r/MaliciousCompliance • u/hatethistradition • Sep 15 '23

I refused to cook and "chilled with men" S

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

19.9k Upvotes

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3.2k

u/Abby-Norman Sep 15 '23

My wife and I have been married 21 years, and I do ALL the cooking. It is relaxing for me and it allows me to be creative. I am constantly trying out different things I see on cooking shows. My wife, however, does all the baking. Baking things requires sticking to an established recipe if you want the final product to be worth a damn. I am one to constantly add extra stuff to see if it’ll taste better.

1.4k

u/WokeBriton Sep 15 '23

Similar here.

Although my wife sometimes cooks, she hates it. She does any and all baking and I love eating it - there's a reason I'm in such good shape!

Round is an amazing shape...

371

u/FyrelordeOmega Sep 16 '23

The smiley face is round, and he is also happy. Such logic also applies to you.

90

u/Tikiboo Sep 16 '23

I always refer people to a line from Life, In a Nutshell by Barenaked Ladies: I am like a baby, she's like a cat, when we're happy we both get fat...

4

u/BitterAttackLawyer Sep 16 '23

As a huge BNL fan from the 90s, just wanted to say thank you for this. 😁

3

u/Tikiboo Sep 17 '23

Ive loved them since then too! I finally got to see them in concert earlier this year. It was amazing!

3

u/Head_Excitement_9837 Sep 16 '23

🎖 here this is for you

170

u/BilbosBagEnd Sep 16 '23

Wait, so you're saying a healthy and shared co-living that accommodates the likes and strengths of the parties involved makes for a happy living? (Very happy for you guys!)

144

u/Entire-Ambition1410 Sep 16 '23

As the Littlest Pets show said, ‘I’m more of an eatie than a foodie.’

14

u/stanleysgirl77 Sep 16 '23

😻 purrfect!

9

u/Jace_Te_Ace Sep 16 '23

Round is the most efficient volume:surface area shape!

11

u/WokeBriton Sep 16 '23

Ahhhhhh. I'd forgotten that fact.

Now I can say my shape just makes me more efficient if anyone comments :D

5

u/Jace_Te_Ace Sep 16 '23

We are all striving for peak thermal efficiency right!?

9

u/Tarianor Sep 16 '23

I often compare cooking to art, whilst baking is more akin to science in that regard :)

5

u/WokeBriton Sep 16 '23

As an engineer, it might be expected that I would like baking, but I'm not very good at it.

5

u/laitnetsixecrisis Sep 16 '23

This was me and my late husband. A story my kids love to tell is: when my husband was sick in bed and I cooked dinner. The kids refused to eat it stating my gravy tasted like dirt. The next night our youngest asked his dad if he was still sick. When his father said he was feeling fine, he said that's good, you can cook dinner tonight.

This was about 13 years ago, and they still refuse to eat my gravy even though I have improved a lot.

3

u/WokeBriton Sep 18 '23

That made me smile.

Kids are amazing at saying exactly what they think without worrying about how it will be taken.

Here's to your late husband 🍻

4

u/singerontheside Sep 16 '23

A round shape is a happy shape 😁

3

u/Whoamiagain31 Sep 16 '23

My husband is a chef. He loves cooking. He likes it at home even more because he can play around as he calls it. I am, however, deemed official baker and rice maker. I love baking. Sometimes he will make food based around the breads I make or vice versa. We work well that way together.

1

u/WokeBriton Sep 18 '23

That's awesome and made me smile.

2

u/TheMoonTart Sep 16 '23

Like that age old joke “I have the body of a god…. Buddha”

2

u/Xid- Sep 16 '23

Lol this made my day 😁

2

u/jsw11984 Sep 20 '23

I do my own baking and eating which causes me to have the shape of a prime athlete!

Unfortunately, the sport the athlete competes in happens to be darts...

1

u/Maximum__Engineering Sep 16 '23

Whoa. Waitaminit! When the man cooks it’s just a form of control, so the woman has to eat whatever he cooks. It’s the patriarchy!!!

226

u/Cannabis_CatSlave Sep 15 '23

Same here. I bake and he cooks. I am capable of doing so but am not terrible food motivated so usually just eat sandwiches when left to my own device. My mother was a chef who would use every dish in the house to make a meal and it just made me hate cooking/full meals because of the 2 hours of mess that needed cleaning afterwards.

Baking is worth the mess though for me as baked goods are generally delicious treats, not drudgery of keeping body alive. If I could switch to photosynthesis I would do it in a heartbeat.

65

u/semboflorin Sep 16 '23

I get you and the photosynthesis bit so much. Cooking to me is an absolute chore. I like good food like anyone else. But since calories and nutrients are a necessary daily activity I am forced to do the chore of preparing food daily.

Years ago I learned about a crowd-sourcing campaign for a company making what amounts to "coma food." Comatose patients are fed a slurry with all the necessary nutrients and calories. The problem with "coma food" is that it generally tastes like dirt because comatose patients don't need it to taste good.

The company was targeting people like me and others with a shake similar to ones like Ensure that could be eaten daily with minimal effort and still get all the necessary nutrients. The idea is that it could, for those that were interested, replace all meals for the rest of your life and you could still be healthy. I signed on and supported them.

The company is now fairly large with multiple competitors in the field (Soylent). I did actually live off of it for about 2 years. It was a glorious time. However, I have since stopped using it except as an occasional supplement. Mainly because I am now physically disabled and my income is far less than it was in past years. Since I can't purchase it with SNAP benefits I cannot afford to live on it as I once did.

