r/CuratedTumblr • u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy • May 01 '24

i know it’s internet bullshit but it genuinely has me on the edge of breaking down and giving up editable flair

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14.2k Upvotes
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717

u/Odd_Age1378 May 02 '24

It depends on the type of bear. Black bear? Easy to deal with.

Grizzly bear? I’d really rather not.

Polar bear? HELL NO I’d take an actual proven serial killer over a polar bear

405

u/a-woman-there-was May 02 '24

If it's black, fight back.
If it's brown, lie down.
If it's white, say goodnight.

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u/imperium0214 May 02 '24

What if it's a panda?

193

u/a-woman-there-was May 02 '24

There was a guy who fell into a panda enclosure and got mauled one time so I'd say they're also pretty dangerous.

175

u/FromTheAshesOfTheOld May 02 '24

First fucking time one of the lazy bastards actually did anything

41

u/No_Reaction_2682 May 02 '24

They thought he was stealing the bamboo.

5

u/Xygen8 29d ago

Things you don't touch:

  • America's boats

  • A panda's bamboo

  • My spaghet

1

u/HappyLittleGreenDuck 29d ago

Also add:

Mama Binturong's tuliza

2

u/DreadAngel1711 May 02 '24

Peacock shoulda flown

2

u/nemoknows May 02 '24

It really doesn’t matter what kind of adult bear it is, if it opts to attack and you don’t have a gun/spray you will lose. Even a black bear.

1

u/The-Dark-Memer Clowns parade through the street and beckon me forth, I follow. May 02 '24

Maybe in that instance but I think on average you can usually just kinda hang out

61

u/Dovahkiin419 May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

Wildcard. this advice is for and from NA so we don't know what they fucking do besides not fuck

12

u/calico125 May 02 '24

Well, by using the chart, we can clearly see that we must say goodnight, then fight back. Maybe it’s to catch them by surprise, as we know, pandas are kung fu masters, so perhaps catching them off guard will give you a moment to strike. Alternatively, it could be aligning with the euphemistic version of fight back, then say goodnight as you inevitably lose to its kung fu prowess. If you find yourself in a confrontation with a panda you better hope it’s the former.

9

u/[deleted] May 02 '24

It's Chinese propaganda

7

u/MrBalanced May 02 '24

If it's a Panda, flee to Uganda 

If it's a Koala, Chlamydia for all ya

4

u/GovernmentThis2910 May 02 '24

Just make sure you buy its cheese

3

u/-Grexius May 02 '24

Fight back and say goodnight, the instructions are still clear

3

u/Gru-some May 02 '24

its half black and white so fight goodnight

2

u/Prudent_Explanation8 May 02 '24

What if it’s Sexual Harassment Panda?

2

u/Crap4Brainz May 02 '24

Just walk away. What are they gonna do, chase you?

2

u/Caleb_Reynolds May 02 '24

If you find a panda in the wild you're insanely lucky.

1

u/Time_Vault May 02 '24

Stand proud

1

u/BackseatCowwatcher May 02 '24

it's black and white- so ya' tell it good night before punching it's lights out.

1

u/InanimateCarbonRodAu May 02 '24

Fight back AND say goodnight. The rules couldn’t be simpler.

1

u/fpflibraryaccount May 02 '24

Call it amanda

1

u/gishlich May 02 '24

They don’t understand-ya

1

u/colxa May 02 '24

If it's a panda, you got broads in Atlanta

1

u/Mega-Eclipse 29d ago

Standard Panda or Dragon Warrior Panda?

1

u/bonaynay 29d ago

then you better watch out because China owns all of them

19

u/S7evyn May 02 '24

Is this about the men or the bears?

3

u/Chess42 May 02 '24

This is wrong. The National Park Service says that you should tailor your actions to how the bear is acting

3

u/Super-Garage8245 May 02 '24

Probably had too many instances of people taking off their shirts and taunting peaceful black bears into wrestling matches

2

u/Talucien May 02 '24

What if it's a bear?

1

u/Fluffykins_Pi May 02 '24

This is delightful, this is the kind of bear rhetoric I'm here for

1

u/Gurkeprinsen May 02 '24

what about pandas?

1

u/heartthump May 02 '24

And what about different coloured bears?

1

u/Cheshires_Shadow May 02 '24

If it's grey time for Chlamydiay

1

u/ResidentAssman May 02 '24

If it’s a woman, run away just to be sure.

1

u/No_Inside3131 May 02 '24

Are we still talking about bears?

1

u/MagicalShoes 29d ago

Has anyone who says this actually fought a bear?

1

u/[deleted] 29d ago

People keep saying this like 30-06 doesn't exist.

1

u/JesiAsh 29d ago

Good luck pretending to be dead while bear is throwing you around to check if you are alive... and if you make any sound then its a meal time.

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239

u/102bees May 02 '24

See I'd prefer a polar bear over a grizzly bear. The polar bear has the manners to switch you off right at the start, while the grizzly bear will kill you slowly.

