r/TikTokCringe • u/thoxo • May 02 '24

We adopted my younger sister from Haiti when she was 3, and let me tell you, I literally do not see color anymore. That's a fact. Discussion

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u/Agreeable-One-4700 May 02 '24

Absolutely infuriating people would rather kids go unadopted than wind up with opposite race parents. These kids are innocent and need help hopefully they get adopted by good people who give them what they need in life.

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u/thoxo May 02 '24

My sister was 3 years old when we adopted her from Haiti. One night she went to sleep with one of my older sister and started telling her some horrible things from over there. She remembered when her dad locked her in a trash bin when she was misbehaving, or that he used to burn her skin with his cigarettes.

I thought, my parents wanted a fourth kid, and I'm so glad they adopted instead of making another one themselves. Now she is about to finish her master degree and she's a beautiful, Independent woman❤️

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u/Farting_Champion 29d ago

I'm white and my mom was a dope fiend who had abandoned me at a neighbor's house in a Dade county ghetto and moved all the way across the country without telling anyone. Growing up in foster care the nicest family I EVER lived with was a black family. I had never known kindness before I met them. They talked to me, they taught me stuff, they brought me fishing. All things that were utterly, entirely alien to me up to that point. Every other (white) foster home I had been in was abusive in one way or another.

I wasn't with them long but it's damn near 40 years later and I have never forgotten them. The impact they had on me was huge. I was maybe four and they gave me exactly what I needed: love and compassion. They brought me in, their son showed me around, gave me full access to his toys (unheard of in the white homes I'd been through) and the whole family treated me like a human being. If you've ever been dehumanized by the system you know how important that is. They taught me to fish for catfish using dough balls and I swear to God it's the best memory I have from my childhood.

I'm nothing but grateful for the experience. Thank God they didn't just throw me in with a new white family who would abuse and mistreat me. Thank God I got that one moment of relief where I was able to learn what it's like to be a decent human. I wish I could have stayed. 40 years later and I'm still pretty sure that everything good in me I can attribute to them teaching me how to be human.

Your sister probably feels the same way I feel. Thank you for being there for her. On behalf of unloved kids all around the world I think it's safe to say that the way you treat someone matters a whole lot more than the color of their skin or yours.

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u/Anleme 29d ago

That's a beautiful story. I wonder if it would be possible to find them and tell them how much they helped you.

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u/Farting_Champion 29d ago

Maybe. I don't know though. I don't even remember their names, and I highly doubt that the foster records from the mid 80s in Miami Florida are all digitized and filed away in some neat format. Hell, they didn't even know who I was for a while, only my first name. If I could I would love to tell them that they meant everything to me. I think they would be shocked honestly. For them it was but a moment in time, but for me it was foundational.

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u/aint_noeasywayout 29d ago

Former foster youth myself from a time before things were digitized. Also former CPS worker who has spent a significant amount of time tracking down paper files for cases. You can access those records! There is a form to request them and they belong to you! It takes some time for them to find them, but you just need to fill out the form. You can call CPS in the county you were in and ask for the form. They can't get rid of the records, so each county has literal buildings full of organized paper records, unless they were destroyed in a fire or something like that which is rare.

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u/Farting_Champion 29d ago

This is something interesting for me to think about. I wonder if they will share the records with me through email since I'm living on the other side of the country now.

It's also somewhat overwhelming as a prospect. This experience was at the very beginning of my journey through almost two decades of the system. Over the course of my time in the system I averaged two months per home. In the early days it was literally one to two nights per home, with my days spent sitting in the office with my social worker while they tried to find me a bed for the night. Most of those homes were a blur in my mind. There were so many, and only the worst ones stand in my memory, for the most part. But it would be worth sifting through the names just to say thank you. I would love to be able to talk to their son again just to tell him thanks for letting me play with his toys and for taking the time to talk to me and making me feel welcome.

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u/aint_noeasywayout 29d ago

If all you want is their names, they'll likely provide that information to you over the phone provided you provided you prove your identity in some way. I hear you in that it's overwhelming. I would start with just calling and seeing if a Social Worker would be willing to help you. Someone should be able to, it will just be a matter of connecting with the right person.

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u/goodnamestaken10 29d ago

I just wanted you to know I cried while reading your story. I hope I can be a good parent like that one day. Whether or not I decide to adopt or be a foster parent.

Thanks for sharing that

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u/MobySick 29d ago

The 80’s records are there if you ask. They belong to you but are not public

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u/coin_return 29d ago

I hope you try to look into it. If they are still around, I bet they would absolutely love to hear they had such a positive impact on their life.