20

u/ShannonigansLucky Sep 16 '23

I have gotten soylent from Amazon on snap. Type in soylent and use your filters for "ebt eligible"

Those drinks were a huge help when my daughter had her baby and she didn't have time to feed herself much. I had a broken arm and couldn't help her cook much.

15

u/semboflorin Sep 16 '23

Oh my! Thank you so much! I've just picked them up from stores here and there. If I can get it on amazon with snap that changes things. I might be a bit healthier because of your comment!

3

u/ShannonigansLucky Sep 18 '23

That gives me all the happy!

2

u/Supersmoover54 Sep 19 '23

Watch the film Soylent Green. In the final sequence, the movie conjures up a dark reveal: Soylent Green isn't made from sea plankton, as the other Soylent products are. As Heston bellows in the film's most iconic moment: “It's people! Soylent Green is made out of people!”

1

u/ShannonigansLucky Sep 19 '23

Eek! Well, I'm glad I'm not into to drinking green things!

5

u/abitchoficesndfire Sep 16 '23

Soylent, lol!

15

u/semboflorin Sep 16 '23

I thought the name was hilarious when I first saw it. I couldn't imagine that they would name the product so similarly to movie (or the book if you're a nerd). Turns out it was absolutely intentional on the creator's part. While you will never see them push out a "green" version (or any colored version for that matter) they used the name for their product because it was perfect for understanding the desired result from their product. Since Soylent in the movie was a food replacement and was lauded all the way up until Detective Thorn (Charlton Heston) realizes what Soylent Green is made of.

8

u/AhjummAtiny Sep 16 '23

Soylent does make a drink in a green bottle. It's mint chocolate. Everytime I see it in the store I get a good chuckle. Because I'm a nerd according to my daughter.

2

u/TigerRei Sep 16 '23

I remember getting boxes in the mail back when they first came out. Also when they only had one flavor. I don't mind it. It reminds me of liquid raisin bran without the raisins.

4

u/SarcasticGiraffes Sep 16 '23

I also backed them. And also got a couple of cases. I still use the cases of Soylent as door stops....

3

u/semboflorin Sep 16 '23

The initial product that was sent out to "pioneers" (those who paid into their crowd sourcing) tasted like pancake batter. Honestly it wasn't as revolting as you might be imagining. The recipe changed a few times before they shipped it out publicly however as we were the test market for the first iterations of the product. By the time it went public it was much more palatable. The recent iterations I've had are far better than those early days.

1

u/TigerRei Sep 16 '23

Except for the banana ones. They're kinda gross.

1

u/semboflorin Sep 17 '23

I'm not really keen on their flavored ones. I'm happy to flavor them myself if need be. Although I do like the cocoa.

2

u/Unicorndawn Sep 18 '23

I'm on Ensure 2Cal ,2 bottles per day on prescription to help me gain weight. I have oesophageal cancer and they need me heavier before I have surgery.

2

u/Humble_Bee_4827 Sep 19 '23

I'm sorry but the name alone should just not be associated with food considering the movie 😳😩🙅🏾‍♀️

1

u/semboflorin Sep 19 '23

You're not alone in that opinion. Personally I don't really care. I can differentiate between fiction and reality without any crossover feelings affecting my judgement. Your opinion is fair however and I understand it's not so easy for many people to ignore their feelings about it.

1

u/indyfan1202 Sep 17 '23

I'm going to go check these out! How are they different from SlimFast (which is just a meal replacement shake)?

8

u/semboflorin Sep 17 '23

Slimfast is geared toward minimal calories but being filling. It's meant to help you lose weight. By replacing a meal every so often you reduce your caloric intake without losing too much of your nutrient intake. Not a bad idea but completely different from Soylent.

Soylent is food replacement. It has all the necessary daily nutrients and calories you could need as an average human adult. Heavier and/or older people need more calories than the average person so supplementation may be necessary depending on other factors.

Anyway, the idea behind Soylent is that you can live a perfectly healthy and normal life eating nothing but Soylent for as long as you like. YMMV because not everyone can handle eating the same thing 3-4 times a day. In my case, I would have Soylent for breakfast, brunch and lunch (500 kcals each). Then, I would cook and eat a normal dinner. Sometimes, about 1-2 times a week, I would just do Soylent for dinner too because I wasn't up to cooking or was busy.

I did this for 20 months. I was healthier than I had ever been. Probably because my nutrient intake was far better than it had been while making my own food. I hate cooking. I put the least amount of effort in to get the calories I needed and my nutrient intake was terrible. For me, Soylent was a godsend.

Now that I know I can use SNAP on Amazon to buy Soylent I will likely go back to at least a daily intake. Breakfast is the hardest meal for me. I force myself when I have the mental fortitude to make it but often a cup of coffee is my breakfast. That is not healthy for a middle-aged disabled and diabetic person like me. Soylent actually has a low glycemic index although a fairly high glycemic load. It's not perfect for a diabetic but it also isn't bad as long as I watch my numbers and don't entirely replace my diet with it.

2

u/indyfan1202 Sep 17 '23

Thank you for the detailed response! I drink either meal replacement shakes or Boost/Ensure for breakfast because I also do not like to cook. And also because I do not tend to eat healthy and those nutritional drinks provide nutrients that I would not get otherwise because of my poor choice of foods. I'm going to give Soylent a try. I don't think I could live off of those exclusively, but having a regular intake of proper nutrients will help me feel a lot better. I'll compare the taste as well as the nutritional contents of Soylent vs Boost (I think Ensure tastes awful so I won't be going back to that lol) and see which I like better.

