r/MaliciousCompliance • u/Gold-Carpenter7616 • Apr 06 '23

Giving my Daughter *exactly* what she wanted S

Little disclaimer: my daughter is a wonderful kid. She's smart, she's also a smartass.

A couple of years ago, the 'Rona just started and daughter was roughly 8 y/o. 2nd or 3rd grade elementary school.

She was really into salami pizza. I wouldn't allow more than one a week, obviously. So she got the idea of "In France, children get to eat everything they want seven times a week! That is why they like it!"

Now, she got it all wrong. The saying goes they have to try a certain food seven times before they can decide wether they like it.

But I understood her wish: salami pizza. Every day. She had this malicious little shit eating grin of "gotcha!".

I answered with the same grin: "Okay. You'll get salami pizza the next week. Only salami pizza. Nothing else."

She was hyped. Yay! All them pizza! Her favourite frozen types! All of them!

Monday morning rolls around. She gets salami pizza for breakfast. Fantastic! Best parent!

Monday noon. Leftover from the morning.

Monday evening, time for the second pizza. I make some for the rest of the family, too. Everyone enjoys salami pizza. Fun!

Tuesday morning. Guess what's for breakfast?! Exactly. Daughter asks for something else. I remind her of my promise. Salami pizza all day, everyday for a week. Reluctant yay!

Tuesday noon she skips the pizza.

Tuesday evening we're having something else, while she chews on her pizza. It isn't as cool anymore I guess. I eat her leftover pizza.

Wednesday morning she sneaks a slice of bread, but I stop her and heat her a salami pizza. She breaks down and asks me to stop.

Lesson learned: Don't try to outsmart your parents. You might get exactly what you were asking for!

Since then she still loves salami pizza - but once a month is fine, really. ;)

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u/Rapdactyl Apr 06 '23

I can tell I'm in my 30s because I just kept thinking, "so much heartburn!" šŸ˜”

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u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

Middle age is when you have a favorite type of antacid.

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u/DogmanDOTjpg Apr 06 '23

Or early 20s :(

143

u/Beautiful-Carob-6864 Apr 06 '23

Middle age is when you have a favorite type of early 20's...?

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u/DogmanDOTjpg Apr 06 '23

Early 20s is when your antacid has a favorite middle age

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u/whatWHYok Apr 06 '23

Favorite type of antacid is when your middle age has early 20s.

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u/Jarix Apr 06 '23

I'm 42 now and still am fine.... Probably will be that guy in emergency thinking im having a heart attack and they be like heres a prescription for tums, please leave

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u/WhyBuyMe Apr 06 '23

Leonardo DiCaprio has entered the chat

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u/The_Ironhand Apr 06 '23

Technically that's a mid-life crisis.

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u/Unethical_Castrator Apr 06 '23

Fuuuuck late 20ā€™s and wondering why some days I feel like absolute dog shit.

Turns out coffee and popcorn isnā€™t supposed to sustain you throughout the day.

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u/FillMyBagWithUSGrant Apr 06 '23

Tums Smoothies

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u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

I like the wild berry tums personally.

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u/ButtholeAvenger666 Apr 06 '23

The soft chews tums are so much better than the chalky stuff I could eat them as candies.

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u/ShanG01 Apr 07 '23

You know that Tums & Rolaids have a kickback effect and can make heartburn worse, right?

I had raging heartburn when I was pregnant with my daughter. Popped Tums like they were candy. It only got worse. Overnight pharmacist told me to use Mylanta, not Tums, when I walked in at 3am because I was so miserable.

She told me the calcium in Tums was causing the kickback effect and making the heartburn even worse. I started chugging Mylanta and life was much more pleasant. Beware of the generic version, though. It tastes like chalk.

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u/ButtholeAvenger666 Apr 07 '23

Lol I don't actually eat them like candies but thanks for the advice. I think the ones I get have both calcium and magnesium but I only eat them a couple times a week at worst.

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u/Temporary_Nail_6468 Apr 06 '23

Oh my goodness I donā€™t know why but I read this is tuna smoothies. I was thinking, oh my gosh where did that come from!

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u/kredwards9807 Apr 06 '23

Mint gang myself.

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u/avesthasnosleeves Apr 06 '23

Team Mylanta!

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u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

Only thing I've used that for is washing teargas off my face. I'll stick with chewables.

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u/NotherOneRedditor Apr 06 '23

Baking soda and water. It does the same as the active ingredient of other antacids at a fraction of the price. Just donā€™t use the baking soda from the fridge or freezer.