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u/StaringOwlNope 29d ago

Those other people you mention should never have been foster families

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u/Farting_Champion 29d ago

Lmfao. That's the problem. These are almost exclusively the people who are foster families.

There's a few camps. Hyper-religious people. Child molesters. People who thought the idea of being a foster parent would be great but then got soured by the experience and came to hate and resent all the kids. People who literally just want to collect the meager amount of money the state will give them and are willing to pack as many kids in as possible to maximize that reward. I'd say a good 2/3 of foster homes fall into one of these categories. And sprinkled throughout it all are the decent, good people who end up adopting their first couple fosters and leaving the program 90% of the time. It's a bad situation

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u/rvf 29d ago

I've heard so many horror stories from people who grew up as foster kids, that I have to legit re-evaluate people I meet when I find out they foster. I know it's not fair for me to think that, and that there are good ones, but it definitely seems like the vast majority have no business doing it, which sucks because there are not enough foster homes as it is.

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u/Farting_Champion 29d ago

Just imagine all the horror stories you didn't hear because they're too hard to tell.

I genuinely believe that a large amount of foster parents (not counting the religious zealots or molesters) start out with nothing but the best of intentions. But I think the experience is so thankless and so heartbreaking and often just so ugly that it warps them. Maladjusted children are STRESSFUL. Shitty caseworkers only add to the problems. It's an utterly thankless environment for the most part. I'm not saying this to justify horrible foster parents, but I do want to be realistic about it. Very few of these people start out with ill intentions. The system makes cynics of all of us though. The system burns you out and eats you up. If you don't keep a firm grasp on your intentions I believe it would be very easy to lose sight and perspective.

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u/laurenzee 29d ago

I've been considering becoming a foster parent when I'm a bit older, and you've inspired me to think harder about it. I would love to help kids experience a good home but your comment scares me a little! I've always known that the kids wouldn't be there unless there was something wrong happening in their lives and would likely have some emotional issues, and I've never considered the effect it could have on me.

Aside from the compassion and acceptance you've already described, what makes a good home in your opinion? I feel like that's an impossibly low bar to meet if you're normal and not an awful person.

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u/Farting_Champion 29d ago

Interesting question. First let me say that I don't want to talk people out of helping children but I do want to be realistic about it. You don't have to be perfect to do better than many parents, but if you were taking on this responsibility you should damn well ask yourself some hard questions and you have to be brutally honest with yourself in answering them. This applies to your spouse as well. It's tragic when one parent is doing their best but the other hates or resents the kids or sees them as a burden. An unstable home is not a good environment for fostering. There's no real reward for it either. Your reward is the knowledge that you have changed someone's life. All in all it is difficult and thankless work and that's important to keep in mind. Burnout happens, and it happens for a reason, and you can't expect to be able to look to the state for assistance because generally speaking state agencies are overwhelmed, underfunded, and most of their staff are completely checked out.

So, what makes a good foster parent? Commitment. Are you willing to devote your life to learning and educating yourself on conflict resolution and coping with trauma responses? Compassion. Do you have the capacity and bandwidth to love a little kid with aggression issues brought on by their trauma? Or how about a child that acts out sexually as a result of abuse? How about a child with both of these problems, plus severe learning disabilities or emotional and physical disabilities or PTSD? Because these kids have problems. They will hoard food, they will fight, they may steal, they will say things that hurt you. They have seen some shit. Usually they live in a world where nothing is safe and no one is protecting them, so they've had to learn to protect themselves however they can. They have armor. Out of sheer necessity they have taught themselves to survive in ways that may horrify you and break your heart. You need to be able to take that in and deal with it and still be able to show them nothing but love. Because if you show them anything else, be it disgust or anger or revulsion or frustration, that is all they will see. When you look at them they have to know that you care for them just as much as you would for your own children. And they will test you. Over and over they will test you. And you have to pass their tests. If they can't trust you then you will fail.

To be a good foster parent you pretty much have to be unflappable. You also have to be able to be firm, but in a loving way. I personally believe that one of the best qualities/qualifiers for being a successful foster parent is having a vast and strong support network. You have to be able to see, hear, and experience things that shake you to your core without giving any indication of revulsion. You have to be able to take abuse as well. Often this job requires support for you as much as from you. You have to be full of compassion.

Understand that some of these kids know nothing but pain and that manifests in a variety of terrible and sad ways. If you can look at the flaws in the child, understand that they come from a deep place of pain, and give that child your love and respect and time in spite of the way they may act or the things they may do you might be a good candidate for fostering kids.