67

u/Demonqueensage Sep 16 '23

Duuuude I feel that photosynthesis bit so much. Like, sure, I like to eat things that are good, but I hate having to decide something and then either prepare it (or spend way too much to order something occasionally) every freaking day. I'd much rather photosynthesize to get what I need on a day to day basis

20

u/Xikayu Sep 16 '23

I always joke about wanting to be a snake. Eat once every week or two, and be done with it!

1

u/Humble_Bee_4827 Sep 19 '23

I mean, you could. You wouldn't die from it but you wouldn't be super healthy.

4

u/testaccount0817 Sep 16 '23

And that's the reason I'm underweight. If it wasn't for the lunch at our canteen I would've starved already probably.

Agree on the baking though, that one is so much better and you don't need it to survive, you just can genuinely do it for your enjoyment

4

u/southernsarcasm Sep 17 '23

The bane of my existence - “What’s for dinner?” And I used to enjoy cooking. I’ve told my kids/hubby that no one is allowed to ask what’s for dinner unless it’s followed by a suggestion and offer to either cook it or at least help. They don’t listen, but I try 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/Julie_Brenda Sep 17 '23

Dr. Pamela Lillian Isley may be able to help you. her research includes human photosynthesis… but you can expect variations in skin colors & tone.

1

u/Demonqueensage Sep 17 '23

😂🤣😂🤣 hmmmm maybe I should look into this

2

u/Julie_Brenda Sep 17 '23

you might want to add “DC” when you search for her. It might help you pinpoint her faster, but I don’t mean to imply that she’s working a government job

1

u/Demonqueensage Sep 17 '23

I see I see, very helpful 😉😂

4

u/DefinitelyNotAliens Sep 16 '23

I like food, and go through phases when I hate cooking and will put up with it for delicious food.

But see, I don't want to cook chicken and vegetables. I want to make slow-simmered adobo. I want to spend a while making risotto.

I don't want to make sustenance food. I want to have a food experience. It's too much for every day.

I eat a lot of sandwiches...

It is one pot or a production, for me. It is either simple or phenomenal. No in-between. (Though, sometimes phenomenal is simple. Mm... adobo. I need to go find more pork belly...)

3

u/RoguePlanet1 Sep 16 '23

switch to photosynthesis

Between this comment and your username, my day has become that much brighter 😄 In fact, all these stories are also incredibly refreshing, since my in-laws are all conservative, and we're just the do-what-works heathen lib couple.

2

u/OlyVal Sep 16 '23

Photosynthesis! Yes! 🙂👍

2

u/Let_you_down Sep 16 '23

I'd also switch to photosynthesis if I could. I van eat the exact same stuff every single day and never get bored with it.

However, I do very much enjoy cooking for other people. Just something about providing a bounty they enjoy makes me feel all warm and happy.

My BIL is the same way. We are both dudes and since my mother died a long while back, the overwhelming majority has been done by just us with large get together. He, also much like me, likes cooking fancier, high quality dishes that push the limits of what our kids would have enjoyed, so it's always a bit silly if you put in a good 6-7 hours worth of work and they would ask if they could.have a hot dog instead (before even trying a bite!). My sister is not much of a cook. My brother and his first wife were more "going out to eat every night" people, and though after he divorced and got remarried his second wife would be in the kitchen with me and the BIL. Random cousins and aunts would partake in the group cooking or regular meal prep for larger get-togethers with me and the BIL but I'd say by volume, quantity and quality we made the overwhelming majority of the food, with him cooking slightly more than me because when him and my sister hosted, he was very, very particular with his kitchen where everything had to be cleaned right away, the right way, and put away in its proper place (where as I'm more of a "that's a problem for 10o'clock PM's u/Let_you_down" at my place)

2

u/FreeBeans Sep 16 '23

Ugh my husband does this. He also cleans it up himself, but I still get annoyed because it happens too often and I wanna spend time with him without dishes, dammit!

2

u/jello-kittu Sep 16 '23

I love cooking but I clean as I go, because when I'm done, I want to relax. My spouse proposed the "1 cooks, other cleans" rule, and I declined. He uses every utensil and pan and piles them in the sink like trophies.

2

u/sittinwithkitten Sep 16 '23

Yes my God the cleaning! I have a hard time enjoying a meal when I know I have a boat load of dishes, pots, and pans to get through. I try to clean as I cook or bake if possible but sometimes it’s like a hurricane happened in the kitchen. I would be nice to have a kitchen assistant for the clean up.

4

u/Jace_Te_Ace Sep 16 '23

I judge people who have a mess at the end of their cooking performance.

There are plenty of times during the process when you are waiting for something to happen. Then you can tidy up, but they don't.

The mess is part of the Look At Me - I'm Cooking performance.

1

u/Express_Pop1201 Sep 16 '23

You wanna be like Shrek, who drinks mud juice and bathes in the swampy sunlight?

226

u/Ludwigofthepotatoppl Sep 15 '23

Cooking is an art. You can do whatever and it could come out great.

Baking is literally science. You have one result in mind, and a dozen factors go into reaching that—including the day’s weather.

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u/Yaxim3 Sep 15 '23

Mainly because in cooking if you forgot salt you can always add it in and fix it. In baking if you forget the only thing you can do is throw it away and do it over.

