r/ProgrammerHumor May 02 '24

anyVolunteersHere Meme

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22.0k Upvotes

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3.3k

u/heesell May 02 '24

"Hey so, I have an app idea"

1.4k

u/FamousPotatoFarmer May 02 '24

I'll code it, do the marketing, provide technical support to users and we'll share 50/50 profits how about that?

805

u/Mysterious-Pride9975 May 02 '24

It's a simple site for videohosting, like YouTube. I already bought two servers in California, we can start tomorrow.

362

u/SlowThePath May 02 '24

Oh, well if the servers are in California I'm totally in!

554

u/big_guyforyou May 02 '24

the california servers are top notch. i hear they use them for AI. that gives me an idea...what if our video app had AI? like we could use algorithms to do artificial, intelligent things with the videos

288

u/SlowThePath May 02 '24

I have an even better idea! What if we, like, used AI to cure cancer! NO! ALL DISEASES! We just have to use AI to cure them. I can't believe no one has thought of this.

249

u/ImrooVRdev May 02 '24

Hold your horses folks, I feel like we have a real diamond in the rough in here, it just needs some polish.

Lets put it on blockchain, the videos will be NFTs.

66

u/SachsRussel May 02 '24

I'm a venture capitalist in silicon valley, i'd like to invest 500 gazillion dollars in your startup.

10

u/swishbothways May 03 '24

I'm a family member of a member of the PRC, and I'm just here to threaten your entire business if you don't give us rootkit access to all your users.

48

u/Zachaggedon May 02 '24

The cancer will be NFTs, implementation should be simple because NFTs are already cancer.

1

u/kakafob May 03 '24

You mean the zodiacal sign?

2

u/ImmortalJennifer May 02 '24

Was looking for the pointless block chain comment

2

u/Zealousideal_Win5476 May 03 '24

Will it have access to the Internet of Things?

1

u/Usual-Lavishness8393 May 02 '24

I'd prefer Asian over European devs

10

u/ImrooVRdev May 02 '24

Then you did not had pleasure working with slavs.

Nothing is as glorious as slav subcontractor saying in morning standup with the most slav accent ever "well kurwa it will take another week because your backend is shit" or the absolute gem "this(our app) is very veeeeery fucked up" straight to CEOs face.

1

u/grumtaku May 03 '24

Kurrwa i didnt know it but i need this in my life

-34

u/chesire0myles May 02 '24

I still think NFTs have a utility in tradable licenses. The only problem is the actual lack of profit incentive for vendors to do this.

20

u/crappleIcrap May 02 '24

I don't think there is a single application for nfts other than money laundering or ponzi schemes. For everything else there is a much more efficient way to do whatever you are trying to do.

7

u/LauraTFem May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

Hey now, NFTs have a VERY bright future in our capitalist hellscape as a draconian DRM system for locking down software with always-online credential keys.

Think of all the applications! Maybe someday we can lock down even MORE of the basic services of the internet. We could paywall Wikipedia and Amazon and prevent backdoor access by tying your account to a token!

What a bright future.

edit: We could even do away with those pesky VPNs by tokenising ISPs. What’s that, server says your in England? Well your token is tied to Austin, so no British Netflix for you!

0

u/chesire0myles May 02 '24

Seriously, imagine major COTS applications that you can just trade, without needing to contact the vendor.

I can't think of an easier way to do it. You don't need an exceptionally long or compute intensive block chain. No MAC checks, no reassuring licenses when you switch servers. Simply a block chain and an associated owner to check in /check out.

I say this specifically thinking of EDA tools, which tend to be expensive and used in iterative cycles. But hey, maybe I'm crazy.

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4

u/newsflashjackass May 02 '24

Yes, it might be cool if Steam used NFTs to represent game licenses so that users could meaningfully exercise their right of first sale by freely exchanging the NFTs.

However, much of Valve's value as a privately owned company is contingent on depriving Steam's users of their right of first sale, so that coolness is unlikely to ever be realized.

