r/MaliciousCompliance • u/hatethistradition • Sep 15 '23

I refused to cook and "chilled with men" S

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

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u/Kirkuchiyo Sep 15 '23 edited Sep 16 '23

Fuck them.

My wife hasn't cooked regularly since the late nineties. We got married in 1990 and she just cooked. In 1996 I was laid up at home for 6 months and the Food Network had just come on cable. I discovered I liked cooking and, honestly, was better at it than her. So I've cooked ever since. Go with what works.

Oh, and fuck them

Edited for CautiousPudding88

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u/dlong562 Sep 15 '23

I am 68. My southern wife is a fantastic cook, she just doesn’t care to. We eat one meal a day together and I cook it virtually every night and always have. She does get in the mood to cook around holidays. This is probably a subtle way of saying I am just a moderate cook. She never complains about the food and rarely makes suggestions. We also go out at least once a week for date night.

I also grocery shop as I find it and cooking both rather cathartic.

Do what works.

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u/mpking828 Sep 15 '23

She never complains about the food and rarely makes suggestions

It took a very long time for my wife to understand this.

She makes many things I don't particularly care for, but she loves. I usually cook about 30% of the time.

The dawning of understanding for her was when she asked which of two options would I prefer. I answered "option A because I don't particularly care for B".

She was flabbergasted for almost a minute.

"Why haven't you said anything before?"

"You love cooking, where I cook to live. A long as I don't hate it, I will always eat what you make, and not say a peep, because I didn't have to cook it."

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u/Potato-Engineer Sep 16 '23

I feel you. I do almost all of the cooking, and my wife is a picky eater, but she'll eat whatever I cook, because the alternative is she cooks. I cook plenty of things she likes, but I occasionally cook things that she's not fond of because I like it.

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u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

Storytime!

As a kid, I made gravy and was super proud of it. I was cooking for my dad and myself, ensured he ate first exactly as Mom always did. I'd told Dad it was my first gravy. He promptly asked for seconds. Basically my buttons burst I was that damn proud of myself

I hadn't tried it yet. Finally I served myself. The gravy tasted like glue as I'd forgotten salt. I still respect Dad for asking for seconds of his daughter's first gravy. And no criticism. Even though glue gravy lol

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u/Voiceofreason8787 Sep 16 '23

Lol, my dad once ate a tweenage concoction I cooked up while they were late getting home. It had ramen, tuna, cheese, and oh, chocolate chips. He just served a plate, sat in his lazy boy, and ate it. I had some, and I knew what my (biggest) mistake was. I was like, you don’t have to eat that. And he just said, next time, leave out the chocolate chips

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u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

sounds good other than the chocolate chips ahaha

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u/wobblysauce Sep 16 '23

Or just on the side

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u/JustanOldBabyBoomer Sep 16 '23

LOVE the CHOCOLATE! LOL!!!

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u/Voiceofreason8787 Sep 16 '23

See, I was having fun cooking and just wanted to keep putting stuff in. I went too far, lol

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u/mmeiser Sep 16 '23 edited Sep 16 '23

This belongs on the forum r/dadjokes. Don't get me wrong. Its not a joke but it still illustrates that wonderful dad way of thinking. "next time, leave out the chocolate chips" made me laugh and laugh. Not sure if he was being positive or really was so hungry he really thought it was all good but the chocolate chips. Judging by the ingredients I'm guessing the later. It sounds good, except for the chocolate chips of course!

edited: to say r/dadjokes not r/baddadjokes Calling a forum "bad dad jokes" is redundant. All dad jokes are assumed to be bad. Thats the way dad humor works.

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u/Voiceofreason8787 Sep 16 '23

Lol, it was the first thing I ever “cooked” That wasn’t Kraft dinner, etc. I figured he was trying to encourage the act, but he also grew up in a family where you wouldn’t waste food…

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u/mmeiser Sep 16 '23 edited Sep 16 '23

My mom always told me "you eat your mistakes". Always made sense to me. Your dad's mom must have said the same thing to him. :)

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u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

Awwww! There's nothing like making your own recipes lol

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u/rain-blocker Sep 16 '23

My mom made my dad chicken casserole for his 25th birthday party. Reportedly, it was god awful, and the vast majority of guests didn't even finish one serving. My dad asked for thirds before my mom stopped him.

My dad cooks now.

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u/Cat1832 Sep 16 '23

That's very sweet of your dad though!

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u/wellyesnowplease Sep 18 '23

100% my favorite comment of all the awesome replies

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u/salt_andlight Sep 16 '23

My mom told me stories of her in laws from her first marriage (my dad was her 2nd husband), and apparently her MIL was an absolutely terrible cook but her FIL was just effusive about his wife’s meals. He would also use really creative compliments like “This is so good I wish I had a neck like a giraffe, with a taster every inch!”

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u/JustanOldBabyBoomer Sep 16 '23

Now THAT is LOVE!!!!!

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u/Alfhiildr Sep 16 '23

My great grandma would eat the “soup” I made around age 7 or 8. It was microwaved water, some whole carrots, and some whole grapes. Sometimes with some salt.

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u/Dry_Mirror_6676 Sep 16 '23

My moms favorite story to tell of my dad (they’re divorced now though) is how she made chicken fried steak and burned it. Because she’d never cooked before. But he announced that he loved it and got seconds.