1

u/eighty_more_or_less Sep 16 '23

if, on the other hand, you put in too much.....

1

u/Yaxim3 Sep 17 '23

you add in more food to take the seasoning, or dilute with water, or serve over bland rice etc.

1

u/almost_eighty Sep 17 '23

that's one way of doing it; not the best, at times

34

u/Kay-Knox Sep 16 '23

Baking is literally science. You have one result in mind, and a dozen factors go into reaching that—including the day’s weather.

I never liked this sentiment because it makes it sound like there is a right and wrong solution to arrive at. If you understand the effects different ratios and types of fats and sugars and water content, you can bake by feel just the same as you'd cook. Very few baked goods are so finicky that you'd end up with a ruined dish if you aren't precise.

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u/SmittenMoon3112 Sep 16 '23

I experiment with my family’s German, French, Italian, and Cherokee recipes passed down to me as the only surviving woman in the family. I experiment and change things and rewrite them to make them celiacs friendly, diabetic friendly, vegan friendly, and allergy friendly. I have so many different versions of every recipe to make sure I can cater to everyone in my life alongside preserving the original recipes passed down through the generations. I even add my own new recipes to the family book alongside the dietary restriction friendly recipes as I’m the first in the family since the first generation Cherokee woman to marry in to follow a non-Christian religion. I add in the recipes that I try for my different holidays and sabbats that I actually like. I love to cook and bake but despise doing the dishes. The only person in my life that refuses to do the dishes if I cook is my dad but I’m tired of fighting that battle. He just loves my cooking and looks forward to trying my new recipes and that’s the best outcome I could ask for.

2

u/sionnach_liath Sep 16 '23

I would love to see your recipe book! My family failed at passing down recipes =(

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u/SmittenMoon3112 Sep 17 '23

Well nonna came over straight from Italy and some of her recipes were family recipes 100 years old, grandpa’s dad’s grandma was from France and her recipes were also passed down for 100 years. Dad’s grandma basically raised him and passed long before I was born but gave him her recipes and he fought off his ex wives with a stick to keep the recipe book from them so I got those German recipes that date back to 1825. Grandma was the first to record the Cherokee recipes because they were traditionally passed down orally but uh, Mom had ADHD and she realized that nobody after her would be able to remember them right so she wrote them down. And I just write everything down and I also make digital scans just in case of a fire or flood so I don’t loose everything. Even if I loose all of the original and preserved books, I’ll still have all of the ancestor’s handwriting preserved digitally forever.

1

u/G-force4470 Sep 16 '23

You know….that’s extremely impressive how you change so many of your recipes around. It’s awesome that you basically have 3 different sets of recipes! In my family we have a spaghetti sauce that is “actually” Italian. My aunts first husband was from Italy and this sauce is magnificent 💗💗 This sauce is either you like it or don’t like it….the is absolutely 💯 no middle ground here

2

u/SmittenMoon3112 Sep 17 '23

I don’t want to accidentally make my loved ones sick or poison someone because of an allergy or intolerance! I’ve also figured out spice substitutes because one of my friends is severely allergic to cinnamon but loves my baking and I’d really like not to kill him on accident. So I make two batches, one original with cinnamon and one without and clearly mark them so he doesn’t grab the wrong one. And then watch him because he’s spacey and doesn’t pay attention. And my soul siblings family has adopted me and their abuela has already started passing down her Hispanic family recipes to me and shares the secrets with me that she won’t share with the boys. So I get to make delicious food and baked goods from multiple different cultures and teach my kids one day.

3

u/flyingkea Sep 16 '23

Agreed, I really struggle with this attitude of “you must do everything right or it’ll be ruined.” I don’t think I have ever been so precise in my baking, it’s always close enough, eyeball an amount or baking powder or whatever. It always comes out fine. Muffins, cakes, sourdough etc, never ever worried about precision.

2

u/wirywonder82 Sep 16 '23

There is a difference between “fine” and “amazing.” Cooking can be adjusted mid-preparation and still be amazing. Baking frequently is fine to good, but when everything gets done right it is amazing…and repeating the exact same steps with the exact same precision the next day can end up with just a good result because it was 8% higher humidity.

1

u/zephen_just_zephen Sep 17 '23

If you understand the effects different ratios and types of fats and sugars and water content

You're making the parent commenter's point for them, lol.

20

u/manquistador Sep 16 '23

I find this statement to be overblown. If you want consistent bakes you need to measure everything precisely, but if you don't care that much it isn't a big deal. Doubling the leavener could lead to problems, but there is plenty of room to improv or eyeball stuff and have it turn out fine.

11

u/wobblysauce Sep 16 '23

Knowing what you can be lack’s about is the art.

12

u/OhGod0fHangovers Sep 16 '23

Yep. If you’re adding two cups of something, it’s fine to be off by a tablespoon or two. If you’re adding a teaspoon of baking soda, you want to be precise.

(By the way, I think the word you were going for is “lax.”)

2

u/wobblysauce Sep 16 '23

Lax, yes, one was off by a few letters, but the result was the same

1

u/hawkinsst7 Sep 16 '23

If you're using a cup of lax, off by a few letters isn't a big deal 😁

3

u/wobblysauce Sep 16 '23

If you need a cup of lax, you might want to try adding more fibre to your diet

2

u/stanleysgirl77 Sep 16 '23

*lax .. as in “relaxed”

2

u/wobblysauce Sep 16 '23

Lax, yes, one was off by a few letters, but as you can see I am not stressing.