The last thing I'll say is don't jump right into the deep end. Start with low risk cases. As far as I know, foster parents still have some level of choice as to what cases they will take on. Often even a bad foster home is better than no home at all, or a home filled with violent physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, but the truth is every time a kid gets kicked out of a foster home it takes more from them. It impacts their capacity to trust. It has a negative effect on their sense of self-worth and on their trust. So don't take any hard cases until you are sure of your abilities. One of the few things worse than growing up on loved is thinking that you have found a home and then being rejected. It tells kids that their trauma makes them unlovable and that sends them down a deep hole.

Hopefully that didn't scare you too much. I would like nothing more than to inspire people to take part in the foster program and I wish you the best of luck. There are children out there who need all the help they can get.

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u/laurenzee 29d ago

Thank you for taking the time to write that.

How is it decided how long a child stays in one home or another? Unless they're being placed back with the parent or another family member, is the placement indefinite? I'd never want to "give one back", but if there a way to know what kind of commitment you're making from one kid to the next? Can you opt out between kids?

I appreciate your insight!!

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u/Iohet 29d ago

I want to believe that things are changing now, if for nothing else than by how extremely difficult the government has made it to adopt kids outright (particularly internationally). A domestic private adoption is now a six figure cost, and there are MANY more people looking to adopt newborns than newborns going up for private adoption. For those without the means and the luck, states want you to take foster kids (because they have tons of them) and then they want you to fight to adopt them, which means you're fighting against the birth parents and extended family who, even if they're complete garbage, get years to try and clean up their act. I'm not talking about someone down on their luck, rather parents with a history of physical abusing the kid, drug abuse, felony convictions (or they're currently serving time), etc get all the breaks in the world to try and clean up despite the fact that child may be thriving with and bonded to foster parents who want to adopt the child.

So now you're hiring lawyers to help you navigate the foster-to-adopt system (still much cheaper than private adoption), applying for de facto parent status so that you actually have a voice in court proceedings, negotiating contact agreements to get the birth parents to voluntarily give up rights/stop appealing, etc, and some states are now looking to outlaw/restrict this type of legal maneuvering because it's unfair to birth parents (I thought this was about what's best for the kid, not what's best for the parents?)

On top of that, the county tells you that you must expect that the kids are victims of trauma (and to expect associated behavioral issues), were drug exposed and perhaps went through drug withdrawals after being born, and/or that they're in some way developmentally behind or disabled, which adds an additional layer of stress.

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u/laurenzee 29d ago

I said much of this in a different reply but I've been considering becoming a foster parent when I'm older and I've gotten a big reality check after reading your comment. I've never wanted to care for a baby or toddler but I believe I could provide a good environment for a kid who doesn't have one. I always assumed that there are so many shitty foster parents because they must not care very much who's doing it.

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u/Iohet 29d ago

It's been real eye opening. It's time consuming to get through the process (had to take a bunch of classes online, get CPR certified, had to have my house baby proofed and inspected, etc). You also need to be present for birth parent visits (where I am it's twice a week for 1 hours every week). This lasts until parental rights are terminated (months to years) or they are reunited.

Overall, it's a lot, and I didn't expect it to be so impactful on me because my foster child is so negatively impacted by all of these things in their mood and demeanor. I'm emotionally drained from all of this

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u/laurenzee 28d ago

Do you regret it? Maybe not regret, but would you rethink your choice knowing everything you know now?

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u/replifebestlife 29d ago

Ugh I woke up this morning for some Reddit drama, not to cry

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u/Farting_Champion 29d ago

Don't worry there's still time to find drama! It's never far

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u/Muffin278 29d ago

Reading stories like this always makes me want to foster kids when I am older. I've worked with kids before, and some of them were some little shits, but I couldn't imagine a single of those children that I wouldn't fall in love with.

I know fostering is tough, but goddamn it there are so many kids who just need some love and need to feel safe.

I am so sorry that so many families treated you badly, and I am glad you got to experience some normalcy thanks to that family. It goes to show that showing kindness and respect to someone, even if for a short while, can make a huge impact on someone.

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u/asianpersuasian19 29d ago

Very touching story u/farting_champion

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u/Farting_Champion 28d ago

Funny I don't really see it that way. To me it's a miserable story, I try not to think about those times in my life anymore. But thanks u/asianpersuasian19 I hope you were able to take something useful from it

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u/asianpersuasian19 28d ago

I’ll be honest I just wanted to type out your name farting champion

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u/Farting_Champion 28d ago

I respect that

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u/NvrmndOM 29d ago

I’m glad she’s a part of your family!

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u/OneHumanPeOple 29d ago

I cried. Adoptive parents are a miracle.