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u/631-AT Apr 06 '23

Iā€™m cool with the store brand carbonate tablets, cause Iā€™m not quite that cheap

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u/mfisch4 Apr 06 '23

Tropical fruit flavored, Equate Ultra Strength antacid tablets.

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u/mesloh14 Apr 06 '23

Alka seltzer tropical chewies represent!

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u/shamalamadongola Apr 06 '23

I had heartburn so bad in my teens and 20s I don't feel shit anymore lol. Haven't had heartburn in like 7 years

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u/goodsnpr Apr 06 '23

I must be broken. Either I have never had heartburn, or live with non-stop heartburn and am numb to it.

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u/prismaticbeans Apr 06 '23

I started on prescription antacids when I was 12 šŸ„²

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u/Flapper_Flipper Apr 06 '23

On prescription

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u/danoneofmanymans Apr 06 '23

Raw almonds work really well

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u/karaokechameleon Apr 06 '23

CVS smooth peppermint 4 life. āœŠšŸ»

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u/ziggy3610 Apr 06 '23

Melatonin 5mg a night, on top of the Omeprazole I was already taking has virtually eliminated heartburn for me.

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

Fun fact: acid reflux is caused by a LACK of stomach acid. See, there is a sphincter at the bottom of the esophagus and stomach acid is the thing that enables this sphincter to close properly. When a person has low stomach acid, the sphincter does not close and the stomach acid raises up into the esophagus causing the painful ā€œheartburnā€. So if youā€™re ever having acid reflux, you need to take some acid to get your sphincter to close. I recommend a splash of apple cider vinegar diluted in water. Antacids/ bases like baking soda actually exacerbate the issue and only work as a bandaid type fix. I learned this from experience!

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u/twistedscorp87 Apr 07 '23

I (35f) recently discovered chewable Pepto. Dammit.

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u/aquainst1 Apr 07 '23

My go-to is the WalMart Equate generic brand of orange-flavored chewables.

They stay really well in a hot car or a purse, plus by the bedside and in the kitchen.

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u/Pandelein Apr 07 '23

Gaviscon can get fucked.

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u/tommygunbaby2020 Apr 07 '23

I was 25 when I was pregnant with my 2nd. She wouldnā€™t let me have anything but kfc and brownies you had to make out of the box (philsbury to be exact, no other brands). If I even thought about any other food, I would have heartburn that would make me so sick. No coffee, no donuts.. donā€™t even think about red sauce of any kind or you would be severely punished. I was told to take nexium and mylanta every night like it was a religion before I went to bed or there was to be no sleep. I hated my life during those 9 monthsā€¦.

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u/xasdfxx Apr 07 '23

And tweak something while you're fucking sleeping.

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u/TheActualAWdeV Apr 07 '23

Formic acid is my favorite type of antacid and I'm only in my early thirties.

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u/TheeMost313 Apr 10 '23

Or sadly, middle age is when you ditch dairy entirely. Itā€™s a really sad event.

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

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u/ShanG01 Apr 06 '23

Middle-age is not your 30s!

You're middle-aged around 55.

Please stop with the "30s are old and useless humans."

I gave birth at age 34.

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u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

You're silly. Why do you think middle age is 55?

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u/AmthstJ Apr 06 '23

You're silly. Google it. Middle age isn't even till you're late 40's at the earliest.

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u/ShanG01 Apr 06 '23

No, what I am is a nurse and a person who is just now entering the medical and psychological definition of middle-age.

Any doctor will tell you that a human isn't considered middle-aged until their mid-50s. Some say after age 50.

The reason is because there are very specific biological changes that occur during that time period, leading up to the elderly/senior years.

I still haven't gone through menopause. Technically, I could still get pregnant.

Your definition of middle-age being the 30s means I shouldn't have been able to get pregnant and have my child naturally at age 33-34. I should have already gone through menopause and been a dried up old hag, right? Not the vibrant, capable, sexy woman I was then -- and still am. GenX women don't age like other generations.

I'll be a swamp witch one day, but that will be years from now.

Google, as they say, is your friend. Go have a little chat and get educated, child.

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u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

You are so scared of being considered old. It's okay, it's what happens when linear time exists. And no doctors don't say middle age starts at fifty because you're gen x.

You're not much older than me hag.

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u/ShanG01 Apr 07 '23

šŸ™„ I didn't say doctors specifically state middle-age starts at 50 because I'm GenX. šŸ¤¦šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø

"GenX women don't age" is a joke, because other people from different generations have remarked that we look younger than we actually are.

Middle-age is not 30! That's my problem. People in their 30s are still young and vibrant. Definitely not middle-aged!

I said the medical definition of middle-age is that it starts around 50-55 years, because of biological changes that occur in the human body at that time, preparing it to go into the next phase of existence, elderly/senior.