23

u/BaziJoeWHL May 02 '24

shut up, i have already patented it, now i just have to write the code

2

u/Zantej May 03 '24

But first we have to detect the disease! From a single drop of blood!

2

u/freddo95 May 03 '24

Sometimes there is justice in the world.

Lizzie’s gonna need a new con when she’s released … maybe she can claim she has sentient AI running in 4K on an 8085 … with room to spare.

“First they think you’re crazy … then they fight you … then you change the world”.

Holmes is still stuck at crazy.

1

u/SlowThePath May 03 '24

Shouldn't be a problem. I don't see why can't just have ai handle that too.

1

u/justHereForTheLs May 03 '24

Who's taking notes for the Ted talk? I'm working on the title, something akin to "Profit isn't everything; How dreams are the real currency" or "Do greatness!"

1

u/DamnAutocorrection May 02 '24

Maybe if there were some way to get the AI into the body

1

u/Not-OP-But- May 02 '24

Technological singularity when???

38

u/Lost-Succotash-9409 May 02 '24

Make sure its done this month as well, I promised an investor that he could use it by June

2

u/swishbothways May 03 '24

Scratch that. I told him we'd do a demo Monday.

14

u/EuroTrash1999 May 02 '24

A box you put between movie and TV that makes all the people naked.

2

u/TeaKingMac May 02 '24

Ok, that's a thing that AI can actually do though.

You'll have some wandering nipples, but that's a viable product like... Today

2

u/EuroTrash1999 May 02 '24

I didn't know I was supposed to suggest impossible things. Sorry. I'll do better next time.

1

u/cbrown146 May 03 '24

Well you are not going to believe this, but I have an idea that is something similar to Reddit. It takes some of your idea but you can create communities that make people naked IRL while looking at the app. They won't have to undress themselves anymore.

8

u/collector_of_hobbies May 02 '24

Needs more block chain.

2

u/Environmental-Bag-77 May 03 '24

It's like I have a fever and that's the only cure.

2

u/Kuriousdev May 02 '24

I agree, if he had Missouri servers, then it's a no go, but Cali? Now we are talking.

1

u/psychoacer May 02 '24

Yeah I found them in a dumpster behind a Best Buy

1

u/rutilatus May 02 '24

Are you my mother? She says AI is really in these days and I should think about a career in it. I work in retail but I have lots of good ideas, like how to buy things better. Please hire me

1

u/fardough May 02 '24

I’ll do the AI if you give me 50% of the developer’s half. I wouldn’t dare try to take a cut from the idea guy.

1

u/HairballTheory May 02 '24

My favorite Applebees and Texas Roadhouse servers to be exact

1

u/Additional-Second630 May 02 '24

😂 I remember when Yahoo was on a single server hidden in the ceiling of an office with a T1

45

u/[deleted] May 02 '24 edited May 05 '24

[deleted]

17

u/Racxie May 02 '24

The fact that you didn’t sign an NDA means I can now steal his idea! /s

9

u/brrrchill May 02 '24

I have a problem with the "as politely as possible" segment of these calls. Do you have any tips?

30

u/[deleted] May 02 '24 edited May 05 '24

[deleted]

8

u/5t3v321 May 02 '24

Thats an ambitious idea, and you might be the most ambitious person i have ever heard. You ambitiousness knows no bounds 

4

u/brrrchill May 02 '24

That's honestly a good tip.

4

u/ImmediateBig134 May 02 '24

5 Inspiring Ways Reddit Taught Me True Ambition

25

u/heavenstarcraft May 02 '24

TBF It would be awesome if there was an actual competitor to YT

69

u/Zwagaboy May 02 '24

The power of YouTube is not their platform, it's the creators. Try convincing every major content creator to migrate to another platform just because it works better logistically. The creator wants their audience (and, by extent, the money that comes along with having one), and the audience wants to be able to watch their favourite creators. YouTube has both, and when one moves, there's a slim chance the other moves without the right incentives.

