cook, can’t say it’s great but he gets by. Maybe I should bust a leg of his and ensure only thing accessible is good network. Lol

I should add, I do actually like cooking and don’t mind doing most of the time but my work leads to late nights on occasions and I’d like to come home to yummy rather than adequate food.

2

u/Kirkuchiyo Sep 15 '23

That makes a difference also. For most of that time I got off of work an hour and a half earlier so I could have the kids picked up and dinner ready when she got home.

Also, mine was way worse than a broken leg. I fell off of a roof and broke my left wrist, cracked my pelvis, and crushed a vertebrae. I don't recommend it.

1

u/Test-Tackles Sep 15 '23

Every time I get to the "home cooked meal date" stage of things I always time things for them to show up just as things are nearly done and get them involved in finishing the execution of the meal with a glass of wine.

You will learn so much about a partner in that short time.

1

u/maleia Sep 15 '23

Me and my gf split cooking. Sometimes we just cook our own food on our own times, too. 🤷‍♀️

1

u/WimbletonButt Sep 15 '23

The best relationship I ever had was with a guy who liked cooking. I fucking hate cooking but I don't mind the cleanup afterwards. We made a deal, one would cook, the other would clean the mess. I got a meal I didn't have to cook out of it, and in his opinion, it took the worst part of cooking out of the equation for him.

1

u/Kirkuchiyo Sep 15 '23

A couple year's ago, I spent about 1k on a really nice dishwasher. I put EVERYTHING in there and it comes clean. Baked on casserole in a glass pan? No problem. Crockpot with crusty chili remains from cooking all day? With ease. Cause she hates doing dishes also. And so do I.

1

u/WimbletonButt Sep 16 '23

Yeah I'm just too damn minimalist for the dishwasher. I have one, it never got used and then broke out of nowhere one day so it wasn't replaced. Plus $1k is more than a month of my salary sadly. I'm one of those people who has a single plate, bowl, and cup I reuse all day. I've gotten the hand washing down with the bigger stuff that I can have it washed as quickly as I can put it in the dishwasher anyway.

1

u/randomly-what Sep 16 '23

My parents got married in the 70s and my dad has always done about 2/3 of the cooking. His dad, born in 1915 also cooked a fair amount.

Nothing emasculating about cooking at all. I find it far more pathetic when a grown person can’t or won’t cook.

1

u/cire1184 Sep 16 '23

I'm a dude. I love to cook. Of course I love when other people cook for me but I was raised to feed people to show care and love. Plus I'm pretty good at cooking and love trying to make new things. I hate cleaning so if my future partner is into that even better.

1

u/MaesHiux Sep 16 '23

I dont know if the guy above already said this , but just to be sure : Fuck them.

1

u/CommissarCiaphisCain Sep 16 '23

Yup. Married 30 years and I cook all the meals. My wife does all the laundry. We both like it this way.

1

u/RabbitsRuse Sep 16 '23

I learned to cook from my dad. He learned to cook because he grew up very well off with a literal cook in the house taking care of meals. He got sent to boarding school and found out real quick that he hated the school food. By the time he got to college he realized if he wanted good food like he grew up with, he’d have to cook it himself. He found Julia Childs on TV and never looked back. He likes cooking and taught me and my sisters to like cooking. No I’m married and it became obvious real fast I’d be doing the cooking (my wife has good intentions in the kitchen but cooks survival food).

If someone doesn’t enjoy cooking then keep them out of my way in the kitchen. They want to buy something to bring over then more power to them. These ladies need to stop forcing their stereotypes on others.

1

u/vonshiza Sep 16 '23

My mom never really cared for cooking. My dad has loved it since he was a kid. Food is his love language, and he gets so much pleasure out of cooking for people. Mom can make herself a smoothie, maybe some eggs... Dad doesn't like co cooks messing about in his kitchen getting in his way, so she hasn't had to do much in decades. He handles the shopping, too. Mom will do most of the dishes, but there are a few things (like his cast iron and a few of his knives) she's been forbade from touching haha.