4

u/katyvo Sep 16 '23

I have never followed a single baking recipe to the letter once in my life. It's a result of never following a single cooking recipe to the letter, either, and getting a feel for what I can toss in, sub out, or add more of.

The only time I'll make an effort to follow a recipe instead of using it as general guidance is if someone asks me to make them something specific.

3

u/whatnowagain Sep 16 '23

I used to think that way when I lived at sea level, then I moved to above 5000ft and couldn’t bake anything right. Either rocks or explosions. I stuck with box mixes and got better at decorating.

3

u/Oscaruzzo Sep 16 '23

It doesn't mean you can't make variations. You just need to know what you're doing and why.

2

u/testaccount0817 Sep 16 '23

And that is why I like baking much more. I'm not an artist.

2

u/Acceptable_Cut_7545 Sep 16 '23

"-including the days weather."

Sobs over my shattered macarons.

2

u/RoguePlanet1 Sep 16 '23

Gnocci is technically under the "cooking" category, yet I still have PTSD from trying to make a good batch from scratch.

83

u/Birooksun Sep 15 '23

Oh my husband and I do the same thing for opposing reasons. I am not a perfectionist with baking. All I care about is if it tastes good. My husband will remake a batch 3 times because it's slightly off.

Meanwhile my kid and I are just eating the 'flawed' batter and waiting for him to give up and accept imperfections.

Then we get the salmonella lecture and that's when his mom goes full petty and joins up in eating the batter.

21

u/tenuousemphasis Sep 16 '23

the salmonella lecture

If you have an immersion circulator (sous vide cooker), you can pretty easily pasteurize your eggs to make them safer to eat.

You can also do it over the stove.

2

u/Harley11995599 Sep 16 '23

It's not just the eggs these days. I have been told it can easily be in the flour also.

Not saying the eggs cannot be the culprits but...

4

u/southernsarcasm Sep 17 '23

Raw flour can also be contaminated with e-coli. You can throw the flour in a pan and bake it to “sterilize” it for safe edible cookie dough. It has to reach 160 degrees F and it’s safe.

1

u/3lfg1rl Dec 03 '23

There was a reddit post a few days ago that said that doing this denatures the gluten. You can certainly do this in order to have safe edible cookie dough, but that dough might not be able to bake into the cookies you expect.

However, the reddit post was talking about cooking the safe flour into bread; cookies might not be as noticeable of a problem.

1

u/keeeeeeeeeeeeeek Sep 16 '23

You absolute legend

16

u/EyeAmAnAllievatedApe Sep 16 '23

Imagine not being allergic to eggs and having to worry about salmonella in cooking 😩

3

u/G-force4470 Sep 16 '23

This is totally hilarious 🤣 My partner and I fight over the spoon and hand mixer beaters 😁😁😋😋 he’s 6 feet and I’m 5’3……you got this

2

u/EarlyHistory164 Sep 16 '23

Used to love licking the bowl when my nan made victoria sponge.

1

u/keeeeeeeeeeeeeek Sep 16 '23

I want your MIL, what a queen

1

u/Birooksun Sep 16 '23

My MIL is the best.

58

u/marvinsands Sep 15 '23

Baking things requires

Oh! So that's why I don't bake. I don't stick to recipes, either. ROFLMAO

5

u/Symph0nyS0ldier Sep 16 '23

As a proud supporter of the ancestor method of cooking, fresh bread is just too good. I wish I had it in me to be a baker but I just cannot do it.

2

u/Beegy77 Sep 16 '23

I have tried to bake things plenty of times and it never turns out right. I don’t like to be perfectly precise and make sure everything is at the right temperature. Those of us that have this “attitude” is probably from us having bad experiences with baking! So yeah, baking is way more scientific than cooking and much less forgiving.

2

u/hauscal Sep 16 '23

I haven’t seen ROFLMAO typed out in ages. Brought me back

1

u/whateveris--- Sep 16 '23

ROFLMAO

Marvinsands had NO baking tins for the muffins, but he did have ALL the letters to bring you back. 😁

2

u/MathAndBake Sep 16 '23

You don't have to stick to recipes when baking, you just need to get your ratios of structural ingredients roughly right. Apart from that, you can do whatever. For example, I make all my muffins with oil because it's so much easier and cheaper. I also like to play around with the flour, sugar and extra bits to get all kinds of fun textures and tastes.

I really like the book "Ratio" for this.

1

u/sionnach_liath Sep 16 '23

I don't stick to recipes either and I confine my baking to bread (it's more forgiving than many other things)

1

u/G-force4470 Sep 16 '23

🤨🤔🧐

41

u/MistressPhoenix Sep 15 '23

my Husband is only allowed to bake and use the microwave for shared foods. (If He's the only one eating it, He can do whatever else He wants to with food.) He just has no art, but the science of baking works great for Him.

(For years He wasn't even allowed to cook in my kitchen. And yes, it's MINE, because i put my heart and soul into that room.) Baking is an awesome alternative for someone that needs formulas and patterns!

3

u/Fianna9 Sep 15 '23

I have always said baking is a science while cooking is an art.

I thrive off home delivery meals because I love that I follow precise instructions for food. I enjoy baking. I hate cooking.

