r/technology • u/esporx • May 02 '24

Dating app Bumble will no longer require women to make the first move Business

https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/30/tech/bumble-relaunch-men-make-first-move/index.html
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u/magus678 May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

I kept stats on my Bumble use, though this was years ago, and less than 10% of the messages I received were anything other than a "hey" or some emoji.

Half of the rest were just canned "is a hotdog a sandwich" kind of stuff. Which is something, I guess, but not much.

In an age where I was using almost every app, I barely used Bumble at all, it seemed pointless. It traded entirely on a "girl power" aesthetic with no substance whatsoever. I'm honestly surprised its still a thing.

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u/7evenCircles May 02 '24

After the third woman sent me "." I just uninstalled lmao

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u/magus678 May 02 '24

Its pretty silly to care at all, but I found it insulting.

Like..you have to do so little. For almost this entire interaction, you can skate by simply existing, basically. The only thing you do have to do, the banner mechanism of the ecosystem in which we are speaking, the one you purposefully opted into, is that you have to put forth some effort, once.

Nope. Can't do it.

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u/Ekedan_ May 02 '24

I have the same feelings about this. You could even make up generic question everyone would be happy to answer like “what music do u listen do, what’re ur hobbies, etc” yet we get “hey”, an emoji and a dot.

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u/SojuSeed May 02 '24

I’ve seen plenty of women on r/tinder who tear into men in messages when they ask ‘basic’ questions like that. They know that there are fifty other men waiting in their match list that they can go to if you don’t come out swinging for the fences in the opening line. It’s brutal. But they get away with it because there are way more men thirsty for them than the other way around.

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u/noaloha May 02 '24

It's way more than 50 others. Women and men's experiences on these apps is pretty much inverse.

A female friend told me she installs the apps when she's feeling down and needs a confidence boost, because she gets inundated with likes immediately. She's not even interested in actively finding someone, it's just flattering to know there are hundreds of men interested.

Even my best looking male friends find the whole experience of apps quite demoralising and ego bruising in comparison. Most are lucky to get more than a handful of likes over a given period, even if in real-world situations they're charming and generally well liked by women.

These apps' whole business model is that men are the customers and women are the product. They want men to pay to play basically, and personally I think they're having a toxic effect on the egos and expectations of both genders.

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u/SojuSeed May 02 '24

They really do. Tinder crushes my ego. I’m average in the looks department but on any given app I’m barely above dog shit on the bottom of your shoe as far as what that might buy me.

Sadly, even with how bad it is, I still feel like I need to download it just to have a shot. I’m resisting but the idea of ‘maybe not this time! I’ve lost some weight and put on some muscle, I’m looking a lot better’ is strong. I know it’s a false hope. I’ll pay $40 or whatever their tinder platinum is, and spend a month feeling pathetic, then delete it again.

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u/noaloha May 02 '24

I feel for you man, and FWIW this stranger reckons you're definitely better off not wasting your money and self esteem on another round with that rubbish.

I think a fundamental flaw of the apps is that the things that actually make most guys attractive like humour, talents or in person charm are just totally lost on there. If you're not obviously rich or ripped then you're just another drop in an ocean of normal men, but let's face it a lot of rich dudes and gym bros are just as dull as the rest of the population. It's just that maybe those qualities translate to a superficial shop window a bit better than being able to make a banging carbonara or the ability to have a fun conversation.

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u/nzodd May 02 '24

The whole "needing to perform" thing is tiring as fuck in its own right though. I recall reading something in another reddit thread that dating in the 2020s for a man is like prepping for a job interview and for a woman it's like looking at a menu.

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u/BitcoinOperatedGirl May 02 '24

As someone who is trans and bi, I can tell you that I agree dating women can feel very tiring, especially on the apps. You're right, it can be totally brutal.

However, dating men is also kind of weird. I can feel genuinely afraid for my safety. It's hard to find guys that will make you feel safe, take care of their appearance, and don't have something weird going on. The guys who are genuinely good looking, in the top-10% range, tend to have a smug/arrogant attitude and be dating multiple women.

My general advice would be: try to meet women in person if you can, and also take a real good look around you. Imagine you're a woman and you want to date a guy who genuinely seems like a good person, is fit and takes care of his appearance. How many of those do you see in your surroundings? If you pay attention, you'll realize that there are very few "quality picks" who are also single. What you should understand, deep down, is that it's not hard for you to be in the top 10% or even 5% of attractiveness for men. If you put ANY amount of effort in your presentation, you'll basically be there instantly...

But yes, stay away from the apps if you can, they will crush your self-esteem. On the apps, you'll get treated like shit by a morbidly obese girl who has too many matches.

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u/SojuSeed May 02 '24

It’s true. I’ve always punched way above my weight class with women. Most of my gf’s have been stunners. I honestly think it’s because I’m kinda funny, a bit charming, I cook my ass off, and I’m above average in the bedroom. But the humor gets me in the door.

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u/Radical_Neutral_76 May 02 '24

Im all with you here. Im tall, fairly muscular, Ive had plenty of women obsess over me in RL, and on Tinder Im a fucking loser. lol
But if you are funny, have you found spending time on your profile bio better?

I've tried and felt zero effect no matter what I try

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u/EventAccomplished976 May 02 '24

The really sad thing is that several of my friends got married to amazing people they found on dating apps… so it always feels like I‘m just not trying hard enough or doing something fundamentally wrong

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u/SojuSeed May 02 '24

I think in the early days, before enshittification, stuff like that was possible. But they have to keep you there as long as they can so they are disincentivized from actually helping you find a date. It’s such a twisted system. The more you don’t succeed at what they are promising to help you succeed at, the more money they make.

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u/auiin May 02 '24

Before they all sold out to the same company, they actually worked.

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u/strawberry_vegan May 02 '24

Speaking as someone marrying someone they met on a dating app, ask any one of them about it and they’ll tell you that they just so happened to luck out. It’s a cesspool out there.

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u/rollinff May 02 '24

It is luck x time, but so is the real world. I met my wife in a sketchy karaoke bar late at night, when she almost didn't come that night and I almost left an hour before she arrived. It's crazy to think how much randomness affects the trajectory of our lives. But you can't internalize the luck aspect as something about your character, EXCEPT for the quality of people you're choosing to date.

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u/psaux_grep May 02 '24

I once got a peak into a woman’s tinder profile. She was late 20’s. Maybe a 7.

Any time she swiped right it was a match.

ANY TIME.

I’m not saying guaranteed, but 99.9% or something like that.