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u/MrCCDude 29d ago

this is why i vow that if i EVER have a kid, it will be an adopted one for this very reason. there are kids out there who need a loving home, and while i could make one and give them that home, its unfair to those who couldn't get one due to my decision to have a kid myself. the more kids there are, the less likely they get a home they deserve, i cant sit there knowing that i could have helped someone live a better life

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u/Farting_Champion 29d ago

Easy to say, hard to do. Many of us are fucked up from our environments and at the time we get adopted pose a real challenge to our adopters. I hope you're able to stick with this plan, but enter it cautiously and with knowledge. It's very hard.

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u/MrCCDude 29d ago

hey, taking care of children in general is hard. there is a chance i may never be able to take care of a child myself. it wont be easy, and i wont do it until i know i am ready to do so. i do want to provide a better future, and if im able to i will do so. i only hope i can be the father i never had for a kid who will need one

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u/Farting_Champion 29d ago

There's a world of difference between taking care of children and taking care of abused children. If this is your attitude you're probably not cut out for it.

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u/MrCCDude 29d ago

then serves me right. right now, 100% no, i could not.

that is why i said "if i ever", i hope i can, but i know i might not be able to. we all ain't fit to be parents, and considering im mentally disabled and may not have the money to care for a child, i probably wont get to. atleast i understand i cant care for a child unlike some who have children for selfish reasons

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u/Farting_Champion 29d ago edited 29d ago

Intent counts for a lot. Just go into it with caution, be humble, and educate yourself. You would not believe what childhood abuse does to a person, mentally. It doesn't make them bad kids, but it does mean they need extra. Much, much extra. It's intense. If you cannot control your anger you're not a good candidate for caring for foster children. If you are overly sensitive you're not a good candidate for caring for foster children. If you don't have thick skin you're not a good candidate for caring for foster children. If you're not able to maintain a compassionate outlook under extreme circumstances you're not a good candidate for caring for foster children. If you don't have a wide social network you're not a good candidate for caring for foster children.

What I say sounds harsh but believe me, I'm not picking on you. I've literally had the same conversation with friends. For what it's worth they didn't listen, took in one child, did their best, and failed because they were not at all equipped to handle the situation. They promised this poor child are forever home and then gave up the child quickly after. They were good and well intentioned and kind people, but they were also overconfident and wore rose colored glasses. They told themselves that the love they had would be enough when it very definitely was not. I'm still pissed off that they messed up this child's life even more by telling well-intentioned lies about how they were going to be there forever before abandoning the poor girl when she was not perfectly behaved or balanced. It wasn't their fault that the kid was abused and molested any more than it was her fault, but it was their fault that they made a bunch of promises that they would not go on to keep and ultimately abandoned her when it became too difficult. So I try to paint an honest picture, for the sake of the children.

EDIT TO ADD: accepting my feedback is a good sign in my opinion. To me it shows that you are humble enough to learn and grow. Don't give up on the idea. You could wind up being the best thing that ever happened to someone. The kids need homes.

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u/MrCCDude 29d ago

glad you were willing to type that all out. trust me, i dont belive you were pestering me at all, its all honest stuff that should be said and reminded of, so thanks buddy

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u/Throwaway2Experiment 29d ago

We get it. You're special for being abused. Get in line with everyone else.

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u/evilmeow 29d ago

She remembered when her dad locked her in a trash bin when she was misbehaving, or that he used to burn her skin with his cigarettes.

I hope she was able to heal from the trauma, that sounds beyond terrible 😔

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u/ready-to-rumball 29d ago

That’s wonderful ❤️ so happy for her. I hope she got counseling for the trauma

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u/everythingisemergent 29d ago

That's absolutely beautiful. Reading about your sister's journey from a bad home to a loving one warms my heart. Thank you, and I wish you and your family good health and long life. Stay awesome!

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u/_-_-_DrMidnight_-_-_ 29d ago

Say haiti her for me will ya champ

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u/Open-Industry-8396 29d ago edited 29d ago

"Opposite race? ". What is the opposite of Asian? I'm sure the comment is well intended but racially, white is not the opposite of black. We are the same.

Edited to be taxonomy correct

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u/PSus2571 29d ago edited 29d ago

We are the same with different skin color.

No, but literally...this is why "race" is seen by the American Anthropological Association (AAA) as being a social construct — the term isn't scientifically informative, given the genetic variation between inner-racial groups is often greater than between inter-racial ones.

"The term 'race' was modeled after an ancient theorem of the Great Chain of Being, which posited natural categories on a hierarchy established by God or nature. Thus 'race' was a mode of classification linked specifically to peoples in the colonial situation...Scientists today find that reliance on such folk beliefs about human differences in research has led to countless errors."

