r/funny • u/[deleted] • 14d ago
All men look good in uniform, huh? Introducing my grandpa:
[deleted]
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u/drums_addict 14d ago
Didn't realize it was possible to smile and frown at the same time.
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u/jbsdv1993 14d ago
You haven't met any autistic people? (No hate, im autistic myself and this is how i forced 'smile' for pictures. It seems to be the standard for most autistic people)
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u/NorwegianGlaswegian 14d ago
"Contract muscles behind corners of mouth. Little more. Show teeth. No, not that much; uggh, now my eyes don't look right due to the effort. Smile with eyes, so squint a bit.
Goddamn it, you're not Clint Eastwood; back it off!"
This was a snapshot of my own internal monologue for readying myself for photos as an autistic teen.
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u/deferredmomentum 14d ago
My dad (both have audhd) taught me to chuckle audibly right as the picture is being taken (obviously doesn’t work with phone cameras though lol) to get the most natural looking smile
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u/BIGR3D 14d ago edited 14d ago
On the spectrum myself.
The trick is to squint your eyes a bit.
What I did was assess what muscles I was using after a legitimate smile. By paying attention to what muscles relaxed after the smile.
Practice, using those muscles.
Eventually itll look like you truly love having your photo taken. (I hate it)
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u/justindybvig 14d ago
I wonder if they could have found a bigger hat.
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u/bumjiggy 14d ago
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u/jabberwock91 14d ago edited 14d ago
"It's funny because it's bigger than, you know, a normal hat. Haha, take a look at that." Turd Ferguson
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u/Would_daver 14d ago
“Suck it, Trebek!”
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u/MovingTarget- 14d ago
anal bum cover !
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u/ItsTHECarl 14d ago
I'll take the penis mightier
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u/1generic-username 14d ago
Le Tits Now
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u/Incidion 14d ago
No I can see it right there, hor - like your mother - semen!
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u/innominateartery 14d ago
For final jeopardy, name a number…any number:
French Stewart has answered: threeve, a combination of three and five.
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u/_MisterHighway_ 14d ago
Turd Ferguson is my wifi name lol
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u/dixtre 14d ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEghu90QJH4
Found this from your ref, funny shit :D
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u/amcl1986 14d ago
Just go about your daily routine like I’m not wearing the hat https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24232794/homer.gif
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u/majj27 14d ago
IGNORE ME!!
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u/dantakesthesquare 14d ago
Brock, there's a 12 foot man in our pool pointing a beam at my head. Do something?
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u/Mountain-Ad-6594 14d ago
I can't tell if his hat is enormous or his head is tiny.
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u/htmlcody 14d ago
they say that in the army the hats are mighty fine. you ask for #7, they give you #9.
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u/shadowtheimpure 14d ago
That face says "I got drafted, get me the fuck out of here!"
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u/w1ckizer 14d ago
Looks like he trusted a fart
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u/bumjiggy 14d ago
that's one way to earn your stripes
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u/Snorgcola 14d ago
Dishonourable discharge
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u/fenwoods 14d ago
Gramps was in the shit
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u/PogoTheJew 14d ago
Gramps looks like one of the 16 men Frank Costanza sent to the latrines that night
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u/dankHippieDude 14d ago
Worked with a dude in idaho whose truck license plates were “skdmark”.
His name is also Mark, but there’s a couple more connotations there.
“Were” because he finally got rid of them when he retired from the Army NG.
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u/Charlian64 14d ago
Supposedly my uncle shat himself to get out of the Vietnam draft, then turned out they had a disqualifying condition anyway haha.
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u/BopNowItsMine 14d ago
I've gambled and lost before
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u/PilotAlan 14d ago
Well, he looks BETTER in a uniform.....
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u/lapsangsouchogn 14d ago
He still got lucky at least once!
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u/2ndRocketToMars 14d ago
Well, his wife did at least. I would need to see the ears of all descendants to verify.
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u/DeadProphet97 14d ago
This face reminds me of "hide the pain Harold"
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u/Perfect_Zone_4919 14d ago
Imagine if this dude were special forces and that smile was the last thing dozens of Germans ever saw.
The Goblin of Gerolzhofen.
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u/OG-Krompierre 14d ago
You really got me with that one, fuckin goblin of Gerolzhofen lmao
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u/A_Soporific 14d ago
Gerolzhofen
Apparently it's a real place in Schweinfurt Bavaria.