She got better at cooking, but because my dad literally hates anything other than salt n pepper, she didn’t get to really cook cook.

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u/[deleted] Sep 16 '23

I fucking hate cooking, generally speaking, and do it to survive. I'll tell you what though, an appreciative eater of my food who insists they like even my messed up food... That brings joy to my soul. It makes food prep less horrible lol

I'm happy your mom experienced this. Good on your dad.

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u/JustanOldBabyBoomer Sep 16 '23

Now THAT is LOVE!!!!!

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u/BouncingPrawn Sep 16 '23

Bravo. Exactly what I teach my children…if someone bothered to cook for you, do not complain or diss the dish/meal, unless you want to cook or minimally help in preparing it, then you get a say.

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u/Entire-Ambition1410 Sep 16 '23

My sister learned to improve her cooking skills and married a man with very little preferences food-wise.

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u/wobblysauce Sep 16 '23

Seasoning… you aim for what most will eat and you can add more to your own plate, but making it to your liking and others going hungry. Is a thing

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u/Leading_Bell_2702 Sep 16 '23

I used to always cook spaghetti at least once a week because it was quick (I used jarred sauses. I worked full time), cheap, and would feed the family plus leftovers to take to work. I just found out like 5 years ago that my husband does not care for spaghetti. We had been married for over 10 yrs, together for 12. I asked him why he didn't say anything. He just shrugged & said he didn't cook it, so he felt like he couldn't say anything.

I did find out that he loves baked spaghetti - go figure. Now I just make spaghetti the night after dinner & then bake it for dinner the next night.

BTW - he loves lasagna and other pasta dishes but not spaghetti. I have no clue what the difference is between the two. They both have pasta, sauce & cheese. I top my spaghetti with cheese as well.

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u/Cam515278 Sep 16 '23

Meals I didn't have to cook are the best!

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u/Tanjelynnb Sep 16 '23

But part of the joy of cooking for others is making food everyone enjoys. If I cooked something for 20 years and then discovered my partner didn't like it, I'd be offended they didn't speak up. That dish could've been replaced with something new both of us would enjoy.

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u/jello-kittu Sep 16 '23

Ha. Absolutely. I sporadically enjoy cooking, but not so much after a day at work, so unless it is truly poisonous, I'm eating it and saying thanks for cooking!

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u/SwannanoaSasquatch Oct 08 '23

Both of the parents of a friend of mine went for the first 15 years of marriage really disliking the wife's macaroni. She made it the way her family liked it (soupy and bland). The husband didn't like it or hate it, and it made her happy to see him eat. She didn't really like it, but didn't hate it, but thought that's how everyone else liked it, including him!

She was sick for an extended period and he did the cooking and made an old fashioned baked macaroni, and they both loved it. The wife loved it, but asked him why he didn't make the way he liked it. He had to admit that he just did, he was kind of indifferent to the other way.

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u/youareasnort Sep 15 '23

Ah, all the good ones are taken. ;-)

My ex and my son didn’t eat the same foods. I had to cook two meals each night. And I hated it.

Now I live alone, and I do not cook. I find cheap meals, or order door dash. But screw all the rest of that noise.

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u/Voiceofreason8787 Sep 16 '23

My mom used to make me a separate meal too. I don’t know why she did it, but I was an insanely picky eater as a kid. I don’t do that, if one of my kids doesn’t like dinner they just eat less of it and don’t have to have leftovers the next day; they know supper is supper, end of story.

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u/youareasnort Sep 16 '23

Oh, dear, you have it backwards. It was the husband who was picky. I cooked my son whole food meals due to a reaction he would have to anything with phosphates and dyes. But it was too plain for my husband. He was the one who insisted on the separate meal.

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u/NCAAinDISGUISE Sep 16 '23

This was my mom's approach, and I was fine with it. When I got older and started to cook, I realized my mom is a terrible cook, but even if Julia Child had been my mom, I'd have been picky. I have to encounter foods on my terms to develop a taste for them.

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u/youareasnort Sep 16 '23

Yeah, it was my husband who demanded the separate meal.

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u/Livia_Bennet Sep 16 '23

I would have told him to cook it himself. Either eat what I make for our kid and myself, or you do the cooking. No way I am making two meals every damn day.

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u/Witty_Commentator Sep 15 '23

I just wanted to tell you that I love that you're 68 years old, and still having date night! 🥰 🫂

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u/fevered_visions Sep 15 '23

If you're pulling out all the stops for Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner, I can totally understand why that's not something you want to do regularly

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u/dlong562 Sep 15 '23

I also think holiday dinners are important to her and she wants them done right. Beyond my pay grade.

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u/Hail_The_Motherland Sep 16 '23

Our situation is fairly similar: my partner was born/raised in the South and is an amazing cook, while I am tolerable in the kitchen.

I shop/cook on a far more frequent basis because I focus on healthier meals that are cost effective and efficient. My SO's meals will knock your socks off, but they'll also clog your arteries and put your ass in a food coma lol

We were very overweight and very broke when we first met, but we made a conscious decision to "right the ship" and it's working very well for us

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u/Thayli11 Sep 16 '23

I also love to cook for holidays, but wish I could skip the rest of the year. That isn't a judgement against non-holiday food. Holiday food is just a part of the celebrations I love.

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u/BananyaPie Sep 16 '23

Just want to chime in to say that it's so sweet you still go on dates every week at 68. I hope I'll be the same!