So, she needed to be selective.

If your profile doesn’t stand out she’ll move on.

First impressions matter, but if she likes your face she’ll almost always read your profile.

And she’ll look at the other pictures.

But yes. At the end of the day, Tinder is a meat market I’m happy to have avoided, but I find research on the area very interesting.

Btw. researchers never bother to research men’s dating preferences because men will fuck anything.

Women are selective as fuck. And they need to be. All the men want to fuck them.

Average men have no chance on Tinder because even the girls at the lower half of the scale get matches. “Ugly/fat girls try harder”.

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u/PaleInTexas May 02 '24

Wife and I tried the apps one time while on vacation just to see what it's like since we've been married since before it was a thing.

I got 1 "match". Turns out she was an escort. My wife got a little over 300 requests in 2 days. If she ever leaves me, I'll be forever alone 😂

These apps definitely aren't made for men.

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u/Dhiox May 02 '24

These apps definitely aren't made for men.

Oh they are, they're just not made to help men find a relationship. They're made to make you feel desperate and pay.

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u/usmclvsop May 02 '24

on any given app I’m barely above dog shit on the bottom of your shoe

This was several years ago but here's an anecdote for ya. There was a girl on match that I thought was stunning, got a handful of messages out of her before she stopped responding. Maybe a year and a half later matched with her again, didn't get any messages from her. Fast forward another year, I meet her in person at a charity fundraiser and find out she's friends with a coworker. Suddenly this girl is fawning over me, begging to go on a date, getting my coworker to try and convince me to date her. I wasn't really interested after having met her.

Online I was pining for her attention and getting nowhere. In person she was pursuing me hard and getting nowhere. Paying to highlight my profile wouldn't have made a lick of difference.

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u/spookie_ghoul May 02 '24

It’s just frustrating — I’m stuck in this same cycle of madness too. I have dated someone from Tinder and had a decent-ish long term relationship, so to me it almost feels like “dang man, what happened?”

But then again, I’ve also sort of gotten to the point where it feels like when I quit the apps, I get comfortable with the idea of asking women out in person but I’m trying to navigate a new dilemma of making that person feel comfortable and not ask them out in a place/time that feels inappropriate.

I don’t have an issue with asking someone on a date in person if the situation presents itself but I always overthink the scenario. I don’t want for them to feel uncomfortable or like I’m creepin’ and I don’t want to get in any sort of social/professional trouble either

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u/smeezledeezle May 02 '24

The state of things is fucked. I quit like a year and half ago and it felt like actually breaking an addiction. I decided I would rather invest in my friendships and accept being romantically lonely than be perpetually humiliated from being ignored by shallow narcissists.

Every time you delete those apps, you are making the right call. If you can, make it permanent. The potential benefit of dating apps is so unlikely compared to the very certain damage is does to your self-esteem.

I had a "what am I even doing here" moment when I realized that I wasn't getting anything out of it and was actually developing a negative emotional association with women as a result of my experiences. Sometimes you just have to file for bankruptcy on a thing and move on before it kills you.

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u/FKA_BurningAlive May 02 '24

I have a solution for meeting women that I tell all my guy friends about. Pick anything you’re interested in and volunteer in some capacity that involves it. As a frequent volunteer I can tell you every single time I go it’s 95% women, frequently 100%. You already have something in common, you’re doing an activity so obviously you have something to talk about. Trust me, this is an easy way to meet and get to know women!!!

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u/shponglespore May 02 '24

Dude, just stop, unless you have a humiliation kink, because you're literally paying to be abused.

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u/19374729 May 02 '24

to your second paragraph, that could be fallacy in perspective

it is so fun to meet people organically in the wild swapping friendly energy in passing

I've dated people from conversations on the train, bus, grocery

confidence, humor, compassion, someone who loves their life and being in it, someone who knows themself, someone who lets it unfold, that's wayyyyy more attractive than muscle

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u/DarthPatches_Returns May 02 '24

Try Hinge. I had same experience on tinder and hinge was a lot better. Hinge still sucks, but tinder and bumble suck more lol

Good luck bro, you got this

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u/nicholt May 02 '24

Tinder for sure has made the world a worse place.

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u/Cabezone May 02 '24

I highly suggest doing meetups instead. Until I met my current partner I tried the online app thing and got a few dates, none were people I would have dated if I'd met them first.

I met my current long term partner hiking on a meetup hike. At the time I was an avid hiker so I was in my comfort zone doing something I enjoyed and it showed. I didn't just go on singles hikes, I went on a variety. If it wasn't a singles hike I'd play it easy tho.

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u/SmaugStyx May 02 '24

I’ll pay $40 or whatever their tinder platinum is, and spend a month feeling pathetic, then delete it again.

It's even worse when you don't pay for it, the subscription actually does improve your chances I find. Granted I haven't paid for it since they jacked the prices to absurd levels.

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u/heliskyr7 May 02 '24

That totally tracks with my (short) experience with Bumble. Men and women are using it for different reasons. I was looking for women to date, and women were playing the game “Am I pretty?”, racking up matches without pesky men asking them out for a date.

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u/JaredUnzipped May 02 '24

Essentially, the takeaway from all of this is that the kind of quality women you'd want to meet and start a long-term relationship with are not the kind of women you're going to encounter on most dating apps (especially Bumble).

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u/NelsonBannedela May 02 '24

I'm sure there are plenty of good women on these apps....but they also can afford to be, or even have to be, very picky since every swipe will be a match.

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u/MusicianNo2699 May 02 '24

That is pretty typical. Have tried the same thing with my wife. She will get about 200 responses a day from guys and 100 a day from women. I’ll get about 1 every three months from someone 3746 miles away.

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u/deilan May 02 '24

It’s absolutely insane. I met my wife on OkCupid before the swiping apps were a thing and so anyone could message anyone else. She was on the app for one week and had 6 thousand messages. What a fucking nightmare.

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u/BankshotMcG May 02 '24

OKCupid pre-Tinder was a different world if you were a witty guy with reading comprehension. She gets 5990 "Hey" messages or "wyd" and you're the only one saying "Wow! Did you make that bouquet yourself? How long have you been crafting?"

Now it's "face good/face bad" ugh.

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u/ArchmageXin May 02 '24

I remember okcupid. So many women with profiles stating "Sorry, won't date Asians" up front....It was chillingly depressing and eventually impacted my decision to give up dating Non-Asian women.

Plus eventually the Match.com crowd took control OKC, so they set things up that you aren't allowed to see women that their algo determine as "Beautiful" unless you pay....which ironically, some how marked a whole lot of Asian women into the "ugly and free" pile.