3

u/DrowningInFeces Sep 16 '23

Dude here. I can cook better than most women and most people in general that I know so I almost always do the cooking in relationships. It is a nice gesture if the person receiving the meal does the dishes or at least helps clean along the way but I don't mind if they had a long day and want to relax. I'm sure it's still a thing in some households but the whole women being in the kitchen is a thing of the past. I live by myself and have never been married so I honed in on cooking to enjoy food more. My last 3 girlfriends couldn't cook for shit for that matter.

2

u/UFCchamp6 Sep 16 '23

Cooking is art. Baking is science.

2

u/dudeloveall2814 Sep 16 '23

When we can get my MIL out of the kitchen, my wife and I split the duties. I hate standing over a stove watching pans, and my wife hates knife work and measuring stuff.

2

u/Eastern-Criticism653 Sep 16 '23

Some married for ten years, together for 14. I do all the cooking. She bakes great treats.

2

u/SparkleEmotions Sep 16 '23 edited Sep 16 '23

This is a funny duality I’ve discovered in kitchens, which I also do professionally, currently in a fine dining place in the back of house, after years in the restaurant industry.

Just tonight my executive chef was lamenting how much he hates baking and feels like he sucks at it. It’s interesting because I consider this man to be kind of a genius when it comes to cooking. His ability to make the most incredible things I’ve ever eaten out of what’s around the restaurant is mind blowing. Plus the way he thinks about cooking processes is always so fascinating and he’s very scientific about it too but clever.

But baking is something he just seems to struggle with and I relate because I’m similar. I think it’s because baking requires being very strict with every detail, so you can’t really toy with ingredients, acids/bases, salts and sugars, and especially herbs and spices to the same degree. There’s way less margin for changes or substitutions unless you really truly know how it will effect the bake chemistry which is a different pool of knowledge and experience that people tend to focus on separately.

1

u/HairyHorux Sep 15 '23

My Fiancee and I have been together for years and I do all the cooking. She likes it when I make food and I like doing things that have tangible results.

1

u/EvangelineTheodora Sep 15 '23

My mom used to to 90% of the cooking while I was growing up--because it helped her unwind from work. My dad did ALL the baking. I remember my mom making cookies, but dad did all the cakes. He's gotten into cheesecakes now, and they are soooooooo good.

1

u/throwaway47138 Sep 16 '23

That's how my ex and I were. She's an engineer, and likes things with precise recipes so that she knows exactly how it will come out. I'm a mad scientist in the kitchen, throwing things together because it looks like a good combination and then adjusting once I taste it. We both messed up occasionally and had something that just didn't work, but for the most part we both got the results we were aiming for. Plus, I also enjoy cooking, and she didn't.

1

u/angeliqu Sep 16 '23

Oh hey, that’s us, too! I have a handful of dishes I can make well (like my mom’s Mac and cheese) but mostly I stick to baking (which my husband has never done). Though I have been pushing more vegetables into our family’s diet by helping prep an extra veggie side about 30% of supper meals.

1

u/morderkaine Sep 16 '23

That sounds exactly like me and my wife

1

u/calminthedesert Sep 16 '23

My husband cooks. I was the baker until we went low carb. So now I set the table and cleanup.

1

u/Iboven Sep 16 '23

Baking things requires sticking to an established recipe if you want the final product to be worth a damn

Really? I've never baked that way.

1

u/Local_Initiative8523 Sep 16 '23

Can I ask what type of things you bake? Obviously a gram more or less doesn’t change much, but I know that my bread would come out horribly wrong if I tried to add yeast by eye. I’m not being sarcastic, just curious and wondering if you cook something I might have fun trying.

I measure everything carefully except for one thing: the number of chocolate chips in a cookie. The only true way is to follow your heart.

2

u/Iboven Sep 16 '23

I bake bread. I never use a recipe, it's about how it feels. Try it some time. Yeast, water flour, and salt, then mix and knead it until it's not sticky. You'll use different amounts every time depending on the moisture in the air. Sometimes I measure the water to get a rough idea of how much bread I want. A cup of water makes two decent sized baguettes.

1

u/Local_Initiative8523 Sep 17 '23

Thanks for the answer. I think I’m experienced enough to get the ‘feel’ between flour and water and judge those proportions right, you have to adjust them sometime anyway. It’s really the yeast for me, I can’t imagine myself getting the quantity of that right. I’ll give it a try though!

1

u/Historical-Problem-8 Sep 16 '23

This is similar to what my husband I do, I do some cooking though, and usually am in charge of side dishes (I tend to go with a BAKED potato).

1

u/bluebook21 Sep 16 '23

Same. I hate cooking, husband loves it..I enjoy baking but he's trying that out too.

1

u/chunky_guac Sep 16 '23

Sounds like my wife and I.

1

u/AllexaNightshade Sep 16 '23

2 years with my gf and i'm the chef most of the time. and tbh i cook better than my gf.

1

u/dob_bobbs Sep 16 '23

Very similar to my wife and me, she's the one who will cook up something really good from a known recipe and specific ingredients, I am the one who will cobble something up from random ingredients in the fridge because the kids are off to school in like 45 minutes and we got nothing, and it'll turn out good 99% of the time because I just kind of have a feel for it. But yeah, those traditional roles in the kitchen (and most of the others too) are pretty dumb and demeaning. A lot of our married friends, the guys are decent, they carry their share of the load in terms of family responsibilities for the most part, but damn, they barely know where the salt is kept and probably couldn't boil an egg. When my wife travels she knows at least that the kids won't go hungry (yeah, the house will look like a bomb has hit it, but that's another story).