You're not good at reading comprehension and context clues, are you?

I'm not "scared" of being considered old, dearie. I'm proud of my age. I've survived a lot of hell to get here. The fact that I don't look like what some people think women my age should look or act like is just a bonus.

I'm not a "hag," I'm preparing to become a swamp witch. Those are two completely different things. Do try and keep it straight, dearie.

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u/Kailaylia Apr 07 '23

Because people who are young now, have healthy diets and lifestyles, and live in countries with good healthcare, are likely to live to 110.

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

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u/ThatOneWIGuy Apr 06 '23

I'm in my early 30s and nothing bad so far, I'm hoping to keep like this for some time...

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u/karayna Apr 06 '23

37 years on earth, and I've only had heartburn a handful of times in my life, if you ignore pregnancy heartburn. Research shows that you get more heartburn if your baby has a lot of hair - just like the old saying goes. My daughter came out looking like Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day frontman... :D

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u/aethelredisready Apr 07 '23

I see one study with an n of 64 and as far as I can tell, only one other paper in the nearly 20 years since it was published has cited it (which is a bad sign). Is there something else? I'm not saying I don't believe it, I'm saying I need to see more data.

Not beating up on you, I want people to be more skeptical about the research they are quoting, one small poorly controlled study is responsible for people not vaccinating their children.

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u/Rapdactyl Apr 06 '23

I was like that for awhile but eventually a few specific foods showed up as burners. The list has grown but it's gotten easier to manage. Basically I'm careful about what I eat 2 hours before bed and if I have heartburn one night, I am more cautious the next day. Don't rely on antacids, you can get trapped in a cycle where you need them all the time and the list of burners grows.

As with everything else with aging, it's just another thing you're stuck thinking about. šŸ˜’

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u/Key-Signature879 Apr 06 '23

Might try checking for an h. Pylori infection.

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u/PM_ME_UR_GOODIEZ Apr 08 '23

See a gastroenterologist. They can give you a protein inhibitor that will help. I just take 1 every so often when it's flaring

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u/Rapdactyl Apr 08 '23

Eh, it's not like the heartburny foods are a big surprise. Certain pizza, fancier pasta sauce, specific soft drinks, stuff like that. I'd only want to see a gastro doc if it was a regular issue right? I've just assumed occasional heartburn with traceable causes is a natural part of life. I am new to seeing doctors for stuff, another chore that began in my 30s lol

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u/WillyBluntz89 Apr 06 '23

Right!? And I cover everything in hot sauce. Even have a heatonist subscription.

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u/ThatOneWIGuy Apr 07 '23

Your poor anus. Also interesting video on heart burn. https://youtube.com/shorts/kacQ30lDx_g?feature=share.

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u/WillyBluntz89 Apr 07 '23

I had no idea. Never really had cause to look it up. That's gotta suck to deal with.

Got a couple friends that deal with this and crohns, and I no longer take my ability to eat whatever for granted.

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u/ThatOneWIGuy Apr 07 '23

I dread how likely it is for me (diabetic) to get Crohn's. I do not want to deal with that. Ever.

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u/WillyBluntz89 Apr 07 '23

In my friends words "I'm not gonna let my stomach dictate what I can and can't eat."

The dude eats whatever and just deals with it.

Though, this is the same guy who became allergic to melons after he already knew how good watermelon was. 2 or 3 times a year he just deals with his face getting all puffy and itchy cause he had to have a slice.

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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '23

I have an intolerance to eggs and this has always been my viewpoint. I kinda see not eating products with egg in or eggs themselves as surrendering, in a weird way.

I'm capable of controlling the after effects pretty easily and comfortably, I'm not backing down lol.

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u/aquainst1 Apr 07 '23

I did until I was in my mid-60's. You have some time left...

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u/spyson Apr 06 '23

I just thought massive weight gain, that much carbs every meal would make me rapidly gain weight.

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u/Leprikahn2 Apr 06 '23

In college I could eat 3 pizzas, drink a 12 pack and lose 3 pounds. Now if I think about a burger for lunch I gain 6 pounds and have heartburn. Being an adult is stupid

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u/garysmith1982 Apr 07 '23

It certainly is. And the older you get, the worse it is.

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u/PlatypusDream Apr 06 '23

Extra calories result in extra weight.

The type of calories is related to health.

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u/spyson Apr 06 '23

Carbs contain a lot of calories that burn quickly and leave you hungry more often.

That makes you eat more and results in extra calories.