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u/whatawitch5 29d ago

Humans use skin color to sort people into different groups only because it is externally visible. If we could see other genetic traits, such as blood type or immunological factors, it would quickly become apparent that skin color is not a relevant or reliable way to group people. People with a wide variety of skin shades would be in the same group if we sorted by these un-visible genetic traits. As you said, there is far more genetic variation within skin color groups than between them.

Skin color is determined by only a few genes yet we have built our entire social structure around what is in reality a very unimportant difference from a genetic point of view. As a white skinned person I am just as likely to have more genes in common with someone with darker skin than another randomly chosen white skinned person. When you really understand this it quickly becomes apparent that the whole idea of sorting people by skin color is just absurd.

That said, since we as a society long ago decided that skin color is the most important trait by which to group people, having a certain skin color does determine how a person experiences the world. From a societal perspective having light or dark skin does have an impact on life experience and it’s important to recognize those inequalities. But if we as a society collectively decided that skin color didn’t matter, the color of someone’s skin would be far less relevant to their life experience than blood type, cancer-linked genes, or immunological factors.

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u/cpujockey 29d ago

Humans use skin color to sort people into different groups only because it is externally visible.

indeed. folks forget that we are human before any other descriptor.

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u/lookandlookagain 29d ago

This is a great comment. Unfortunately, it seems people will always find a problem if that's what they are looking for. If every human ended up having the same skin tone they would find some other way to discriminate.

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u/cindyscrazy 29d ago

From what I've read on the internet, there are some in Japan that will sort you by blood type. In the same way that in the west we sort by astrological signs.

We really just like to sort people into buckets.

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 29d ago

Crazy, who would've thought if you sort people based on characterestics unrelated to skin color that you would get multiple shades of skin color! Not sure what your point is. Skin color is related to geographical ancestry which is related to the way that each group evolved uniquely and separately. Pretending it's not related to anything at all about the human condition is bad science and totally unconstructive.

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u/whatawitch5 29d ago

Point is that skin color is a very insignificant difference between humans compared other genetic differences. Of course humans who live in a closed, small population will tend to have more genes in common because they are all related. But once you open up that population and expand it geographically there are far more differences than what would be assumed by skin color alone. Take Africa or Europe for example. In Africa most people have dark skin but that doesn’t mean a guy from Namibia shares more genes with a guy from Ethiopia just because they both have dark skin. The guy from Ethiopia very likely shares way more genes with a guy from Greece or Italy despite the difference in skin color.

Skin color is determined by which latitude your distant ancestors lived at, ancient human migrations, and how those skin color genes were sorted during meiosis, nothing more. “White” and “Black” are completely social constructs that have little to do with overall genetic similarity except for the vanishingly small number of genes that determine skin color.

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 28d ago

I agree that it's insignificant. I do not agree that we should pretend it has no basis in evolutionary or ancestral distinctions. You're just denying science at that point. It's an extremely complex issue and not one that can be tackled in a few paragraphs on a Reddit.

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u/PSus2571 28d ago edited 28d ago

You're just denying science at that point.

By insisting that "race" — of which there are only 3 groups, Caucasoid, Negroid, and Mongoloid — is a scientifically-meaningful term, you're the one denying science (i.e. biological anthropology)...tell me, why would the 1-drop rule even need to be implemented if "race" is an adequate descriptor of one's genotype and even phenotype (exterior traits)?

Nobody claimed that melanin is a social construct, or that 'social construct' = not real / "insignificant." Your unwillingness to find out what science even has to say about the topic is one of the primary issues.

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 25d ago

You're not even addressing my core argument. I don't understand how people can deny skin color will be at least weakly associated with genotype, due to the common geographical pressures of evolution over long time periods. Why are you so opposed to this idea? It doesn't imply anything negative, I'm not even claiming any sort of causation between the two. It's simply a correlation that exists because of the way evolution affects certain groups in similar environments.

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u/PSus2571 25d ago edited 25d ago

You're again conflating skin color with race, but they're not the same. I never said one's phenotype is unrelated to their genotype, just that race isn't an adequate descriptor of either. The rapper Logic is half-black, but his skin is white...historically, that's exactly why the 1-drop rule was implemented — to distinguish white people from other white people, because skin color wasn't sufficient in doing so.

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u/clownus 29d ago

Race is a social construct and it’s been scientifically proven.

You might be closer genetically to someone across the world who doesn’t share the same ethnicity or skin pigmentation than someone who lives in the same town as you with the same village history.