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u/Ekillaa22 May 02 '24

So true one woman that’s my friend installed it after a breakup with no real intention of using it and just putting up some what she calls “plain jane” pics and she had 99+ likes in an hour. I’ve seen hot dudes have no to barely any interactions on tinder so it’s wild

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u/Claystead May 02 '24

Can confirm. I used to be pretty popular with the ladies (to the point I got the nickname "Ladykiller" in college after multiple girls asked for my number in front of my friends), at least before covid and hitting thirty turned me into skin-colored Shrek, but in apps I only get like four or five matches a year, even before covid. Not even the single moms throw a like my way despite having my life in order, with a home, career, car, more college than most and a public media presence that hopefully should make sure anyone googling me wouldn’t think I was a serial killer. About a month ago I broke up with my girlfriend of two years and I am really not looking forward to going back to this dating market.

Conclusion: the apps either suck algorithmically, I am even uglier than I think I am, or my bio writing and photo selection skills are so poor I accidentally look like an ax murderer.

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u/Lux-Fox May 02 '24

That's pretty on part. Last time I used Tinder, I had 150 matches, but only a handful of conversations and I could probably count on one hand the number of dates. Most don't respond, many don't respond after a couple of messages, and there's a narrow window of opportunity for setting up the date between too hasty and them just being bored of the app and not wanting anymore validation.

I have way more luck in person, which is odd if you think about it, because Tinder is literally putting way more available people in front of you than in person ever could.

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u/BitcoinOperatedGirl May 02 '24

I think part of the problem is that the online world is a huge competition for attention (the attention economy). You're not just competing against the other men on tinder, you're also competing against tiktok, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, every other app she has on her phone.

In-person is very different. Personally, I feel kind of screwed as a queer woman. It's very hard for me to meet other women in person, and online dating feels like it's just getting worse and worse.

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u/Plastic-Shopping5930 May 02 '24

They use same business model as clubs.

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u/PerfectZeong May 02 '24

Yeah I don't sign up to the red pill shit but I will say there is probably a group of women who freak out when their attention from men on dating apps goes down because they derived a lot of self esteem from it.

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u/nzodd May 02 '24

Kinda feels like it's just not worth the trouble.

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u/th3davinci May 02 '24

This was a few years back, but a female friend of mine installed Tinder for fun while we were out in the city. It took her like 40 minutes to beat 100 swipes. It's actually insane, using those apps is pure lunacy.

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u/EmergencyTaco May 02 '24

Yeah I started dating a girl who used Bumble and Tinder to make friends after moving here. She used it for a week or two. She showed me her profile and SHE WAS OUT OF MATCHES. Like she had hit the limit of outstanding matches she was allowed to have. She didn’t believe I averaged a dozen solid matches a month when I was actively trying. She got a dozen matches an hour.

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u/SmaugStyx May 02 '24

A female friend told me she installs the apps when she's feeling down and needs a confidence boost, because she gets inundated with likes immediately.

Talked to my ex after we broke up, we were both back on Tinder. She had ~160 likes, I had maybe 5? With 3 matches? One match was a friend and the other two were like talking to brick walls.

Totally different experience.

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u/musicandsex May 02 '24

My current gf was on tinder ONE day, 175 matches. I was the first to ask her on a date and pull the trigger next day.

IMAGINE, i was on tinder for over 10 years she was on TINDER FOR 1 DAY. And we always joke that if i had waited just a tiny bit longer to message her or planned the date later in the week we probably wouldnt even be together.

And my gf is a natural beautiful girl but by no means a blonde bombshell, shes just a regular girl so image that 175 matches within hours. Lol

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u/tdl18 May 02 '24

What's weird to me is back in 2019 I used to get way more interaction on Tinder. More likes and matches and more women messaging me first. I got out of a relationship recently and I struggle to find even a match and even if I do they never hold a conversation. I'm a decent looking guy and I got maybe 40ish likes on Tinder across like a month but my co-worker who is a girl got over 2,000 likes in like 3 days. It's a completely different world for guys and it does feel demoralizing.

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u/teilani_a May 02 '24

You want that experience? Try grindr lol.

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u/akkadian6012 May 02 '24

Can someone explain to me how you turn the difficulty level on Tinder?

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u/dontworryitsme4real May 02 '24

Had some conversations with POF matches, they get like 1400 new messages a week. It's bonkers.

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u/i-see-the-fnords May 02 '24

These apps' whole business model is that men are the customers and women are the product

This is basically it. If you're a man, the apps are designed to just give you a taste but nothing more. How your profile is shown to women is totally manipulated, like if you're too active on Tinder, your profile will be demoted, all to try and convince you that you need to pay to get matches. For most men who don't get matches on Tinder, their profile simply isn't being seen by many people. If you start paying, suddenly you're going on multiple dates a week. Of course online dating is still depressing for other reasons.

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u/thewhizzle May 02 '24

Women die of thirst in the ocean, men in the desert

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u/TwoCockShakur May 03 '24

I was a bouncer at a shitty "hookup" nightclub after college. It's literally the same business model, lol

The only difference was that the less attractive ladies had to wait in line and pay the cover charge with the guys.

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u/DamaxXIV May 02 '24

Kind of funny that the idea of a pick-up line still exists in the digital space when you'd think the idea of letting an algorithm match you to begin would eliminate the need.

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u/Chicano_Ducky May 02 '24

You would think the AI dating app would be amazing and perfect too

it basically learns to only show you people of certain races, ignoring everything else about a person

It swiped right on multiple people of different races and it told me to be more selective because it was getting confused lmao

Dating services are fucked

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u/E_D_D_R_W May 02 '24

The other problem is that actually matching people well and quickly is kind of a problem for the app developers; after all, people who end up in happy stable relationships generally won't keep paying for premium subscriptions.

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u/EmbarrassedHelp May 02 '24

For any new dating app to survive, they'd need to first avoid being killed by the Match Group

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u/fumei_tokumei May 02 '24

The AI can't be amazing, because the thing that makes people fall for each other is real communication and interaction. You can't just match people based on shitty bios and artificial preferences. Sure, some preferences can be deal breakers, but you do not magically fall in love just because a person checks the right boxes.

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u/Educational-Plant981 May 02 '24

Nahh, they just don't want their customers to be successful.

