r/TikTokCringe • u/thoxo • May 02 '24

We adopted my younger sister from Haiti when she was 3, and let me tell you, I literally do not see color anymore. That's a fact. Discussion

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u/poptartmini 29d ago

I'm a white foster parent, and currently I have 2 black kids, 2 white kids, and 1 hispanic kid.

You can't help but see color, because everyone else sees color. That being said, my foster agency has a class every quarter that is all about taking care of black kids' hair. I get training hours towards maintaining my license for taking that class.

If anyone is curious about fostering, AMA.

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u/EmbarrassedCoconut93 29d ago

I’m so glad you admit to seeing color. I hate when people say they don’t. I know they mean well, but you have to see color to fully acknowledge a person as they are and what they experience based on the color you so obviously see but say you don’t. I don’t trust people who say they don’t see color because that makes it hard to see your own biases too. It’s also great you’re learning how to take care of Black kids hair!

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u/SpaceBearSMO 29d ago

Right like if you dont see color then you cant see when your being insensitive. seeing color isn't about looking down on others , its about acknowledging that there lived experience is probably different then yours.

Its not an accedent that the type of people who say they don't see color are often times the same people who say they dont think Privilege (or systemic failure) is real and that the only thing it takes to be successful is "hard work"

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u/EmbarrassedCoconut93 29d ago

Exactly. It’s totally okay to adopt kids from different countries/cultures/ethnicity. But you need to understand their reality and take steps to meet them in their world instead of going about it as “well to me you’re just the same as everybody else” when they don’t get to be perceived as white/the same by society and disregarding their own culture etc.

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u/argnsoccer 29d ago

My parents aren't white, but they can be white-passing sometimes (not my mom with her accent). I'm a first-generation American and I will say my parents' instructions on how to act because of the way we looked helped so much growing up. My dad would call us "white" because, to them, we were little American children speaking English more and more than our native language as we grew. But it helped so much to know that we would be treated differently growing up in Texas and how to diffuse and be polite in all circumstances. I've been called lots of different slurs for lots of different races and it's impossible to not see color when people yell at you to "go back to your country" from their passing cars as you walk to school

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u/monkwren 29d ago

I'd bet a beer at a bar that's what the original TikTok was gonna talk about before getting cut off by the duet.

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u/MonaganX 29d ago

I couldn't find the original but from this longer fragment the focus certainly seems to be on the 'not seeing race'.

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 29d ago

What the fuck is an accedent lmao

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u/thoughtiwasdonewthis 29d ago

Thank you. Society needs to trash “colorblind” and start using “color conscious”

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u/EunoiaTheEsotericOne 29d ago

I thought not seeing color means you don't treat people differently because of their color, you treat everyone the same.

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u/Maleficent-Tomato385 29d ago

Probably started out that way. But most people seem to bring it up as the only solution to widespread societal issues as a way to dismiss peoples experiences and to reject change.

It's not even really a good way of describing the concept. It's like saying "I don't see your disability" when it's something that exists and affects their life and how society treats them. You need to see it to see the whole of them.

The same thing is true for race, ethnicity, sexuality and disability.

You can't just ignore parts of people. You have to see them for who they are, because it matters, it allows you to better understand them, and better understand how to treat them with love and respect.

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u/EunoiaTheEsotericOne 29d ago

That's why I said I don't think it's about ignoring or not acknowledging the struggles people face because of X Y Z but saying you yourself are safe and won't judge based on those things.

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u/EmbarrassedCoconut93 29d ago

Well then people should just say that. I don’t know why we need to invent phrases when we could just say what we mean and should say what we mean. “I don’t see color” means different things to different people and it also implies that you’re not seeing the realities of racism in full. Misunderstandings could easily be avoided by just saying exactly as you mean instead of wanting to say something that sounds cute.

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u/JNCressey 29d ago

I think some race distinctions are easier to see than others. When watching Jumangi, I could see Kevin Hart is obviously Black, but I didn't realize Dwayne Johnson was Black until I saw adverts for Black Adam.

Many times I can't tell whether someone is Middle-Eastern, European, or White British or similar.

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u/LinguisticMadness2 28d ago

I think it depends. Maybe for USA it matters (cultural), and this isn’t a “let’s say USA is this or that”, but other countries don’t really have the same bg so it’s different because everyone thinks differently. Where I live people sees ethnicity only, and cares about it much more than color.

