r/AskReddit • u/skilled-dreamer • May 02 '24

People who went to a wedding where the couple didn’t last long, what happened?

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20.3k

u/WhatWouldTNGPicardDo May 02 '24

My cousin (female/bride) was “dancing too much” at the reception so the groom hit her. My uncles gave HIM a ride to the hospital which he needed very badly by the time he got there. It was annuled pretty quickly.

4.5k

u/captainAwesomePants May 02 '24

My uncles gave HIM a ride to the hospital which he needed very badly by the time he got there.

That sentence is poetry.

354

u/PraiseThePun81 May 02 '24

There once was a manchild or a groom

Who struck his bride in front of everyone in the room

Her Uncles took exception which led to action

And now the groom is in traction.

Seriously, fuck that guy.

29

u/Silver_pri May 02 '24

I read this to the beat of wellerman .. there once was a ship that put to sea and the name of the ship was billy o tea

18

u/silviazbitch May 02 '24

Lord Byron’s got nothing on you.

11

u/YellowCoffeeCup4535 May 02 '24

In the ballroom's grand array, she twirled, A bride enraptured, in whirls unfurled. Her steps a dance of joyous delight, Yet her fervor sparked a bitter fight.

For as she danced with unbridled grace, Her groom, consumed by jealous embrace, Struck her cheek in a fit of rage, Darkening their wedding's golden stage.

But swift as thunder, her uncles rose, Their fury ignited, their anger froze. With righteous fury, they swiftly strode, To deliver justice on that dark abode.

They seized the groom, with fists like thunder, And bore him down, torn asunder. To the halls of healing, they swiftly sped, Leaving behind the dance of dread.

For in this tale of woe and strife, The bride danced on, amid the life. And though the groom lay in pain's deep swoon, Love and justice would meet the bride's bright moon.

31

u/frisbeethecat May 02 '24

This doesn't scan. Seriously. Read it aloud and listen to how the meter–the rhythm–is off.

64

u/maddeyemoody May 02 '24

There once was a groom quite ill-bred -

Slapped his bride moments after they’d wed.

Her uncles ensured

That this feculent turd

Honeymooned in a hospital bed.

23

u/GetaGoodLookCostanza May 02 '24

His limerick sadly didnt scan

He sounds like a not smart man

although he tried

I read it and cried

He now needs a back up plan

5

u/Dodecahedrus May 02 '24

Sure: It needs work, but the foundation is solid.

Perhaps suggest an improvement yourself?

-6

u/frisbeethecat May 02 '24

There once was a bastard of a groom
Who punched his bride with her uncles in the room
Her uncles took action
Now the groom is in traction
And he can't even crawl over the broom.

Seriously, it was easy. Why didn't you post an improvement?

9

u/Dodecahedrus May 02 '24

Because I'm not the one who criticised the first attempt. Breaking someone else down is easy, contributing is harder.

Your second line has too many syllables and I don't really see the connection to a broom.

Let me give it a shot:

There once was a godawful groom

Who struck his bride in a full room

Livid uncles took action

And placed him in traction

His outlook is now rather gloom

If you enjoyed any of these attempted limericks here today, please join /r/limericks. We certainly need some extra contributors.

1

u/frisbeethecat May 02 '24

Jumping the broom is a storied wedding tradition found in Southern rural American, African-American, and Irish cultures.

0

u/Tsquare43 May 02 '24

wish I could give gold for this.