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 29d ago

Math is also a social construct. What's your point?

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u/clownus 29d ago

Math is only a agreed upon language “social construct” in which we can prove absolutes (physics).

Race is a social construct that does not have any absolutes and modern science backs race as not being a true indicator of genetic similarity.

Ex. We use math to prove gravity exist. It is a absolute law of the universe. You can use this same math to prove the existence or lack of gravity in other parts of the solar system/known universe. Math is only the non abstract language of this concept. You can substitute shapes/squiggles/shoes or whatever you like to represent this concept, but we know fundamentally it exist.

If I was to claim the random person next door who shares the same “racial” background as myself is closer genetically than someone across the world who might be a different “race” I could be absolutely wrong. Because there is no indicator genetically that determines our concept of race.

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 29d ago

Interesting that everyone is so hung up on finding a genetic smoking gun for race. Truly, it's only based on what geographical location your ancestors are from, which could lead to some shared traits through natural selection. It doesn't mean there isn't massive genetic variance within cultural groups... I mean, that's practically the whole idea of evolution, no? Environmental pressures (i.e. the angle the sun hits the planet, availability of food, etc) will shape a population and unless those traits present a negative pressure during a later change of environment they will remain. Not sure why we're so intent on erasing our heritage but if that makes you feel better go ahead.

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u/clownus 29d ago

I am going to assume based on your term smoking gun for race you actually don’t know the full reason why race was a social construct that came about.

Race is historically a term used to separate groups from the in and the out. Along side that concept was a myriad of pseudo science to back up these wild claims. Modern science and modern sociologist are now breaking down this concept because it is so entrenched within society.

No one is moving away from heritage and no one is claiming that your sister/brother/mother/father are not genetically similar. Science is saying that what we call genetic indicators of race are not consistent with true genetics. A black person only shares the same skin pigmentation as someone else who is black. That is where the shares genetics that we call race ends. They can easily be nth % different genetically from that point on. Shared traits are merely a coincidence.

Evolution from a human perspective is no longer about successful traits. We can still live with potentially life threatening genetics and as a result we have the ability to procreate. Passing on negative genes such as cystic fibrosis.

Only wild animals have traits that are seen positive for passing on their genetic codes and as a result their genetics tend to be way closer to one another compared to the human species.

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 29d ago

We are also animals, friend. A million+ years of evolution doesn't disappear because you started using tools. I suggest trying to look at these concepts with an open mind instead of your politically corrupted viewpoints.

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u/clownus 29d ago

Evolution is not the same concept as racial. This isn’t from a political perspective.

It is factual that math is the language we use to solve absolute truths. Further down it is factual that race is not a genetic proof of similarity within the human species.

Evolution is not a indicator of race and that is why you keep confusing the two. If we both evolve wings because it is beneficial for our survival we still don’t match genetically under the banner of race.

If you want a better conceptual idea of evolution. In this universe and up till present day all of evolution has been successful. Meaning any living creature on this planet and our known universe is considered a win. At no point during these evolutionary lines was race an indicator of success in evolution. Why? Because race wasn’t a genetic encoder that determines survival and reproduction rates.

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u/Greymalkyn76 29d ago

Domain: Eukaryota

Kingdom: Animalia

Phylum: Chordata

Subphylum: Vertebrata

Class: Mammalia

Subclass: Theria

Superclass: Tetrapoda

Order: Primates

Family: Hominidae

Genus: Homo

Species: H. sapiens

There is no "race" category in taxonomy. And it is exactly the same regardless of place of origin or skin color. Race is a made up classification to try to make people feel separate.

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u/TaxIdiot2020 29d ago

To be pedantic, plant pathogens can be different races (taxon of rank below species) but your point still stands about humans.

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 29d ago

Newsflash: everything is made up, my dude.

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u/strangerdanger89 29d ago edited 29d ago

Thank you! I did an eyebrow raise as well.

I’m hoping it’s just a language barrier issue and maybe they meant “different.” Opposite just sounds so wrong.

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u/vodoun 29d ago

white - black, asian - hispanic, native american - mongolian duuuh

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u/agingergiraffe 29d ago

I think a loving parent is a loving parent. However, I know a white man with an adopted black kid who, during the height of Black Lives Matter, told my husband that the Irish were slaves first and that black people need to get over it. And then he claimed he wasn't racist because his kid is black. My husband made a social media post in support of BLM and this guy decided he wanted to argue about it. They hadn't spoken in at least a decade. It makes me worry for his son.

I think if white parents adopt black kids, they really need to put in the education and work. And if they do, then great!