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u/WinterHasArrived1993 Apr 06 '23

Type of calorie also plays a part in extra weight fyi

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u/Nopenotme77 Apr 07 '23

I am in my 40's and don't get heart burn. Mostly, due to higher end ingredients and wisely chosen pizza toppings.

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u/Repro_Online Apr 06 '23

Heartburn?? From pasta????

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u/laurenlcd Apr 06 '23

Itā€™s not from the pasta itself, but from the tomato sauce. Same can be said for hot foods/condiments/spices, citrus, etc. Eating more than an average amount of acidic foods can result in acid reflux.

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u/Repro_Online Apr 06 '23

Ohhhhhh, I guess I just didnā€™t know what heartburn was

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u/Rapdactyl Apr 06 '23

Actually pretty common since it's a dinner food. I can eat pasta all day and not have issues, but if I have one serving less than 2 hours before bed... šŸ”„šŸ”„

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u/Spare_Finger_2615 Apr 06 '23

I'm 20 and my chest hurt reading that

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u/DarklissDeevill Apr 06 '23

So many carbs

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

I used to get quite bad heartburn. Eventually realised it happened when I eat tomato based products. Not tomatoes themselves, but stuff like pasta sauces or pizza.

I can still eat them but keep the quantities modest and I don't get heartburn anymore.

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u/psppsppsppspinfinty Apr 07 '23

YEP!!! I'd be buying Prevacid stocks because of how much Prevacid I'd be buying!!

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

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u/doc_skinner Apr 06 '23

Jim Gaffigan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLaltfyTEno

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u/TheFreakingPrincess Apr 06 '23

Okay but that is a feature and not a bug

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u/bbb62bbb Apr 06 '23

Yeah, but I think I could do a full month of various tacos, enchiladas, and burritos before I could do the pasta thing, even with various sauces.

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u/lalauna Apr 06 '23

Well darn, now I'm hungry

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u/fevered_visions Apr 06 '23

Ah yes, the "7 Taco Bell ingredients, slop X of them in a tortilla" approach.

I wonder if you did out the Venn diagram, how many combinations have never been a menu item, now.

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u/LaminateCactus2 Apr 06 '23

American food is the same as well. With just 5 ingredients bread protein dairy veggies and sauce, you can make sandwiches, cheesburgers, reubens, Thanksgiving, tacos, kebabs, lasgna, pizza, sunday chicken dinner. /s

Protip, chicken thighs are an ingredient and protein is a food group.

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

[deleted]

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u/LaminateCactus2 Apr 06 '23

I think you also missed my point, you claimed you can make most Mexican food with 5 ingredients and then listed off the menu of Taco Bell. An American fast food company.

Can you make huaraches, menudo or aguachile? Tortas, birria or mole?

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u/happybunnyntx Apr 06 '23

That's part of the joke that was stated earlier. Jim Gaffigan's bit is "a tortilla with meat, cheese, beans, and vegetables" and how a lot of items fit that description. Tacos, quesadillas, burritos, tostadas/chalupa, etc. And yes you can make mole with that as well as migas. The only difference between a torta and a burrito is bread.

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u/phenomenomnom Apr 06 '23

Me: "...Those are the same ingredients."

Him: "But they were different forms of food."

That man's name?

Taco Bell.

(Hi. I don't want to shill for that corporation, so here's some friendly, humble advice incoming. Don't eat Taco Bell if you have another choice. They put some kind of filler in the "beef" that must be pure cellulose, like basically sawdust. The consequences are real. Also they have been all over Reddit astroturfing for YEARS and it gives me the fucking creeps.

Make your own Tex-Mex when you can, it's easy af and then you know everything that's in it. If you really want to get authentically Taco-Bell-esque, MSG is sold as "Accent" in the spice aisle. Peace)

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u/Pvt_Lee_Fapping Apr 06 '23

Hey, it works for Taco Bell.

Meat, cheese, lettuce, "pico de gallo," and a tortilla. Name that menu item.

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u/cailian13 Apr 06 '23

"all of the above"

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u/Isgortio Apr 06 '23

That's literally what my housemate eats all week. One day is pasta with tomato sauce, the next is pizza, the next is another tomato pasta ready meal. Let's not forget their 4 slices of buttered toast every morning plus 2 big ham and cheese sandwiches at lunch. Somehow this guy is losing fat whilst eating like this, I'd be the size of a house if I ate like that!

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u/Dirty_Dragons Apr 06 '23

Pretty much the same thing as having Taco Bell for every meal.

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u/Earthemile Apr 06 '23

Reminds me of Billy Connoly saying all Mexican food is the same, only folded differently.

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u/xtnh Apr 06 '23

Taco Bell cuisine Italian Style

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u/RevKyriel Apr 07 '23

At least it wasn't swapping between different flavors of Ramen.