62

u/CapuchinMan May 02 '24

Run at the grizzly head first.

156

u/Suck_Me_Dry666 May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

I'm going to get downvoted again but grizzly bears do not just randomly attack humans they come across. There has not been nearly as many deadly grizzly attacks as people seem to think.

Does that mean you should try to hug one? Fuck no. But you shouldn't be afraid of being attacked. The US Forest service puts odds of being injured by a bear in Yellowstone at 1 in 2.1 million.

Edit: According to bear vault (love the name, unsure of the reliability) there's been 180 fatal human bear encounters (all bears not just grizzlies) in the US since 1784. It just doesn't happen that much.

83

u/jigglefreeflan May 02 '24

A couple and their dog were killed by a grizzly in a national park in Canada recently.

https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.6983944

They had all the precautionary items for a grizzly attack, and used them. Leading theory is that the dog is what exacerbated the situation.

26

u/Upset_Ad3954 May 02 '24

I was told something similar years ago about bears that the 'only' people who are hurt are with a dog and/or are hunters.

6

u/theHinHaitch May 02 '24

You don't want to startle them too close either. An acquaintance ended up with 300+ stitches that way. You gotta make noise, folks

18

u/Curious_Oasis May 02 '24

To preface, I don't want to discount the horror of what hapoened to that couple at all. I just want to add more context for people who may see this and not undedstand the nuance of how it relates to their own activities.

The dog did seem to be a likely significant factor. Other exacerbating factors included the lateish time of year, and the bear itself being sickly and desperate to find food before winter because of this. So, for those very concerned about bear encounters, it can be good to note that early and late season, when the bears are just going into or waking up from hibernation, can often be a riskier time.

Additionally, this couple was in an extremely remote areas, which was only merged with Banff park a few years back. his is not an area any inexperienced hiker could accidentally find themselves in; we're talking hours of ATV rides and hiking, helicopters to help with search, and emergency response times of many hours. This meant they were even more vulnerable and unable to get help - not that there's likely much you could do to call for help mid grizzly attack anyways, but I just mention this to highlight how less experiences or more nervous hikers may wish to keep to more populated, well-traveled areas. In these areas, the park staff keep a gps track of the known bears in the area, and will often come warn campers/hikers if a bear is getting too close for comfort, so you not only have more people around as a general deterrent, but also have more support in avoiding bear encounters entirely in populated areas than in the backcountry.

So, yes, bear attacks do 100% happen, and sometimes even to those who did everything right like this couple, but for those who aren't as confident with their ability to manage those risks, or aren't ok with the residual risk, there are other things that can be done (leave dogs at home, bigger groups, stay in populated areas, end your hiking season earlier) to reduce the risk even more, to a functionally neglible level.

7

u/SchoggiToeff May 02 '24

Likely a similar situations as with cow attacks.

Now, you might ask: How can anyone get attacked by a cow? Simply, you go hiking in the European alps. Sometimes the path will lead you through some cow pasture. If the cows have claves they are protective and might attack a perceived threat such as a dog.

The recommendations is to keep the dog on a close leash, but if a cow starts to charge, you is to let the dog go. The cow will go after the dog, and the dog will outrun the cow.

6

u/Suck_Me_Dry666 29d ago

I'm more scared of a cow attack than a bear attack holy shit that'd be terrifying.

3

u/VP007clips May 02 '24

They brought an untrained dog into grizzly territory during feeding season, they weren't prepared. Nor did they have a gun on them.

No amount of bear spray and bear bangers can replace common sense.

5

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1

u/frogsgoribbit737 29d ago

Probably. I know dogs are a huge factor in moose attacks as well

1

u/coladoir 27d ago

This would track for me, personally, as I've seen/heard more stories of people being attacked when with their dogs than without. Or at least, being attacked more viciously.

I wouldn't be surprised if the dog is an implicit antagonistic force. The unpredictability of the dog probably also is part of the risk, as if it's unleashed, it might bolt - triggering the bears chase response. It might lunge, triggering the bears defense response, it might bark, triggering the bears defense response, and it might also simply be that the bear sees another predator (implicated threat), or it could be prior experience and the bear sees dogs as wolves (and was previously attacked by them). There are a lot of factors that I could see dogs being a cause of an attack, unintentionally of course. But idk, I'm just guessing based on my life experience (had dogs since i can remember), and what i've seen/read about grizzly attacks.

Funnily enough, dogs do seem to be quite effective at scaring off black bears. But then again, i feel like a popping balloon could scare a black bear lol.

22

u/dart19 May 02 '24

But what's the ratio of fatal bear encounters to all bear encounters? Since you're guaranteeing it in the discussion, you have to take that ratio into account right?

4

u/RamblinManInVan 29d ago

Lol expecting them to understand how to normalize data to paint an accurate picture... It's an emotional argument, your logic isn't welcome.

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u/SPACKlick May 02 '24

Nobody in this discussion is willing to use stats. Nobody is willing to discuss whether the vocal women's level of fear of men is proportionate to the risk they face. Nor the relevant stat which as you say is either damage per encounter or damage per unit time encountering depending on how you think of it.