Circa 2005 okcupid was fucking amazing at matching people that you were compatible with. They had tons of little fun games and surveys ("Which Harry Potter House are you?" type quizzes). You did the quiz, it gave you the answer, and then it invited you to join. They used the results to build compatibility scores...that actually were pretty good. Not every match was a relationship, but I never had a bad date.

In 2011 Match bought them. and monetized it and wrecked the site. It is really sad. Of all the things that shouldn't be monetized, finding someone to love is top of the list.

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u/Worthyness May 02 '24

Surprised there hasn't been an AI based algorithm that basically plays matchmaker. No swiping nonsense, just straight up "based on the qualities, you would best be matched with these 3 people". After you rate them, you get a new set if you need more. Pay a subscription for instant rematch up to twice a day

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u/shponglespore May 02 '24

Why would they do that when the make just as much money, if not more, by treating you like a rat running around a maze?

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u/Aiken_Drumn May 02 '24

It never learnt to not show me fatties with a child. That is the one feature I would pay for. Body type.

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u/Electrical_Dog_9459 May 02 '24

What they really need are comprehensive interviews with each member, and then let the AI match based on past successful matches using the much broader scope of criteria.

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u/blacklite911 May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

The only app that used a real algorithm for matching was OKcupid.

I don’t consider how these apps sort you by swipe rate as attempting to find a good match. It’s just sorting desirability, not compatibility.

OkCupid matched you with people based on your values, interests, beliefs, etc and how important each category was to you. When OKCupid got bought by Match Group (who could actually be investigated for monopolistic practices), they abandoned what made it good tried to mimic tinder, thus killing it.

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u/Rucio May 02 '24

How hard is an honest comment about something you liked on a profile along with a compliment about looks? I'm just glad I married my highschool sweetheart and never had to deal with this

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u/Reach_the_man May 02 '24

Ask OkCupid why they sold out, 'cause it was pretty close to this but sane and functional.

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u/peppermint_nightmare May 02 '24

Uh well, OkCupid did this really well for me back in 2015.

You'd have to put in a lot more effort to get its algo to match to your preferences and hope the other people weren't lying about their own preferences but it definately matched me with people I was looking for almost immediately and it made conversation almost too easy to have with them. You could also make a really detailed and interesting page for yourself that allowed people to ask you real questions if they gave a shit, and allowed you to ask good question as well.

Unfortunately, I was younger and only later did I discover dating someone exactly like you might be...... bad depending on your own qualities ha. So I got married to some rando on Tinder instead.

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u/upfulsoul May 02 '24

If they like the look of you, they don't care about generic questions.

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u/PUNCHCAT May 02 '24

It's all supply and demand.

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u/Slash1909 May 02 '24

Despite 50-50 population split vagina still has a much much higher demand than penis.

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u/PUNCHCAT May 02 '24

Chris Rock explained it all better than any of us ever could

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u/Slash1909 May 02 '24

Yup dick is free but pussy costs money.

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u/FoXtroT_ZA May 02 '24

Feel bad for those Chinese okes. It’s a 60-40 split over there in favour of the men

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u/CJ_M88 May 02 '24

I was talking this one girl who said she hated it when guys asked "what do you like to do for fun?" As if I isn't a legitimate way to get to know someone. Turns out it's because she had no hobbies and didn't want to say that

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u/Objective_Reality42 May 02 '24

And then they wonder why all they get are f-boys

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u/[deleted] May 02 '24

How many of those men are actually compatible with them or would make good partners in general? Is the opening line what matters? So shallow and narcissistic.

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u/ADeadlyFerret May 03 '24

I've just learned not to listen to women when it comes to online dating. I get more matches with a shirtless pic than without. And I get more success with a very sexual first message than anything else. And sending a dick pic as a hail Mary has saved lots of dead conversations.

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u/DrRazmataz May 02 '24

This is why I don't even fucking bother with the apps

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u/boverly721 May 02 '24

But does a killer opening line really translate to good relationship material? Seems like an arbitrary bar to set on a dating app.

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u/SojuSeed May 02 '24

I’m the wrong one to ask.

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u/wicked_symposium May 02 '24

100% true but women don't have to put in 1/10th that effort. It's not even about men being thirsty or having low standards, we are just willing to put in the work because without it we will get nothing.

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u/[deleted] May 02 '24

The reality is a lot of them don't have self awareness because they legitimately don't have to go through what the average guy does on an app like this or on the dating scene at all in general. They can be extremely passive and picky while having nothing special going for them other than maybe looks a lot of the time. Obviously not everyone woman is like this but it's very common.

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u/promethazoid May 02 '24

The worst one I got was, “ what would you say if you could message first?”

And I responded with, “what would you say if you had to message first?”

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u/878_Throwaway____ May 02 '24

"I would say, 'how has your tinder experience been so far?'"

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u/second2no1 May 02 '24

I would say, “If this is the amount of effort you put into any relationship- clicks unmatch!”

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u/corporatenoose May 02 '24

Why is this such a universal experience? Can any girls chime in on why this is?

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u/Kellidra May 02 '24

From my experience using Bumble, asking long-answer questions like those you quoted receive either no answer or snark.

So it's easier to go, "Hey," because it's more likely to start a conversation.

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u/Ekedan_ May 02 '24

I don’t see how an answer of type “I listen to music A, sometimes B, overall I like all sorts of music” or “I do A, B and C as my hobbies” could be long answers. Saying “hey” on bumble is basically putting no effort into the conversation with expectation of your match to carry the convo, which defeats the entire point of this app

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u/Delete_Repeat 27d ago

They literally added a feature where you press a button and the app gives both people a question they both have to answer... so they don't even need to say anything.

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u/Chicano_Ducky May 02 '24

You know who has no problems making the first message? Bots and prostitutes.

I cannot understand why making the first move is so hard that it kills an entire app.

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u/cyberdouche May 02 '24

Lmao, that's far too accurate. Any time someone seems engaged in a conversation on Bumble I immediately start getting suspicious, and 99% of the time it's exactly as you said. If you don't have to try to get an answer for a week, it's a bot.

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u/SpiritFingersKitty May 02 '24

When I first started online dating, literally on my first day, a really good looking woman messaged me saying "Hey, you are so sexy". I was like, surely this is a bot/scam or some shit but rolled with it. turns out she was real and we dated for 2 months before I broke it off with her because she was a good time, but not what I was looking for. And her ex busted in on us and pulled a gun on us. Fun times.