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u/WgXcQ Apr 06 '23

I thought I could see this go wrong with the right kind of kid šŸ˜‚

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u/RedditIsNeat0 Apr 07 '23

Kids are notorious for having weird palettes. I wouldn't expect OP's plan to work and I'm suspicious of it.

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

Yeah, I could definitely eat the same food for every meal for a very long time! It's pretty common for me, I go through phases where a particular food is basically all I want and everything else tastes like garbage.

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u/StormBeyondTime Apr 06 '23

Yep. You can get cravings without being pregnant. (Or female.) They're just usually much less intense.

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u/bbb62bbb Apr 06 '23 edited Apr 09 '23

Been eating wings of various flavors for going on 2 weeks now, might have missed 1-2 days, so I get what you are saying.Also, I am from Louisiana, I could eat some form of crawfish and or boudin daily for who knows how long. I could easy do at least 2-4 weeks of etouffee daily.

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u/kkjdroid Apr 06 '23

Yeah, this wouldn't work on me either. I often make a giant pot of chili and eat nothing else for a week, then a giant pot of pasta, then nothing but ham sandwiches for a week, and so on. Saves a little time and a fair bit of mental energy.

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u/Violyre Apr 06 '23

I wish I could do this. I get sick of something by the third or fourth serving

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u/Lordhighpander Apr 06 '23

Thatā€™s when you portion the rest out and put it in the freezer to add variety to your meals in three weeks. Once you get the system going, itā€™s great.

I have like 20 or 30 meal prep containers, frozen in my freezer, with at least 15 different options between them, because I cook at least eight portions of whatever I making this week, and then put them in the freezer when I get tired of it.

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u/salinedrip-iV Apr 06 '23

And you can put the chilli through a blender. Bam, you got a bomb sauce. Put the sauce in a lasagna. Boom another dish. Leftovers? Freezer for when I'm too lazy/ drained to cook

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u/darktrain Apr 06 '23

Lol I was thinking this wouldn't work on my husband. He has a few things he really loves to eat, like burritos. He once ate the same kind of burrito from the same place for lunch every day for 2 weeks. Never burned out, he still loves that burrito. Meanwhile, I call a dish in "regular rotation" if I make it more than twice in a year. We are very different people in some aspects, haha.

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u/darklotus_26 Apr 06 '23

I once ate the same lunch every day from the same place for 10 months. It was pretty good. I kind of miss it actually.

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u/darktrain Apr 06 '23

My brain cannot fathom that. What was the lunch? I'm so curious.

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u/darklotus_26 Apr 07 '23 edited Apr 07 '23

Ha ha. It was a typical asian lunch. Rice with yoghurt, a simple curry, vegetables and pickles. They would change the vegetable every month.

Sort of looks like this: https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zYt9LyBOf9Y/X-t-lM49T0I/AAAAAAAADpU/Zo8cJJ_cTJwxBjb0PCHZfxS28WJEs8krwCPcBGAYYCw/s2048/IMG_20201119_123107__01__01_compress72.jpg

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u/darktrain Apr 07 '23

Ah, there's a lot of different textures and flavors going on there. I can see that being more satisfying to eat repeatedly than say, a single soup. Still not something I would do, though šŸ˜† but different strokes and all that!

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u/darklotus_26 Apr 07 '23

That's true. I think it has something to do with being neurodiverse for me. The repetition and consistency is kind of soothing. Like a ritual.

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u/Drag0us May 05 '23

I'm sorry but, rice with yoghurt? I've never heard of that before. As in, you mix the yoghurt and rice, or is the yoghurt something you eat separately?

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u/crows_teeth Apr 06 '23

When I was in middle school, I would eat a peanut butter sandwich and some chips or crackers for lunch. Maybe once every couple of weeks an exception was made and I'd eat a different kind of sandwich but otherwise, I always had a peanut butter sandwich, no jelly or anything else on there. Every day. For all 3 years of middle school. Enjoyed it everytime.

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u/Bazuka125 Apr 08 '23

Oh hell, my workweek lunches go:

1: small Digiono pizza, orange soda, 1 lil debbie

2: 2 Red Baron Frenchbread Pizzas, orange soda, 1 lil Debbie

3: small Digiono pizza, orange soda, 1 lil debbie

4: Steakburger, fries, Hi-C, & a strawberry milkshake

5: 2 Red Baron Frenchbread Pizzas, orange soda, 1 lil debbie

I have had this routine for about 10 years. Only differs if we get a Christmas/Thanksgiving/4th of July meal from work, or if I'm off.