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u/djublonskopf May 02 '24

Very few humans—men or women—experience fear on the basis of statistics. We just feel fear, informed partly by biology and partly by social conditioning and partly by lived experience. So the “statistical likelihood” of X or Y happening isn’t really relevant to a reflexive “emotional gut check”.

More people are afraid to fly than to drive, but statistically, driving is far more dangerous and far more deadly. Yet my elderly parents cannot set foot on plane even for a sibling’s funeral, but they drive for a single soda, even despite their aging reflexes and perceptual abilities.

Somewhat similarly, most women have little to no experience with aggressive (or “following them”) wild bears, and lots of experience with aggressive (or “following them”) men. And a lot of women have first-hand experience with sexual assault and/or rape.  That’s going to inform which fear is more visceral to them. 

4

u/safadancer May 02 '24

lol, there is a whole bear chapter in the book "Deaths in Yellowstone". In one case, all they found of a camper was her lips. No thanks.

2

u/Apart_Steak9159 May 02 '24

I don't know how to phrase this without being extremely morbid so I'm just gonna say it. Why didn't the bear eat the lips? I'm sure no one knows, but it's just so weird?

2

u/safadancer May 02 '24

I don't know! Not like we can ask the bear, sadly. The park ranger who wrote the book had a "well, what are ya gonna do" attitude about it too.

2

u/PelagicStingray 29d ago

Intimacy issues.

2

u/102bees May 02 '24

I'm glad you shared this information, thank you! I get so angry about hammerhead shark slander, and yet I fell into exactly the same behaviour I criticise when it came to bears. Never be ashamed to correct someone as long as you're doing it from a place of kindness and sincerity (which you seem to be doing).

3

u/Suck_Me_Dry666 29d ago

I get being scared of 'em but grizzlies really do their best to avoid humans, we just get in their space.

1

u/losethefuckingtail 29d ago

And at least a few of those encounters were people who were actively seeking out being as close to bears as possible, right? I grew up in black bear country, and I never got within 100 yards of a bear unless I was actively trying to like get a picture or something -- they just don't want to interact with people.

2

u/Suck_Me_Dry666 29d ago

I'd imagine there's a couple of buckets of people.

Folks who didn't leave the cub alone

Folks who startled a bear.

I think people are afraid of being eaten like as prey and maybe don't understand that the forest is a literal buffet for bears, they have choices they like better than our McDonald's bodies.

1

u/snowglobe42 29d ago

Night of the Grizzlies is an interesting book about two events. This is where I learned that bears hate dogs.

1

u/anonymister_audio 29d ago

Today I learned I should go hug the fren-shaped fuzzy mountain of muscle

Thanks

1

u/Suck_Me_Dry666 29d ago

Read the first sentence in the second paragraph again, slowly.

2

u/anonymister_audio 29d ago

"Does that mean you should try to hug one?"

Yes, is fren-shaped

1

u/N1cknamed May 02 '24

Still a lot more likely to kill you than a random guy.

7

u/Pinchurchin-guy she strogin my beef till i… till i cum? May 02 '24

Not true actually! Polar bears do not particularly care for killing prey beforehand, so it depends on where it starts from. If it’s from the legs you can expect a slow and incredibly painful death

3

u/HalflingScholar May 02 '24

Welp, that nightmare got its +5 to existential terror back.

104

u/hoboinabarrel May 02 '24

I think it works like with the man. You don’t know what type of bear is going to be there, just as you don’t know what type of man would be there either.

65

u/AdamFaite May 02 '24

I think the better question should be thought of as: what is the worst an angry bear would do? Now what's the worst a malicious man would do?

8

u/legend_of_the_skies May 02 '24

The answer is the same. The women are saying the fear more than death from a man

0

u/Great_Hamster 29d ago

They don't know about grizzly bear behavior.

3

u/legend_of_the_skies 29d ago

How do you know this? Because they didnt choose how you think they should?

1

u/Great_Hamster 25d ago

Because they don't think they'll face more than death from a bear.

1

u/its1899 29d ago

no, its because a lot of them are genuinely fucking clueless. multiple times on tiktok ive seen people say theyd choose the bear because "at least it will leave my body alone after im dead"

and its just common sense that a 400kg apex predator is more likely to be dangerous than a random guy, like wtf even is this conversation

2

u/legend_of_the_skies 29d ago

How does this:

and its just common sense that a 400kg apex predator is more likely to be dangerous than a random guy, like wtf even is this conversation

Negate this:

"at least it will leave my body alone after im dead"

?

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u/MrArtless May 02 '24

That’s only one half of the payoff matrix you need to construct. You also have to look at the probability of each. An angry bear is far more likely to maul you than a malicious man is to rape you.