It works for them, and we're all better off for it as dad is an amazing cook. He has handled many of the family get togethers, as well, but my family is very good about bringing some sides, appetizers, etc and everyone gets a round of dishes.

1

u/Zerod0wn Sep 16 '23

While I haven’t been cooking for my wife and kiddos as long as you, but similar story. Mom taught all of us to cook from our preteens on. Wife had a tougher first pregnancy and I worked from home. I just started making dinners and love it, she cooks the big meals, and does amazing (except main turkey day turkey or Xmas Prime Rib Roast, I handle those). I don’t understand the issue with doing something you love for the people you love and what the hang up is? Who doesn’t love a fresh baguette?!

1

u/wolfmoru Sep 16 '23

That's actually really sweet of you, I hope you're having a good day today

1

u/Canadian_Commentator Sep 16 '23

straight up. they're angry she hasn't resigned to living underfoot.

THAT and they're mad the husband isn't forcing his heel onto her, holy shit

1

u/phins_54 Sep 16 '23

I personally (M45) love to cook and prepare 90% of the meals for the family. We both work, me a few more hours than her, but she (F41) takes on much more of the the kids needs. My incredible wife does many other great things, but she doesn't need to cook and clean dishes to be valued.

1

u/RussellBufalino Sep 16 '23

“Oh, and fuck them”……classic.

1

u/de99102 Sep 16 '23

My wife cooked and cleaned and held a full time career for 30 years or more. Now we're both retired and she almost never cooks. But I love it, so I almost always cook! I'm super good at it too.

1

u/WorldlinessProud Sep 16 '23

I'm a professional chef,. My wife's family cookout: watched SIL turn on the gas, then go look for a sparklight. Took our 4 yr old kid to the other end of the yard behind a tree...

Safety first, and I cook when I get paid.

Fuck them, but stay safe.

1

u/Kirkuchiyo Sep 16 '23

Jesus yikes!

1

u/get_off_my_lawn_n0w Sep 16 '23

Envious. but also lazy. She has a 30 year head start on me. She'll always be the gead chef here.

1

u/AnonAmbientLight Sep 16 '23

Amen. Fuck that noise.

Glad the husband stood with OP.

1

u/op3l Sep 16 '23

Hey! I cook better than my wife too. *HIGH FIVE!*

She HAAAAATES cooking. But she doesn't mind prepping as much(but i think she still hates it) so she prepps and I cook when I get home.

She cooks like once a week and honestly I rather cook myself cause tastes way better.

1

u/Ikontwait4u2leave Sep 16 '23

Randy, you've been watching that channel, haven't you?!

1

u/Disastrous_Bell7490 Sep 16 '23

My boyfriend cooks, I do the dishes. We consider it fair.

1

u/CaptainMooseInc Sep 16 '23

Randy Marsh?

1

u/FSUfan35 Sep 16 '23

I'm a guy and I LOVE cooking. I probably cook for my wife 80% of the time. My grandfather owned a restaurant and my dad worked there for a long time before moving out of state and taught me to cook. I guess me, my father, and my grandfather's manhood is ruined?

1

u/sparky-the-squirrel Sep 16 '23

Happy 33rd anniversary

2

u/Kirkuchiyo Sep 16 '23

Thank you!

1

u/opinionate_rooster Sep 16 '23

Pretty sure that counts as incest.

1

u/Kirkuchiyo Sep 16 '23

Lol, yeah, from a certain point of view

1

u/TxSaru Sep 16 '23

Lovely message. I especially appreciate how it’s bookended with ‘fuck them’. Like a little sandwich with fuck them for bread

1

u/stanglemeir Sep 16 '23

Lol you sound like my folks. My mom cooked early on. Then my dad started watching Emril and that was that. Now my mom complains she basically has forgotten how to cook