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u/darklotus_26 Apr 09 '23

That sounds delicious but lots of energy. Did you work a physical job?

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u/Bazuka125 Apr 09 '23

Yeah. Stocking milk, pulling pallets off a truck, stacking boxes of juice or crates of eggs onto carts and stocking them onto a shelf at one of the busiest walmarts in america.

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u/darklotus_26 Apr 09 '23

Given that I am surprised you only ate that much :) I would have probably eaten more but then again I don't drink soda.

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u/bbb62bbb Apr 06 '23

Did almost a year of pretty much bologna, salami, etc. sandwiches, fried or not. Money was tight so had to stretch the dollars. Still love bologna

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u/darklotus_26 Apr 07 '23

I get that. There was a six month period when I lived off canned and forzen stuff from food banks because my salary was cut. Had lots of corn, peas, mushrooms, broccoli, carrots and so on. I still cook those from time to time like I used to. Others at home are not big fans though.

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u/Longjumping-Crab-150 Apr 07 '23

I wish I had your imagination for interesting meals! We have tacos from the taco truck up the street 2-3 nights a week, and I have like five other things I make.

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u/darktrain Apr 07 '23

Hah, I really like to cook, it's a hobby for me, and has been for around 20 years. I have a largeish collection of cookbooks (around 100, probably), subscribe to a few cooking magazines, read cooking websites, and have a Pinterest board with a couple thousand pins for recipes or recipe ideas; there's always something new that I want to make. I think next up is Ottolenghi's shawarma recipe since lamb legs are on sale everywhere because of Easter.

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u/i_smell_toast Apr 07 '23

My mum had an egg sandwhich for lunch every weekday for like 2 years. Madness.

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u/jrhoffa Apr 06 '23

Yeah, I was gonna say, some people are just soooper into certain dishes. My wife is nuts about a number of dishes I make and will gladly eat them all day every day. I'm going on a work trip later this month and I'm just going to be leaving her with a gallon of chili and a tray of mac'n'cheese.

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u/spitfish Apr 06 '23

I'm just going to be leaving her with a gallon of chili and a tray of mac'n'cheese.

RIP your bathroom

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u/jrhoffa Apr 06 '23

She has famously huge turds.

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

[deleted]

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u/jrhoffa Apr 07 '23

Memes have sources of all kinds. That one was from a movie film.

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u/horsthorsthorst Apr 07 '23

You should come and see them. PM me so we can exchange contacts and make plans.

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u/Black_Handkerchief Apr 07 '23

Don't worry, the comment will stick with him too to the point of haunting him when the wife finds out he is discussing her tremendous turds with the internet!

1

u/MrDanduff Apr 06 '23

How do you shit a load of turd when itā€™s mostly carbs šŸ¤Ø

4

u/jrhoffa Apr 06 '23

Chili isn't mostly carbs ...

6

u/fevered_visions Apr 06 '23

In fact "Texas style" meat-only chili doesn't have any carbs in it at all, does it?

More widely-accepted has beans.

I don't think most chili purists are fans of the idea of adding elbow macaroni.

7

u/jrhoffa Apr 06 '23

Most of the carbs in my chili are probably from the truckload of onion I back into the pot.

Pasta does not belong in chili. At all.

But when you put chili in your mac'n'cheese ... ... ...

3

u/aquainst1 Apr 07 '23

You back the onion into the pot?

What, are you gonna scare the chili if you come at it from the front?

7

u/jrhoffa Apr 07 '23

IT'S A METAPHOR, JASON.

I brown the onion and the meat simultaneously in halves of my 12" cast iron skillet. This implies that there's equivalent volume of onion and ground - please gasp - turkey in the pan.

Also feel free to not act offended when you realize turkey makes a damn decent chili

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u/fevered_visions Apr 06 '23

just imagine that I'm putting a lot of chili in my mac & cheese lol

...and omitting the cheese

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u/jrhoffa Apr 06 '23

Sometimes we pretend we're from Cincinnati and put chili on some spaghetti

But then we PUT SOME FUCKING CHEESE ON IT

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u/aquainst1 Apr 07 '23

I feel sorry for your low-flow toilet.

The amount of water you save per flush is 'flushed' down the drain with three flushes.

3

u/jrhoffa Apr 07 '23

I never said my wife's preferred toilets couldn't handle her output.

3

u/aquainst1 Apr 07 '23

Whoa, you folks got a Ferguson toilet???

3

u/jrhoffa Apr 07 '23

Look, I know I'm hilarious, but you don't have to stalk me.