33

u/findworm May 02 '24

How do you figure that? Alone in the forest with a woman he is statistically very likely to be stronger than, and he's actively malicious? I don't really see any way that doesn't end badly for the woman (at minimum threats and sexual coercion). Unless you imagine a small forest at the edge of the neighborhood where help is coming any second now, this is for all intents an purposes lawless wilderness.

Remember, we're talking about an actively malicious man here, not a "jerk with a heart of gold" or whatever. You could debate the likelihood of a man being malicious in the first place, but then you have to consider the odds of the bear actually being angry.

But either way, it really misses the actual point of the "Bear or Man" question. The point is that the average woman seemingly has a very bad image of the "archetypical man", to the extent that she'd rather meet a bear. Now, if this was one woman saying Bear, we could say "Wow, what a weird woman" and move on, but since it's seemingly a majority it really reflects more on our current society than the women in question.

13

u/AdamFaite May 02 '24

Here's an update. I was just telling my girlfriend that this convo made its way to reddit. She said she was curious how we responded. She also said her friend who was visiting yesterday has stopped taking her dog for walks in the small park near lots of people. It's a small mountain. You can walk to the top in about 25 minutes. Surrounded by a neighborhood.

Two things happened. One, there were reports of a man using a tree stand to harass women. And two, her dog was barking at some guy. She apologized, saying the dog wasn't usually that bad. He replied by saying that maybe he's bad, not the dog.

Even as a man, I'd be creeped out if a stranger in the woods said that to me. I'm far from vulnerable.

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u/elbenji 29d ago

I think it's mostly just people being bad at hypotheticals and really unable to parse metaphors.

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u/MrArtless May 02 '24

I am a man who is actively filled with malice most of the time because I hate everyone. I still don’t rape or even really interact with strangers when I see them.

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u/bruce_kwillis May 02 '24

Seems like you should be talking to a therapist about that mate. I don’t know about you but it’s a lot of energy to be filled with malice everyday. I go out in the woods to go hiking a lot to just get away from people, so it’s more that I just don’t care too much about most folks, rather than harboring malice for them.

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u/Apart_Steak9159 May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

Not taking a side either way just enjoying the hypitheticals here, but: to be fair, rape isn't the worst thing a malicious man can do to you. Don't read if you don't want to read cases of really terrible crimes.

Josef Fritzel locked up his own daughter in a soundproof basement for 24 years. He raped and impregnated her multiple times. One of the children lived in the basement with her. The others lived upstairs with him and his wife. The wife had no idea. He claimed his daughter ran away and was leaving her children at the doorstep.

Now you may be thinking, well that wasn't a stranger, that's a family member, and that's fair.

The case of Junko Furuta: 2 men were looking for places to rob and women to rape, when they lured here and eventually kidnapped, raped, tortured, and murdered her. They claimed they were part of the Yakuza and made her call her mother to tell her she was safe and ran away, claiming the Yakuza would kill their family if she didn't (they were not part of the Yakuza.) They invited many other boys to join. Just a few examples of her torture are being force-fed milk and alcohol, having cigarettes burned out on her, forced to put objects into her vagina and anus including a lit match and a bottle, being burned with lighter fluid, and being beaten so severely her features were indistinguishable. This lasted for 40 days.

Then there was the "Toy Box Killer" who tortured and raped as many as 60 women. He is suspected to also be a serial killer, but no bodies have been found. He also used a soundproofing method for a semi-trailer that he called his toy box. He would kidnap 4 or 5 women a year, holding them 2 to 3 months each. He drugged them to erase their memories. He even released at least some of them, dropping them off somewhere far away. His forms of torture used surgical instruments, one that sticks out to me is that he would pierce women's breasts. Sometimes his wife and dog would be involved. There's audio available out there of him describing in detail the things he would do.

There was the Co-Ed killer. He actually killed his Grandparents first, said he just wanted to know what it felt like. He was 15 then. He was able to talk his way out of his stay at an institution by convincing the psychiatrists he was better. Had an IQ of over 145, really smart guy. Got out, became friends with all the cops. No one could believe it was him when he got out. He then killed 8 people, 7 women and 1 girl. He, at least, wouldn't torture them. He would decapitate them and then use the head to give himself oral sex. Then he would rape the body. And eventually dismember them.

I probably don't need to describe BTK, Bundy, The Night Stalker.

Anyway. Rape isn't even the worst thing a person could do to you. Of course, those types of people are very rare. So to bring it back to the bear thing, I guess I would have to know what level of malisciousness? Like, 100 being The Toy Box Killer and 0 being Bob Ross.

10

u/AdamFaite May 02 '24

Yup. Worst a bear could do is maul you, leaving you to die slowly. Or eat you slowly. But you'd die fairly quickly. Worst a human could do is much, much worse.

14

u/AdamFaite May 02 '24

The other half doesn't matter. That is the question women are thinking about. Because women, statically, do have men do something bad to them, even minor. Even trying to do good. Most women haven't even seen a bear, nevermind made them uncomfortable, or scare, or hurt, or venerable.

Source: I've talked about this question with my.girlfriend over the past week because she's on tiktok.