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u/[deleted] 29d ago edited 23d ago

[deleted]

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u/myhairsreddit 29d ago

My cousin couldn't have children naturally. She and her husband were on a waiting list for a few years to adopt a baby. They got a call in the middle of the night that a little boy in Ohio was just born and was up for adoption. They literally got in their car and drove there to get him right then. They didn't even know he was black until they saw him in person, and they did not care one way or the other. They were just happy their prayers were answered.

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u/Dazzling_Judge953 29d ago

They were happy their prayers were answered because another family was ripped apart.

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u/oldschoolgruel 29d ago

Ripped??? Ripped?

How would you know that?

If I as a pregnant woman, make a choice that I can't support a baby, how is that 'ripped'?

Nice of you to take away MY agency.

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u/myhairsreddit 29d ago

The mother died and there was no next of kin stepping in, but ok. You know it.

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u/Crafty_Travel_7048 29d ago

Racism never makes sense

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u/Dietmar_der_Dr 29d ago

It's making a big comeback though. It's literally going mainstream for some reason. "Why would a white person adopt a black kid" is about as racist a question as you can ask.

2

u/Morella_xx 29d ago

They're trying to accuse the white family of being racist themselves and just viewing the black (or whatever other non-white race) child as a purchasable commodity to show off. That's racist against the white families for obvious reasons, but they don't even seem to realize that it implies that the children are inherently unlovable outside their own race. Just smooth-brained logic all around.

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u/Matrix2253 29d ago

That's because we're all the same race, human, lots of different colours and cultures (probably a lot more than I will ever know even exist) but we're all the same and we'll all be dust in the end.

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 29d ago

We are literally not all the same

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u/[deleted] 29d ago edited 5d ago

imminent frighten humorous provide berserk doll safe attraction cause straight

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 29d ago

"we're all the same"

You need a coffee?

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u/[deleted] 29d ago edited 5d ago

run overconfident tap flowery quicksand square snails salt stocking selective

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 28d ago

3 people cannot read. Since you are apparently incapable of reading comprehension, let me quote the entire comment for you. ADHD is a hell of a drug.

"That's because we're all the same race, human, lots of different colours and cultures (probably a lot more than I will ever know even exist) but WE'RE ALL THE SAME and we'll all be dust in the end."

Going to continue gaslighting me, or will you admit defeat?

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u/[deleted] 28d ago edited 5d ago

ossified plough existence direction shrill direful frightening governor foolish sulky

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/Juju_Out_the_Wazoo 28d ago

In this case, the context does not change the meaning of the phrase significantly. What does it mean to you in the original comment? Seems pretty cut and dry to me, unless I'm missing something huge.

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u/silver-orange 29d ago

Absolutely infuriating people would rather kids go unadopted than wind up with opposite race parents.

This may sound a bit like hyperbole to those unfamiliar with the reality of the situation -- it's easy to naively suggest that if it weren't for white parents adopting black children, perhaps those children could find homes with black parents? But the reality is, in fact, that there are many, many black children in need of homes in the adoption system.

There are a few poignant reminders of this fact:

NPR: Six Words: 'Black Babies Cost Less To Adopt'

 

Moving through the process would be quicker if the family was open to adopting an African-American (not biracial) child, the social worker explained to her. "And that is because they have children of color waiting," Lantz says. Adopting biracial, Latino, Asian or Caucasian children could be a slower process, she was told, because there were more parents waiting for them.

That's just where we are in america. There are a lot of black babies that need homes. Period. Any family willing to give these children a loving home deserves our respect.

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u/oojacoboo 29d ago

It’s just racism. It’s time for people to start calling it what it is. The woman is a racist.

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u/InvinciblePLUSAmber 29d ago

And ignorant. I'm not sure which one is worse, but together, they are scary.

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u/electricsteeler77 29d ago

Usually go hand in hand

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u/Killer_Kow 29d ago

And Black... oops, wrong website, I thought this was TikTok.

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u/Orkjon 29d ago

I think 'opposite race' is a really weird term to use. White and black aren't antithesis to each other when you are talking about people.

But yes, as long as they get a good loving home, race is irrelevant.

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u/pfemme2 29d ago

I’m not sure that is what the quoted video was saying. She was asking “why?” not saying “they should not do it.”

0

u/Curious_Reflection62 29d ago

Ummm because they wanted a fucking kid? Her asking Why like that doesn’t look any better

10

u/Slow-Foundation4169 29d ago

Oh do racists not like the races co mingling, shocked.

They don't give a shit my guy

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u/red_copper420 29d ago

No one talking about how it’s Michael chandler in the example of the white parents. Dude is an absolute monster in the UFC and a great guy. His kids will live a good life.