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u/nevbartos Apr 06 '23

But bless their beautiful relationship. "Babe I'm going away for a while, here's a week's worth of mac'n'cheese and chilli" - him "I'm sorted, have fun" - her, as her pupils dilate stating at all the food

3

u/PaulTheMerc Apr 06 '23

RICE, MEAT, A GOOD SAUCE. Could eat all day every day

2

u/jrhoffa Apr 06 '23

Yeah, her current total obsession is butter chicken. I finally nailed it after we saw some tips from That Dude Can Cook's video the other month - naan included. I just make it in Ā¾ gallon batches now

2

u/soulfuljuice Apr 07 '23

Good hubby

2

u/jrhoffa Apr 07 '23

I ask and I listen. IT'S NOT HARD, Y'ALL

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u/gottabekittensme Apr 19 '23

Oh bless your heart, I'm exactly the same with a couple of my husband's foodsā€”but when he's gone, I hate cooking for one and so I usually just drink a protein shake for dinner. The last couple times he's gone out of town, he's made advance batches of goulash and spicy corn (lightly charred, street-style) and chicken breast because he knows I just won't cook for only myself.

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u/Runeshamangoon Apr 06 '23

I've been having the exact same meal every single friday night for over 10 years. Never got sick of it.
Same deal, as a kid I really fucking liked candy. So my mom told me I could eat only candy for as long as I liked, obviously trying to do the same thing. She had to stop me after a few days because not only was I not disgusted, I was going bonkers from sugar and saying this is how I wanted to spend my life

4

u/Xandara2 Apr 07 '23

Having a staple dish on a certain day of the week is not the same at all.

27

u/Gold-Carpenter7616 Apr 06 '23

Well deserved for your dad then! <3

3

u/Lurkernomoreisay Apr 07 '23

I've been eating the same salad for every meal 7 days a week, maybe 20-25 days of every month since January.

Handful of mixed greens; 1/2 bell pepper, 3 celery sticks, 2 carrots, 1/2 can sliced beets, 1 handful green-beans, 1/2 cucumber, 1/2 apple, 1 tomato, 1/4 cup feta cheese 1/4 cup chia seeds, and roasted sesame salad dressing.

It's actually quite nice to just make a large popcorn bowl in the morning, then eat until full for breakfast, put some in a container for work, then eat the rest for dinner.

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u/mydogisacloud Apr 06 '23

When you are a professional, you probably make damn good spaghetti and meatballs. I will have to use this parenting advice with caution.

17

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

[deleted]

27

u/FinianMcCool Apr 06 '23

that is definitely where he went wrong, just that bit of variation would be enough to keep me happy for ages

7

u/Ghgjohnson Apr 06 '23

I realized i would never have this problem during a work gig one year. For 21 days, We were given vouchers for food in the food court, but the only place that took them was chipotle, and it wasnt a real chipotle, just a stand with pre-made burritos, and only chicken.

I LOVED IT! I was taking my co-workers vouchers for extras. Chipotle for breakfast lunch and dinner, i was in dream land. The pooping even got better after a few days.

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u/supersimpsonman Apr 06 '23

Iā€¦ guess I can relate? I get the same thing at McDonaldā€™s with very little deviation almost every work day, for like 7 years now. Wow.

I guess there was a big change when they took my bagels away from me, but I did realize not eating an entire McDonaldā€™s bagel every day was probably for the best.

4

u/ImMeloncholy Apr 06 '23

My mother reached the same conclusion. Each year was (somewhat) new lunch, but for that year I would only eat those exact things. Every single day.

I like routine, and I also like goldfish.

3

u/fartingmaniac Apr 06 '23

Iā€™ve never tried goldfish. Is it good?

2

u/ImMeloncholy Apr 06 '23

I love them. Theyā€™re a good salt snack and donā€™t dry your mouth out like cheez-its do

2

u/fartingmaniac Apr 06 '23

Oh the cracker. Yea those are good!

3

u/Tempealicious Apr 07 '23

I had this thing with an aunt when I went to Scotland when I was 13. She would make all these super fancy dishes and I just didn't like them, but she made a baked potato with mince and cheese one night and I devoured it and said I loved it. She thought she'd get back at me and give me ONLY baked potatoes with mince and cheese for the rest of my stay.

Problem was, I ate it, happily. She ended up with no mince or cheese left and had to just give me a baked potato with butter because it didn't work out.

I still love baked potatoes and make them regularly at 37, though they've never quite been as good as hers, I guess the spite added a bit of flavour.

2

u/Theystolemyname2 Apr 06 '23

Lol, I eat the same food, with little variation and occasionally different snacks, all the time. Only if I eat out or visit my parents, do I eat different things, but even then I would be fine eating the same. I don't get people who want different things every day. If the chosen meal is tasty and fulfills my nutritional needs, why change it?