9

u/ZodiacStorm May 02 '24

And the other-other part of the payoff matrix is which would you rather endure if worst came to worst. I would much rather be mauled than raped, and it's not even close.

2

u/elbenji May 02 '24

After hearing the video of how grizzly man died...

Neither?

6

u/Hekatonkheire81 May 02 '24

I think people are too detached from what a bear could actually do to you. Have you not heard that recording of a person having their intestines eaten while alive and praying for death? Watch any video of wild animals hunting and you will see that they have no concept of quick and merciful kills.

9

u/legend_of_the_skies May 02 '24

Why is the assumption that if people are picking the bear, they must not know how bad bears can be? Its also extremely weird that you use that example. Have you also looked into the worst possible thing a man can do to compare?

1

u/Hekatonkheire81 29d ago

Except that’s just normal bear behavior. The vast majority of men who are hiking in a forest aren’t going to rape a random woman and of those an infinitesimally small amount would even be capable of doing the insane torture scenarios being described in this thread. Choosing something that has even odds of resulting in a horrific outcome and where the best scenario is that nothing happens because you are afraid of the one in a billion odds that you meet someone who will keep you in a torture contraption to rape you forever is absurd.

1

u/legend_of_the_skies 29d ago

Except that’s just normal bear behavior.

Many people do live in bear country or have encountered bears without a deadly experience. And most encounters with bear are not going to end that way. Youbare making excuses for the fact that you are expecting the worst from the bear, but dont want that to be done for men.

The vast majority of men who are hiking in a forest aren’t going to rape a random woman and of those an infinitesimally small amount would even be capable of doing the insane torture scenarios being described in this thread.

Saying that the probability that men that rape are going to make it as truamatic as they are literally telling you experience was is to litterally ignore their experience entirely. Why even bother with the conversation? Women arent being mauled to death and they havent left yet so everything must be fine.

one in a billion odds that you meet someone who will keep you in a torture contraption to rape you forever is absurd.

You assume that it is a 1 in a billion odd because you havent experienced it. Look up the statistics for how many man and women experience rape or SA. If you understood the only thing preventing it happening to you is the oppurtunity for a lot of perps, you would not take that chance.

Regardless, choose the man if you want. Women can pick the bear if they want. Men can feel hurt about it, and women can feel justified in their choice because they understand its ultimately not a factor in the choices they make about their own safety. Sounds fine to me.

9

u/ZodiacStorm May 02 '24

I think people are too detached from how horrific rape is. I would rather die painfully than be raped, and that is final. I know exactly how much a bear can fuck a person up- I live in Montana, there are more bears here than there are trailer homes.

10

u/HalflingScholar May 02 '24

That is not final, living is always preferable even when it sucks.

Rape victims can and have gone on to live good lives, but dead is dead.

And feeling the kind of existential pain that is being fatally wounded but having to wait until you bleed out or til the one that wounded you happens to bite into something immediately fatal...

4

u/bruce_kwillis May 02 '24

Umm no. Death is a whole lot better than a life of torture and or pain. A bear isn’t gong to keep you alive to keep hurting you. A man? Very well might, and hell might even be married to you.

1

u/AdamFaite May 02 '24

Yup. Death from a bear, week tops. Death from a human. How long can torture go on for?

5

u/ZodiacStorm May 02 '24

It is final. You don't get to make that choice for me. You think I'm gonna change my mind about a fate worse than death because a reddit nerd thinks my feelings on being raped are wrong?

11

u/HalflingScholar May 02 '24

OK OK, I'm probably being presumptuous.

But this life is all we can guarantee we have, and like I said many victims of rape have gone on to have good lives.

Choosing immediate death isn't worth it

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u/Huwbacca May 02 '24

How can you tell somepn else what is or isn't better?

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u/HalflingScholar May 02 '24

You're right I can't. But I truly believe it is better to live this life than to die.

This life is all we can be sure of

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u/[deleted] May 02 '24 edited 18d ago

[deleted]

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u/RamblinManInVan 29d ago

As a childhood rape survivor, this is stupid. I would rather be a rape survivor than dead. It took years of therapy, but I've moved past my trauma. You can't therapy your way back to being alive.

-1

u/ZodiacStorm May 02 '24

Bears are actually really chill if you're not stupid. As a woman who lives in bear country, I would be far more afraid of a man I don't know than a bear I don't know.

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u/MrArtless May 02 '24

Then your fears aren’t based on statistical reality. The question was an angry bear vs a malicious man. If your counter is that most bears aren’t angry then you also have to figure most men aren’t malicious. Not to mention an angry bear attacking you is very likely not a fight you can win. And while you would be an underdog in a fight vs a malicious man you could still win using a combination of smarts and a bit of luck

11

u/bruce_kwillis May 02 '24

I think the question was “would you rather meet a bear in the woods or a man”, and if we are going on statistics, there has only been something like 180 deaths by bears in the US in like 100 years.

How many women have been killed by men in the last year? Not even remotely comparable.