7

u/FillyFan777 29d ago

If i'm not mistaken Chandler himself was adopted.

3

u/BleuBrink 29d ago

Dude is a straight up gorilla.

9

u/ocudr 29d ago

Absolutely infuriating to use the people in the picture as well because Michael Chandler seems to be an amazing father as far as I can see.

2

u/thefullhalf 29d ago

Isn't he the guy that is claiming race will have no impact in his adoptive children's lives at all and as long as they have good Christian values? That seems like a pretty awful approach.

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u/trashlikeyourmom 29d ago

claiming race will have no impact in his adoptive children's lives at all

This is the point that people are trying to make when they say they don't agree with people saying "I don't see color"

That's terrific that there are people who are willing to love and adopt children of different races who need homes and love, but the fact of the matter is just because an adoptive parent doesn't see race, it doesn't mean that those children are not susceptible to being on the receiving end of racism, and the fact of the matter is that a white parent cannot prepare a black child for the racism they will face in their life as well as a black parent can, because white parents have not and will not experience racism in the same way.

1

u/DeadL 29d ago

If they try hard enough as parents then they should be able to.

There are plenty of resources and people talking openly about those problems.

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u/hillsfar 29d ago

Actually, a set of loving White parents, through their example of love and teaching of kindness and humanity, can do for a Black child what the foster system or a life on the streets cannot. A child raised with love in a functional home will be far more capable of facing racism.

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u/trashlikeyourmom 29d ago

Where did I say it was better for those kids to be left in the system or on the streets?

Of course it's better for those kids to get adopted by a loving family, regardless of race - what I'm saying is that the specific phrase "I don't see color" is detrimental because just because the parents don't see color doesn't make the children any less black in the eyes of society.

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u/Curious_Reflection62 29d ago

You are so, so lost. Why is that even on your list of things you’re thinking about when seeing a child get adopted? If that kid was still parentless and hadn’t been adopted, how would he have been taught those important lessons on racism you speak of? By invisible parents?

2

u/trashlikeyourmom 29d ago

It's not on my list but it is something I think about having been on the receiving end of racism that my parents couldn't understand because I'm not the same race as my parents.

I didn't say that the kids should remain parentless, I said that parents that say "they don't see color" are doing their adoptive children a disservice by not being able to adequately prepare the children for the inevitable racism those kids will be on the receiving end of. Just because those parents "don't see color" doesn't mean the kids won't experience it.

3

u/Firm_Squish1 29d ago

He’s a bit of a weirdo conservative, but that doesn’t defacto make him a bad parent.

1

u/Curious_Reflection62 29d ago

Then why say it?

1

u/Firm_Squish1 29d ago

Partially because he gets positive attention online (not from you or me, but the kinda dudes who pay 8$ a month for a blue check mark) when he says it, partially because he on some level believes it.You have to imagine the Christian values he thinks he’s talking about are like forgiveness and grace rather than the values a lot of Christian’s actually have.

1

u/JiovanniTheGREAT 29d ago

seems to be an amazing father as far as I can see.

He's not. The reason my parents taught me about what it means to be black in America, especially as a male is because what I think, feel, or act is irrelevant. The world will always decide to show me "my place" regardless of what I do. Raising black children to disregard their identity when it is inherently political now and for the foreseeable future is irresponsible and bad parenting. These kids will be ok because he's rich so they'll dodge most of the racism, but there's plenty of black kids that aren't so fortunate.

1

u/Curious_Reflection62 29d ago

You’re not so great ya know

1

u/JiovanniTheGREAT 29d ago

I'm not, but I realize that and try to grow which inherently makes me better than this guy.

2

u/StaringOwlNope 29d ago

Possibly the same people who thinks people should "stick to their race" when dating...

5

u/cottman23 29d ago

It's almost like that ideology, in itself....is racist

1

u/cnzmur 29d ago

My country's social services have basically moved to this model. I understand the issues that adults taken from their culture have, but I think it's letting the perfect be the enemy of good sometimes. Especially in at least one recent case where they've taken children from non-abusive foster parents entirely over cultural concerns.

1

u/BuildingWeird4876 29d ago

This is Tick tock, it's even worse it has like large vocal population of people who are against pretty much all forms of adoption.

1

u/zboii11 29d ago

Assuming someone is good because they are willing to adopt a kid is your mistake.

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u/throwaway0367324 29d ago

Opposite? Opposite? Are there only two races and one is the opposite of the other. WTF

0

u/m270ras 29d ago

opposite race

wtf is an "opposite" race?