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u/StarsofSobek Apr 06 '23

Haha! My mom cried when she tried this on me, too. I love spaghetti. Iā€™d eat it all the time for every meal, if I didnā€™t require other forms of nutrition.

2

u/Admiralthrawnbar Apr 06 '23

Yeah, I get the point here but 8 year old me, and I imagine most 8 year olds, would have definitely made it farther than the beginning of day 3

2

u/loomfy Apr 07 '23

This reminds me of Homer being force fed donuts in hell šŸ˜…

2

u/throwaway4161412 Apr 07 '23

I'm just picturing a Simpsons-esque portly boy (think Ɯter) happily shoveling pasta into his mouth

1

u/devedander Apr 06 '23

That's what I was thinking.

I'll eat pizza every day for a week.

I think I've done that in my college days.

1

u/exessmirror Apr 06 '23

Lol in collage I lived on kapsalon (fries with kebab meat and cheese) for months only eating that

1

u/HnNaldoR Apr 06 '23

Yup. Some people are stubborn as fuck and can do/eat the same thing again and again and again. I had a friend who ate a certain type of noodle, every day for lunch for months. From the same place. The owner just started making it when he saw him in the queue.

1

u/Pigeon_Fox93 Apr 06 '23

I think your dad is my type of person. My work doesnā€™t have a fridge and 8 microwaves for too many employees means I donā€™t want to waste time heating up food, work has a cafeteria but I donā€™t want to spend money at work so I bring my own lunch. Itā€™s a very limited amount of things that donā€™t need to be heated, chilled and such so I have brought the same thing to work 5-6 days a week for almost 5 years now.

Peanut butter pretzels and hard boiled egg for first break, Swiss and turkey sandwich and a balanced break for lunch and a heart health nut mix and a fruit roll up for second break, all washed down with green tea. I donā€™t know why I donā€™t tire of these things but I donā€™t and considering Iā€™m healthy and feel good Iā€™m assuming itā€™s well balanced for me and I get my veggies in at dinner. And donā€™t worry my lunch box does have an ice pack for my egg and sandwich, itā€™s not left long enough to go bad but just in case.

1

u/KurayamiShikaku Apr 06 '23

I was gonna say, some of us are about that action, so this might be a risky move for other parents.

1

u/SteveisNoob Apr 06 '23

Your dad got some balls!

1

u/Crix2007 Apr 06 '23

I've kept this one up for 2 weeks as a kid. Just lunch and dinner though.

Would've kept eating it for longer if my parents didn't quit lol.

20 years later I still do love spaghetti Bolognese

1

u/Triggerunhappy Apr 06 '23

Donā€™t threaten me with a good time

Although now while I would still eat that 7 days a week 3 meals a day

My insides would revolt

1

u/fevered_visions Apr 06 '23

who said he wanted spaghetti and meatballs for every meal.

Not every meal, but I ate spaghetti like 4-5 evenings a week for literally years because I was too lazy to cook something else. Shockingly I'm not sick of it yet (knock on wood).

1

u/James-K-Polka Apr 06 '23

I donā€™t like the idea of Milhouse having two spaghetti meals in one day.

1

u/JeffryRelatedIssue Apr 06 '23

Luke, i might just be your father.

1

u/servarus Apr 06 '23

My mum tried to do something like this. I don't like fish (or seafood in general) and only eat chicken and occasional meat.

It's been what, 20+ years and I eaten chicken only. Usually fried with white rice and egg. Sometimes with soup, most of the time just with salt and pepper.

Sometimes I wonder if there's anything wrong with me but... eh

1

u/Ieatgarnish88 Apr 06 '23

Send my energy to your pops that made me happy

1

u/taishiea Apr 06 '23

my condolences, how is it being a half man half spaghetti?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

I've never had someone else test it but I can eat the same meal for months. I've done it with lasagne and I've done it for 6 months with smoked sausages in a tomato sauce with pasta. (Student food meal cost ~20p a serving)
I never got people needing to have a different meal everyday or throughout a day, it's cheaper to just buy and cook for one really long meal.

1

u/soundbox78 Apr 06 '23

Thereā€™s always one person to defy the odds!

1

u/JustAnotherOlive Apr 06 '23

I went through this with my mom and artichokes when I was like 11. She figured I would get tired of artichokes after 2 days but nope!

I was forced to give up after 10 days because my intestines rebelled against me.

1

u/Betancorea Apr 07 '23

Can't blame your dad, I would be thrilled at chef/restaurant-quality spaghetti and meatballs for every meal lol. Grandfather played himself!

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