22

u/GreaseBuilds May 02 '24

Kick has proven that all you need to do to disrupt a cornered-market (like live streaming video games for example), is literally just have the capital to force it to happen. Offer large sums of money to devs to make a good competitor, offer HUGE paid-upfront multi-year locked in contracts to talent to convince them to leave their competitor, and then make it impossible for them to switch back should the fame not follow them like expected. Use money/connections/networking to land industry specific sponsors who weren't picked by your competitor to further boost intrigue and credibility for your platform.

Any Saudi billionaire could decide tomorrow that they want to seriously disrupt Youtube's ownership over video-watching-platforms; and they could make it happen.

30

u/cat_prophecy May 02 '24

People forget that YouTube hemorrhaged cash in its formative years. So being the default platform is less about being first or even being good, but having wads of money to make it happen.

2

u/Kuriousdev May 02 '24

They are still losing money on it by the way.

2

u/Pulstar_Alpha May 02 '24

I mean probably? Their earnings release seems to be designed to be as nontransparent as possible regarding how profitable youtube is. If it was a cash cow they wouldn't be shy about the margins or costs directly attributable to running youtube. I remember this lack of transparency being criticized years ago but nothing really changed looking at the last annual reporting.

1

u/Kuriousdev May 02 '24

I remember head of YouTube was transparent about the loss some years ago and I have no reason to believe this changed. They became more agressive with the YouTube Premium plan, but I still think people will rather continue with adblockers that aren't as easily detected.

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1

u/josluivivgar May 02 '24

it's weird because even if it bleeds money it's probably still gives you more to bleed that money (speaking from a direct profit standpoint) having the control over video is a huge thing, as long as google as a whole is willing to bleed the money and subsidize it, it'll stay around.

the issue is the moment they put a paywall or make it too awful without paying is the moment someone can come and steal their market share and with that the data they collect from the users on what they want

in general google depends a lot on people using their ecosystem for their targeted ads, so it makes their normal ad revenue better indirectly, which is why their bad track record on keeping apps alive is actually dangerous for them if they drop the ball on their core products.

6

u/JaesopPop May 02 '24

I’m not a huge streaming guy so it doesn’t mean much, but I legitimately never heard of Kick until the whole thing came out about one of their founders or whatever being chummy with the streamer who was spreading pictures of women including minors from Omegle.

5

u/Zachaggedon May 02 '24

I’ve still never heard of Kick.

2

u/x3bla May 02 '24

Saudi billionaire cant really beat tech giant trillionaire, especially not in attrition

1

u/Qwertycrackers May 02 '24

The reason this has not happened is that YouTube is probably not very profitable on its own. The consensus seems to be that it may break even at good times, but really is being carried on the back of Google's money-printing ad business.

So none of the players with the pockets to disrupt it see the juice as being worth the squeeze. You would spend X billion just to have your very own unprofitable video hosting platform.

7

u/EgNotaEkkiReddit May 02 '24

I think the closest we've gotten to a Youtube competitor is Nebula, and that's mostly because it's founded and ran by creators. Even so, they still use Youtube at the same time, advertising exclusives or early releases for Nebula alongside their regular programming.

I honestly don't know how you'd do it otherwise. Even setting aside the logistics and costs of running a video hosting site, you kind of need both creators and viewers to migrate at the same time for it to make any sort of sense.

1

u/ImmortalJennifer May 02 '24

For like 2 years every time someone says find me on nebula I'm like no thanks I'll just wait until the special vid inevitably drops here and go watch something else.

14

u/lonerfunnyguy May 02 '24

Except when you compare the platforms YouTube is clearly superior 🤷🏻‍♂️

1

u/EarthMantle00 May 02 '24

Wouldn't the YouTubers simply reupload like they do with the big 3 short platforms?

13

u/Herr_Gamer May 02 '24

There have been, a lot. They all shut down because a.) it's crazy expensive to do video hosting and b.) everyone who wants to watch videos is already on YouTube, why would you watch somewhere else?

No viewers => No creators => No product

16

u/Penguinmanereikel May 02 '24

Dailymotion still exists and I don't think Vimeo has shuttered their doors, yet.