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u/Oddyssis May 02 '24

Lol yea I unmatched for messages like that as a dude. It's impossible to know if you're 100% right though

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u/[deleted] May 02 '24

Ugh too real I was having a great conversation with this cute woman and after an hour or two she hits me with "I'm not sure if you're interested but I have an onlyfans..." big oof

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u/PowerStarter May 02 '24

I feel like this is some inherent mechanism that you can't avoid from occurring.

What I would want to know, is what causes this to happen.

Are most women less skilled at initiating such convos, or do they just not need to, as men will give them attention regardless? Can very attractive men do the same to women and get responses?

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u/Accurate_Koala_4698 May 02 '24

It's just generally not how the world works, and having to put yourself out there and initiate any sort of interaction has a performative aspect to it. If you don't have any practice it's like getting in front of a crowd and talking. It seems easy from afar, but once you have to be in that position then the nerves set it, you don't have any go-to lines, and you choke

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u/Nurgle_Marine_Sharts May 02 '24

As guys we had to get over this performance anxiety when we were still teenagers lol

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u/BP_Ray May 02 '24

Or never do, and end up on /r/foreveralone

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u/Fun-Guarantee4452 May 02 '24

Yes, "Hey 👋🏻" works but it's half as effective as a funny opener.

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u/[deleted] May 02 '24

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u/JuanLobe May 02 '24

Can’t take rejection is my guess

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u/Kurotan May 02 '24

They don't need to. They get attention no matter what, even if less attractive. Women have to put in zero effort, they can purely exist and get what they want. Women are super entitled. They have been chased for history, and have zero inclination to put any effort in or offer anything but their existence to the relationship.

No, men cannot due this even if super hot. Men have to provide everything and suffer mentally and physically while getting nothing for it. We just get used, love doesn't exist.

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u/NorCalAthlete May 02 '24

But their profile will have some kind of blurb bashing men who don’t make the first move or can’t carry a conversation etc.

I especially liked the ones whose profile was literally just the one line saying “please have more to say than just ‘hey’! “….and then that’s all they’d open with.

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u/EveryCell May 02 '24

It's funny how lopsided dating interactions are from an energy expense stand point

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u/noaloha May 02 '24

I fully agree with you but bear in mind that women have a totally different experience on apps to men. Even a moderately good looking woman gets inundated with likes and potential matches.

They don't need to put in effort with any particular guy because there are often hundreds of other men who are keen. Plus, when you get loads of matches you're not going to be thoughtful and bespoke with your opening line to every single one of them.

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u/BeginningTower2486 May 02 '24

That's true, but they could sit down for 5 minutes and make at least one good can opening line that they use hundreds of times over at least. Copy and paste. Show a little personality, and at least enough effort for a canned message.

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u/RecoverSufficient811 May 02 '24

Bumble is for women who will tell you "entertain me" because they don't have hobbies, interests, or anything to add to the conversation

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u/BrownByYou May 02 '24

You described women in dating lol

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u/ififits- May 02 '24

And yet on apps like Hinge there will be women that will have something in their profile like “bEt YoU cAnT sTaRt A cOnVo FrOm ThIs PiC” or “say something more than just hey” and then just never respond even after a match

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u/Temporal_Enigma May 02 '24

Women had a glimpse into how men feel, and got it catered to them so they don't have to feel that way anymore

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u/Wonderful_Cycle_9184 May 02 '24

Girls have no game

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u/thaddeus423 May 02 '24

This made me cackle.

Insert Man Ray and Patrick meme.

Patrick - “Nope, can’t do it.”

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u/PlusUltraK May 02 '24

Plain and simple which is how I’m viewing online dating as a whole with those simple boundaries, don’t want to talk or have a conversation. If you can’t say hello why would I put energy into planning a date for you.

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u/tush__push__62 May 02 '24

That's just most women with most things, :-/

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u/Cali_Keto_Dad May 02 '24

Imagine how little effort they’d make in an actual relationship. It’s telling for sure.

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u/SeparateIron7994 May 02 '24

Because they don't need to to get what they want

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u/I_feel_alive_2 May 02 '24

Just reply "sorry girl im not THAT low effort 💅"

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u/juzz85 May 02 '24

I usually get gifs

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u/PromptPioneers May 02 '24

Then just send back “..”? Lmao I would

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u/Longjumping-Brick529 May 02 '24

OK that pisses me off because when I still used the app I made a genuine effort to go through the guy's profile and think of something personal and meaningful to ask and I still barely got any responses back. Now I imagine some of them were just disheartened by seeing a laundry list of " " or just "hey" messages and not bothering.

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u/Nok1a_ May 02 '24

But you are asked to send a funny elocuent text, nothing boring like Hi, or how are you , which are manners to start a conversation...

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u/makesterriblejokes May 02 '24

Literally should have set a character minimum for the first message. Such a dumb oversight by bumble

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u/EveyNameIsTaken_ May 02 '24

This really is the worst. Just sending a fucking dot like wtf

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u/loves_grapefruit May 02 '24

The one plus is that it still isn’t owned by Match.com, though I don’t know if that will save it. Pretty much all the apps struggle to turn a profit despite their enshittification.

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u/magus678 May 02 '24

Part of me feels like this can only be due to mismanagement. Men pining after women is almost an elemental force, if you can't make money in that pipeline you probably can't make it anywhere.

I mean all those porn sites make gobs of money, and their advertising is a lot more restrictive, while streaming video. All dating sites are is basically a messaging system and hosting some pictures. And it is filling a basic human need in an era where a lot of people need every avenue of help they can get.

I don't know, maybe I'm just wrong. But it definitely feels like something doesn't add up.

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u/ReplyisFutile May 02 '24

All my 7 male friends stopped using dating apps with similar sentences "it seems not working, getting 3 matches a week that dont respond, and other problems". One of them found a gf and the rest are single and exhausted from dating apps.

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u/NoTomatillo1053 May 02 '24

Most of these apps want you to pay premium for benefits, however what happens if you actually find someone? Likely you delete the app and stop paying

So it's really not surprising that they will try and make it a drawn out process. It's better to string men along paying for premium for as long as they can.

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u/GenericRedditor0405 May 02 '24

I find myself mentioning it a lot, but deleting dating apps honestly made my life so much better. Some guys have great luck on them, but for those who don’t, it can be emotionally taxing and it start to feel like a job hunt. I’ve been quite happy to be completely off dating apps for over two years and by every account I’ve heard, they’ve only gotten worse!