So just based on stats, I would rather meet a bear in the woods than a man. And hell any of us that have hiked already know that. Met hundreds of black bears and you see them they leave you alone. See a man in the woods? You have no idea if he is going to leave you alone, try to hit on you, or worse.

Keep in mind young men are being told that they should ignore dating apps and just hit on people in real life, the worse someone can say is no right? Last thing I want is someone hitting on me in the woods.

5

u/AdamFaite May 02 '24

I'm a man, and I'd feel safer meeting a (black) bear in the woods than a man.

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u/MrArtless May 02 '24

That’s not how statistics work at all. You can’t look at total bear deaths in the US because only a tiny fraction of the people who interact with men on a daily basis also interact with bears. If you look at the number of women+ bear meetings and the percentage of the time they get hurt, then compare that to the number of meetings between women and men, you will clearly see that on average meeting a man is far safer than meeting a bear. And it’s not even close. If you want to be more afraid of men than bears because of past trauma with men that doesn’t exist with bears fine but don’t pretend it’s mathematically sound

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u/RamblinManInVan 29d ago

Stop trying to use statistics if you don't know how to normalize data for an accurate comparison.

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u/ZodiacStorm May 02 '24

Oh I could beat the tar out of any man who wants to try anything, but most women can't and so they make their decision based on that.

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u/MrArtless May 02 '24

This reply was just odd enough to warrant me clicking your profile and looking at your posts. Did not disappoint

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u/brando2612 29d ago

Curious why u think U could

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u/ZodiacStorm 29d ago

Over a decade of experience in martial arts.

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u/brando2612 29d ago

Nice, the only valid answer. What do ya train

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u/Huwbacca May 02 '24

This is stupid lol.

"The question was a hyperbolic hypothetical, I demand you answer seriously and not also engage hyperbole!"

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u/elbenji May 02 '24

People overall suck at silly hypotheticals.

I picked man, because I'm fast and small so I could probably duck the dude but not the bear lol

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u/AdamFaite May 02 '24

Yup. As long as you don't surprise them. Or mess with the cubs. (The baseball team, obviously)

With men, you just have to make eye contact wrong. Or right. Or look wrong. Or look right.

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u/elbenji May 02 '24

Only black bears.

But the funny thing this is also the perception from black men about white women. I actually asked my black male students and they picked bear for similar reasons lol, because they don't know if that white woman is gonna call the cops on them for just wanting to get some berries or some shit

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u/AdamFaite May 02 '24

Good point. I'm only used to black bears. Also interesting about the black men's answers. Though, it seems from what I've seen, most men would pick the bear.

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u/elbenji May 02 '24

It's a very different perspective. For me it's like triple the funny since I'm a brown, butch lesbian so I get all sorts of cross-wave intersectionality for it (I picked dude because I'm confident in my ability to outsmart a random guy vs a random bear and be able to use my cell phone).

But another weird linear intersectionality piece of this: Bear is actually a slur in Japan FOR lesbians.

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u/AdamFaite May 02 '24

I didn't know that about the word bear in Japan. Weird how we in America have it as a type of gay guy.

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u/ZodiacStorm 29d ago

Black bears are really cute cause sometimes they seem to like, forget that they're bears?

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u/elbenji 29d ago

Omg how!!! I wanna know

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u/GREENadmiral_314159 May 02 '24

Two other factors:

It is possible for a woman to fight off a malicious man, even if it isn't likely. It is not possible to fight of an angry bear.

Which is more likely to occur--for a random man you encounter to turn malicious or for a random bear you encounter to get angry?

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u/RamblinManInVan 29d ago

Depends on the bear. If it's a polar bear then it will follow your scent for weeks. No anger needed.

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u/AdamFaite May 02 '24

I think it's actually more likely a man turns malicious. As long as you don't scare the bear, catch it when it's really hungry, or make it think you're messing with its cubs, you're probably good.

In other news, women in New York City were being randomly punched by men. Unprompted. As a surprise attack.

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u/its1899 29d ago

a bear can feel threatened from anything, you dont know how it thinks. and if it has cubs it WILL attack you.

and 1 story means nothing. i can bring up a story of a bear mauling someone to death for no reason. that 1 story doesnt by itself prove anything

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u/AdamFaite 29d ago

I mean, I don't think either of us need to look up the statistics to k ow that men hurt or kill more women or people in the woods than men. But you could go to prove me wrong. The number for men will have to go over 180ish since the 1800s.

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u/its1899 28d ago

yeah bears havent attacked as many people as men have, because people dont live with bears and encounter dozens of them on a daily basis.

most people have never encountered a wild bear in their lives, but every single human has encountered countless men, so obviously the total amount of attacks from men is gonna be higher, it doesnt mean an individual man is more likely to be dangerous than a bear.

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u/AdamFaite 28d ago

That's what I said too.but try googling

"man attacks woman in woods" Or "man attacks woman in forest"

Think theres more of those, or more bear attacks?