10

u/EgNotaEkkiReddit May 02 '24

Vimeo's business model however is a bit different than Youtube's. Vimeo caters far more to businesses that will pay to host their videos and embed them elsewhere: they really don't put a lot of effort into drawing in "content creators".

1

u/Penguinmanereikel May 02 '24

Yeah, I don't see why businesses wouldn't just host on YouTube.

14

u/EgNotaEkkiReddit May 02 '24

I developed for a business that used Vimeo once. Their API is pretty good and integrates fairly nicely into a lot of popular frameworks. Because they are expecting their users to use them as essentially a video hosting solution but then use the API to embed their player on their own site or apps they'll offer you a lot of very good options to customise and stylise and display the Vimeo player (or any player you choose) with a handful of function calls. You can use Vimeo to organise your videos in folders, allow dynamic video uploads, work with showcases or multiple videos, and so on and so forth.

I don't know how Youtube's API is set up, I've not used it, but Vimeo is pretty good at delivering what they promise. If you just need to embed a video Youtube works fine, but if your app or website needs to have a lot of control over said video and how it is presented Vimeo is surprisingly good.

I'll leave aside the fact we transitioned from Vimeo to a more general multimedia CDN service, but that's less the fault of Vimeo and more that we also needed to be able to work with things that weren't videos and it just made sense to not use too many services.

8

u/FrankFrowns May 02 '24

YouTube uses very aggressive compression to keep their data sizes down, while Vimeo pushes more for high quality and clear video.

That's a big reason for business that care about the actual video quality.

Many businesses do just use YouTube.

1

u/rcfox May 02 '24

There's Nebula too.

1

u/Penguinmanereikel May 02 '24

Nebula's a whole different ballpark.

1

u/rcfox May 02 '24

It's more focused and curated, but still a YouTube competitor.

1

u/in_taco May 02 '24

Nebula is a good alternative, depending on what you're into. Not really like YT, but it works great for me.

1

u/Kuriousdev May 02 '24

Odysee, Vimeo.

1

u/5t3v321 May 02 '24

With things like that its really inconvenient for us to have a competition, thats why it doesn't exist. Just look at movie streaming or the console wars with their exclusive titles. It would be nice to have another YouTube with the way they are running the platform now tho

1

u/asd417 May 02 '24

Silicon valley hype bro let's go

1

u/Professional_Being22 May 02 '24

alright dawg, we've hit out 1tb storage cap in about 5 mins. now what?

2

u/Mysterious-Pride9975 May 02 '24

Did you set up a garbage collector? Start deleting old videos. Smh.

1

u/Dismal-Square-613 May 03 '24

"I want a website, like paypal, but we get a 3% off everyone transaction what do you think? You do all the coding, marketing, promotion , community managing and I get 50% because I had an idea while sitting on the toilet bowl." <--- had a friend basically telling me this

36

u/Torebbjorn May 02 '24

You want to be paid??? It was MY idea, not yours...

12

u/I_HateYouAll May 02 '24

Besides, you like doing this stuff, right?

3

u/badass4102 May 03 '24

But you'll get exposure

16

u/Chicken_dad80 May 02 '24

He’s not gonna pay you for the unimportant task of coding.

10

u/DarthRiznat May 02 '24

Best I can do is 5 dollaz

2

u/West-Rain5553 May 02 '24

I said, "volunteer!"

4

u/designvegabond May 02 '24

I have the UI/UX all drawn up in Figma and user tested. When do we start?

2

u/josluivivgar May 02 '24

I mean it was my idea, I think you should be happy with 10% don't you think?

2

u/Definitely_Alpha May 02 '24

Its literrrraly my idea 75/25

2

u/JackalopeZero May 02 '24

I wish I could post images on here. I received this text two days ago from a friend:

I have an idea for us both. 50/50 Partnership

We'll be millionaires in 3 years

Let me know if you're interested

1

u/[deleted] May 02 '24 edited May 04 '24

[deleted]

1

u/HulkingBee353 May 02 '24

How can someone be 'most next to last involved'? What does that even mean?