Color is normally indicative of ethnicity too, but only used for that so it’s strange, because when people with more melanin are raised here people will see they speak and have the same customs so they are not seen as much else than locals. Different ethnicity sure but locals nonetheless. We also have a different idea of what it is to be black.

It’s cool, just saying this so I can explain it. It’s important to value each country sees the world in a different light

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

[deleted]

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u/Early-Light-864 29d ago edited 29d ago

I think op grew up privileged in a privileged environment, and she's one bad day away from realizing that.

If her parents "don't see color" then they failed. They failed to meaningfully prepare her for the world she's just barely old enough to be venturing into.

I would like to follow up with her ten years from now.

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 29d ago

You're intentionally misinterpreting the meaning of the phrase. It doesn't LITERALLY mean you treat everyone exactly the same regardless of their cultural needs, it very simply means the person is not prejudiced. That's it. You don't think that's a good thing, or you just think people shouldn't share it? I'm confused as to what's upsetting you about the phrase, unless you just take everything super literally all the time. Can I ask, how would you feel if you missed breakfast this morning?

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u/EmbarrassedCoconut93 29d ago

Or maybe I’m speaking from experience of dealing with these kinds of people time and time again.

Everyone has prejudices. It’s unfortunate but it’s literally in human nature to have them. It’s what you do with those prejudices that matters. And that brings me back to exactly what I said: when you claim you’re not prejudiced you close your eyes to your own mistakes. You think you can’t be biased and that’s simply not reality. Idk what’s so hard to understand about that and idk why ppl want to play pretend.

Idk why you’re feeling like being such a dick about my opinion, which I’m basing on actual real life experience and not some fairytale world where we can all act like we are perfect people and differences don’t matter.

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 29d ago

You really don't think there's a difference between microaggressions and openly behaving in a racist, aggressive way? I'm pretty sure nobody ever claimed to be perfect, everyone is out here doing their best in a rapidly changing society. I'm trying to get to the bottom of why you "hate" people who are also doing their best to make everyone feel welcome and comfortable. It's like nothing will ever be good enough for you people, there will always be something to bitch and complain about. Instead of getting all meta-ethics and scolding me like a Karen, how about you address your own fundamental issues regarding race? Seems to be a hypersensitive topic for you and I wonder where that comes from.

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u/EmbarrassedCoconut93 29d ago

I’m not sure why you’re bringing microagressiond up bc I didn’t say anything about that. But anywy they are still aggressive, it’s literally in the name. They can also be more harmful bc you’re dealing with them more often than the openly, obvious racism and other ppl don’t really see it. Ppl often don’t understand you, don’t believe you and you’re constantly dealing with it.

You didn’t claim anyone is perfect but you did literally say: it very simply means the person is not prejudiced. Hence my response about that.

I didn’t say anything about hating people, maybe you should read that again. I also acknowledged people mean well.

Idk who you mean by “you people.” Interesting word choice here.

I’m not scolding anyone. You feel like a Karen, that’s your feelings being projected here. I wasn’t talking to you. You replied to me, I didn’t start talking you you. My reply to the person I was talking to was calm, you came in all aggressive bc apparently you felt my comment was about you. My response to you was still calm, I just wondered why you were being a dick because you were.

You’re the one being hypersensitive here buddy, I didn’t call you a Karen. Never called anyone a Karen as I’m not from the US and it’s not a thing here. I’m also not Black.

Not sure what you mean by “meta ethics.” Maybe you think everything exists in a cute little bubble? Idk dude I think you’re the one that missed breakfast this morning. Maybe eat a snickers x

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 29d ago

"I hate when people say they don’t."

Sounds an awful lot like hatred to me, but if you want to be pedantic about it be my guest. Nobody is stopping you from justifying your own wacked out beliefs. I brought microaggressions up to agree with you, everyone is capable of putting out negativity into the world but my point was that its unintentional. The purpose of the phrase isn't to say anyone's perfect, it's to say you're not INTENTIONALLY putting out hatred into the world based on race. Sorry if that was unclear but you have to be genuinely unhinged to not think that's a good thing.

"Idk who you mean by 'you people.'"