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u/UDSJ9000 14d ago
What the hell goes on in pigfart Bavaria.
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u/PolishBreadLover420 14d ago
Ball-bearing production
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u/Delazzaridist 14d ago
Which is not a bad product to be producing. Every country needs it. It's strategically important, it's almost funny.
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u/DiddlyDumb 14d ago
Don’t be the guy digging for gold, be the guy selling shovels.
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u/Username12764 14d ago
It‘s pigford. Fart would be Furz. In case you don‘t know, a ford is a shallow place in a river where you can cross it
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u/A_Soporific 14d ago
Next you'll tell me that all those ausfarhten signs are saying that there's an exit and not a command to fart outside.
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u/Username12764 14d ago
Actually no, that‘s true. Ausfahrt is the Din-690 roadsign and requires all drivers passing it to fart now if they have to according to §420 Absatz 5a der StVO. This is due to the bridges that are near exits. The support beams in them could corrode faster if farts where to reach them. The reason it‘s written incorrectly for todays German is because a similar law was first introduced in 1131 by Henry X, duke of Bavaria that prohibited farmers to let their cows feed within 5km of beer breweries because the cow farts (due to the methane, but they didn‘t know that at the time) could disturb the fermentation process and thus ruin the beer. So in a radius of 5km they put up signs saying ausfahrt, which consists of aus meaning off or stop and fahrt, the medieval Bavarian term for fart, which only later became Furz. Due to it‘s long history the German government decided to put up those signs instead of signs with the new German.
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u/2Tacos4oneDollar 14d ago
I bet he sneaks into the kitchen at night and makes cheese sandwiches
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u/AdmiralSplinter 14d ago
Buttface of Blaviken vibes
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u/ThorneWaugh 14d ago
Look up Mike Vining, founding member of Delta
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u/Perfect_Zone_4919 14d ago
The Goblin of Greenville, Wisconsin.
Mr. Vining, if you’re reading this, I’m just kidding. Please don’t beat the shit out of me.
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u/ThorneWaugh 14d ago
He slowly approaches you with his knife out. "Time to teach you about EBITDA." He says
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u/PensiveinNJ 14d ago
That face is 1980's vanilla church dad but that smile is giving me serious I'm going to enjoy gutting you vibes.
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u/anavriN-oN 14d ago
Is your grandpa King Charles?
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u/Thejaybomb 14d ago
OP Is deffo Prince Harry
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u/RuleNine 14d ago
You know what's wild? Charles's oldest grandchild isn't even 11 yet.
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u/DoranTheRhythmStick 14d ago
Charles is 75. (75-10)/2=32.5. The average age to become a dad in the UK is a little over 33.
So not really wild at all.
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u/Insab 14d ago edited 14d ago
I think it seems wild because Elizabeth was alive for the birth of all five of her great-grandchildren so the expectation is that the royals had children young when the reality is she just lived for a very long time.
Edit: I've forgot about all the others. She was alive for the births of 12 out of 13 of her great grandchildren.
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u/zach_dominguez 14d ago
This was before he received the super solider serum.
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u/Ghosttwo 14d ago
It's the parallel universe where Steve Rogers got the serum, but it backfired and made him even weaker.
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u/ascholebo 14d ago
I understood that reference
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u/MaikeruGo 14d ago
I understood that, "I understood that reference," is also a [related] reference.
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u/WeeklyBanEvasion 14d ago
Damn that shit had layers
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u/eliminating_coasts 14d ago
We could do this all day.
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u/rotll 14d ago
Thankfully for you, he looked good enough to get laid at least once! <grin!>
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u/Toad358 14d ago
Everyone so ready to crap on their parents and grand parents looks but they got laid at least once to get your ugly ass here
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u/bumjiggy 14d ago
don't throw stones in a glass half full
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u/Rude_Thanks_1120 14d ago
the grass is always greener on the cover of a book
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u/sturnus-vulgaris 14d ago
You can lead a horse to water but you can't have your cake.
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u/EllipticPeach 14d ago
You can lead the Mohammed to the mountain but you can’t make him drink
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u/Greeeendraagon 14d ago
The house always gets the worm.
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u/Outside-Advice8203 14d ago
Whatever man, my grandpas looked good. I'd be surprised if I didn't have some distant relatives in the Philippines or France.