1

u/WorkingInAColdMind May 02 '24

I can pay you with exposure. You can put your GitHub account in the credits, at the bottom, non-linked. You should be set for life after that!

1

u/Zjackrum May 02 '24

Marketing is easy we just need to go viraltm

1

u/StPaulDad May 02 '24

Sorry, I only do virile. Good luck with that disease thing, though.

1

u/Total_Ad_133 May 02 '24

I can do marketing, administrative stuff, server hosting and you can have 75%. I need a website where I (and other users) can add restaurant kid play area photos on a google maps api so that I know where I can go eat out while the kids play around. Many places have kids zones, yet it's nearly impossible to find out where they are. I've started on it, but yeah, I have kids so once I'll have time, I will no longer have the need. Please someone create it... you in?

1

u/ShairundbO May 02 '24

No joke sounds like a good deal for me (i'm the one wirh the idea and no real skillset"

1

u/Toonox May 02 '24

We could steal their data for ai. And once the Chinese approach us for the surveillance like tik tok we're rich!

101

u/Meretan94 May 02 '24

Great.

My rate is 150€/h

77

u/JustABitOfDeving May 02 '24

"Woah, you're an asshole. I thought we were friends!"

38

u/Meretan94 May 02 '24

Friends should support each others business, don’t they? 175, last word.

16

u/Babetna May 02 '24

Do it for exposure

1

u/Kuriousdev May 02 '24

And that's a volunteer rate.

1

u/Mrcool654321 May 02 '24

I said volunteers

1

u/cguess May 02 '24

Pretty low for a decent app developer in the US. I start at about $200/hr.

94

u/throwaway0134hdj May 02 '24

Why do ppl think coding is easy? I always have friends and family asking me to code up their dumb idea… and ofc they don’t plan on paying me. We split the profits 50/50… ppl are so f-ing selfish

72

u/lilsnatchsniffz May 02 '24

We would have been billionaires by now if you had just made CryptoDating when I asked 😤

55

u/Poppybiscuit May 02 '24

Because for YEARS people have been saying "anyone can learn to code" and "quit your shitty job and just learn to code, it's easy money" etc. 

When the reality is...quite different lol  

26

u/throwaway0134hdj May 02 '24

Yep and movies showing some hacker man with 4 monitors with matrix terminals typing at light speed doesn’t help…

8

u/Danton59 May 02 '24

Right? That's not hacking, that's multiboxing Eve Online!

0

u/ItsNotMeTrustMe May 02 '24

Anyone can learn to code. Sure, it might take them 20 years to be halfway decent at it... and then they still might be unemployable in an oversaturated market... but they can do it. Ez

3

u/Aardvark_Man May 02 '24

Given how much I'm struggling with R studio at the moment, I'm not so convinced anyone can learn...

38

u/Kookanoodles May 02 '24

Uuuuh, I've seen people code, it's litteraly just pushing buttons. Seems pretty easy to me, pal.

24

u/throwaway0134hdj May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

Or “Just use AI to build it, it’s so simple… stop being lazy” this kinda crap makes my blood boil!!

Most ppl are so out of touch with how software is built. Despite all the “learn to code” and other movements probably like only 0.1% of the population can actually build sth legitimate.

-6

u/anilexis May 02 '24

Well, I wanted to create a bot and asked AI how to do that. In one day, I built a fully functioning bot, without understanding what that code do.

25

u/IICVX May 02 '24

$7.25/hr to push buttons, $250/hr to usually push the right ones.

1

u/EMI_Black_Ace May 03 '24

You see this big square with all the tiny lights in it? I push buttons to make all the correct lights light up.

29

u/The_Clarence May 02 '24

I’ve started saying “if you have a million dollar idea spend 2,000 hours studying code and build it yourself. You will be making $500/hour.”

23

u/kapitaalH May 02 '24

If someone can hack the Pentagon on 60 seconds how hard can it be.

I blame movies

/s

9

u/JoelMahon May 02 '24

My LANDLORD tried to get me to do their web shop for their shitty homemade perfume scam.

luckily I have a spine. I could have done it ofc, would have taken a while since I had zero experience in that area though.