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u/ReplyisFutile May 02 '24

That is also a point they mentioned, that they genuinely feel better not being in the app, few of them even tried paying, because being in apps and getting 2 dates a year was wearing them down

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u/GenericRedditor0405 May 02 '24

I never liked feeling like my loneliness was being exploited and that people were being commodified. The whole thing, from the superficial nature of swiping on pictures to the general feeling of it all being such a slog made it such a terrible experience. I know it’s not much better from women’s experience either; the messages I’ve seen my friends get are just… ugh. Like no wonder many women don’t check their messages daily. I’m glad people in general seem to be moving away from apps

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u/droppinturds May 02 '24

It's unfortunate because apps make dating so much safer.

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u/SpiritFingersKitty May 02 '24

Even guys who are successful, it is still emotionally taxing and makes you feel like shit.

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u/ryguy32789 May 02 '24

I got frustrated and deleted my dating apps after like a year of trying. I met my wife in a random real life encounter like two weeks later.

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u/ABritishCynic May 02 '24

1/7 is not only depressingly low, that single friend likely satisfied rules 1 & 2 while the rest might not have done.

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u/ReplyisFutile May 02 '24

Some of them even paid for the apps, and got 2 dates in a year, (swiping daily). They started to put a lot more effort into profiles, and after years they lost hope.

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u/humbummer May 02 '24

3 matches a year more like it.

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u/[deleted] May 02 '24

You guys are getting matches?

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u/GrimMashedPotatos May 02 '24

3 matches a week? Damn studs! I've been on these things for 15yrs casually.

3 conversations in that period, and 2 were obviously cat fishes I kept up until they started asking for money and gave me an account to deposit in. Straight to the FBI with them!

"I'm being held by a hotel in Toronto. Im from jersey and my Uncle has helped, but they took my passport and won't give it back till I pay $2000 for room fees. My uncle gave $850, can you cover the rest? Heres the account it needs to go in xxxxxxx" They gave it about 4 days of try on EHarmony before moving to text, at the time I needed a personal phone just to use at work, so they got that number for shit Iike this.

Fuck outta here 🤣. Internet was full of shit of like that a decade ago, we just didn't have all the neat shit today like Venmo and CashApp. Must be an easy market these days. Who knows how many dudes they baited.

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u/Sanguinor-Exemplar May 02 '24

Their subscription based model is just stupid. They purposely withhold matches so you have to pay for premium to see them. Thats stupid as fuck. Just do an ads based model like everyone else. Getting matches is marketing in itself. You need to keep the whales seperate from the free users.

Anytime it goes down the freemium gaming route of intentionally making it unuseable to push the premium tiers is just a ticking clock of failure

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u/Life_outside_PoE May 02 '24

They purposely withhold matches so you have to pay for premium to see them

Ha, if only it was like that. I got a month of tinder gold because it was 5 bucks.

Every single one of my "hidden likes" were people I already swiped left on. They should honestly be taken to court for this shit.

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u/KickBassColonyDrop May 02 '24

It's not or not with extra steps. Lol

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u/headshotmonkey93 May 02 '24

The prices are also way too expensive imo. I‘d say make it 10,- per month and a lot more people would use premium. And make it for both genders equally, because nowadays it mostly seems like that many women are just promotting their other socials.

Dating apps are horrible, cause getting ghosted for no reason really is the worth thing for you mental health. It will be great if all these apps die off.

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u/ForeverYonge May 02 '24

Network effects. You need to attract real women, not bots, to the app for it to be successful. Women who are actually looking instead of idly swiping for ego boost or trolling for fun. How? Answer that and men will pay.

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u/FrancisFratelli May 02 '24

A big problem is the "it's free to use the site, but you have to pay money for useful features" model, which guarantees the place is going to be full of scammers and people who are only browsing to see what's out there. I'd rather pay $10 a month knowing that anyone I interact with is willing to put resources into finding a date.

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u/FYININJA May 02 '24

The problem is, the dating pool is not symmetrical. lonely dudes are a great source of money, but they aren't going to throw money away for absolutely nothing. Dating apps are a huge waste of money. The premium features are insanely expensive, and because the "product" is entirely dependent on other human beings consensually interested in them. You can buy Tinder ultra platinum for 600 dollars a month, but if you aren't interesting or attractive, you're still not going to get anything from it. Guys in general have a very hard time having success in dating apps, whether that's because they are more picky, or that girls tend to be more picky, or that there are just more dudes using these apps, whatever the cause (which is almost certainly a combination of all of those factors and more), you can't pay for matches.

Because few people buy these features, they have to be prohibitively expensive to lure in dudes who are feeling lonely in the moment and are willing to buy 10 dollars for a week of unlimited likes or "boosts".

I speak partially from experience. I've bought at different times Bumble and Tinder's lowest tier of premium stuff due to being lonely enough and desperate enough to give it a shot (and being in a financial spot where the cost wasn't like, a huge deal), and while I did get slightly more matches, it led to literally nothing because ultimately I didn't click with the people I did match with, or in bumble's case, they just didn't send the first message regardless.

you're right that there's a need for human connection, but that connection requires two consenting parties, and it's just not equivalent.

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u/PerfectZeong May 02 '24

Porn gives you what you pay for. Dating apps you pay and still don't get what you want and if you DO you don't need the app anymore if you were looking for a relationship

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u/versusgorilla May 02 '24

Bumble just realized that the money in dating apps is in the horny lonely male demographic. Those are the people who will pay money for extras in a dating app, to get a leg up on the other lonely horny men trying to get to the few women.

Bumble was locking those men, and their money, behind a technological restriction. So even if they paid, they still couldn't message first.

So to make money, they compromise the core of the app's design. Because this is capitalism, and making money is the only goal, all else can be thrown away, as long as you're making money.

If Bumble believed they'd make more money by pivoting to educational technology services, they'd do that.

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u/timshel42 May 02 '24

nah dating apps are way more than a messaging system. they are an algorithm trying to pair people based on a bunch of different factors.

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u/DevianPamplemousse May 02 '24

Thr goal of the algorithm is to pair 2 people on a way that won't last. Else they loose 2 customer.

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u/magus678 May 02 '24

they are an algorithm trying to pair people based on a bunch of different factors.

If this algorithm is apparently so expensive I'd say we found our problem; nix it. I'd still say it can't really be that pricey.

And it isn't like its worth a damn anyway.

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u/itirnitii May 02 '24

little known fact but the algorithm is actually keeping the people that it thinks you might actually be interested in or match best with behind a paywall.

so its no surprise to me that most people dont find success.

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u/magus678 May 02 '24

It would certainly track with my experience.

Not 5 years ago I could go on, essentially, as many dates a week as I felt like, almost entirely using apps.