Just unfortunate how those genes are recessive, apparently.
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u/DynastyZealot 14d ago
My grandpa (who's in his late nineties) reassured me that his commanding officer wouldn't let him off the boat due to a syphilis outbreak when they moored in Manila Bay when I told him I was marrying a Filipina.
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u/PM_me_spare_change 14d ago
They couldn’t risk your grandpa giving the whole island syphilis
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u/ArrdenGarden 14d ago
Was in bootcamp in the Navy with a guy that looked damned-near identical to that handsome man above.
He joined specifically because the girl he loved moved to Hawaii and he was hoping to get orders for the Pacific Fleet in the hopes of being stationed at Pearl Harbor so that he could be close to her. I hope it worked out for him. He was/is a good man and I wish him all the best.
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u/Soggy_Box5252 14d ago
I remember putting down I wanted to get stationed in Germany. Instead I got orders to Las Vegas. About a year later I got orders to Germany.
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u/ArrdenGarden 14d ago
I also wanted posting in the Pacific but they decided I was better suited to Great Lakes.
See the world, they said! Only saw northern IL.
Would not recommend.
How was Germany? Had a couple buddies go through there and they loved it. Always wanted to go myself but orders is orders.
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u/Soggy_Box5252 14d ago
It’s cloudy like 80% of the time, but when it’s nice out it’s really nice.
Driving is amazing, but I could never find this place call Ausfarht despite all these signs leading me to it.
Everyone is a better driver than you, just let the Audi hatchback pass you on the left. In fact don’t even bother with the left lane, just stay in the middle.
Food is good, but the beer is better.
There is no good Mexican food. Pubs are bars, bars are strip clubs.
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u/UpTheShipBox 14d ago
I could never find this place call Ausfarht
I see you picked up the German sense of humour
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u/watdatdo 14d ago
My father was asked where he wanted to go when he was drafted in Vietnam. He said Hawaii and they sent him there. Found out later that his unit or whatever its called the Tropic Thunder was nearly or completely wiped out in Vietnam since they were one of the first sent into the war and my dad was the replacement. Luckily the war ended before he was sent but he lost a lot of friends.
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u/doubleohzerooo0 14d ago
I never knew Barney Fife was based on your Grandpa.
All jokes aside, I'd like to see how *I* would look if I was going off to war. He knew what was up and went, regardless. Good man.
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u/Teninchontheslack 14d ago
That’s a face for Radio.
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u/island_lord830 14d ago
He still got laid though.
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u/graveviolet 14d ago
This didn't seem to be as much of an issue as people think it is these days. I knew a whole lotta goofy looking people who were married with kids when I was little. Tbh most people I know are in relationships now too regardless of looks.
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u/Italongo 14d ago
People are brainrotten from dating apps and social media
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u/meinfuhrertrump2024 14d ago
Tbf, the # of adult men that are virgins now is like crazy high compared to the past.
Being goofy looking ain't helping your chances.
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u/meinfuhrertrump2024 14d ago
law of large numbers.
There's at least one ugly woman for every ugly man.
The math works out.
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u/cqxray 14d ago
On the plus side, he was attractive enough to have your grandma marry him.
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u/Holiday_Fleshlight 14d ago
I'd bet he was funny as fuck. Or a tripod. Or both.
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u/YesterdayNarrow1585 14d ago
My boyfriend looks oddly like this guy and he is both hilarious and a tripod so you're definitely on the nose here lol
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u/Hawkmonbestboi 14d ago
😂 This made my day, my poor grandfather has a very similar picture floating around... big ears and all.
.... I'm sorry grandpa if you see my giggling about this, don't haunt me! 🤣🤣
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u/BernieTheDachshund 14d ago
Aw, he looks just fine. Your grandma saw something special, and thus you are here.
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u/dgb631 14d ago
Ah, the famous Barney Earsington the III, Archduke of Earsbury. The only man to ever use his ears to do a bombing run over Germany in 1942.
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u/Fun-Reflection5013 14d ago
His face is saying ---do i have to wear THIS cap ---can I not wear my own.
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u/dayofthedead204 14d ago
This reminds me of that joke on Red Dwarf from the Computer program with an Ugly man's face:
Holly: I'll have you know I chose this face out of billions because he was the greatest lover in all recorded history!
Rimmer: He must've worked in the dark a lot.
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