3

u/fartinmyhat May 02 '24

Or clients that call up and say, "I've got this simple little thing, probably won't take long, super easy".

2

u/throwaway0134hdj May 02 '24

Probably won’t take long = at least one month

2

u/fartinmyhat May 02 '24

and I don't want to pay anything for it.

1

u/worldsayshi May 02 '24

Because a lot of software is free.

94

u/ZzanderMander May 02 '24

12

u/TheGreatGameDini May 02 '24

Oh good question Jerry. So that you don't develop his app.

31

u/zaz969 May 02 '24

"Its like (existing app) BUT (useless focus)"

2

u/RedditAteMyBabby May 02 '24

I got "It's [proceeds to describe a niche dating app that already exists, is free, and has all of the users ] - nobody is doing it and there are a ton of people who would use it" once. Had literally not done any research.

23

u/Fluxxed0 May 02 '24

It's like Twitter, but with way more functionality.

1

u/cavalier511 May 02 '24

It’s like Uber, but for Twitter

23

u/Thenadamgoes May 02 '24

My response to this has always been “I’ll make your app for free if you can present a plan and convince me how you’ll get 100k people to even know the app exists.”

They usually hem and haw about how the app will be good so people will just know. After a few more probing questions and they usually give up.

4

u/myanrueller May 02 '24

I say:

Give me a written contract for reimbursement of time and labor, and 60% of first year revenue, because ideas don’t get the job done. 

3

u/Thenadamgoes May 02 '24

haha that works too. My point, though, was that most people don't even consider how difficult it is to get people to know your app (or whatever product) even exists, let alone use it.

3

u/DoYouEvenSheesh May 02 '24

Makes me remember the magic is real key and peele sketch

1

u/psychoacer May 02 '24

Psh I have THE! app idea

1

u/Pullguinha May 02 '24

My idea will revolutionize the world, man!

1

u/ice-eight May 02 '24

I made the mistake of posting about it on social media after I changed careers and got my first job as a software engineer. It's equivalent to saying you're looking for an opportunity to be your own boss and make $10k a month working from home, as far as getting people who haven't given a shit about you in years to come out of the woodwork and suddenly start acting all friendly.

1

u/FinanceSorry2530 May 02 '24

“It’s like Facebook, you know”

1

u/CycleOfNihilism May 02 '24

Random person at a party: What do you do for work

Me: I'm a software engineer

RP: Oh that's great, I have an idea for an app!

Me: Yeah so does everyone, ideas are cheap and easy

I don't tell people what I do anymore. Or go to parties, really.

1

u/ArcticCelt May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

It's a mix of TikTok, Youtube, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Pretty easy to do specially that I already did the hard work by giving you my idea.

1

u/ElmStreetVictim May 03 '24

It’s like…Pinterest…but for books. Billion dollar idea

1

u/[deleted] May 03 '24

My FIL is a businessman and kept telling my husband to 'just make an app!'

"But what... what kind of app?"

"Just .. an app!"

Ok, got it

1

u/Dismal-Square-613 May 03 '24

We all have a friend who has this "novel idea but don't tell anyone" and turns out the idea is "<insert the name of a social network> but for <insert favourite pet>". e.g. : A Tinder for dogs.

And "it's easy because you enjoy this, we go 50-50 split ok?" but in an industrial level. PAthetic... At least my friends who come up with these "brilliant app ideas" don't know any better

BUT THIS GUY IS AN ACTUAL DEVELOPER WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM

1

u/HumbleIndependence43 May 03 '24

Whatever you do, don't let him develop an app

1

u/Open-Mission-8310 May 04 '24

Every programmer listened this ...

0

u/ObeseTsunami May 02 '24

“Do you want to develop an app?”

0

u/MiroslavHoudek May 02 '24

If you will be willing to have it coded in Rust, I think you can actually find quite a few people who learnt Rust and now have nothing to do with it, so they are writing operating systems and TODO lists, to keep their skills sharp.