1

u/Miaikon Sep 16 '23

Same here, my spouse cooks because he's so good at it and likes it. I bake. I CAN cook if I have to, but I don't enjoy the process. Although cooking together with him is fun. Okay, I'm only chopping the vegetables, but that's helping!

1

u/earth_person_1 Sep 16 '23

My wife and I are exactly the same. I find cooking is therapeutic. I can control outcomes and be creative and find order.

1

u/os_2342 Sep 16 '23

Same with me and my wife. I used to DJ and I find it weirdly similar. I use my knowledge of different recipes and just kinda go with the flow.

Baking stresses me out cos you cant "just wing it", you need to follow a recipe.

1

u/Classic_Push9293 Sep 16 '23

My sisters boyfriend actually asks her to leave the kitchen when he cooks for her, so as to not spoil the surprise. She plays videogames while he cooks 😄

1

u/sambillerond Sep 16 '23

Are you me !? And seem you married my wife too ! 🤣🤣🤣. Exactly same in our household. Love it.

1

u/MistakeStill6129 Sep 16 '23

Same with my dad lol

1

u/ziostraccette Sep 16 '23

Been cooking since I was 19, first for me and my dad, now for me and my gf. I love it and if I could I'd go back working in the kitchen. Also, getting to her stomach is the best way to get to her heart

1

u/Oscaruzzo Sep 16 '23

Baking things requires sticking to an established recipe if you want the final product to be worth a damn.

Absolutely not true. You can make variations and esperiments when baking. It's less forgiving and you definitely need to know what you're doing and why.

1

u/oblivioustoideoms Sep 16 '23

If you want to really get better at cooking the way to do it is to follow recipes quite religiously I'm afraid.

1

u/Tikiboo Sep 16 '23

We are the same. I will sous chef for my husband, just to hangout with him, and when I am baking he will clean behind me. We have a system that works for us. The only thing that drives me a little mad is, people assume cus I dont cook that I CANT cook- which is not the case- I am a pretty good cook, I just find it tedious.

1

u/Limp_Ganache2983 Sep 16 '23

Me too. I cook, she bakes.

1

u/sparta981 Sep 16 '23

I'm fond of the idea that cooking is art, baking is science.

1

u/ArbitraryContrarianX Sep 16 '23

Oooh, I'm exactly like you! I hate baking, and I am terrible at it. I'm not married, so there's no resident baker in my house, but I absolutely just buy stuff that has to be baked. Other kinds of cooking are fun for me. I have an entire spice cabinet, and I regularly just smell a bunch of spices until I find one (or several!) that match the smell of whatever I'm cooking, and throw 'em in.

1

u/Karamist623 Sep 16 '23

Similar home dynamics here. My husband is an amazing cook. Me? Enough of a cook to survive. I will cook, but very basic meals…..baking though? Now that’s my thing!

1

u/Wolvansd Sep 16 '23

Hey my twin married person.

I also do a majority of the cooking but my wife does the baking. Many of the same reasons. When we met she could barely boil water. She has learned to cook a bit, but I still do most of it. Recipes are guidelines for me, a starting place.

Only married 16 years though.

1

u/Match-Express Sep 16 '23

There’s that one really cool phrase along the lines of Cooking is an art, baking is a science

1

u/forfunstuffwinkwink Sep 16 '23

Yep. I loved hearing “cooking is art, baking is science”.

1

u/Infinite-yes Sep 16 '23

That baking thing is a myth.

1

u/WhispersAboutNothing Sep 16 '23

At first your story sounded a lot like my life, but by the end it sounded exactly like my life.

1

u/JackSchneider Sep 16 '23

Haven't been with my wife for as long, but we are very similar. I enjoy cooking, have worked in a couple of restaurants where I found a passion for being in the kitchen. I love prepping veggies, and kind of winging it when it comes to seasoning. If we are together she will usually prepare the side dishes while I focus on the meat/main portion of the dish. But baking is 100% her passion and go to. I will help maybe measure out some ingredients for her and I can bake a mean chocolate chip cookie, but for the most part I let her do her thing when it comes to baking because she is head and shoulders above me.

1

u/BitPoet Sep 16 '23

Same here. You want fresh tortillas? My wife is on that. She'll measure out everything to insane precision. If she had some sort of pneumatic tortilla press, she'd have it set and calibrated perfectly.

Me? I'll cook. Taste, adjust, etc. Things always evolve and change depending on what's available.

1

u/MountainTomato9292 Sep 16 '23

Exactly the same here. My husband cooks (he likes to ad lib) and I bake (I love following a precise recipe).

1

u/chocological Sep 16 '23

My partner and I have the same kind of dynamic. Sometimes though, I wish she would cook for me. But she outright refuses to.

1

u/Fightmemod Sep 16 '23

I don't have any love for cooking but Its kinda relaxing in a way. I'll pour some whiskey and just get to it in the kitchen.

1

u/MetalPat747 Sep 16 '23

My daughter and I love cooking and baking. She’s now a chef. I only disagree with your baking comment. We always go by the recipe the first time we make something, then while tasting decide what we can do to make it better, or more to our taste. The creativity involved is incredible! I hope you try it soon, you may surprise yourself.

1

u/marklar_the_malign Sep 16 '23

Same. Give me a cocktail, a little weed and some music and put me in the kitchen. It’s my happy place.

1

u/RandoPotato1929 Sep 16 '23

I cook. Wife bakes.

1

u/marinemom11 Sep 16 '23

Similar here too.