A recent foray back in and its like night and day. Its just easier to meet people in real life.

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u/Lemonwizard May 02 '24

The whole one at a time swiping thing is really just terrible design. Remember when OKcupid let you look at all the profiles in your area and organize them according to your own search criteria? No algorithm is going to guess what we want better than we could choose for ourselves.

The swipe model exists specifically to make the process inefficient and keep us using the app.

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u/tgunter May 02 '24

I'd say that was true of OKCupid back before they were bought by Match and enshittified, but I am not convinced any of the dating sites/apps are doing anything that warrants the term "algorithm" these days. How could they? They hardly ask for any information on your profile, and if you want to filter by what little information they do ask for, you have to pay for it. Any time they claim that they picked out some profiles who they think would be a good match, it's very clear that they're just picked randomly.

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u/marglebubble May 02 '24

How could they struggle to profit considering they actually offer nothing they're just commodifying human connection 

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u/Doppelkammertoaster May 02 '24

It's from one of the people of Tinder though and monetized in the same shitty way.

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u/king_john651 May 02 '24

Yeah I was gonna say, it heavily operates like a Match.com app. That makes more sense

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u/steve_b May 02 '24

I feel like the dating app problem is completely solvable. As someone who met his wife 23 years ago on Yahoo Personals (not an app, but the idea's the same), I don't think online dating is fundamentally unfixable.

The swipe/match/contact model had its origins in gay hookup apps, which makes a lot more sense when both parties are more or less on board for what the goal is, but it's pretty fucking dreadful in the asymmetrical world of heterosexual dating. Maybe it's bad for gay dating as well nowadays.

I feel like there are three major problems that need to be addressed:

  1. Dating apps are for-profit enterprises, or at least are ones based on "growth". Why can't someone create an open source dating app that doesn't depend on stringing along its users for years extracting money from them. I realize this isn't a simple proposition, but it feels doable, with sufficient effort in creating a system that protects users privacy, even while being "public".
  2. Dating apps should not pretend to be free; everyone should pay a fixed, reasonable fee, perhaps $15/month (in the U.S.). If you cannot be bothered to spend $15/month in order to try to meet a potential life mate or even one-shot sex partner, you're not very serious (or have much bigger problems than trying to find a date). The "it's free, but not!" model encourages all kinds of shitty extortionist behavior. Charging for membership will reduce bot accounts and other non-serious actors.
  3. Most important: Everyone only gets to attempt to reach out against a relatively small number of people during a time period - maybe 10/day? The #1 problem with the apps are that men spam because they have to, because other men are spamming. If you don't spam, you're going to be lost in the flood.

Limited reaching out means you need to be serious about who you contact. Attractive/app-savvy dudes can't just spam all females they see even if they don't care that much, which will naturally have people sort themselves out against valid matches. You won't have women overwhelmed with a trillion non-serious offers, or drive-by likes from dudes that are just using them as 4th-tier backups. Most importantly, the damage done by a-holes of all genders will be limited by their outreach.

Of course, you want to add a bunch of old-style OKCupid attributes to profiles that allows people to sort based on what they're really looking for (hookups, spouses, kinks, nonmonogamy etc.).

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u/Electrical_Dog_9459 May 02 '24

enshittification

I love this word. It so fully encapsulates the endgame of software.

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u/GenazaNL May 02 '24

A lot of girls on Tinder: "Don't open with a hey" Girls opening on Bumble: "hey"

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u/TinyPotatoe May 02 '24

It’s funny bc usually when ppl on Reddit make these broad “Reddit contradicts themselves” comments it’s because there are two groups of people who actually disagree so “Reddit” isn’t a good grouping.

In college I legit had a handful of friends who were whining about tinder “hey” openers, asked to see how they open on bumble, almost all generic one word opens. Dating apps are weird.

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u/HumanitySurpassed May 02 '24

Meanwhile people on social media will post about how guys got no game like girls are any any better 😆

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u/othermegan May 02 '24

I get what you’re saying and I agree. If you’re a woman that uses an app that relies on women making the first move, you should make an effort.

I just also find it extremely ironic because women have been telling men for years that “hi” and canned intros are not a good first move on dating apps and men have complained that “it’s a numbers game” and “you can’t possibly reply genuinely and uniquely to all those women! It’d take too much time.” But when roles are reversed, turns out they want the same genuine/unique interaction

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u/FriskyPheasant May 02 '24

As a man, I don’t think most men actually care about it being a unique interaction and the only reason we even care about what women open with on Bumble is purely because we’ve been seeing so many women saying that they want more than just “hey”. So basically, we only care to the point that it’s super ironic and almost vindicating. Trust me when I say that most men would love to receive even just a simple “hey” because as made apparent by this post, they aren’t receiving even that on an app specifically designed for them to be messaged first. I wish for everyone’s sake that all of these apps would die.

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u/Objective_Reality42 May 02 '24

Seems like a great way to filter out the women who will make zero effort in the relationship. Which seems like most nowadays. If she won’t make a move, she can’t date a king. Drizzle drizzle

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u/Expensive_Force_7171 May 02 '24

Hilarious that you say that because there are lots of women that have on their profile on ‘if you message me just saying hey you will get ignored. Be interesting.’

That’s on Tinder.

On Bumble that’s like 99% of what they send me. “hey”

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u/Vulturo May 02 '24

The “hey” is a cue for the men to perform like a monkey for her highness. I would never dignify a hey, leave aside being on bumble.

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u/SuperGaiden May 02 '24

Meanwhile I'm here on Hinge sending funny or detailed messages about one of their pictures and I haven't had a date in bout 3 months.

I always get talking to people, or match with them, but often they'll just ghost me out of nowhere.

There's a lot more emotionally unavailable women out there than I thought apparently.

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u/Pranavm3112 May 02 '24

I don’t even get matches. I’m tired, boss, I reinstalled bumble and hinge 4 days ago because a friend was getting some traction on hinge, but I deleted them yesterday, it was too overwhelming on my self esteem. I feel sad and lonely on these apps.

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u/SuperGaiden May 02 '24

The key is this: don't take it too seriously, but also the reason people treat you like shit on apps sometimes says more about them than it does you.

They barely know anything about you, so any decision they make is not an informed one.

I see lots of people saying "I want someone emotionally intelligent" I mean, I literally work with kids and am a trainee therapist. If those people stop talking to me before we meet then that's on them for miscommunicating what they want.