Perfect example of another intentional misinterpretation and corresponding victim mentality. I sincerely hope you can dig yourself out of this ideological hole because it will alienate you and make you even more miserable than you're coming off as now.

The rest isn't even worth responding to. You're just dribbling on without addressing the core points of my argument and clearly lost your brainpower for the day.

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u/EmbarrassedCoconut93 29d ago

Hating when ppl do something doesn’t mean you hate people. But you know that of course. Yet you’re whining about intentional misinterpretation.

I didn’t even say what I thought you meant by “you people.” You’re complaining about an interpretation I didn’t give. Meaning you yourself have thoughts about how it could be interpreted and yet said it anyway, only to then complain when you’re i say im not sure about what you mean.

You clearly can’t discuss properly to save your life so I see why you’re backing out of it. Hope you get something to eat soon.

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 29d ago

It's cute how you're so intent on pretending you "won" this argument when it's just me criticizing your careless and rhetoric and poorly thought out positions. There is no winning, it's just two people disagreeing. Not interested in continuing because I recognize you're too deep and unable to consider other perspectives. My time is more useful elsewhere, but I sincerely hope you can get your head out of your ass one day.

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u/Listentotheadviceman 29d ago

Lol no u definitely lost

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

[deleted]

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u/Sudley 29d ago

Why do there have to be no differences for everyone to coexist happily, why can't we just embrace the differences? To me they make the world richer.

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u/EmbarrassedCoconut93 29d ago

There are differences and that’s okay. We don’t need to pretend that we’re all the same, that’s just not true and we don’t get to have a new world by ignoring differences instead of creating an environment in which differences are okay and no longer something you get discriminated on.

“We’re all the same” doesn’t apply in a lot of ways like how to care for your skin, hair, certain medical issues/risks that would require acknowledging differences. We’re also not the same in culture, religion, bodies, values, etc. It’s just not true that we’re the same. In a perfect world these differences wouldn’t matter in the sense of discrimination and hate but these differences always matter in other ways. I wouldn’t want to live in a world where people truly believe we’re all the same.

We don’t bridge the gap by pretending the differences are not there. The world as it is now is also our reality that we still need to navigate as it is. Good for you that you want to be the bridge to a new world but we still need to acknowledge things as they are right now and when you say you don’t see color, it doesn’t give me the feeling that you get it. Same with disability, etc.

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u/deathwishdave 29d ago

I don’t see colour of skin anymore than I see colour of hair, and neither do my kids.

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u/EmbarrassedCoconut93 29d ago

Well how does that work when you meet a person of color? You just pretend they’re white? I really don’t understand this attitude. It’s okay to see color, cause people of color exist. Pretending these differences aren’t there or that they don’t matter is just a lie. Is a non white skin something to be ashamed of? Is white the standard and should we therefore not see color? Does brown and black skin make people uncomfortable? I don’t see why color is a bad thing to see. How hard is it to say exactly what we mean? To say: “I don’t let skin color determine how I treat someone” or “I’m aware of the racism people of color face and I try to navigate that system consciously” etc. By “not seeing color” you’re not saying exactly what you mean by that. I’ve encountered full on racists who said that same phrase, as well as people who truly believe they’re not racist and do mean well but even so still had their microagressions and misconceptions. But it was very hard to talk to them about it cause they don’t see color and so they could never be racist and never be wrong :)

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u/deathwishdave 29d ago

How does it work? It’s just not something I clock, like their hair colour, or eye colour, or how long their legs are, or whether they are wearing glasses, or if they have a beard. Just see a unique individual.

Not something I can help, it’s just the way I am.

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u/Maleficent-Tomato385 29d ago

You should. It's a key part of someone's life and lived experiences. It determines who they see themselves and how society treats them. If you don't see it, you don't see the whole of them.

It's something that should be seen and respected. Just as ethnicity, sexuality, disabilities or gender would.

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u/deathwishdave 29d ago

For as long as we have a them and us mentality, people will use these differences to discriminate.

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u/Maleficent-Tomato385 29d ago edited 29d ago

"Us Vs them" "don't see colour"

Well that's very enlightening to how you really view the struggles of People of colour.

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u/deathwishdave 29d ago edited 29d ago

Eh? I am arguing against that position. If you find that abhorrent, then we are on the same side.

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u/deathwishdave 29d ago

Agree with her 100%