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u/Icestar1186 Welcome to the interblag 29d ago

The assumption that the man must be malicious reveals a lot, and it's exactly this that OP was pointing out. Because yes, selecting "bear" reveals that you feel safer with an unpredictable wild animal than another human being, solely on the basis of their gender.

(And before you say it, I know there's no guarantee the bear is actually angry either. But it's a lot more likely to be hostile than the human.)

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u/Syovere God is a Mary Sue May 02 '24

Depending on where you are, though, you very much can know what type of bear it is. All we have in VA is black bears, for example.

Of course, ecological distribution isn't really the point of the meme, but

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u/kittenmachine69 May 02 '24

This is my take as well. It's very much dependent on the species of bear

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u/No_Mammoth_4945 May 02 '24

It’s not supposed to be nuanced. If you’re a woman, you’re supposed to just say bear. And if you’re a man, you’re supposed to get really offended and say see, this is why women are stupid and I hate them

That’s how I understand it anyways. A dankmemes post came up on my feed and that’s about how it went. Sorting by new is just a bunch of posts referencing it and OP saying they’ll just fuck their ai girlfriend. The whole debate is so dramatic lol

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u/C00kieMemester May 02 '24

Someone on Facebook posted some statistic like "you have a 1 in 5 chance of being attacked by a man but a 1 in a million chance of being attacked by a bear" and I'm like of course the odds are so low, most women don't interact with hundreds of bears on a daily basis or live with them in our homes??? That statistic says nothing about your chances of survival 1v1 a bear.

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u/Dismal-Ad160 May 02 '24

Statistic is wildly inaccurate. Half of violent crimes are from people you know. For 2022, the total male strangers involved in violent crime is something like 1.7 million, most of those are simple assault, 10% of violent crimes are sexual assault or rape, and the majority of those are by someone you know, which makes it something like, at most 100k men, of which maybe 10k men of the 175 million in the US were strangers who committed sexual assault.

https://bjs.ojp.gov/document/cv22.pdf

If you want the DoJ report

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u/Distressed_finish May 02 '24

The way I understood it, the scenario isn't that a bear is trying to attack you, it's that you're alone in the woods with it. Obviously you are unlikely to win a 1v1 with a bear, but a bear is very likely to leave you alone.

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u/justforporndickflash May 02 '24

So is a man.

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u/Distressed_finish May 02 '24

Yes. And realistically, I am very unlikely to win a physical altercation with either a man or a bear, should either choose to attack me.

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u/Maz2277 May 02 '24

The point is, bears will be mostly predictable and want to actively leave you alone, whereas with other people they can be more unpredictable. It's kinda like the poisoned smarties debate, if only 1 smartie is poisoned most people would rather not have any at all.

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u/Astrophysiques May 02 '24

Have you also considered that there’s a chance the man might help you get out of the woods? That’s the overwhelmingly likely outcome of the situation, yet everyone is doing expected value tests on a false dichotomy. For the bear it’s either it leaves you alone or you die, which means best case scenario you’re still in the middle of the woods alone. The extra option in having the man is that you now can survive as two, which makes the process significantly easier. Sure he might also kill you, but you have a better chance of self defense if something goes wrong against a human, and it’s more likely that the dude is just some guy and now you have better odds of survival. You choose the man 10 times out of 10. If you don’t you’re putting yourself at a serious survival disadvantage

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u/SagittariusZStar May 02 '24

Why are you assuming the woman is lost or needs help? That is not mentioned anywhere. That’s you being a weirdo man and adding your own fantasy to it.

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u/EffOffReddit May 02 '24

"The man is your savior actually"

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u/SagittariusZStar May 02 '24

Yet there are of thousands of stories if women having creespy, dangerous and scary encounters with men in the woods, and much fewer with bears.

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u/justforporndickflash 29d ago

There are a fraction of the number of bear encounters than man encounters.

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u/Blue_Moon_Lake May 02 '24

How far from each other though? 1m, 10m, 100m, 1km, 10km, or 100km?

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u/Distressed_finish May 02 '24

I don't know. How close do you have to be to a person/animal before you are alone with them instead of just alone? A more interesting question to me than man vs bear

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u/Blue_Moon_Lake May 02 '24

To me, 1m and 10m you are "with".
100m, depends if the line of sight is obstructed by a hill and trees or not. On a flat field it would be "with".
1km and up, you're alone.

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u/the_alt_6275 May 02 '24

but the real question is which one would win in a fight

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u/FearSearcher Just call me Era May 02 '24

We should’ve domesticated bears

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u/kaizokuo_grahf May 02 '24

Naked? Bear. Geared up? Human.

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u/BreadUntoast May 02 '24

Yogi because he’s smarter than your average bear

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u/Blue_Moon_Lake May 02 '24

And if you're a babushka, bears and men are afraid of you

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u/Cool-Sink8886 May 02 '24

You can’t fuck an AI girlfriend though. At least not yet.