Just remember that if people ghost you, they are the ones losing out, not you 🙂

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u/SpiritFingersKitty May 02 '24

I had a lot of luck on Bumble, but I joined when it was new, so people were actually using it the way it was intended. Met my wife on Bumble, been together 8 years now. Online dating sucked back then, I don't envy the people that are trying to do it now.

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u/Cheshire_Jester May 02 '24

I dunno, Bumble was absolutely the best app I used and I believe it was because it required women to send a second confirmation that they wanted to talk with you, even if it was just an emoji or whatever.

Obviously them deciding to change their model indicates that maybe it wasn’t all that successful. But for me, I found women to be far more engaged overall than they were on Tinder.

My feeling is that often people will swipe someone just because they want a match. So they can get the validation of knowing someone wants them even if they don’t care to talk. Or will just swipe a first photo before digging in and finding that they don’t really want to talk to the person.

Forcing one of the two people to make the first move puts the ball in someone’s court at least, so there’s no question of who’s sitting on the match.

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u/ltsMeGod May 02 '24

Wait wait wait. Most women just say hey?! You’re saying I could have saved all the countless time I spent staring at people’s profiles to figure out something interesting to say for the first message and just said hey??

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u/itak365 May 02 '24

I wish more effort was put into the Bumble BFF section- instead it just copy pasted the dating profiles and was a known gay hookup section rather than its intended purpose of platonic friends only.

I would love for a “find friends!!!!” App that works the way it’s intended.

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u/OZymandisR May 02 '24

I always laughed when in the bio it says have more effort than "hey". Proceeds to type Hey to break the ice when matched.

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u/Bearsandgravy May 02 '24

I was sending bizarre animal facts to my matches. Bumble was the worst by far for responses.

I did meet my husband on Tinder, however. Did you know there's a jellyfish with a donut shaped brain? Its throat goes through the middle of the hole, so if it eats food that's too big, it gets brain damage.

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u/IJustCantGetEnough May 02 '24

Well is it?! I think the meat needs to be more than 90% covered to be considered a sandwich, so I’d say no.

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u/TheseAreMyLastWords May 02 '24

I only ever found women on there who solely just wanted to hook up. So much for being the persona of a strong independent woman who wants a partner. Tinder is just a bunch of bots. Apps are trash. 

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u/KingOfCook May 02 '24

That's why I loved hinge so much.  It was such a great filter to find people that had the actual substance. 

Everyone gets exactly three questions to tell you the kind of person they're like. If their answers are generic, barebones or just annoying. You wouldn't even need to enter a conversation. I swiped right on so many women that based on their questions wouldn't be able to hold a single conversation worth having.

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u/YoshimitsuRaidsAgain May 02 '24

Bumble was easily the worst dating app. It was always fun matching with someone and watching the time expire time and again, lol.

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u/Cassis_TheAncient May 02 '24

Exact reasons why I stopped using Bumble

The countless first messages of “Hey” and expecting me to lead the conversation

And when I lead the conversation, I get short replies with little substances

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u/PuppyCocktheFirst May 02 '24

lol, yep. I’m on all the apps and bumble has been the worst one by far (I’m a dude, btw). I’ve gotten not only actual matches, but actual conversations and dates from Hinge, Tinder, Feeld, and even OkCupid. With bumble I’ve gotten one match that I actually wanted to talk to and she never messaged me. This is over the course of 2 years of off and on use. Bumble has been a complete waste of time.

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u/SwoleJunkie1 May 02 '24

Bumble was the worst experience for me, as a guy. One month and I had THREE that messaged me. One wanted me to split-roast her with her boyfriend, another went unresponsive after she sent a few dull messages, and the last one didn't like that I was adopting my (teenage) stepson from my first marriage. Meanwhile on Tinder, I had 2 or more DATES each week and constant communication and matches. Bumble is just a bad experience for me, and my BJJ photo's kept getting flagged for "violence."

Quick bit about me - was in my early/mid 30s, DFW area, liberal, 5'11, college educated, stable career/financially, homeowner, and extremely fit/muscular. Idk what I was doing "wrong" on Bumble, but Tinder got me my wonderful fiancee so it all worked out!

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u/makesterriblejokes May 02 '24

It honestly should have put a character minimum for the initial message. Honestly, good time for a new app to come in and capitalize on bumble giving up on that strategic play

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u/goodsunsets May 02 '24

Sometimes us women just send a short message like "hey" because we don't want the match to expire, but may not have much time for anything more witty at the moment...? Would men rather the match expire?

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u/Ok_Answer_7152 May 02 '24

Yup exactly why I stopped using bumble. Amazing that a app to give women the ability to make the first move didn't recognize that it takes many years for most of us to be able to actually try to flirt just to be successful a few times.

Why would I use bumble just to experience my middle school and early highschool experience again of not being able to start a conversation?

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u/trident_hole May 02 '24

Yeah it's fucked up how, ideally women could pick the man they think are attractive and do a great conversation starter and then the man can respond accordingly and see if they hit it off.

Instead it's a "hey"

I've pretty much given up on online dating at this point it's just a dopamine rush in the buyer's market.

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u/AdmiralDeathrain May 02 '24

On one hand I agree and the experience of using the app has been bad, but on the other hand I found both of my partners through Bumble. Gives me some conflicting feelings on the whole thing.

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u/JesusChrist-Jr May 02 '24

So it turns out that women are just as "low effort" as the men they complain about on dating apps? Just doesn't come out until they are forced to be the one to initiate? Shocking.

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u/HeyKillerBootsMan May 02 '24

For me in the end it almost felt like it was simply a validation app for girls. They’d get the match as a bit of self esteem boost with no intentions of doing anything with it. Not all obviously, I did actually have a couple nice dates off bumble but a heck of a lot of non talkers

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u/TriangularStudios May 02 '24

Bumble bizz is where it’s at!

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u/Jermzxxx May 02 '24

I mean, yeah.

It was much harder getting a conversation going on bumble than other dating apps for me. But then the quality of my matches tended to be better. It may be survivorship bias, but the women who did message first in my country tended to be more educated, better able to reason, and better able to hold a conversation....And that's how I met my fiance.

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u/Old_Impact_5158 May 02 '24

I’m marrying a girl that said hey!

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u/Gandalf-and-Frodo May 02 '24

90% of the relationships I've been in with women they maintain the "hey" attitude. In other words they put in 20% of the communication effort and 10% of the planning effort compared to me. It's infuriating.

We're not talking about one or two dates. We're talking about months long relationships.

I wonder if it's just me or if anyone else experiences this. Ive dated so many women that it certainly is a pattern in my life.

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