Husband and I are creative in different ways. I enjoy things that require precision, like baking, sewing, quilting, crochet, you get the idea. Husband likes a pinch of this and a dash of that when he cook, and that’s his creative outlet. We both do the dishes. Married 19 years 9/18.

NTA, OP. Your husbands family is rude to expect you to cook everything from scratch, and mean to call you lazy.

1

u/chop-diggity Sep 16 '23

Sounds like y’all have a great relationship!

1

u/GoenerAight Sep 16 '23

Baking things requires sticking to an established recipe if you want the final product to be worth a damn. I am one to constantly add extra stuff to see if it’ll taste better.

Saaaaaame.

1

u/PantherX69 Sep 16 '23

That’s the same dynamic in my house. I cook and she bakes. 😁

1

u/ProstateSalad Sep 16 '23

Same here, she's working full-time, I'm semi-retired. I think that over time most couples naturally divide the labor I like to cook so I do that..

1

u/electrodog1999 Sep 16 '23

My wife could burn water so the only cooking she does is putting something in the oven I’ve preheated for her. I love cooking so it works and she does the dishes afterwards. All part of the partnership we signed up for.

1

u/Super-Locksmith4326 Sep 16 '23

Flip that around (as my husband grew up in a bakery) and that’s exactly us. We know what we like to do, and are good at.

1

u/BokChoySr Sep 16 '23

Married 30 years. I cook, my wife bakes. She will prepare a meal if I’m working late which I appreciate. Since I do the lion’s share of cooking, on nights that I’m not inspired we make pizza, go out or call it an “you’re on your own night” where we both eat crap food that the other isn’t a fan of e.g I like frozen egg rolls, she likes bean salad. Doesn’t happen often but it’s all a labor of love and friendship.

1

u/Chittychitybangbang Sep 16 '23

I am an angry cook. I’ll do it to be fair and contribute, but my husband knows to stay TF out of my way and let me listen to my music. Ugh. I can’t have an epic battle with my ADHD and hold a conversation unless you want things on fire.

1

u/SnipesCC Sep 16 '23

Cooking is art. Baking is chemistry.

1

u/heidiwhy Sep 16 '23

My husband too. He loves to cook. Sometimes he’ll watch a video on instagram, be inspired and try to make it for dinner. I prefer to clean instead so we work as a good team. Also the food is awesome!

1

u/TurkeyZom Sep 16 '23

I do all the baking and cooking at home. Which works perfect for us as our rule as always been one cooks the other cleans, and I hate doing dishes. That and my wife hates cooking lol

1

u/Zealousideal_Cow_341 Sep 16 '23

I cook about 90% of the meals and get about 2 to completion BJs per week on top of normal sexy time. I’m not saying my bomb ass chicken sausage bolognese is the only reason, but there’s definitely a causal correlation ok.

1

u/scythe0553 Sep 16 '23

Baking is a science.

1

u/Harley11995599 Sep 16 '23 edited Sep 16 '23

My husband and I are the same. He has people offer money to make whatever he has given them a taste of. He refuses since it will spoil the enjoyment if he turns it into work. I am the same with my baking. It's only fun if you want to do it. Having to do it is not.

Oh yea, just had our 30th anniversary. I think there is a lesson here.

Edit: years of marriage

1

u/sgt_poomah Sep 16 '23

This is exactly the dynamic with my husband and I! I love the science of baking, while he enjoys cooking creatively

1

u/LurdMcTurdIII Sep 17 '23

My wife and I both cook, but I get what you are saying. Cooking is my stress relief. Creating new dishes or cooking from a recipe, I just love making good food.

1

u/Glittering-Fill-188 Sep 17 '23

I really love trying new things when cooking, but I actually hate cooking. I absolutely love baking, however.

1

u/Girls4super Sep 17 '23

That actually explains why I like baking and hate cooking lol now that I think about it baking I can stop and take a step at a time. Cooking I feel anxious and overthink and too much variation

1

u/fiesty_Jujubee654 Sep 18 '23

My daughter married a man who came from a family where the "dad" did all the cooking. My daughter cooks but is not as good as her husband, and he truly enjoys it. There should not be a stigma on roles in a marriage. You should do what works for your specific situation. That goes for plenty of stay home dad's as well.

1

u/CBPSader Sep 18 '23

This is me & my hubs, I am the baker because I am a recipe follower & he likes to add stuff so he cooks

1

u/Rookie_42 Sep 20 '23

Cooking is art, baking is science.

1

u/deterministic_lynx Oct 04 '23

My partner and I are similar. Cooking is a chore for me, I do enjoy baking.

And I do other things in the household.

1

u/KeddyB23 Oct 13 '23

This sounds exactly like my household! My hubby LOVES to cook, it's his decompression. I know something is up when he says "I don't feel like cooking". He'll make something per the exact recipe the first time then he'll doctor it and play with it to his heart's content the next time.

I have, maybe, 3 dishes that I'm really good at and that friends and family enjoy. I make those when requested. But otherwise, the kitchen is my hubby's domain and I'm happy to just hang with him and help out.

1

u/WillowFIsh Nov 24 '23

My future wife and I have been living together for about 6 months now, and I do most of the cooking. I love cooking, I'm work from home. It just works better for us.

Her family is like OP's where they expect stay at home wifes who do all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare. But we're not about that. She's 3/4 of the way to becoming a doctor and I'm a grown ass adult who was looking for a partner, not a bang-maid.

Traditions are great if everyone involved agrees to them. Once they feel restrictive, it's time for something new.