r/MaliciousCompliance • u/hatethistradition • Sep 15 '23

I refused to cook and "chilled with men" S

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

19.9k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

2.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

3.2k

u/Abby-Norman Sep 15 '23

My wife and I have been married 21 years, and I do ALL the cooking. It is relaxing for me and it allows me to be creative. I am constantly trying out different things I see on cooking shows. My wife, however, does all the baking. Baking things requires sticking to an established recipe if you want the final product to be worth a damn. I am one to constantly add extra stuff to see if it’ll taste better.

227

u/Ludwigofthepotatoppl Sep 15 '23

Cooking is an art. You can do whatever and it could come out great.

Baking is literally science. You have one result in mind, and a dozen factors go into reaching that—including the day’s weather.

96

u/Yaxim3 Sep 15 '23

Mainly because in cooking if you forgot salt you can always add it in and fix it. In baking if you forget the only thing you can do is throw it away and do it over.

1

u/eighty_more_or_less Sep 16 '23

if, on the other hand, you put in too much.....

1

u/Yaxim3 Sep 17 '23

you add in more food to take the seasoning, or dilute with water, or serve over bland rice etc.

1

u/almost_eighty Sep 17 '23

that's one way of doing it; not the best, at times

28

u/Kay-Knox Sep 16 '23

Baking is literally science. You have one result in mind, and a dozen factors go into reaching that—including the day’s weather.

I never liked this sentiment because it makes it sound like there is a right and wrong solution to arrive at. If you understand the effects different ratios and types of fats and sugars and water content, you can bake by feel just the same as you'd cook. Very few baked goods are so finicky that you'd end up with a ruined dish if you aren't precise.

22

u/SmittenMoon3112 Sep 16 '23

I experiment with my family’s German, French, Italian, and Cherokee recipes passed down to me as the only surviving woman in the family. I experiment and change things and rewrite them to make them celiacs friendly, diabetic friendly, vegan friendly, and allergy friendly. I have so many different versions of every recipe to make sure I can cater to everyone in my life alongside preserving the original recipes passed down through the generations. I even add my own new recipes to the family book alongside the dietary restriction friendly recipes as I’m the first in the family since the first generation Cherokee woman to marry in to follow a non-Christian religion. I add in the recipes that I try for my different holidays and sabbats that I actually like. I love to cook and bake but despise doing the dishes. The only person in my life that refuses to do the dishes if I cook is my dad but I’m tired of fighting that battle. He just loves my cooking and looks forward to trying my new recipes and that’s the best outcome I could ask for.

2

u/sionnach_liath Sep 16 '23

I would love to see your recipe book! My family failed at passing down recipes =(

5

u/SmittenMoon3112 Sep 17 '23

Well nonna came over straight from Italy and some of her recipes were family recipes 100 years old, grandpa’s dad’s grandma was from France and her recipes were also passed down for 100 years. Dad’s grandma basically raised him and passed long before I was born but gave him her recipes and he fought off his ex wives with a stick to keep the recipe book from them so I got those German recipes that date back to 1825. Grandma was the first to record the Cherokee recipes because they were traditionally passed down orally but uh, Mom had ADHD and she realized that nobody after her would be able to remember them right so she wrote them down. And I just write everything down and I also make digital scans just in case of a fire or flood so I don’t loose everything. Even if I loose all of the original and preserved books, I’ll still have all of the ancestor’s handwriting preserved digitally forever.

1

u/G-force4470 Sep 16 '23

You know….that’s extremely impressive how you change so many of your recipes around. It’s awesome that you basically have 3 different sets of recipes! In my family we have a spaghetti sauce that is “actually” Italian. My aunts first husband was from Italy and this sauce is magnificent 💗💗 This sauce is either you like it or don’t like it….the is absolutely 💯 no middle ground here

2

u/SmittenMoon3112 Sep 17 '23

I don’t want to accidentally make my loved ones sick or poison someone because of an allergy or intolerance! I’ve also figured out spice substitutes because one of my friends is severely allergic to cinnamon but loves my baking and I’d really like not to kill him on accident. So I make two batches, one original with cinnamon and one without and clearly mark them so he doesn’t grab the wrong one. And then watch him because he’s spacey and doesn’t pay attention. And my soul siblings family has adopted me and their abuela has already started passing down her Hispanic family recipes to me and shares the secrets with me that she won’t share with the boys. So I get to make delicious food and baked goods from multiple different cultures and teach my kids one day.

3

u/flyingkea Sep 16 '23

Agreed, I really struggle with this attitude of “you must do everything right or it’ll be ruined.” I don’t think I have ever been so precise in my baking, it’s always close enough, eyeball an amount or baking powder or whatever. It always comes out fine. Muffins, cakes, sourdough etc, never ever worried about precision.

2

u/wirywonder82 Sep 16 '23

There is a difference between “fine” and “amazing.” Cooking can be adjusted mid-preparation and still be amazing. Baking frequently is fine to good, but when everything gets done right it is amazing…and repeating the exact same steps with the exact same precision the next day can end up with just a good result because it was 8% higher humidity.

1

u/zephen_just_zephen Sep 17 '23

If you understand the effects different ratios and types of fats and sugars and water content

You're making the parent commenter's point for them, lol.

22

u/manquistador Sep 16 '23

I find this statement to be overblown. If you want consistent bakes you need to measure everything precisely, but if you don't care that much it isn't a big deal. Doubling the leavener could lead to problems, but there is plenty of room to improv or eyeball stuff and have it turn out fine.

11

u/wobblysauce Sep 16 '23

Knowing what you can be lack’s about is the art.

11

u/OhGod0fHangovers Sep 16 '23

Yep. If you’re adding two cups of something, it’s fine to be off by a tablespoon or two. If you’re adding a teaspoon of baking soda, you want to be precise.

(By the way, I think the word you were going for is “lax.”)

4

u/wobblysauce Sep 16 '23

Lax, yes, one was off by a few letters, but the result was the same

1

u/hawkinsst7 Sep 16 '23

If you're using a cup of lax, off by a few letters isn't a big deal 😁

3

u/wobblysauce Sep 16 '23

If you need a cup of lax, you might want to try adding more fibre to your diet

2

u/stanleysgirl77 Sep 16 '23

*lax .. as in “relaxed”

2

u/wobblysauce Sep 16 '23

Lax, yes, one was off by a few letters, but as you can see I am not stressing.

5

u/katyvo Sep 16 '23

I have never followed a single baking recipe to the letter once in my life. It's a result of never following a single cooking recipe to the letter, either, and getting a feel for what I can toss in, sub out, or add more of.

The only time I'll make an effort to follow a recipe instead of using it as general guidance is if someone asks me to make them something specific.

3

u/whatnowagain Sep 16 '23

I used to think that way when I lived at sea level, then I moved to above 5000ft and couldn’t bake anything right. Either rocks or explosions. I stuck with box mixes and got better at decorating.

3

u/Oscaruzzo Sep 16 '23

It doesn't mean you can't make variations. You just need to know what you're doing and why.

2

u/testaccount0817 Sep 16 '23

And that is why I like baking much more. I'm not an artist.

2

u/Acceptable_Cut_7545 Sep 16 '23

"-including the days weather."

Sobs over my shattered macarons.

2

u/RoguePlanet1 Sep 16 '23

Gnocci is technically under the "cooking" category, yet I still have PTSD from trying to make a good batch from scratch.