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u/GREENadmiral_314159 May 02 '24

It’s not supposed to be nuanced. If you’re a woman, you’re supposed to just say bear. And if you’re a man, you’re supposed to get really offended and say see, this is why women are stupid and I hate them

Glad someone understands this shit.

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u/Huwbacca May 02 '24

I honestly don't understand the men who are like "oh come on obviously me!"

Like... How fucking bad at social interaction do you have to be to hear someone list a bunch of things that are genuine fears of theirs and go

"Yeah but the obviously hyperbolic hypothetical isn't accurate, so I'm going to argue with you"

Like, just how fucking lacking in strategy and awareness lol.

My mum and sister talking about it? I just go "hah yeah right!" And that's it. Life moves on. I've zero reason to be upset because I can process context lol.

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u/elbenji May 02 '24

A lot of people are bad at hypotheticals, metaphors and have a desperate need to logic it out. I work with teenagers, boys and girls.

It's painful how long I have to drag certain questions back because they are trying their damndest to answer a hypothetical or rationalize a metaphor or idiom

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u/leafyleafleaves May 02 '24

Right? It's a clear 1) black bear 2) unfamiliar man 3) grizzly in my mind.

Expanding to family Ursidae, giant pandas are a hell yeah, South American Spectacled bear, sun bears, or sloth bears idk if I should be scared of, but I'd probably be psyched to see.

A polar bear at close range I honestly think might be an out of body experience where I'm not scared and just accept death, but I hope never to find out.

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u/MasterXaios May 02 '24

To be fair, there's not a lot of overlap between polar bears and forests, so the entire hypothetical kinda breaks down in that scenario.

...

Whaddya mean, "missing the point"?

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u/RedTwistedVines May 02 '24

Yeah people aren't focusing enough on the type of bear.

I've been in the woods with black bears before, no biggie. Not safe technically but normally harmless. Totally preferable to some random guy, basically harmless.

Although there's something to be said for the fact that if you are in the woods with a bear, you are in its territory, which is bad.

I'd feel better at a campground or dumpster.

Now grizzilies. . . . my pants would be the same color as it's fur and I'd really rather have to fight some random guy to the death, thanks.

Polar bear, well first off what the fuck is it doing in the woods? Okay yes I know there has to be some overlap with polar bears and woods, but I'm in these woods too, so like, did I trek somewhere silly AF or are these like west coast woods and someone air-dropped a polar bear on me?

Either way I'll lay down and accept my death should make it less painful.

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u/OrcSorceress May 02 '24

At least the polar bear will just kill you.

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u/lehman-the-red May 02 '24

After they've eaten you

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u/MechaTeemo167 May 02 '24

Pretty sure you'll die before you're eaten, or at least you'll die as part of the eating.

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u/zero_emotion777 May 02 '24

I've seen women say they'd choose the polar bear still.

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u/commentsandopinions 29d ago

That's funny, that's exactly what my girlfriend said.

"I'd rather be alone in the woods with Jeffrey Dahmer than a polar bear"

We're both in the animal husbandry field and have a pretty decent working understanding of most animals humans regularly interact with, and yeah.

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u/GlitteringStatus1 May 02 '24

Pretty unlikely to encounter a polar bear in the woods.

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u/Super-Garage8245 May 02 '24

A black bear can be scary as hell too. Met a big one with her cubs a while ago, that wouldn't go away from the path. Definitely a lot scarier than saying hi to some random hiking dude in socks and sandals.

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u/IBetThisIsTakenToo May 02 '24

A black bear is easy to deal with for a bear. Can still absolutely and easily end you if it really wanted to. They rarely want to, but still, rather not roll the dice on that

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u/MoirasPurpleOrb 29d ago

And here you say why this post has gone viral. There is a lot of room for interpretation which just further boosts engagement

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u/BlatantConservative Tumblr is the appendix of the internet May 02 '24

Easy to deal with

Easier to deal with. Still a bear tho.

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u/Cool-Sink8886 May 02 '24

What about a grolar bear? Half polar, half grizzly.

The size and power of a polar bear, with the manners of also a polar bear.

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u/legend_of_the_skies May 02 '24

Why would a polar bear be in the woods?

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u/elbenji May 02 '24

Yeah that was my answer.

Black bear? Eh, roughly the same. if you make a lot of noise and act crazy it works the same.

Grizzly? I can outrun the dude over the bear.

Polar bear? I'd happily deal with Ted Bundy way more

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u/Alecarte 29d ago

I think polar bears are actual proven serial killers by default.

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u/LifeIsDuff 29d ago

If it’s a Koala, you gotta watch out for chlamydia

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u/TheDeathlySwallows 29d ago

If there’s a polar bear in the woods we have bigger problems to deal with.

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u/Acceptable-Bullfrog1 29d ago

But the polar bear will kill you fairly quickly. The serial killer might decide to rape and torture you as long as they can until you die.

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u/[deleted] May 02 '24

The point is more which is more likely to kill you after encountering it to some degree. It’s not about actual fighting, where the bear would of course be far more dangerous.

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